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DDO Heroes - Episode 3: Lenses

Jonbonbon
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3/25/2015 8:01:09 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Episode 2: http://www.debate.org...

How do we know what is dark and what is light? I look for answers and solutions, but am I looking through the lens of good or of evil? For if I look through the lens of evil then will I see good as something bad and evil as something good? But if I were looking through the lens of good, then would I already be able to tell instead of pondering these questions to myself? Am I naturally good or naturally evil? Are good and evil even definite values, or are they merely what I perceive them to be? And for this crime that was committed by the fire of my own hand but the will of another, am I to take any blame? Or am I no more responsible for this than a gun is for the murder of a man? For I did not aim. That corpse will be forever in my mind and forever pulling my heart. That burnt flesh is all I see when I close my eyes.
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Emma woke up on the floor of Mishap's room. She and Peters had decided to sleep over, and fortunately there were a few extra sleeping backs for them to use. Emma rolled over and rubbed her cheeks a little bit. For some reason her face stung, but it was going away. She checked to see if Mishap or Peters were in the room. Peters and Mishap were making hand signals at each other. They noticed immediately, and Emma began to laugh at the scene. They were trying to talk without waking her up.

But Peters and Mishap weren't laughing. They looked terrified actually. "What's wrong?" Emma asked them, starting to feel a pit form in her stomach.

Mishap and Peters moved their mouths as if trying to form words but couldn't find it within themselves. Emma looked at her arms. They seemed unfamiliar, like she was looking at someone else's arms. Her hands were nothing the same. In fact, her whole body felt different. "What do I look like?" Emma asked. That had to be what they were in shock about.

"You look like me," Peters said lightly. Mishap just nodded in agreement.

Emma felt her head spin as she got up and turned to find the mirror in the room. She saw a tall mirror on the door. She stood in front of it and looked in. Staring back at her was her friend Peters. As if Emma had been put into her body. She started hyper-ventilating as she thought about what was happening. She knew it wasn't right. That's not what she was supposed to look like.

Then pain shot through her body. Everything felt like it was falling apart at the seams. She felt herself trembling, and she fell to the ground shortly before the pain subsided. She lay on the ground for what felt like an eternity, but Mishap spoke up to break her from the abyss in her mind. "You look like yourself again," she said with a light and quick tone. "Your whole body just changed back."

Emma got up and looked at herself again. That was her body. She saw herself in her own body this time. "Is this real? Is this really happening?" Emma asked frantically. "I woke up looking like Peters, and I just changed back to myself. I didn't just dream that?"

"No, that happened," Peters responded slowly but with a resolved tone.

"Wait, does that mean that maybe you're like me? You're special?" Mishap asked with a smile on her face. That was a change of mood. A smile. That was the first look that wasn't a look of terror since Emma had woken up.

"What else could it be?" Peters asked. "We all saw it. It's not like one of us just imagined it."

"Can you do it again?" Mishap asked excitedly.

It hurt last time, but Emma really wanted to know. Could she do it again? Maybe the pain wouldn't be as bad because she'd already done it. She wasn't even sure how to use the ability yet if there was one. Maybe she just had to think about who she wanted to look like. That's what happened when she started looking like herself again.

She thought about looking like Mishap, and her whole body started to vibrate. Everything stung, like what she imagined getting a tattoo felt like. The pain almost reached the point where she couldn't take it, but it subsided. A quick glance in the mirror confirmed it. She was a shapeshifter.
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Endark and Esocial followed Darth down the sidewalk. "There he is," Darth said pointing at a young man walking away from one of the buildings. "His name is Rev. He's the guy you want to talk to."

"Endark, shouldn't we involve the police?" Esocial asked urgently. She was worried that maybe they were rushing too fast into this opportunity. This man was a murderer already, and they were about to pressure him to talk about the fact that he did it.

"No, we need to catch him first. Keep your phone out. We can use the police as leverage to get him to talk," Endark said quickly.

"I think you're getting too ambitious, Endark. There has to be a better way to get a good story."

"Come on, just stand with me on this one," Endark pleaded. "It'll be okay, I promise. You have to do crazy things sometimes to be successful."

