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Fan Fic Ch. 3

bsh1
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4/13/2015 6:43:50 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
CHAPTER 3

Alas, leaving the meeting would not be possible. A group of Daytona-Bench sympathizers had been discovered in the provincial capital of Magellan State, Montevideo. There was a concern that other spies, infiltrators, and sleeper cells could be in other municipal or provincial capitals. The real, unspoken, and deepest fear was that the main capital, and, by extension, the central government, had been jeopardized. There was going to be a cabinet reshuffle.

President Blade was declaring a new Domestic Governmental Counterterrorism Bureau (DGCB), and I was to take charge. My mandate was simple: wipe out any dissidents in the government, whether they were sleepers cells sewing revolution and discord or government officials who were in violation of 1717. Find them, put them through brief, rigged trials, and dispose of them in prisons or by firing squad. Efficiency.

President Blade looked me in the eyes and reminded me: "Loyalty is security. Disloyalty is chaos." I nodded.

A few weeks later I moved in to my new office, in a building that used to be high-rise offices but had been commandeered for the purpose of being the DGCB's new headquarters. My staff of clerks, bureaucrats, investigators, and thugs dressed as policemen--or perhaps it was the other way around--had been busy hunting down leads during the time it took for me to shift departments.

Apparently, Rangoon, our frontier-most provincial capital, was laden with criminals and spies. I ordered over a thousand arrests of various government employees, from janitors to the State Minister for Transportation and Infrastructure. The minister turned out to be a nice guy; I found that out when they flew him over for me to meet. I insisted on talking directly to all of the high-level officers I had arrested; if it were reversed, I would have wanted the courtesy of being grilled politely, civilly, rather than in an interrogation room with the thug-police I employed. Unfortunately, the minister had been seen meeting with some men in a disreputable part of town. I asked him who his companions were; he refused to talk to me.

I sighed and offered him some tea. He liked Earl Grey, which was my favorite too. I persisted interrogating him for over three hours, and he never told me what I needed to know. I didn't have much choice. I sent him to be, as my chief secretary called it, "incentivized." I saw him a few days later and he was barely recognizable. His eyes were blue and so puffy that they were sealed shut. His jaw was at a funny angle such that his teeth no longer aligned properly, and his arms were horribly scraped. I asked him who he had been with and if he knew of any other subversives in the government in Southeast Asia State. He said he didn't meet with anyone and that he knew of no subversives. I showed him the pictures. His pixelated face was still clear enough to be obviously his, but his lovers' backs were to the camera.

He still refused to talk.

I ordered that his incentivization continue. A few days later, I got a call. He had died from internal hemorrhaging. I asked if they had gotten any more information from him. They said no. Like a robot, I hung up the phone.

On my way back to my house, I stopped by this restaurant called "The DDO Forum." It was usually a lively place, and a popular spot among the capital's best and brightest. Tonight was no different. I sat down in a corner by myself and ordered, and took in the sites around me. Lee001 was playing darts with Lannan, Bluesteel, and Mikal. Rev was playing the piano...classical really wasn't my thing. I would've preferred some smooth jazz, but the ambiance here really came more from the people and the soft buzz of their conversation than from the music. I saw Endark over in the corner, sipping a beer and waiting for Annie. There were a few people who I couldn't recognize, but that wasn't unusual; it was a busy, vibrant place. I even saw Skep--someone who used to be on my team when the Forum had hosted quiz nights. That seemed like eons ago, now. He was a good guy, and almost always pulled the team through to victory in the end.

I ate my food, contemplating some concerning reports of sleeper cells in Moscow. It was critical that these dissidents be dealt with. The devastation of the war demanded a program to revitalize society, and any attempt to thwart that reform processed posed an existential threat to all of Earth, as well as human culture. I signed some warrants to go and search some buildings and homes in Moscow, and finished my food.

When I looked up, my eyes wandered over to Skep, who had joined the darts game with another guy I didn't know. I saw that the Lannan-Lee-Mikal team, who had been far behind, was pushing hard for a comeback. Part of me felt that this was kind of like Earth, and what the ON had been doing for years: pushing for a rags-to-riches turnabout for humanity. Still, I rooted silently for Skep. Great as he was at quiz night, a darts aficionado he was not, and it would be nice for him to walk away with the win.

