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DDO Burger King returns

thett3
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4/6/2016 9:06:33 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
Chapter whatever: The Last Cuckservative

*Many months later*

The war between the fast food restaurants continued to rage on and as time went on, casualties mounted. Eventually even McDonald's itself fell after Burger King disclosed that internet racists were using one of its advertising characters as a racist rapper (http://knowyourmeme.com...). Reddit exploded and the PR damage was just too great--McDonald's was finally done and with it all of the franchises that had rallied to its banner. Soon enough only one franchise stood between Burger King and total domination of the Fast Food market, one franchise that stubbornly refused to go down: Chick-Fil-A.

But Airmax had a plan to ensure total victory, and he had just the man to test it out. With luck, the war would *finally* be over. At long last, an end would come to The Meme Wars.

----------------

Dtaylor had trained well in the ways of Jewry and had become an extremely nimble navigator. Just last week he had truly become a man as Airmax had hosted his Bar Mitzvah and then, afterward, he had sworn eternal loyalty to the Elders of Zion. How far he had come from being a humble employee...

His musings were interrupted by Airmax who strode by. Airmax was wearing traditional Jew Robes, which looked a lot like Jedi Robes and were about as useful.

"Just the man I was hoping to see....I've got something for you."

Airmax slipped him a thick manilla folder.

"Okay."

"There's this rabble rouser in rural North Carolina...he's convincing a lot of the evangelicals there to eat at Chick-Fil-A, and his movement grows by the day. Hah! That rhymed! Anyway, I need you to take him out."

"You want me to assassinate him?"

"No, you idiot. Do no harm. The details of your mission, should you choose to accept it, are in that folder." Airmax smirked and walked away.

Dtaylor gave a big sigh, knowing that this could be nothing good, and looked at the folder.

He flipped it over and read the words emblazoned at the top: The Last Cuckservative

----------------

The drive to North Carolina was long and treacherous. As the Meme Wars spilled into every aspect of society, travel had become increasingly dangerous, especially by road. Essentially every major highway in the United States had at least one point where it was blocked off by a coalition of feminists, genderqueers, beta males, and BLM activists who extorted money out of passengers by constantly screaming conflicting narratives at them until they emptied their wallet just to get them to shut up.

Airmax had told Dtaylor to simply look straight at them, wave his hand, and say "These are not the droids you're looking for." Since Dtaylor was a 2000s kid, he didn't get the reference and actually tried it instead of just plowing through them. He ended up losing his money.

But it didn't matter. Eventually he made it to the great state of North Carolina and to his target point.

He was surprisingly easy to find. As soon as Dtaylor exited the city and made it to the backcountry, there he was standing on a literal soapbox and preaching.

The man.

The myth.

The legend.

TN05.

He looked to be, on a good day, about 5'1" and donned a plaid collared shirt with Marco Rubio's face on it. He wore jeans and cowboy boots because he thought that it would make him look homely and convince the plebeians that he was one of them. Obscuring his face was a Bionicle great mask of speed, carved out of styrofoam and painted a dark green. Surrounding him was a large and almost entirely white crowd of evangelical Christians, many of whom were carrying Glenn Beck books. Before Dtaylor arrived, TN05 had just finished a sermon, to thunderous applause, about how the Democrats are the real racists.

The plan Airmax had put forward was highly experimental but past experience indicated that it would work very well. Still, it was an incredibly ballsy plan and Dtaylor didn't feel comfortable with it.

TN05 began yet another speech while Dtaylor pondered about what to do. Despite being a fierce #NeverTrump advocate, TN05 was an extremely high energy individual. He also talked like Ted Cruz, with all of the incredibly irritating dramatic pauses.

"Before I begin, I would like to have a moment of prayer for our greatest ally Israel and the incredible threat they face from the Palestinians, who still occupy a fraction of their traditional lands"

Every head was bowed and not a word was spoken.

"Thank you. If the founding fathers were alive today, they would be Republicans and they would be eating at Chick-Fil-A"

*Cheering*

"One thing the founding fathers knew well is that diversity is our greatest strength. That's why most of them had so many slaves--they realized that only through a diverse workforce could their enterprises succeed. That's one of the many reasons I'm proud to be speaking to such a diverse crowd."

Everyone turned to look at the one black guy who had showed up, their eyes brimming with tears as they thought about how far they had come and how not racist they were. The black guy didn't enjoy being singled out like that, but his feelings simply were not relevant when compared to the crushing need of the majority to signal their anti-racism to other white people who would hate them anyway.

"Chick-Fil-A also understands this need for diversity. Why just the other day, I heard Spanish spoken at a Chick-Fil-A."