Esocail let out a sigh. She was feeling really uncomfortable with this idea, but Endark was set on it. So she just agreed, "Sure, let's go get him."

They started after Rev, who was originally walking their direction but changed course and was walking across the grass. Endark reached him first and started talking immediately, "Rev, I have some questions for you."

"Who are you?" Rev asked in reply.

"My name is Endarkened Rationalist. I'm here to ask you about the murder you committed, and if you don't my partner will call the police immediately."

"Get away from me, please." Rev started to back up, then he ran away. Esocial watched as Endark and Darth ran after him. They followed him, and Darth ran up alongside him until they'd gotten him against the wall of a building.

"Guys, stop!" Esocail ran as she started to dial 911. She held the phone up to her ear and waited for them to pick up.

After the first ring, she heard Rev yelling, "Don't come any closer! I don't want to hurt you!"

Endark and Darth weren't backing up. Then as she began to near them, a flame blasted from Rev. It shot out mainly at Endark, but it wasn't hitting him. Endark's hand was raised, and the fire was just stopping. The three of them all stopped and seemed to be in a state of shock. Esocial was in no better state. The person who'd picked up had been talking and asking questions, but Esocial hadn't heart or understood any of them.

"We're sending police to your location," the lady said as soon as Esocial started to pay attention.

Esocial put the phone back in her pocket without hanging up. She ran up to Endark and asked, "What happened?"

"I have no idea," Endark replied slowly and quietly. "All I know is that I stopped the fire."

When they turned around to look for Rev, he was gone. Esocial heard police sirens from down the street, but at this point she had no idea what they'd tell them. Although there was one thing she knew. They couldn't say the truth.
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Imabench and Wylted walked through the prison cell. It was mostly dark blue and grey colors with secure rooms that had eight inch thick glass for one wall, then titanium on the other walls. It was a stark contrast to the rest of the building, which was simply an average office building one would see while driving down the street.

Wylted and Bench peered into the rooms. They'd just caught the last of three men who'd been part of a massive heist. That warranted prison time at Ripple Water. That1 User, Beginner, and finally Harder Thanyouthink. No one had died during the heist, but they did get away with over 2 million dollars collectively from more than 30 different banks in one day.
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
Jonbonbon
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3/25/2015 8:08:27 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Despite the fact that Imabench wanted to release them just for successfully pulling that off with just the abilities of flight, super speed, and telemechanism. Although it was a great pairing. They did the same thing to every bank and it worked every time. That1 would fly around the room and cause a massive distraction, Harder would shut down the systems and open up the vaults and cash registers with telemechanics, and Beginner would run in and steel everything in seconds.

The only unfortunate part was that Ripple Water, being an actual business that sells security systems to homes and corporations, was able to find them fairly easily. Of course, Ripple Water kept some of the 2 million before giving it back, but not enough that the banks would notice. Instead, they just got praised as a group of heroes.

"Imabench, Wylted," one of the directors said from the door. His name was Airmax if Imabench could remember correctly. "We need you two to go after a guy at a university. Come with me, I'll give you the details."

Imabench walked out of the room with Wylted close behind him. Airmax started talking as they walked to his office, "There was recently a murder at New York University. A pyrokinetic named Rev Nge set a student on fire. They didn't know each other."

"Was it an accident?" Imabench asked. "This is the first time I've heard that name."

"We're not sure," Airmax replied quickly as he opened the door to his office and walked in. "We don't have any reports of him doing anything like this before. Usually these abilities kick in as part of the survival instinct. First, I need you and Wylted to see when his powers manifested. If you can find evidence of his abilities being used before yesterday, and if they have then we're going to have to lock him up on level two at least."

"Even if that is his first time, that still warrants a level three lock up. I mean, he killed a man. He needs to learn."

"You're right," Airmax sifted through some papers as he talked. "Anyway, go get them, and bring them in by tonight."

"Yes, sir," Imabench and Wylted said together as they walked out.

"I got put in level for the same thing," Wylted said in the hall.

Imabench stopped and waited for Wylted to stop too. Imabench stared him in the eyes and said, "The difference is your power. With fire, that's just a one time blast and the guy is dead. There was no intent to murder. There didn't even have to be an intent to harm. Yeah the guy died, but that doesn't mean that we strip the pyrokinetic of his rights. You had a choice when you killed that man. You drained his energy. You watched him fall to the ground, and you just kept sucking up power. It was your hunger to kill that got you in level five."