His was the last turn, and his throws would determine the victor. I smiled as he threw a winning combination, even if it wasn't a flawless effort. I clapped along with many enthusiasts and spectators in the restaurant, happy to see things turn out as they did. The team hugged and cheered themselves, and I felt a certain inner contentedness. Unlike the beautiful mockery of nature, there was no contradiction in the beauty of moments like this.

I saw them order a celebratory round of drinks for everyone in the Forum. I happily accepted my glass of wine--smooth, not too dry.

I saw Bluesteel search for some more teammates as Skep and his friend made their excuses. I watched Skep walk out, trying to catch his eye and congratulate him. But I stopped. I saw, just for an instant, the unknown man's hand slide down Skep's back.

I finished my wine in silence. I flipped through my paperwork, and pulled out a blank arrest warrant. I stared at it for awhile. My fingers traced the knots of wood on the table, but my eyes were fixed on the form. I heard footsteps nearby, and the soft thrum of animated conversation floating through the room.

The waiter asked if I wanted more wine. I said no.

I got the check and signed it, along with the warrant and put it in the file of documents I would submit in the morning. I congratulated Bluesteel on my way out. Bluesteel asked if I was alright, that I seemed muted. I was fine, I told him. I went home, and I watched TV. All night long. It was a cop-show marathon; the bad guys got away.

I wasn't going to let that show become real-life.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2: http://www.debate.org...
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

Follow the DDOlympics
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ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,373
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4/13/2015 6:59:22 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 6:43:50 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Ctrl + F "Annie"

Smiles

Likes
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
bsh1
Posts: 27,504
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4/13/2015 6:59:50 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 6:59:22 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 4/13/2015 6:43:50 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Ctrl + F "Annie"

Smiles

Likes

Lol :)

So, what did you think of it?
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

Follow the DDOlympics
: http://www.debate.org...

Open Debate Topics Project: http://www.debate.org...
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,373
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4/13/2015 7:05:18 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 6:43:50 PM, bsh1 wrote:
CHAPTER 3

Alas, leaving the meeting would not be possible. A group of Daytona-Bench sympathizers had been discovered in the provincial capital of Magellan State, Montevideo. There was a concern that other spies, infiltrators, and sleeper cells could be in other municipal or provincial capitals.
*gasps*
The real, unspoken, and deepest fear was that the main capital, and, by extension, the central government, had been jeopardized. There was going to be a cabinet reshuffle.

President Blade was declaring a new Domestic Governmental Counterterrorism Bureau (DGCB), and I was to take charge.
kinky
My mandate was simple: wipe out any dissidents in the government, whether they were sleepers cells sewing revolution and discord or government officials who were in violation of 1717. Find them, put them through brief, rigged trials, and dispose of them in prisons or by firing squad. Efficiency.

President Blade looked me in the eyes and reminded me: "Loyalty is security. Disloyalty is chaos." I nodded.

Well then.

A few weeks later I moved in to my new office, in a building that used to be high-rise offices but had been commandeered for the purpose of being the DGCB's new headquarters. My staff of clerks, bureaucrats, investigators, and thugs dressed as policemen--or perhaps it was the other way around--had been busy hunting down leads during the time it took for me to shift departments.

Apparently, Rangoon, our frontier-most provincial capital, was laden with criminals and spies. I ordered over a thousand arrests of various government employees, from janitors to the State Minister for Transportation and Infrastructure. The minister turned out to be a nice guy; I found that out when they flew him over for me to meet.
Oooh la la
I insisted on talking directly to all of the high-level officers I had arrested; if it were reversed, I would have wanted the courtesy of being grilled politely, civilly, rather than in an interrogation room with the thug-police I employed. Unfortunately, the minister had been seen meeting with some men in a disreputable part of town. I asked him who his companions were; he refused to talk to me.
Hmmmm...