The crowd gasped in excitement.

"I immediately ran behind the counter to try to find this latino who agreed with our ideals, as they all would if the racist Democrats stopped brainwashing them, and shake his hand but it was actually just an employee watching Breaking Bad during his lunch break. It was that one scene where Gus kills the entire Cartel by poisoning them. That was awesome and I started rooting for Gus at that point. Seriously, screw Walter he was lame. Oh man, I just spoiled that scene. Whatever, it doesn't matter. What was I saying? Oh yeah, Chick-Fil-A is extremely diverse."

He said all of this just like Ted Cruz would so it sounded like this: "That scene.....where GUS...KILLS...the. entire. cartel."

The crowd was captivated by the speech and Dtaylor knew it was now or never.

He stepped out of the bushes he was hiding in. He also got bitten by a tick while he was there and got lyme disease, but that's for another story.

"Actually, Chick-Fil-A is not diverse. Chick-Fil-A is anti-semitic and no one should eat there."

The crowd turned, jaws hanging low.

TN05, angered that someone would interrupt his speech, snarled "Oh yeah, and how would you know that? What do you know about anti-semitism"

TN05 had an amazing line planned for how Burger King and its Democrat henchmen were the REAL anti-semites and was shocked to see Dtaylor simply smirk.

The trap had swung shut. Time for the kill shot.

"Because I'm Jewish."

An audible gasp went throughout the crowd. TN05 looked like Jeb Bush every time Trump blew him the fvck out in a debate. Somewhere in the distance an airhorn went off.

The evangelicals, living in rural North Carolina, had never actually met a Jewish person but had a very high opinion of Jewish people and would not tolerate any anti semitism.

Dtaylor shoved TN05 off of the soap box and got on it himself.

"Evangelicals, hear me. If you *truly* support Israel, you will join me today and eat at Burger King"

----------------

Hundreds of Evangelicals were eating Burger Kings new vegetarian gay-pride burger and loving it. They were hooked and Chick-Fil-A was run out of the region. A good days work.

The fire marshall happened to see what was going on with hundreds of people in one building and gave Dtaylor a citation. He tried to fight it in court, but his "These are not the droids you're looking for" hand wave merely got him a contempt of court court charge.

Life sucked
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

"Thett, you're really good at convincing people you're a decent person"-tulle

"You fit the character of Regina George quite nicely"- Sam

: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
ShabShoral
Posts: 3,228
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4/6/2016 9:10:44 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
"The evangelicals, living in rural North Carolina, had never actually met a Jewish person but had a very high opinion of Jewish people and would not tolerate any anti semitism."

H I G H
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thett3
Posts: 14,334
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4/6/2016 9:16:07 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 4/6/2016 9:10:44 PM, ShabShoral wrote:
"The evangelicals, living in rural North Carolina, had never actually met a Jewish person but had a very high opinion of Jewish people and would not tolerate any anti semitism."

H I G H
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E N E R G Y
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A true predator...
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

"Thett, you're really good at convincing people you're a decent person"-tulle

"You fit the character of Regina George quite nicely"- Sam

: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
TN05
Posts: 4,492
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4/6/2016 9:41:42 PM
Posted: 8 months ago
At 4/6/2016 9:06:33 PM, thett3 wrote:
Chapter whatever: The Last Cuckservative
He was surprisingly easy to find. As soon as Dtaylor exited the city and made it to the backcountry, there he was standing on a literal soapbox and preaching.

The man.

The myth.

The legend.

TN05.

#MakeDebate.orgGreatAgain

He looked to be, on a good day, about 5'1" and donned a plaid collared shirt with Marco Rubio's face on it. He wore jeans and cowboy boots because he thought that it would make him look homely and convince the plebeians that he was one of them. Obscuring his face was a Bionicle great mask of speed, carved out of styrofoam and painted a dark green.

Jeans are meh. Cowboy boots are overrated. Collared shirts are awful.

Surrounding him was a large and almost entirely white crowd of evangelical Christians, many of whom were carrying Glenn Beck books.

This is a pretty accurate picture of my area.

TN05 began yet another speech while Dtaylor pondered about what to do. Despite being a fierce #NeverTrump advocate, TN05 was an extremely high energy individual.

This is true.

He also talked like Ted Cruz, with all of the incredibly irritating dramatic pauses.

This is not true. Unfortunately it is quite true of many Baptist pastors in my area.