Wylted just turned and kept walking. He knew just as well as Imabench did that they deserved level five. There were 9 levels to the cells. Imabench liked to compare them to the 9 circles of Hell. Each one was a more intense form of imprisonment. The first one was simply a debriefing on the special's abilities and how to suppress them, and they were given an encouragement to live a normal life. Level nine was conscious stasis. The prisoner was put in a form of stasis that kept their body functioning and fed. They couldn't move or even speak. If they had a power that the company could study and use, then they were kept alive until that goal was met, but if they were worthless, then they were generally just executed via lethal injection. But that was only after at least a week of being in that state. After a week, their minds degraded so far that they weren't considered human anymore. And they called it justice.
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Voice went to knock on Blade's door. The door burst open before he could lay his knuckle down to knock, and Blade appeared at the threshold. He was disheveled and breathing heavily.

"Blade what is it?" Voice put his hands on Blade's shoulders to calm him down. "What's wrong?"

"Someone was in my apartment. They must have drugged me. It was right after I sent you that email, have you gotten that yet?"

"Yeah, I got it two days ago," Voice said calmly. "Blade, what are you going on about?"

"Two days ago? I've been gone for two days? I've missed too much work. I need to go talk to my manager right now."

"You mean someone potentially kidnapped you and you're just gonna go back to work? Listen, Blade. Let's get inside and talk about this. Alright?"

Blade breathed heavily and settled down. "I thought you were the crazy one for a while." Blade chuckled momentarily then continued, "Now listen to me. You're right. I don't even know what I would tell me manager if I haven't even filed a police report. If I filed a police report, I don't know what I would file. That I think someone with red eyes came into my apartment, drugged me then took me away for two days and brought me back? Like he kidnapped me and didn't want me anymore."

Voice pushed Blade into the apartment then closed the door. Maybe I should take him to a hospital. He could be hallucinating, Voice thought to himself.

"Why are you talking like I'm not here?" Blade responded as if Voice had said that outloud.

"I didn't say anything," Voice said slowly. He tried to process how Blade had just responded to his thoughts. Blade looked directly at him, and Voice thought to himself, Can you hear this?

"Yes." Blade's face went pale. Voice felt blood draining from his own face. My cousin was a telepath?

"You're kidding me." Blade stood up and faced Voice directly. They stood about the same height, which always made eye contact like the most direct form of body language between them. And in Blade's eyes, Voice could see some sort of regret but also some joy. "I'm sorry, Voice, I shouldn't have called you an idiot for believing this kind of stuff."

Voice just smiled. That was the second best thing he'd heard all day. The best thing he'd heard was that all of this "crazy talk" he'd been engaging in was perfectly sensible. "So my cousin is a telepath then," Voice said with a smile. "That's pretty cool."
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emma sat on the railing on her back porch and waited for Peters. Emma needed someone to talk to about her new ability, and Peters was the only person she felt could reassure her.

"Hey, Emma," Peters said stepping into the back yard. "You alright?"

"I need you to tell me something," Emma replied softly. She focused on transforming herself, and she became the form of one of the boys in her Algebra II class. No particular reason, just that he was someone that looked nothing like her. She looked Peters in the eye, and with the voice of the boy asked, "Am I still Emma Lynn?"

Peters held her mouth open for a few seconds before answering and said, "Yes, I think so."

Emma quickly changed back into herself and started talking, "I've always believed that a human is just a body. Now I change my entire body. How would I know if my brain is changing too? And if my brain changes, do I lose myself? And if I turn into a boy, am I still really a girl?"

"Emma, you're thinking too hard about it," Peters said stepping closer to Emma. This time she seemed surer about herself. "Turn into someone else."

Emma was confused by that. She didn't see why that would help, and she certainly didn't want to change. "Why? I don't want to. It makes me uncomfortable feeling like I'm in someone else's body."

Peters reassured her and said, "I'm going to prove something to you. Just change."

