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Apocalypse

lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/12/2010 9:52:51 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
I know this site has some good writers, and I want some help writing my story on Apocalypse and her sisters.

I really just need a good beginning.

Like does she live as a human, or demon?

How fast does she age?

Does she age after a certain time?

Did she start as a Christian?

Does she hate God, or just what he did to her father, and how he condemned his children to Hell?

What does her outfit look like? (no one liked my dress made of human skeletons)
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
wjmelements
Posts: 8,206
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7/12/2010 9:55:09 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
And you and I climb, crossing the shapes of the morning.
And you and I reach over the sun for the river.
And you and I climb, clearer, towards the movement.
And you and I called over valleys of endless seas.
in the blink of an eye you finally see the light
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/12/2010 9:56:26 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 9:55:09 PM, wjmelements wrote:
And you and I climb, crossing the shapes of the morning.
And you and I reach over the sun for the river.
And you and I climb, clearer, towards the movement.
And you and I called over valleys of endless seas.

Yea, if a story started like that, I'd burn it right there.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/12/2010 9:57:06 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 9:56:16 PM, Puck wrote:
Who?

What? Where? Why? When?
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
wjmelements
Posts: 8,206
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7/12/2010 9:57:11 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 9:56:26 PM, lovelife wrote:
Yea, if a story started like that, I'd burn it right there.

No, that's the whole story.
in the blink of an eye you finally see the light
Xer
Posts: 7,776
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7/12/2010 9:57:38 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Mr. Jones, of the Manor Farm, had locked the hen-houses for the night, but
was too drunk to remember to shut the pop-holes.

Go from there.
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/12/2010 9:59:51 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 9:57:38 PM, Nags wrote:
Mr. Jones, of the Manor Farm, had locked the hen-houses for the night, but
was too drunk to remember to shut the pop-holes.

Go from there.

Maybe the demons could be in fox form. I don't think the bible ever said demons were just humans.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
PoeJoe
Posts: 3,822
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7/12/2010 10:01:20 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Expositions are hard for me, too. All I can say is, just keep writing and allow yourself to suck. If it sucks at first, just keep writing. Eventually you'll find coherency. Eventually you'll find/revise an exposition that works. ;D
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PoeJoe
Posts: 3,822
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7/12/2010 10:02:20 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 9:59:51 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/12/2010 9:57:38 PM, Nags wrote:
Mr. Jones, of the Manor Farm, had locked the hen-houses for the night, but
was too drunk to remember to shut the pop-holes.

Go from there.

Maybe the demons could be in fox form. I don't think the bible ever said demons were just humans.

Nags was trying to pull a clever.

That's the start to Orwell's "Animal Farm."

Don't plagiarize. Plagiarism=bad.
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InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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7/12/2010 10:06:12 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 10:02:20 PM, PoeJoe wrote:
At 7/12/2010 9:59:51 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/12/2010 9:57:38 PM, Nags wrote:
Mr. Jones, of the Manor Farm, had locked the hen-houses for the night, but
was too drunk to remember to shut the pop-holes.

Go from there.

Maybe the demons could be in fox form. I don't think the bible ever said demons were just humans.

Nags was trying to pull a clever.

That's the start to Orwell's "Animal Farm."

Don't plagiarize. Plagiarism=bad.

Yes. Don't plagiarize, even if it is Animal Farm. Animal Farm ^_^
Xer
Posts: 7,776
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7/12/2010 10:06:48 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 10:02:20 PM, PoeJoe wrote:
Nags was trying to pull a clever.

That's the start to Orwell's "Animal Farm."

Don't plagiarize. Plagiarism=bad.

Animal Farm is an amazing book though. :P
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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7/12/2010 10:08:16 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 10:06:48 PM, Nags wrote:
At 7/12/2010 10:02:20 PM, PoeJoe wrote:
Nags was trying to pull a clever.

That's the start to Orwell's "Animal Farm."