I sighed and offered him some tea. He liked Earl Grey, which was my favorite too.
;) Tea sucks... but so do people bb ;)
I persisted interrogating him for over three hours, and he never told me what I needed to know. I didn't have much choice. I sent him to be, as my chief secretary called it, "incentivized."
O_O
I saw him a few days later and he was barely recognizable.
well then...
His eyes were blue and so puffy that they were sealed shut. His jaw was at a funny angle such that his teeth no longer aligned properly, and his arms were horribly scraped. I asked him who he had been with and if he knew of any other subversives in the government in Southeast Asia State.
Your emotive words contradict your actions- do you care, or nah bish?
He said he didn't meet with anyone and that he knew of no subversives. I showed him the pictures. His pixelated face was still clear enough to be obviously his, but his lovers' backs were to the camera.
Hmmm...

He still refused to talk.

I ordered that his incentivization continue. A few days later, I got a call. He had died from internal hemorrhaging. I asked if they had gotten any more information from him. They said no. Like a robot, I hung up the phone.
...
O_O
...
O_O
...

On my way back to my house, I stopped by this restaurant called "The DDO Forum." It was usually a lively place, and a popular spot among the capital's best and brightest. Tonight was no different. I sat down in a corner by myself and ordered, and took in the sites around me.
AWWW :(
Lee001 was playing darts with Lannan, Bluesteel, and Mikal. Rev was playing the piano...classical really wasn't my thing.
WUT
I would've preferred some smooth jazz,
YESH
but the ambiance here really came more from the people and the soft buzz of their conversation than from the music. I saw Endark over in the corner, sipping a beer and waiting for Annie.
Endark doesn't drink... js...
There were a few people who I couldn't recognize, but that wasn't unusual; it was a busy, vibrant place. I even saw Skep--someone who used to be on my team when the Forum had hosted quiz nights. That seemed like eons ago, now. He was a good guy, and almost always pulled the team through to victory in the end.

I ate my food, contemplating some concerning reports of sleeper cells in Moscow. It was critical that these dissidents be dealt with. The devastation of the war demanded a program to revitalize society, and any attempt to thwart that reform processed posed an existential threat to all of Earth, as well as human culture. I signed some warrants to go and search some buildings and homes in Moscow, and finished my food.

When I looked up, my eyes wandered over to Skep, who had joined the darts game with another guy I didn't know. I saw that the Lannan-Lee-Mikal team, who had been far behind, was pushing hard for a comeback. Part of me felt that this was kind of like Earth, and what the ON had been doing for years: pushing for a rags-to-riches turnabout for humanity. Still, I rooted silently for Skep. Great as he was at quiz night, a darts aficionado he was not, and it would be nice for him to walk away with the win.
^_^

His was the last turn, and his throws would determine the victor. I smiled as he threw a winning combination, even if it wasn't a flawless effort. I clapped along with many enthusiasts and spectators in the restaurant, happy to see things turn out as they did. The team hugged and cheered themselves, and I felt a certain inner contentedness. Unlike the beautiful mockery of nature, there was no contradiction in the beauty of moments like this.
SHIP... OR NAH?

I saw them order a celebratory round of drinks for everyone in the Forum. I happily accepted my glass of wine--smooth, not too dry.

I saw Bluesteel search for some more teammates as Skep and his friend made their excuses. I watched Skep walk out, trying to catch his eye and congratulate him. But I stopped. I saw, just for an instant, the unknown man's hand slide down Skep's back.
Awwww :(

I finished my wine in silence. I flipped through my paperwork, and pulled out a blank arrest warrant. I stared at it for awhile. My fingers traced the knots of wood on the table, but my eyes were fixed on the form. I heard footsteps nearby, and the soft thrum of animated conversation floating through the room.
Poor bish

The waiter asked if I wanted more wine. I said no.

I got the check and signed it, along with the warrant and put it in the file of documents I would submit in the morning. I congratulated Bluesteel on my way out. Bluesteel asked if I was alright, that I seemed muted. I was fine, I told him. I went home, and I watched TV. All night long. It was a cop-show marathon; the bad guys got away.
AWWW

I wasn't going to let that show become real-life.
GOOD
YOU GO BRAH

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 2: http://www.debate.org...
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
bsh1
Posts: 27,504
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4/13/2015 7:07:35 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 7:05:18 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 4/13/2015 6:43:50 PM, bsh1 wrote:
His eyes were blue and so puffy that they were sealed shut. His jaw was at a funny angle such that his teeth no longer aligned properly, and his arms were horribly scraped. I asked him who he had been with and if he knew of any other subversives in the government in Southeast Asia State.
Your emotive words contradict your actions- do you care, or nah bish?

