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"JAZZ? - Just Revenge Of The Slaves!

racist
Posts: 190
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3/24/2011 6:50:56 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
How impossible for any sane, rational mind to conceive of a "musical form" more appalling, chaotic, disturbing and plain ugly than 'jazz'. Even the name conjures up feelings too hideous and creepy to publish. Those who insist they really 'love' this monstrosity, surely have serious mental issues to address. I wish them well.

Where did the horror begin? No rocket science needed. Soon after the Negro slaves were imported into the Americas from Africa. Being a slave was the easy part. A good slave was prized, much like a champion stud horse or a high quality piece of machinery, like a plowshare. He was treated with great care and maintenance for the best yield and was therefore given the best food and attention. So, what went wrong?

The slaves were quite happy with their lot until the unthinkable happened. At night, they would huddle in their allocated spaces throughout the land - and time after time, they reported strange sounds through the slave grapevine. They told stories of something almost alien, yet familiar and hauntingly beautiful. They described something they had been hearing with increasing regularity. Today it is called gospel church singing. Then came the classical music itself - on harpsichords, cellos, pianos, and all other manner of sophisticated instruments.

It was like a drug. they could not get enough. But the cruel owners shot themselves in the big toe, for they forbade the slaves to share this enjoyment. Clearly, a great resentment and frustration was created. The seeds of revolution were sown.As the slaves were a decent, passive sort of crowd, they needed a peaceful way to strike back. Instead of forming weapons and attack instruments, rather than borrowing or stealing a civilised musical instrument like a violin or a harpsichord, they plotted a wickedly clever but deadly counter attack.

They began in clandestine groups at times and in places secret, the way freedom fighters from other places assembled their anarchist bombs and such. The weapons for the slaves were cunning and deceptive - noisemakers from old frying skillets and pick handles strung with catgut - thus the dreaded, lethal terrorist weapon, the BANJO was born!

Did we ever witness the great Paul Robeson dirty his hands or voice with anything as common and vulgar as a banjo or a country fiddle? Or a washboard? No. Never! He chose to sing the more civilised Welsh folk songs composed originally by his slave forebears - sketched out on banjo & harpsichord in the wilds of the Florida swamps. In reality, most of the great etudes, gavottes and sonatas were secretly composed and played in hushed gatherings by early banjo virtuosi. In fact, Washington Smith , master banjo player of St Louis actually composed all the movements of the 3rd - "The Eroica" symphony on the skillet banjo accompanied with feather duster, spoons and washboard - this massive work, manuscripted on the bleached skins of chickens and skunks was forfeited by Smith in a rowdy dice game and the new owner, a Serbian fur trader. took his booty to Europe with him.

It was subsequently purchased and wrongly attributed to a Mr Ludwig Van Beethoven of Austria - Mr B found the score wrapped in some old herring boxes wrongly delivered from a Dutch clipper ship (but that's another saga). Mr B was deaf as we know, so there's no chance he'd write anything that tasteful.

The point of creating this ugly jazz concoction was as a sarcasm against the cruel slave owners - they were swindled into swallowing the preposterous idea that this unspeakable "musical" form was part of some trendy cultural core activity among African savages. The reality was that the slaves would go to places that later became Tin Pan Alley and laugh at the tourists who were pretending to like this appalling junk 'music'. The US army later used it to torture German war prisoners - elderly "Oompah" musicians in tattered Lederhosen would crank up and drivel on with countless verses of "Yes, We Have No Bananas" - in German and either extract a confession or a messy suicide from the poor hostage - yet that's been hushed up and rightly so.