Don't plagiarize. Plagiarism=bad.

Animal Farm is an amazing book though. :P

Yes, George Orwell is classic. He offers great political commentary in an interesting way too.
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/12/2010 10:09:54 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 10:02:20 PM, PoeJoe wrote:
At 7/12/2010 9:59:51 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/12/2010 9:57:38 PM, Nags wrote:
Mr. Jones, of the Manor Farm, had locked the hen-houses for the night, but
was too drunk to remember to shut the pop-holes.

Go from there.

Maybe the demons could be in fox form. I don't think the bible ever said demons were just humans.

Nags was trying to pull a clever.

That's the start to Orwell's "Animal Farm."

Don't plagiarize. Plagiarism=bad.

NAGS!!! How could you try to make me plagerize?! If its a best seller must be original (I know it wont be. My goal is just to get it written, have some people that like it, maybe get it published.) although getting rich from a book series I've been thinking of for years would be a great way to go on a world tour with bunny and kitty.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
Xer
Posts: 7,776
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7/12/2010 10:10:19 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 10:08:16 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
Yes, George Orwell is classic. He offers great political commentary in an interesting way too.

Except he's a socialist. Thus, he must burn at the stake.
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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7/12/2010 10:11:51 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 10:10:19 PM, Nags wrote:
At 7/12/2010 10:08:16 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:
Yes, George Orwell is classic. He offers great political commentary in an interesting way too.

Except he's a socialist. Thus, he must burn at the stake.

At least he criticizes communism. We can at least give him credit for that. ^^
annhasle
Posts: 6,657
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7/12/2010 10:12:23 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 9:52:51 PM, lovelife wrote:
I know this site has some good writers, and I want some help writing my story on Apocalypse and her sisters.

I really just need a good beginning.

Like does she live as a human, or demon?

How fast does she age?

Does she age after a certain time?

Did she start as a Christian?

Does she hate God, or just what he did to her father, and how he condemned his children to Hell?

What does her outfit look like? (no one liked my dress made of human skeletons)

I have taken TONS of writing classes and enjoy writing (I used to want to be an author)! If you PM me the plot, I could send you back a rough copy of an intro! :D
I'm not back. This idiot just upset me which made me stop lurking.
Xer
Posts: 7,776
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7/12/2010 10:14:09 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 10:09:54 PM, lovelife wrote:
NAGS!!! How could you try to make me plagerize?!

For the lulz. I knew practically everyone on this site would know that's the first sentence to Animal Farm, except you of course.

If its a best seller must be original (I know it wont be. My goal is just to get it written, have some people that like it, maybe get it published.) although getting rich from a book series I've been thinking of for years would be a great way to go on a world tour with bunny and kitty.

lolokgoodluckwiththathahayeahrightnowayyourewritingabook
J.Kenyon
Posts: 4,194
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7/12/2010 10:20:54 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 10:11:51 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:

At least he criticizes communism. We can at least give him credit for that. ^^

He may be confused about how best to go about it, but he's definitely anti-authoritarian. *ahem*
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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7/12/2010 10:22:27 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 10:20:54 PM, J.Kenyon wrote:
At 7/12/2010 10:11:51 PM, InsertNameHere wrote:

At least he criticizes communism. We can at least give him credit for that. ^^

He may be confused about how best to go about it, but he's definitely anti-authoritarian. *ahem*

I took a test on fb. It wasn't entirely accurate, but it classified me as fascist. xD
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/12/2010 10:24:54 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 10:14:09 PM, Nags wrote:
At 7/12/2010 10:09:54 PM, lovelife wrote:
NAGS!!! How could you try to make me plagerize?!

For the lulz. I knew practically everyone on this site would know that's the first sentence to Animal Farm, except you of course.

