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Poem help please

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2/9/2015 10:13:07 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I have been assigned a school project where i have to write a poem about the things i carry (physical and non-physical). its loosely based off the the short story "The things they carried" by Tim O'Brien. I have no experience writing poetry and I would really appreciate any feedback about whats good, whats bad and how i could improve it. Don't be afraid to tell me its bad, but if you do at least tell me how it could be better. I am looking for any and all constructive criticism. Thank you.

Criteria for the assignment
* have at least 20 lines
* at least 5 tangible things and 10 intangible things
* at least one metaphor
* 2 personifications
* 3 strong images

Things I carry

Of all the baggage I carry
Which weighs on me the most?

I carry books and bags.
I carry pencils and pens.
I carry paper and notepads.
I carry ipods and earphones.

But all these things
Are not what weigh me down

What weighs me down the most
Are my memories.

I remember
I remember

I carry knowledge.
I carry friendship.
I carry Loss.
I carry Gain.
These are my memories

I carry my life
I carry my soul
I carry myself

These are the things that weigh me down.
And that lift me up.

My memories weigh me down,
Like rocks tied around my ankles.
Dragging me into the depths
My memories lift me up
Like a buoy in the ocean.

The things I carry.
They are my prison
They are my partners in crime
They are my jailers
And the judge that set me free.