Meanwhile, back in the sleaze pits and scum dens around St Louis and in the back blocks of the Everglades, after the tourists and rubber- neckers had left - after the 'sucker punch' 'traditional' jazz sessions, the blacks would get over laughing at the stupid tourists and hold massive symphonic concerts sometimes made up of orchestras boasting 200 banjos and 150 fiddles per movement. It is astounding how many classical works which we now take for granted, were actually written and performed by the descendants of slaves. Thus the descendants of the slave owners became degenerate in their music and jazz corrupted their kin down unto the ninth generation.Good things survive most anything. Cheers!
Extremely-Far-Right
Posts: 248
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3/24/2011 7:24:28 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/24/2011 6:50:56 AM, racist wrote:
How impossible for any sane, rational mind to conceive of a "musical form" more appalling, chaotic, disturbing and plain ugly than 'jazz'. Even the name conjures up feelings too hideous and creepy to publish. Those who insist they really 'love' this monstrosity, surely have serious mental issues to address. I wish them well.

Where did the horror begin? No rocket science needed. Soon after the Negro slaves were imported into the Americas from Africa. Being a slave was the easy part. A good slave was prized, much like a champion stud horse or a high quality piece of machinery, like a plowshare. He was treated with great care and maintenance for the best yield and was therefore given the best food and attention. So, what went wrong?

The slaves were quite happy with their lot until the unthinkable happened. At night, they would huddle in their allocated spaces throughout the land - and time after time, they reported strange sounds through the slave grapevine. They told stories of something almost alien, yet familiar and hauntingly beautiful. They described something they had been hearing with increasing regularity. Today it is called gospel church singing. Then came the classical music itself - on harpsichords, cellos, pianos, and all other manner of sophisticated instruments.

It was like a drug. they could not get enough. But the cruel owners shot themselves in the big toe, for they forbade the slaves to share this enjoyment. Clearly, a great resentment and frustration was created. The seeds of revolution were sown.As the slaves were a decent, passive sort of crowd, they needed a peaceful way to strike back. Instead of forming weapons and attack instruments, rather than borrowing or stealing a civilised musical instrument like a violin or a harpsichord, they plotted a wickedly clever but deadly counter attack.

They began in clandestine groups at times and in places secret, the way freedom fighters from other places assembled their anarchist bombs and such. The weapons for the slaves were cunning and deceptive - noisemakers from old frying skillets and pick handles strung with catgut - thus the dreaded, lethal terrorist weapon, the BANJO was born!

Did we ever witness the great Paul Robeson dirty his hands or voice with anything as common and vulgar as a banjo or a country fiddle? Or a washboard? No. Never! He chose to sing the more civilised Welsh folk songs composed originally by his slave forebears - sketched out on banjo & harpsichord in the wilds of the Florida swamps. In reality, most of the great etudes, gavottes and sonatas were secretly composed and played in hushed gatherings by early banjo virtuosi. In fact, Washington Smith , master banjo player of St Louis actually composed all the movements of the 3rd - "The Eroica" symphony on the skillet banjo accompanied with feather duster, spoons and washboard - this massive work, manuscripted on the bleached skins of chickens and skunks was forfeited by Smith in a rowdy dice game and the new owner, a Serbian fur trader. took his booty to Europe with him.

It was subsequently purchased and wrongly attributed to a Mr Ludwig Van Beethoven of Austria - Mr B found the score wrapped in some old herring boxes wrongly delivered from a Dutch clipper ship (but that's another saga). Mr B was deaf as we know, so there's no chance he'd write anything that tasteful.

The point of creating this ugly jazz concoction was as a sarcasm against the cruel slave owners - they were swindled into swallowing the preposterous idea that this unspeakable "musical" form was part of some trendy cultural core activity among African savages. The reality was that the slaves would go to places that later became Tin Pan Alley and laugh at the tourists who were pretending to like this appalling junk 'music'. The US army later used it to torture German war prisoners - elderly "Oompah" musicians in tattered Lederhosen would crank up and drivel on with countless verses of "Yes, We Have No Bananas" - in German and either extract a confession or a messy suicide from the poor hostage - yet that's been hushed up and rightly so.