Emma reluctantly changed into someone else. The pain was almost just a background noise during this change. It seemed the more she changed, the less it hurt. She transformed back into the boy and looked Peters in the eyes.
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
Jonbonbon
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3/25/2015 8:09:32 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
"When you, me, and Mishap were playing in the yard when we were like eight, and you stood on top of this porch and fell?" Peters asked.

"Yes, why wouldn't I?" Emma responded not understanding where Peters was going.

"And when we all went into high school. The day before our first day, what did we all agree with each other?"

"We promised to always be friends," Emma responded slowly, now understanding.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Emma."

Peters smiled and said, "See, it doesn't matter if you look completely different. Nothing has taken away you. You are always going to be Emma."

"Thanks, Peters," Emma said with a smile. They both hugged for a moment then Emma said, "Alright, you need to go back so you can go to sleep for school tomorrow."

"Yeah, you're right. Well, goodnight!" Peters stepped off of the porch and jogged off the yard toward her house. Emma looked at her own and walked to her bedroom. Now that she could sleep with at least a little comfort in her mind.
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
SeventhProfessor
Posts: 5,085
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3/25/2015 8:47:12 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
3/10

-7 for -7th
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
~mysteriouscrystals

"I've honestly never seen seventh post anything that wasn't completely idiotic in a trying-to-be-funny way."
~F-16

https://docs.google.com...
SeventhProfessor
Posts: 5,085
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3/25/2015 8:51:27 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/11/2015 7:24:27 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 3/11/2015 6:52:39 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
ctrl+f "seventh"

0 results

tl;dr

Lol 7th, You'll be in it.

"y u hate meh"
~Rev N. Gee

but srsly good episode
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
~mysteriouscrystals

"I've honestly never seen seventh post anything that wasn't completely idiotic in a trying-to-be-funny way."
~F-16

https://docs.google.com...
Jonbonbon
Posts: 2,757
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3/25/2015 8:56:07 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 8:51:27 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/11/2015 7:24:27 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 3/11/2015 6:52:39 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
ctrl+f "seventh"

0 results

tl;dr

Lol 7th, You'll be in it.

"y u hate meh"
~Rev N. Gee

but srsly good episode

lol thank you 7th

Don't worry about appearing though. I haven't even included everyone who signed up yet, but I have a plan for you. Hopefully you like it :P
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
SeventhProfessor
Posts: 5,085
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3/25/2015 8:57:04 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 8:56:07 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 3/25/2015 8:51:27 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/11/2015 7:24:27 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 3/11/2015 6:52:39 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
ctrl+f "seventh"

0 results

tl;dr

Lol 7th, You'll be in it.

"y u hate meh"
~Rev N. Gee

but srsly good episode

lol thank you 7th

Don't worry about appearing though. I haven't even included everyone who signed up yet, but I have a plan for you. Hopefully you like it :P

yay! lol I didn't even realize there were signups, sorry
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
~mysteriouscrystals

"I've honestly never seen seventh post anything that wasn't completely idiotic in a trying-to-be-funny way."
~F-16

https://docs.google.com...
Jonbonbon
Posts: 2,757
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3/25/2015 8:57:41 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 8:14:29 PM, RevNge wrote:
http://www.hilariousgifs.com...

Lol I'm really tempted to put that in the story now XD
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
Jonbonbon
Posts: 2,757
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3/25/2015 9:00:56 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 8:57:04 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/25/2015 8:56:07 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 3/25/2015 8:51:27 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/11/2015 7:24:27 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 3/11/2015 6:52:39 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
ctrl+f "seventh"

0 results

tl;dr

Lol 7th, You'll be in it.

"y u hate meh"
~Rev N. Gee

but srsly good episode

lol thank you 7th

Don't worry about appearing though. I haven't even included everyone who signed up yet, but I have a plan for you. Hopefully you like it :P

yay! lol I didn't even realize there were signups, sorry

Lol it's okay. Not everyone who's in it signed up. Like Airmax didn't sign up. Something that Heroes did is add like an excessive number of characters to the story, so I'm totally warranted to do that XD
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
SeventhProfessor
Posts: 5,085
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3/25/2015 9:02:30 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 9:00:56 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 3/25/2015 8:57:04 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/25/2015 8:56:07 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 3/25/2015 8:51:27 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/11/2015 7:24:27 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 3/11/2015 6:52:39 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
ctrl+f "seventh"

0 results

tl;dr

Lol 7th, You'll be in it.

