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DDO in spaaaaace sexyy new fan fic. Episode1

Jedi4
Posts: 330
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9/27/2015 10:13:04 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
DDO in spaaaaace

It was a dark and stormy night, somewhere but not here because in space theres no weather except those weird azz plasma storms and asteroids. It's cold too. All the f*cking time.

"Why the heell did we want to go to space? Its cold as helll" Bsh1 asked. I replied

"Because you're human and you're really curious. Both in an exploratory sense and a sexual sense."

"Your people made it to space before us."

"Yeah, but that's because we were bored. Looking just like humans except with an extra finger does that to you"

"Whatever, Captain. Any orders from Admiral Airmax?"

"Yep, we have to...." just then a huge azz starship came out of warp or hyperspace, let's go with hyperspace. It had wicked flames on the sides.

"We're being hailed, sir." Bsh1 said in a nervous voice.

"Do we answer right away? Or is it like that thing where we don't text a girl right away because you seem needy?"

"I already answered it Captian."

Wylted was on screen and called out "Wait, you're not suppose to text them right away?"

"No bro, they get the space willies if you seem needy." I advised

Wylted replied "sh1t, now Im pissed. No matter, I was ordered to kill you by the antagonists."

"Awwwww sh1t, Bsh get us defence screens and arm weapons and, why the f*ck do I have to say this? Shouldn't you already know to do this if the situation gets tense?"

"It's protocol, sir. But Ive raised weapons and armed shields"

"NO BSH! ITS SUPPOSE TO BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND!"

Wylted fires and disabled the ship.

"Well this is it Bsh, it was a pleasure to serve with you, in more ways than one!"

Bsh a little creeped out said "They are bording us."

"Hot"

Wylted and his XO Mikal came up to the bridge.

"His excellencey lord king prince imabench of all rhelms has sentenced both the captian and the XO of this vessel to death by rape".

I smerked. "Go right ahead, motherF*cker"

Mikal unbuttned his pants and headed to bsh. Wyled came towards me.

"It is time Jedi4" He proclaimed in a devious voice.

I looked at chief of security Jonbonbon and nodded, she threw me my future space sword. Its similar to a regular sword but cooler. Its made of glowing metal or some sh1t.

I tried to strike at Wylteds penis, but he blocked the attack with his prosthetic arm. Wylted has a prosthetic arm like one eyed willy from Metal Gear solid V the phantom pain.

He grabbed the sword, but I kicked him in the chest to knock it out of his hand. With a swift half turn I aimed for his head. Wylted raised his arm up to protect his head which is when I changed to aim right at the tip of his other head. It was a clean slice. There was no more head on it. It bled and wylted screamed.

While this was happening, Bsh1 took out his throwing knives and threw one right in Mikals upper thigh. Jonbonbon came around and did a swift roundhouse kick right in his head (the top head). Bsh1 took out a cigarette it was a future ciggie making it healthy. He took a puff and said "Thats how we do it in the USS DDO, b1tch."
Wylted hobbling around pants around his ankles activated a transporter thingy and got back to his ship.

"Lt, BonBon, take Mikal to the Brig, Bsh1, do the tactical stuff correctly".

Bsh1 armed weapons and fired.

"Direct hit" some redshirt said

"Hes fleeing"

I took a deep breath and gave the command to Helmsman Esocialbookwork to take us into the sci-fi nebula .

-------------
I went to the bar sipping space wine when my cheif engeineer donald.keller sat next to me.

"So, cut off a guy's d1ck eh?"

"It was only the head"

"Still, that's something. Anyway engines, warp drive space words sci-fi babble are all repaired"

"Cool story bro"

I received a transmisison from Bsh

"Sir, Admiral Latham is on the talking box"

"I'll be right there" I arose and headed to my quarters
----------------------------------
I saw Admiral Latham's face on the screen. I scared him
"woah, ahhh CUT MINIMUM WAGE!" He screemed
"Sir, it's just me"
"Ohhh" Sighed Latham "report."
"We were attacked by a man who called himself "Wylted" he claims to have been sent by Imabench.
"Oh damn. Bench use to be an admiral. Highly respected here in Juggle, until he decided to concede to the Troll"
Oh yes the troll. The troll was a religion, it was a way of life. To accept it is to accept pleasure whatever the cost.
Roy continued "They are doing this to expand their territory for more pleasure. We believe in the planet miggyshmug they have some sort of plan. Go there meet with our contact and stop it, Roy out"

"Umm sir?
"What? Why am I still on the screen?"
"You have to press the button, to end the transmission"
"Oh" roy pressed it and he was gone

-------------
On the planet miggyshmug.

I went down there with Keller, Bsh, and bonbon. We met in a shaddy looking shuttle craft dealership.