Yup. That's intentional.
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

Follow the DDOlympics
: http://www.debate.org...

Open Debate Topics Project: http://www.debate.org...
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,373
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4/13/2015 7:12:57 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 7:07:35 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 7:05:18 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 4/13/2015 6:43:50 PM, bsh1 wrote:
His eyes were blue and so puffy that they were sealed shut. His jaw was at a funny angle such that his teeth no longer aligned properly, and his arms were horribly scraped. I asked him who he had been with and if he knew of any other subversives in the government in Southeast Asia State.
Your emotive words contradict your actions- do you care, or nah bish?

Yup. That's intentional.

...
...
...
I wasn't talking to you O_O
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
bsh1
Posts: 27,504
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4/13/2015 7:13:46 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 7:12:57 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 4/13/2015 7:07:35 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 7:05:18 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 4/13/2015 6:43:50 PM, bsh1 wrote:
His eyes were blue and so puffy that they were sealed shut. His jaw was at a funny angle such that his teeth no longer aligned properly, and his arms were horribly scraped. I asked him who he had been with and if he knew of any other subversives in the government in Southeast Asia State.
Your emotive words contradict your actions- do you care, or nah bish?

Yup. That's intentional.

...
...
...
I wasn't talking to you O_O

Oh...
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

Follow the DDOlympics
: http://www.debate.org...

Open Debate Topics Project: http://www.debate.org...
ESocialBookworm
Posts: 14,373
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4/13/2015 7:15:24 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 7:13:46 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Oh...
Lol

*pokes cheek, giggles and runs off*
Solonkr~
I don't care about whether an ideology is "necessary" or not,
I care about how to solve problems,
which is what everyone else should also care about.

Ken~
In essence, the world is fucked up and you can either ignore it, become cynical or bitter about it.

Me~
"BAILEY + SOLON = SAILEY
MY SHIP SAILEY MUST SAIL"

SCREW THAT SHIZ #BANNIE = BAILEY & ANNIE

P.S. Shipped Sailey before it was cannon bitches.
PetersSmith
Posts: 5,859
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4/13/2015 7:24:59 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 6:43:50 PM, bsh1 wrote:
CHAPTER 3


So...are you going to put a title on this?
Empress of DDO (also Poll and Forum "Maintenance" Moderator)

"The two most important days in your life is the day you were born, and the day you find out why."
~Mark Twain

"Wow"
-Doge

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet just because there's a picture with a quote next to it."
~Abraham Lincoln

Guide to the Polls Section: http://www.debate.org...
bsh1
Posts: 27,504
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4/13/2015 7:28:08 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 7:24:59 PM, PetersSmith wrote:
At 4/13/2015 6:43:50 PM, bsh1 wrote:
CHAPTER 3


So...are you going to put a title on this?

I am thinking: "To See in Greyscale." But, IDK...
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

Follow the DDOlympics
: http://www.debate.org...

Open Debate Topics Project: http://www.debate.org...
bsh1
Posts: 27,504
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4/13/2015 7:28:27 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 7:15:24 PM, ESocialBookworm wrote:
At 4/13/2015 7:13:46 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Oh...
Lol

*pokes cheek, giggles and runs off*

Lol
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

Follow the DDOlympics
: http://www.debate.org...

Open Debate Topics Project: http://www.debate.org...
bsh1
Posts: 27,504
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4/13/2015 9:47:26 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 9:44:52 PM, YYW wrote:
*likes*

Yay :)

Originally, I thought episodes 1-2 would just be exposition. But, I've decided to keep this narrator-like voice intact throughout...Kind of like reading a diary entry or something.
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

Follow the DDOlympics
: http://www.debate.org...