Meanwhile, back in the sleaze pits and scum dens around St Louis and in the back blocks of the Everglades, after the tourists and rubber- neckers had left - after the 'sucker punch' 'traditional' jazz sessions, the blacks would get over laughing at the stupid tourists and hold massive symphonic concerts sometimes made up of orchestras boasting 200 banjos and 150 fiddles per movement. It is astounding how many classical works which we now take for granted, were actually written and performed by the descendants of slaves. Thus the descendants of the slave owners became degenerate in their music and jazz corrupted their kin down unto the ninth generation.Good things survive most anything. Cheers!


Lol wtf?
I do admit though, whenever I hear Jazz on the radio station, I can almost always recognize the singer's race whenever it is sung by an African American or a European American. I do have very good ears though, maybe it is just that?
feverish
Posts: 2,716
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3/24/2011 8:24:49 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Jazz is a hybrid of musical cultures, predominantly the rhythm and dynamics of African tradition and the melodics and harmony of European tradition. As such it is the precurser to almost all forms of Western music we enjoy today, from heavy metal to hip hop.

It embodies more musical theory and complexity than any other genre from the twentieth century except modern classical, even our resident race-obsessed white nationalist likes a bit of Monk. http://www.debate.org... It's emphasis on improvisation makes it one of the most exciting and vibrant kinds of music around.
racist
Posts: 190
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3/24/2011 9:10:05 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/24/2011 7:06:02 AM, Thaddeus wrote:
Oh so very witty. Have you considered going pro?

Thanx, I did did exactly that . It started with a 2 year course in "Advanced Theoretical Semantics" and the the principles of "Functional Philosophical Equilibrium". I put up with this for what I REALLY wanted as a top professional - the academic stuff was tough, but my patience was rewarded by pointing me straight to the singular golden opportunity I couldn't forsake for anything. I became a welder.

racist
Posts: 190
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3/24/2011 9:37:07 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/24/2011 8:24:49 AM, feverish wrote:
Jazz is a hybrid of musical cultures, predominantly the rhythm and dynamics of African tradition and the melodics and harmony of European tradition. As such it is the precursor to almost all forms of Western music we enjoy today, from heavy metal to hip hop.

I am he proud possessor of a vintage wire recording of a full symphony performance by "Deaf Willie Jefferson" of Missouri Ill. It was written by his grandfather, Jedediah, a slave's son. The original recording was somehow stolen and sold for a pair of rusty hair clippers and ended up being published in Germany. Deaf Willy's great symphony was subsequently renamed the "Gotterdammerung" Opus. It was then claimed that a German composer with a funny name (aren't they all?) - Richard Wager wrote it. But Wagner's interpretation could never emulate the hauntingly beautiful - even erotic and subliminal nuances woven into the original pigskin text and later performed in concert with banjo and kazoo/washboard renditions on Deaf Willie's wire recording. Wager's version might be a poor substitute perhaps, but 20% of somethin' is better'n 100% of nuttin', as they say in Tasmania. Still, I reckon Wagner would have torn his arm off to play like Deaf Willie. Cheers!
CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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3/25/2011 1:40:32 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
You may be racist, but I love you anyway.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
racist
Posts: 190
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3/29/2011 1:05:26 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/25/2011 1:40:32 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
You may be racist, but I love you anyway.

Ahhhhhhhh, shucks! All right, just one kiss, .........but NO TONGUE! Cheers!
CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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3/29/2011 1:06:29 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
*slips in tongue*
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
racist
Posts: 190
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3/29/2011 4:24:04 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 1:06:29 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
*slips in tongue*

Not too bad - Wanna try for 2 out of 3? btw that "Dagmonious bacon eater" sounds just like Kristina Kenneally - she's the Australian premier who just lost the New South Wales state election with a landslide agin her and she's not v happy. Thinking of you all the time. Cheers

Greyparrot
Posts: 14,324
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3/29/2011 4:28:51 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
I play Jazz at 200 decibels with the windows rolled down when I drive through darktown just to see how bulletproof my car really is.
thett3
Posts: 14,377
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3/31/2012 11:11:36 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
yeah white pride world wide zomg
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

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#BetOnThett

"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

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: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right