The contact was Birdlandmemeories from Juggle intelligence.

"OKay guys look" Birdland said in a shiftily tone. "Those guys, the trolls there makin, awwww man guys! Theyre making a bioweapon that makes you poop out your intestines. Slow and painful death."

"Who's leading the operation" asked bonbon.

"Some indian hotshot by the name of tejretics. He bought the worlds largest condom distributor and thats how they are going to transmit the virus. It is implanted within the condom fibers."

"No, people think they are going to get f*cked, but instead they get f*cked" See what I did there guys? Two meanings of the word f*cked, ayyy lmao!
Nobody laughed, but then I pulled rank then everybody laughed.

I went on with it "We need to find a way into the condom factory."
Bsh1 spoke up "I have an idea. I have purchaced so many condoms from this facility that they have offered me a tour of it!."

"Bsh1, you horney ole bastaard we have our way in! well scout it then blow it up with space bombs"

To be continued or not. I don't know.
n7
Posts: 1,356
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9/27/2015 10:56:36 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Wtf....
404 coherent debate topic not found. Please restart the debate with clear resolution.


Uphold Marxist-Leninist-Maoist-Sargonist-n7ism.
bsh1
Posts: 27,503
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9/27/2015 11:08:39 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/27/2015 10:56:36 PM, n7 wrote:
Wtf....
Live Long and Prosper

I'm a Bish.


"Twilight isn't just about obtuse metaphors between cannibalism and premarital sex, it also teaches us the futility of hope." - Raisor

"[Bsh1] is the Guinan of DDO." - ButterCatX

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ButterCatX
Posts: 2,228
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9/29/2015 7:34:31 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/27/2015 11:08:39 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 9/27/2015 10:56:36 PM, n7 wrote:
Wtf....

Why wasn't I the most sexy and magnificent cat on DDO in this?
I bet fanfics are already being posted on random blogs about us.-Vaarka

Butters preformed his duty to the town and died with honor, he helped us kill scum, so we know have to go and make sure his death wasn't in vain and win this game for him.-lannan13

All hail the great and mighty Butters, who died for our inactive cause.-Vaarka

fuckith offith, lol.-Ore(talking to me)

And guess what happened to FT? He got raped to death.-Xlav

You are so obviously town I love you man.-VOT
n7
Posts: 1,356
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9/30/2015 3:46:32 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/29/2015 7:34:31 PM, ButterCatX wrote:
At 9/27/2015 11:08:39 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 9/27/2015 10:56:36 PM, n7 wrote:
Wtf....

Why wasn't I the most sexy and magnificent cat on DDO in this?

You might be with Wylted's crew.
404 coherent debate topic not found. Please restart the debate with clear resolution.


Uphold Marxist-Leninist-Maoist-Sargonist-n7ism.
Skepsikyma
Posts: 8,280
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9/30/2015 4:06:03 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/27/2015 10:13:04 PM, Jedi4 wrote:

I saw Admiral Latham's face on the screen. I scared him
"woah, ahhh CUT MINIMUM WAGE!" He screemed
"Sir, it's just me"
"Ohhh" Sighed Latham "report."

Lol, I died.
"The Collectivist experiment is thoroughly suited (in appearance at least) to the Capitalist society which it proposes to replace. It works with the existing machinery of Capitalism, talks and thinks in the existing terms of Capitalism, appeals to just those appetites which Capitalism has aroused, and ridicules as fantastic and unheard-of just those things in society the memory of which Capitalism has killed among men wherever the blight of it has spread."
- Hilaire Belloc -
ButterCatX
Posts: 2,228
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9/30/2015 11:17:20 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/30/2015 3:46:32 AM, n7 wrote:
At 9/29/2015 7:34:31 PM, ButterCatX wrote:
At 9/27/2015 11:08:39 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 9/27/2015 10:56:36 PM, n7 wrote:
Wtf....

Why wasn't I the most sexy and magnificent cat on DDO in this?

You might be with Wylted's crew.

I want to be with bench's crewit is so much cooler I presume.
I bet fanfics are already being posted on random blogs about us.-Vaarka

Butters preformed his duty to the town and died with honor, he helped us kill scum, so we know have to go and make sure his death wasn't in vain and win this game for him.-lannan13

All hail the great and mighty Butters, who died for our inactive cause.-Vaarka

fuckith offith, lol.-Ore(talking to me)

And guess what happened to FT? He got raped to death.-Xlav

You are so obviously town I love you man.-VOT
Jedi4
Posts: 330
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10/1/2015 9:23:00 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/30/2015 4:06:03 AM, Skepsikyma wrote:
At 9/27/2015 10:13:04 PM, