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Epic Rap Battles of History

ford_prefect
Posts: 4,139
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6/21/2015 8:35:15 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
I'm a pretty big fan of this youtube channel. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and get it done, because you're missing out. Anyway, I wanted to say who won each battle, and also highlight the best line from each one. This is all subjective of course, so feel free to chime in with your opinions, whether you agree or disagree.

Season 1

John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly
Winner: Bill O'Reilly
Coldest Line: Between you and me there's no comparison, I'll beat you so bad you'll weep gently like George Harrison.
Comments: Overall not a great battle, but it's early on in their career so it gets a pass.

Darth Vader vs Adolf Hitler
Winner: Hitler
Coldest Line: You stink Vader, your style smells something sour, You need to wash up dog, here step in my shower.
Comments: Great battle, especially considering it's in Season 1. It's one of the few from that season that has aged well, compared to their more recent work.

Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris
Winner: Abe Lincoln
Coldest Line: I've read up on your facts, you cure cancer with your tears, well tell me Chuck, how come you never sat down and cried on your career?
Comments: Chuck vastly underwhelmed in this battle, but he gave one great line at the end, "You may have freed the slaves but Chuck is everyone's master!" Solid showing by Abe.

Sarah Palin vs Lady Gaga
Winner: Lady Gaga, I guess?
Coldest Line: Governor of Alaska? That's like the principal of a home school.
Comments: In the running for one of the worst battles ever. Gaga wins by default even though she didn't land any big hits, because Palin managed to do even worse.

Hulk Hogan & Macho Man vs Kim Jong Il
Winner: Hulk and Macho
Coldest Line: You got a ringside seat to your own smackdown brother! You look like Sonic the Hedgehog's mother!
Comments: Kim didn't really get a lot of time compared to the wrestlers. They didn't particularly have better lines than him, they just had more of them. I did love "I'm gonna bounce ya like a check for my alimony!"

Justin Bieber vs Beethoven
Winner: Beethoven
Coldest LIne: There's a crowd of millions waiting to hear my symphonies, you wanna be a little white Usher? Here, show em to their seats!"
Comments: The first real beat down, so far. Beethoven just absolutely brutalized Bieber, who only landed a few good lines. Beethoven was pretty much flawless from start to finish.

Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking
Winner: Narrowly Einstein.
Coldest Line: Tie between "I'm the giant whose shoulders you'd have stood on, if you could stand. I'll give you a brief history of pain with the back of my hand!" and "There are 10 million million... particles in the universe that we can observe, your momma took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd."
Comments: There were at least 10 great lines in this one, so it's definitely the best matchup of season 1. Really no wrong answer when picking who won, I could easily have gone with Hawking instead.

Genghis Khan vs Easter Bunny
Winner: Khan
Coldest Line: "Easter my a$$, you're not in the Bible! You're a fluffy b!tch mascot for Hallmark in denial!"
Comments: Not much to see here folks. Khan didn't even have to break a sweat here, as some of the Bunny's lines were actually complimentary to Genghis.

Bonaparte vs Dynamite
Winner: Dynamite
Coldest Line: I'll whip you so bad, they'll make a virgin merengue. You're the only type of dynamite that's never going to bang!"
Comments: The rare battle where the coldest line didn't come from the winner. Dynamite just kept consistently giving good lines, Bonaparte was hit or miss even though he did finish well. Another close matchup, but not nearly as good as Einstein vs Hawking

Billy Mays (& Vince Offer) vs Ben Franklin
Winner: Franklin
Coldest Line: "I'll craft a lyrical coffin and then spit the nails in, call me Arthur Miller son, cause it's Death of a Salesman!"
Comments: The Arthur Miller line is one of my all time favorites. Vince came in and did some good work at the end, but he wasn't enough to pull out the win against a very tough Franklin.

Gandalf vs Dumbledore
Winner: Dumbledore by a narrow margin
Coldest Line: "Your a$$ is like Gringotts, everyone makes a deposit. We all know you've more than a boggart in your closet."
Comments: Even though Gandalf had very good lines, Dumbledore did a good job of specifically countering them, which gives you lots of points in my book. So Dumbledore wins but it's another good, close battle.