Setting me up....shame on you lmao


If its a best seller must be original (I know it wont be. My goal is just to get it written, have some people that like it, maybe get it published.) although getting rich from a book series I've been thinking of for years would be a great way to go on a world tour with bunny and kitty.

lolokgoodluckwiththathahayeahrightnowayyourewritingabook

I'm writing it. Doesn't mean it will be good or sell, but I'm gunna wite it.

(well wasn't thinking of writing it till 9th grade english. Before then, they were just my personalities with a seperate past, and tended to hate each other)
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
Puck
Posts: 6,457
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7/13/2010 12:30:12 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/12/2010 9:57:06 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/12/2010 9:56:16 PM, Puck wrote:
Who?

What? Where? Why? When?

Exactly. Who is this character? Fan fic?
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/13/2010 12:37:01 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/13/2010 12:30:12 AM, Puck wrote:
At 7/12/2010 9:57:06 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/12/2010 9:56:16 PM, Puck wrote:
Who?

What? Where? Why? When?

Exactly. Who is this character? Fan fic?

Princess Apocalypse lmao. She's awesome and drinks Christain's Blood.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
InsertNameHere
Posts: 15,699
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7/13/2010 12:37:43 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/13/2010 12:37:01 AM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/13/2010 12:30:12 AM, Puck wrote:
At 7/12/2010 9:57:06 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/12/2010 9:56:16 PM, Puck wrote:
Who?

What? Where? Why? When?

Exactly. Who is this character? Fan fic?

Princess Apocalypse lmao. She's awesome and drinks Christain's Blood.

O.o
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/13/2010 12:40:42 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/13/2010 12:37:43 AM, InsertNameHere wrote:
At 7/13/2010 12:37:01 AM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/13/2010 12:30:12 AM, Puck wrote:
At 7/12/2010 9:57:06 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 7/12/2010 9:56:16 PM, Puck wrote:
Who?

What? Where? Why? When?

Exactly. Who is this character? Fan fic?

Princess Apocalypse lmao. She's awesome and drinks Christain's Blood.

O.o

Princess Apocalypse had control over nearly the entire human race. Those she didn't control she killed with her fire. She forced the humans to work hard, and get along, think and do the right thing. She also killed every real Christian, because she knew they could never see the truth even if it punched them in the face. She enjoyed drinking Christian blood, so their blood just drained slowly as her wine glass never emptied. She invited those who she saw could see the truth to where there was plenty, and the close minded, she sent where there was barely anything. Her followers built statues in her honor.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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7/13/2010 2:23:06 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/13/2010 1:39:24 PM, PoeJoe wrote:
No offense, but take a writing class.

lmao that was from my writing class. It sucked because of the assignemt. Trying to re write it so its more natural sounding and better. I got an A on it cause I actually followed all the directions.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
I-am-a-panda
Posts: 15,380
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7/13/2010 2:24:34 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/13/2010 1:39:24 PM, PoeJoe wrote:
No offense, but take a writing class.

I'm not trying to challenge you or anything, but perhaps you could rewrite it?
Pizza. I have enormous respect for Pizza.
PoeJoe
Posts: 3,822
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7/13/2010 3:20:19 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 7/13/2010 2:24:34 PM, I-am-a-panda wrote:
At 7/13/2010 1:39:24 PM, PoeJoe wrote:
No offense, but take a writing class.

I'm not trying to challenge you or anything, but perhaps you could rewrite it?

I would have to completelt redo it--again no offense to lovebite.

You don't just infodump on your readers, especially if the infodump is uninteresting and cliché. It reads like a narcissistic projection, like the author trying to recreate herself. What's worse is the expectation that readers will want to read about the author by proxy--they don't. They want to read an interesting story. What's there is bland description.

If you want to create an interesting character, you show the readers that the character is interesting--you don't tell them. To think people will just fall in love with your proxy because you tell them to is really conceited thinking. Authors assume they are interesting because we all think we're more interesting than we really are. The job of an author is to overcome that.

So, yeah, tell me a story of the century. Show me why I should care, and make me believe it.
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