Open Debate Topics Project: http://www.debate.org...
YYW
Posts: 36,391
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4/13/2015 9:48:21 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 9:47:26 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:44:52 PM, YYW wrote:
*likes*

Yay :)

Originally, I thought episodes 1-2 would just be exposition. But, I've decided to keep this narrator-like voice intact throughout...Kind of like reading a diary entry or something.

I'll look forward to what you continue to write :)
Tsar of DDO
bsh1
Posts: 27,504
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4/13/2015 9:49:05 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 9:48:21 PM, YYW wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:47:26 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:44:52 PM, YYW wrote:
*likes*

Yay :)

Originally, I thought episodes 1-2 would just be exposition. But, I've decided to keep this narrator-like voice intact throughout...Kind of like reading a diary entry or something.

I'll look forward to what you continue to write :)

Thanks :)

What do you think of how it's going? I know it's been a long while since I updated the story, though...lol.
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

Follow the DDOlympics
: http://www.debate.org...

Open Debate Topics Project: http://www.debate.org...
YYW
Posts: 36,391
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4/13/2015 9:50:06 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 9:49:05 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:48:21 PM, YYW wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:47:26 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:44:52 PM, YYW wrote:
*likes*

Yay :)

Originally, I thought episodes 1-2 would just be exposition. But, I've decided to keep this narrator-like voice intact throughout...Kind of like reading a diary entry or something.

I'll look forward to what you continue to write :)

Thanks :)

What do you think of how it's going? I know it's been a long while since I updated the story, though...lol.

I like it, and I like the way you're writing it... I don't really recall the previous chapters, though.
Tsar of DDO
bsh1
Posts: 27,504
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4/13/2015 9:51:19 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 9:50:06 PM, YYW wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:49:05 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:48:21 PM, YYW wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:47:26 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:44:52 PM, YYW wrote:
*likes*

Yay :)

Originally, I thought episodes 1-2 would just be exposition. But, I've decided to keep this narrator-like voice intact throughout...Kind of like reading a diary entry or something.

I'll look forward to what you continue to write :)

Thanks :)

What do you think of how it's going? I know it's been a long while since I updated the story, though...lol.

I like it, and I like the way you're writing it... I don't really recall the previous chapters, though.

I feel like this is more Classic American-style literature than what I normally do.
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

Follow the DDOlympics
: http://www.debate.org...

Open Debate Topics Project: http://www.debate.org...
YYW
Posts: 36,391
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4/13/2015 9:52:16 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 9:51:19 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:50:06 PM, YYW wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:49:05 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:48:21 PM, YYW wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:47:26 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:44:52 PM, YYW wrote:
*likes*

Yay :)

Originally, I thought episodes 1-2 would just be exposition. But, I've decided to keep this narrator-like voice intact throughout...Kind of like reading a diary entry or something.

I'll look forward to what you continue to write :)

Thanks :)

What do you think of how it's going? I know it's been a long while since I updated the story, though...lol.

I like it, and I like the way you're writing it... I don't really recall the previous chapters, though.

I feel like this is more Classic American-style literature than what I normally do.

lol I haven't really read a lot of classic american lit...
Tsar of DDO
bsh1
Posts: 27,504
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4/13/2015 9:52:58 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 9:52:16 PM, YYW wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:51:19 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:50:06 PM, YYW wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:49:05 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:48:21 PM, YYW wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:47:26 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/13/2015 9:44:52 PM, YYW wrote:
*likes*

Yay :)

Originally, I thought episodes 1-2 would just be exposition. But, I've decided to keep this narrator-like voice intact throughout...Kind of like reading a diary entry or something.

I'll look forward to what you continue to write :)

Thanks :)

What do you think of how it's going? I know it's been a long while since I updated the story, though...lol.

I like it, and I like the way you're writing it... I don't really recall the previous chapters, though.

I feel like this is more Classic American-style literature than what I normally do.

lol I haven't really read a lot of classic american lit...

Neither have I. It's gross. Pride and Prejudice all the way...
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

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bsh1
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4/18/2015 10:54:31 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Gonna try to have Ch. 4 out tomorrow...we'll see if that happens...
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

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RevNge
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4/18/2015 10:56:59 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/18/2015 10:54:31 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Gonna try to have Ch. 4 out tomorrow...we'll see if that happens...