"y u hate meh"
~Rev N. Gee

but srsly good episode

lol thank you 7th

Don't worry about appearing though. I haven't even included everyone who signed up yet, but I have a plan for you. Hopefully you like it :P

yay! lol I didn't even realize there were signups, sorry

Lol it's okay. Not everyone who's in it signed up. Like Airmax didn't sign up. Something that Heroes did is add like an excessive number of characters to the story, so I'm totally warranted to do that XD

Kewl. But airmax has a guaranteed spot as either the main antagonist or all knowing gay mentor wizard in all fanfics, so not the best example
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
~mysteriouscrystals

"I've honestly never seen seventh post anything that wasn't completely idiotic in a trying-to-be-funny way."
~F-16

https://docs.google.com...
Jonbonbon
Posts: 2,757
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3/25/2015 9:10:00 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 9:02:30 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/25/2015 9:00:56 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 3/25/2015 8:57:04 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/25/2015 8:56:07 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 3/25/2015 8:51:27 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/11/2015 7:24:27 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
At 3/11/2015 6:52:39 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
ctrl+f "seventh"

0 results

tl;dr

Lol 7th, You'll be in it.

"y u hate meh"
~Rev N. Gee

but srsly good episode

lol thank you 7th

Don't worry about appearing though. I haven't even included everyone who signed up yet, but I have a plan for you. Hopefully you like it :P

yay! lol I didn't even realize there were signups, sorry

Lol it's okay. Not everyone who's in it signed up. Like Airmax didn't sign up. Something that Heroes did is add like an excessive number of characters to the story, so I'm totally warranted to do that XD

Kewl. But airmax has a guaranteed spot as either the main antagonist or all knowing gay mentor wizard in all fanfics, so not the best example

Lol true. Only one I've added in the story so far though :P

http://img.pandawhale.com...
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
RevNge
Posts: 13,835
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3/25/2015 9:20:15 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 8:09:32 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
Two things I'm concerned about in this episode, though: The foremost oddity in the plot is that there seem to be people with superpowers popping up everywhere, which is rather unrealistic, but more importantly, it loses its uniqueness due to its sudden frequency and commonness--unless there is a reason behind this event. The latter, which doesn't take as much priority, is that the episode wasn't given a very satisfying ending--no cliffy, and it didn't really spark curiosity in the reader. Props for character development, but peaceful scenes like that are more suited to serve as the calm before a storm, in a sense. Not exactly the best ending scene. :P

Other than that, I enjoyed it! I wonder why you chose pyrokinesis for me, though. And I'm partially pissed that I didn't get to roast Endark (pun intended).
Jonbonbon
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3/25/2015 9:27:48 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 9:20:15 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 3/25/2015 8:09:32 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
Two things I'm concerned about in this episode, though: The foremost oddity in the plot is that there seem to be people with superpowers popping up everywhere, which is rather unrealistic, but more importantly, it loses its uniqueness due to its sudden frequency and commonness--unless there is a reason behind this event. The latter, which doesn't take as much priority, is that the episode wasn't given a very satisfying ending--no cliffy, and it didn't really spark curiosity in the reader. Props for character development, but peaceful scenes like that are more suited to serve as the calm before a storm, in a sense. Not exactly the best ending scene. :P

Thanks for the critique!

Other than that, I enjoyed it! I wonder why you chose pyrokinesis for me, though. And I'm partially pissed that I didn't get to roast Endark (pun intended).
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
RevNge
Posts: 13,835
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3/25/2015 9:31:16 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 9:27:55 PM, YamaVonKarma wrote:
Gettin' real tired of your sh*t Jon.

It's because you're a bad character m8

But I think that you would have been better for Wylted's character than he is, lol.
YamaVonKarma
Posts: 7,570
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3/25/2015 9:36:01 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 9:31:16 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 3/25/2015 9:27:55 PM, YamaVonKarma wrote:
Gettin' real tired of your sh*t Jon.