Dr. Seuss vs William Shakespeare
Winner: Dr. Seuss
Coldest Line: "You bore people to death, you leave a classroom looking like the end of Macbeth!"
Comments: The first half of this battle was decent, but I didn't like the second half at all. Shakespeare just raps super quick but doesn't land anything substantial, while things 1 and 2 are just plain annoying. I gave it to Dr. Seuss mainly for the Cat in the Hat's solid lines.

Mr T. vs Mr. Rogers
Winner: Mr. Rogers
Coldest Line: "I pity your neck Mr. Gold Chains, you've got too many. The only gold I keep is on the shelf, in my Emmys."
Comments: Mr. T put up a valiant fight, but Mr. Rogers was just too much for him. The ending with "Chop you into four black dudes and I'll remake Cool Runnings" sealed the deal. Quality battle.

Christopher Columbus vs Captain James T Kirk
Winner: Columbus
Coldest Line: "I've got a neck chop for Spock, I'll put my sword through Sulu, check into a Priceline hotel and watch your fat a$$ on Hulu"
Comments: Kirk had a few decent lines, but Columbus was consistently better. Middle of the road battle for season 1.

NicePeter vs EpicLloyd
Winner: Tie
Coldest Line: "You should start leaving, look, you're hairline's already retreating"
Comments: They didn't pull any punches here, and both guys were going hard at each other. A very even battle, to the extent that I can't pick a winner.
PatriotPerson
Posts: 1,062
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6/21/2015 11:58:35 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 6/21/2015 8:35:15 PM, ford_prefect wrote:
I'm a pretty big fan of this youtube channel. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and get it done, because you're missing out. Anyway, I wanted to say who won each battle, and also highlight the best line from each one. This is all subjective of course, so feel free to chime in with your opinions, whether you agree or disagree.

Season 1

John Lennon vs Bill O'Reilly
Winner: Bill O'Reilly
Coldest Line: Between you and me there's no comparison, I'll beat you so bad you'll weep gently like George Harrison.
Comments: Overall not a great battle, but it's early on in their career so it gets a pass.

Darth Vader vs Adolf Hitler
Winner: Hitler
Coldest Line: You stink Vader, your style smells something sour, You need to wash up dog, here step in my shower.
Comments: Great battle, especially considering it's in Season 1. It's one of the few from that season that has aged well, compared to their more recent work.

Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris
Winner: Abe Lincoln
Coldest Line: I've read up on your facts, you cure cancer with your tears, well tell me Chuck, how come you never sat down and cried on your career?
Comments: Chuck vastly underwhelmed in this battle, but he gave one great line at the end, "You may have freed the slaves but Chuck is everyone's master!" Solid showing by Abe.

Sarah Palin vs Lady Gaga
Winner: Lady Gaga, I guess?
Coldest Line: Governor of Alaska? That's like the principal of a home school.
Comments: In the running for one of the worst battles ever. Gaga wins by default even though she didn't land any big hits, because Palin managed to do even worse.

Hulk Hogan & Macho Man vs Kim Jong Il
Winner: Hulk and Macho
Coldest Line: You got a ringside seat to your own smackdown brother! You look like Sonic the Hedgehog's mother!
Comments: Kim didn't really get a lot of time compared to the wrestlers. They didn't particularly have better lines than him, they just had more of them. I did love "I'm gonna bounce ya like a check for my alimony!"

Justin Bieber vs Beethoven
Winner: Beethoven
Coldest LIne: There's a crowd of millions waiting to hear my symphonies, you wanna be a little white Usher? Here, show em to their seats!"
Comments: The first real beat down, so far. Beethoven just absolutely brutalized Bieber, who only landed a few good lines. Beethoven was pretty much flawless from start to finish.

Albert Einstein vs Stephen Hawking
Winner: Narrowly Einstein.
Coldest Line: Tie between "I'm the giant whose shoulders you'd have stood on, if you could stand. I'll give you a brief history of pain with the back of my hand!" and "There are 10 million million... particles in the universe that we can observe, your momma took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd."
Comments: There were at least 10 great lines in this one, so it's definitely the best matchup of season 1. Really no wrong answer when picking who won, I could easily have gone with Hawking instead.

Genghis Khan vs Easter Bunny
Winner: Khan
Coldest Line: "Easter my a$$, you're not in the Bible! You're a fluffy b!tch mascot for Hallmark in denial!"
Comments: Not much to see here folks. Khan didn't even have to break a sweat here, as some of the Bunny's lines were actually complimentary to Genghis.