When is le fanfic competition end D:>

I really like this fanfic, btw, aside from the fact that the chapter seems a bit too short and there's no title. .-.
bsh1
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4/18/2015 11:00:11 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/18/2015 10:56:59 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/18/2015 10:54:31 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Gonna try to have Ch. 4 out tomorrow...we'll see if that happens...

When is le fanfic competition end D:>

When the judging concludes, ofc.

I really like this fanfic, btw

Thanks :)

aside from the fact that the chapter seems a bit too short and there's no title. .-.

-_-

I don't think brevity is a fault, if the brevity has a purpose. Though, it is a rare moment when I am accused of being concise.

The title is a work in progress...But I *am* working on one.
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

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: http://www.debate.org...

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RevNge
Posts: 13,835
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4/18/2015 11:01:53 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/18/2015 11:00:11 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/18/2015 10:56:59 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/18/2015 10:54:31 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Gonna try to have Ch. 4 out tomorrow...we'll see if that happens...

When is le fanfic competition end D:>

When the judging concludes, ofc.

When do you think that will be? D:>
I really like this fanfic, btw

Thanks :)

aside from the fact that the chapter seems a bit too short and there's no title. .-.

-_-

O.o
I don't think brevity is a fault, if the brevity has a purpose. Though, it is a rare moment when I am accused of being concise.

No, it's just that I can't detect any significant plot development in this chapter; mostly filler, albeit it's entertaining imagery.
The title is a work in progress...But I *am* working on one.

Just name it after your main character like I did. ;D
RevNge
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4/18/2015 11:07:28 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/13/2015 6:43:50 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Rev was playing the piano...classical really wasn't my thing. I would've preferred some smooth jazz, but the ambiance here really came more from the people and the soft buzz of their conversation than from the music.

I can play jazz too, you know... D:>
RevNge
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4/18/2015 11:07:45 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/18/2015 11:07:28 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/13/2015 6:43:50 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Rev was playing the piano...classical really wasn't my thing. I would've preferred some smooth jazz, but the ambiance here really came more from the people and the soft buzz of their conversation than from the music.

I can play jazz too, you know... D:>

Fix'd
bsh1
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4/18/2015 11:09:57 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/18/2015 11:01:53 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/18/2015 11:00:11 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 4/18/2015 10:56:59 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/18/2015 10:54:31 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Gonna try to have Ch. 4 out tomorrow...we'll see if that happens...

When is le fanfic competition end D:>

When the judging concludes, ofc.

When do you think that will be? D:>

IDK...Shouldn't be too, too much longer. Definitely by next weekend. But, you cannot rush this process too much.

I don't think brevity is a fault, if the brevity has a purpose. Though, it is a rare moment when I am accused of being concise.

No, it's just that I can't detect any significant plot development in this chapter; mostly filler, albeit it's entertaining imagery.

*cue lecture on plot development*

It is a common misconception that plot development must occur in terms of "plot twists and resolutions." By this, I mean the idea that plot development is often seen as the generating of an ever-more-complex set of subplots in true Game of Thrones style, and then, conversely, resolving those plots. There is also a common misconception that non-expository writing or action-based exposition is necessary to develop the plot.

All of those conceptions are 100% wrong. A plot is simply that arc of a story. And, in a story like the one I am writing, merely recounting the actions the character is taking, which in turn give insight into his psychological state, develop the plot by setting up future events and giving insight into the character himself. It also interjects moral questions for the reader to ponder.

I would also totally reject the notion that a plot is necessary for a story. That's what every high school English teacher tells us, but it's just wrong. Plots are not actually necessary to compile a compelling or meaningful narrative. In this case, a story should not be judged by its plot development, but rather by the message it conveys and how effectively it conveys it.

/rant

The title is a work in progress...But I *am* working on one.

Just name it after your main character like I did. ;D

Ummm...to obvious. Sorry ;)
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

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bsh1
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4/19/2015 11:01:14 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Guess this is going up tomorrow...
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

Follow the DDOlympics
: http://www.debate.org...

Open Debate Topics Project: http://www.debate.org...