It's because you're a bad character m8
Yeah... I would have been too OP.
But I think that you would have been better for Wylted's character than he is, lol.
No sh*t.
People who I've called as mafia DP1:
TUF, and YYW
Jonbonbon
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3/25/2015 11:14:17 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 9:27:55 PM, YamaVonKarma wrote:
Gettin' real tired of your sh*t Jon.

Lol Yama you didn't sign up :P

I might be able to add you as a cameo. Or I could add you as a full fledged character in season 2. Or maybe I'll find a gap and fill it with you. Who knows. I don't even know what exactly is going to happen in the next episode. I just know he direction XD
The Troll Queen.

I'm also the Troll Goddess of Reason. Sacrifices are appreciated but not necessary.

"I'm a vivacious sex fiend," SolonKR.

Go vote on one of my debates. I'm not that smart, so it'll probably be an easy decision.

Fite me m9
Adam_Godzilla
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3/26/2015 2:51:56 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 9:20:15 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 3/25/2015 8:09:32 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
Two things I'm concerned about in this episode, though: The foremost oddity in the plot is that there seem to be people with superpowers popping up everywhere, which is rather unrealistic, but more importantly, it loses its uniqueness due to its sudden frequency and commonness--unless there is a reason behind this event. The latter, which doesn't take as much priority, is that the episode wasn't given a very satisfying ending--no cliffy, and it didn't really spark curiosity in the reader. Props for character development, but peaceful scenes like that are more suited to serve as the calm before a storm, in a sense. Not exactly the best ending scene. :P

Other than that, I enjoyed it! I wonder why you chose pyrokinesis for me, though. And I'm partially pissed that I didn't get to roast Endark (pun intended).

Thanks for giving your feedback Rev! It's really good, detailed and descriptive!
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Adam_Godzilla
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3/26/2015 5:24:38 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/25/2015 9:20:15 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 3/25/2015 8:09:32 PM, Jonbonbon wrote:
Two things I'm concerned about in this episode, though: The foremost oddity in the plot is that there seem to be people with superpowers popping up everywhere, which is rather unrealistic, but more importantly, it loses its uniqueness due to its sudden frequency and commonness--unless there is a reason behind this event. The latter, which doesn't take as much priority, is that the episode wasn't given a very satisfying ending--no cliffy, and it didn't really spark curiosity in the reader. Props for character development, but peaceful scenes like that are more suited to serve as the calm before a storm, in a sense. Not exactly the best ending scene. :P

Other than that, I enjoyed it! I wonder why you chose pyrokinesis for me, though. And I'm partially pissed that I didn't get to roast Endark (pun intended).

Try to balance your critques with positive comments next time. Other than that, great review! I believe the people with powers will be explained soon. And the ending was sweet and nice but I agree that I don't feel there's too much intrigue.
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Adam_Godzilla
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3/26/2015 7:45:35 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
Your writing has significantly improved since the last episode. The dialogues are much much better now. I can read them while knowing who's saying what.

I also really liked the overall consistent pacing with the story. It helped the story progressed and there weren't really any slow or fast scenes. It just flowed continuously.

Also, the character relationships are handled really well. The relationship between Peters and Emma was well done and I could feel their close friendship. I was eager to read more about these two.

I feel however that Mishap is not getting a lot of development in this chapter. But then again, perhaps next chapter she will.

I also liked the relationship between Voice and Blade. I think you can come up with some really hilarious scenes here using the telepathy.

The one thing I would say could have been improved is the description. Such as with Emma's transformation. I would like to envision the physical transitions that take place. At the moment, it's hard to imagine a fluid realistic change and what I get is an image of Emma instantly turning into someone else, skipping over the whole ugly bits.

"Then pain shot through her body. Everything felt like it was falling apart at the seams. She felt herself trembling, and she fell to the ground shortly before the pain subsided. She lay on the ground for what felt like an eternity, but Mishap spoke up to break her from the abyss in her mind. "You look like yourself again," she said with a light and quick tone. "Your whole body just changed back.""

It seems here that even Emma isn't aware of how she transitions. I do like the descriptions of what she feels versus what she is seeing. I can relate to the character better that way.