Bonaparte vs Dynamite
Winner: Dynamite
Coldest Line: I'll whip you so bad, they'll make a virgin merengue. You're the only type of dynamite that's never going to bang!"
Comments: The rare battle where the coldest line didn't come from the winner. Dynamite just kept consistently giving good lines, Bonaparte was hit or miss even though he did finish well. Another close matchup, but not nearly as good as Einstein vs Hawking

Billy Mays (& Vince Offer) vs Ben Franklin
Winner: Franklin
Coldest Line: "I'll craft a lyrical coffin and then spit the nails in, call me Arthur Miller son, cause it's Death of a Salesman!"
Comments: The Arthur Miller line is one of my all time favorites. Vince came in and did some good work at the end, but he wasn't enough to pull out the win against a very tough Franklin.

Gandalf vs Dumbledore
Winner: Dumbledore by a narrow margin
Coldest Line: "Your a$$ is like Gringotts, everyone makes a deposit. We all know you've more than a boggart in your closet."
Comments: Even though Gandalf had very good lines, Dumbledore did a good job of specifically countering them, which gives you lots of points in my book. So Dumbledore wins but it's another good, close battle.

Dr. Seuss vs William Shakespeare
Winner: Dr. Seuss
Coldest Line: "You bore people to death, you leave a classroom looking like the end of Macbeth!"
Comments: The first half of this battle was decent, but I didn't like the second half at all. Shakespeare just raps super quick but doesn't land anything substantial, while things 1 and 2 are just plain annoying. I gave it to Dr. Seuss mainly for the Cat in the Hat's solid lines.

Mr T. vs Mr. Rogers
Winner: Mr. Rogers
Coldest Line: "I pity your neck Mr. Gold Chains, you've got too many. The only gold I keep is on the shelf, in my Emmys."
Comments: Mr. T put up a valiant fight, but Mr. Rogers was just too much for him. The ending with "Chop you into four black dudes and I'll remake Cool Runnings" sealed the deal. Quality battle.

Christopher Columbus vs Captain James T Kirk
Winner: Columbus
Coldest Line: "I've got a neck chop for Spock, I'll put my sword through Sulu, check into a Priceline hotel and watch your fat a$$ on Hulu"
Comments: Kirk had a few decent lines, but Columbus was consistently better. Middle of the road battle for season 1.

NicePeter vs EpicLloyd
Winner: Tie
Coldest Line: "You should start leaving, look, you're hairline's already retreating"
Comments: They didn't pull any punches here, and both guys were going hard at each other. A very even battle, to the extent that I can't pick a winner.

Where's Barack Obama vs. Mitt Romney? If Lincoln's cameo counts, he totally crushed both of them. But if we're limiting it between Obama and Romney, I'd say Romney won.
"Victory has a thousand fathers, but defeat is an orphan" -JFK
"You all stink like poo poo" - Rich Davis
"That idea may just be crazy enough... TO GET US ALL KILLED!" -Squidward Tentacles
"My heart is always breaking for the ghosts that haunt this room." -Nate Ruess
ford_prefect
Posts: 4,139
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6/22/2015 5:27:59 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 6/21/2015 11:58:35 PM, PatriotPerson wrote:
Where's Barack Obama vs. Mitt Romney? If Lincoln's cameo counts, he totally crushed both of them. But if we're limiting it between Obama and Romney, I'd say Romney won.

Obama vs Romney is in Season 2. I plan on doing Season 2 soon. I do agree that Lincoln crushed both, apparently he's quite the battle rapper!
PatriotPerson
Posts: 1,062
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6/22/2015 10:41:13 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 6/22/2015 5:27:59 PM, ford_prefect wrote:
At 6/21/2015 11:58:35 PM, PatriotPerson wrote:
Where's Barack Obama vs. Mitt Romney? If Lincoln's cameo counts, he totally crushed both of them. But if we're limiting it between Obama and Romney, I'd say Romney won.

Obama vs Romney is in Season 2. I plan on doing Season 2 soon. I do agree that Lincoln crushed both, apparently he's quite the battle rapper!

Oh my apologies, didn't realize this was only over Season 1.
"Victory has a thousand fathers, but defeat is an orphan" -JFK
"You all stink like poo poo" - Rich Davis
"That idea may just be crazy enough... TO GET US ALL KILLED!" -Squidward Tentacles
"My heart is always breaking for the ghosts that haunt this room." -Nate Ruess