"Before I begin, I would like to have a moment of prayer for our greatest ally Israel and the incredible threat they face from the Palestinians, who still occupy a fraction of their traditional lands"

"Only for political and tactical reasons do we speak today about the existence of a Palestinian people, since Arab national interests demand that we posit the existence of a distinct "Palestinian people" to oppose Zionism" - Zuhir Mohsen, PLO

"Thank you. If the founding fathers were alive today, they would be Republicans and they would be eating at Chick-Fil-A"

This is true, because Chick-Fil-A is very good.

"One thing the founding fathers knew well is that diversity is our greatest strength.

Diversity of thought.

That's why most of them had so many slaves--they realized that only through a diverse workforce could their enterprises succeed. That's one of the many reasons I'm proud to be speaking to such a diverse crowd."

lol.

"Chick-Fil-A also understands this need for diversity. Why just the other day, I heard Spanish spoken at a Chick-Fil-A."

I've heard Spanish and Hmong spoken in Chick Fil A.

The evangelicals, living in rural North Carolina, had never actually met a Jewish person but had a very high opinion of Jewish people and would not tolerate any anti semitism.

I actually have met a Jewish person before. Messianic Jew, but I think it counts.

Dtaylor shoved TN05 off of the soap box and got on it himself.

"Evangelicals, hear me. If you *truly* support Israel, you will join me today and eat at Burger King"

Since my county voted for Drumpf, all I would have to respond is to say Burger King is Canadian.
SeventhProfessor
Posts: 5,085
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4/10/2016 2:59:59 AM
Posted: 7 months ago
10/10, I can see why this is the official Greatest DDO Fanfic according to the DDO wiki
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
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~F-16

https://docs.google.com...
The-Voice-of-Truth
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4/10/2016 4:22:23 AM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/6/2016 9:06:33 PM, thett3 wrote:
Chapter whatever: The Last Cuckservative

I love this. Can you link me to the other chapters?
Suh dude

"Because we all know who the most important snowflake in the wasteland is... It's YOU, champ! You're a special snowflake." -Vaarka, 01:30 in the hangouts

"Screw laying siege to Korea. That usually takes an hour or so." -Vaarka

"Crap, what is my religion again?" -Vaarka

I'm Rick Harrison and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my old man and my son, Big Hoss, and in 23 years I've learned one thing. You never know what is gonna come through that door.
thett3
Posts: 14,334
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4/10/2016 4:34:03 AM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/10/2016 4:22:23 AM, The-Voice-of-Truth wrote:
At 4/6/2016 9:06:33 PM, thett3 wrote:
Chapter whatever: The Last Cuckservative

I love this. Can you link me to the other chapters?

DDO Burger King Season 1: http://www.debate.org...

DDO Burger King Season 2: http://www.debate.org...

For context in case you or anyone doesn't know...there was a time when tons of people were writing stories that they called DDO Fanfictions, and I thought it was getting to be too much so I decided to write about one where we all work at a Burger King. And since I love political satire, I went with that angle...it's pretty dumb but I had fun
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

"Thett, you're really good at convincing people you're a decent person"-tulle

"You fit the character of Regina George quite nicely"- Sam

: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
The-Voice-of-Truth
Posts: 6,542
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4/10/2016 4:39:29 AM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/10/2016 4:34:03 AM, thett3 wrote:
At 4/10/2016 4:22:23 AM, The-Voice-of-Truth wrote:
At 4/6/2016 9:06:33 PM, thett3 wrote:
Chapter whatever: The Last Cuckservative

I love this. Can you link me to the other chapters?

DDO Burger King Season 1: http://www.debate.org...

DDO Burger King Season 2: http://www.debate.org...

Thanks!

For context in case you or anyone doesn't know...there was a time when tons of people were writing stories that they called DDO Fanfictions, and I thought it was getting to be too much so I decided to write about one where we all work at a Burger King. And since I love political satire, I went with that angle...it's pretty dumb but I had fun

I was here when the Fanfiction Era was ending. I eventually hope to start writing one on here in an attempt to get it going again. I love satire, so I will definitely enjoy reading this.
Suh dude

"Because we all know who the most important snowflake in the wasteland is... It's YOU, champ! You're a special snowflake." -Vaarka, 01:30 in the hangouts

"Screw laying siege to Korea. That usually takes an hour or so." -Vaarka

"Crap, what is my religion again?" -Vaarka

I'm Rick Harrison and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my old man and my son, Big Hoss, and in 23 years I've learned one thing. You never know what is gonna come through that door.
Blade-of-Truth
Posts: 5,020
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4/10/2016 8:10:28 AM
Posted: 7 months ago
At 4/10/2016 4:34:03 AM, thett3 wrote:

...there was a time when tons of people were writing stories that they called DDO Fanfictions.

https://media.makeameme.org...
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