"Emma reluctantly changed into someone else. The pain was almost just a background noise during this change. It seemed the more she changed, the less it hurt. She transformed back into the boy and looked Peters in the eyes."

At the last sentence, there is a lack of description on exactly how she changes. I felt this broke the pacing a little and was going a little too fast. I noticed however that the transformation is told through her perspective and you do a very good job at writing in perspective I find. So I understand why there was a lack of description although I would have personally liked a little more description.

Other than that, another thing I found really great was the beginning monologue.

"How do we know what is dark and what is light? I look for answers ..."

I felt it was really well done and your prose really shone through here. I think you would do very well writing a story in the first person. It was also thought provoking, deep and powerful.

I also liked the identity crisis you added. Original or not, it was interesting to read about anyway:

"I've always believed that a human is just a body. Now I change my entire body. How would I know if my brain is changing too? And if my brain changes, do I lose myself? And if I turn into a boy, am I still really a girl?"

Overall, a splendid episode that I find was much more exciting and enjoyable than the last. I look forward to the next episode! ^^
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Adam_Godzilla
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3/26/2015 7:48:29 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
I also didn't mind the lack of intrigue at the end. True, there was not much to be tense about, but I still enjoyed the episode and there were enough mysteries around to keep me interested.
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Jonbonbon
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3/26/2015 11:21:20 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/26/2015 7:45:35 AM, Adam_Godzilla wrote:

Thank you for the critiques Adam :)

I'll keep in mind what you say about the showing how things happen (like how emma transforms). I guess I've been waiting for in depth explanations for things until I'm able to actually explain how some of the powers work, but I totally understand what you mean about engaging the reader in the story there.
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DarthKirones
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3/26/2015 11:53:55 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
As a comic-book fanatic, I found this to be quite interesting. One thing that I liked about this episode is what I call the power of hinting. You are hinting many things, such as Rev not being able to control his powers or that the group that Imabench and Wylted work for have a different motive of capturing these super-powered individuals than just helping them. While it's a classic and common writing technique, it is very effective, and you have utilized it perfectly.

I also like that there are in a way three groups involved in the story, the super-powered individuals (Rev, Mishap, Emma), those who want to learn about them (Endark, Esocial) and those who want to stop them (Imabench, Wylted, Airmax.) They each oppose each other and creates necessary conflict. So good job on that.

My criticism is that the action was very confusing and rather anticlimactic.

"a flame blasted from Rev. It shot out mainly at Endark, but it wasn't hitting him. Endark's hand was raised, and the fire was just stopping. The three of them all stopped and seemed to be in a state of shock. "

When writing action scenes, it's important to keep track of who is doing what. It seems odd that the fire would just stop, so when writing action scenes, I highly advise you to establish what is going on.

Those are my thoughts. I hope you continue to write these, since this is really good!

DarthKirones.
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Jonbonbon
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3/26/2015 7:41:35 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 3/26/2015 11:53:55 AM, DarthKirones wrote:
As a comic-book fanatic, I found this to be quite interesting. One thing that I liked about this episode is what I call the power of hinting. You are hinting many things, such as Rev not being able to control his powers or that the group that Imabench and Wylted work for have a different motive of capturing these super-powered individuals than just helping them. While it's a classic and common writing technique, it is very effective, and you have utilized it perfectly.

I also like that there are in a way three groups involved in the story, the super-powered individuals (Rev, Mishap, Emma), those who want to learn about them (Endark, Esocial) and those who want to stop them (Imabench, Wylted, Airmax.) They each oppose each other and creates necessary conflict. So good job on that.

My criticism is that the action was very confusing and rather anticlimactic.

"a flame blasted from Rev. It shot out mainly at Endark, but it wasn't hitting him. Endark's hand was raised, and the fire was just stopping. The three of them all stopped and seemed to be in a state of shock. "

When writing action scenes, it's important to keep track of who is doing what. It seems odd that the fire would just stop, so when writing action scenes, I highly advise you to establish what is going on.

Those are my thoughts. I hope you continue to write these, since this is really good!

DarthKirones.

Thanks for the critique!
The Troll Queen.

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mishapqueen
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3/31/2015 11:30:11 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Point of interest: Emma probably had to shrink to look like me, lol.

I like what you did with Peters' character.
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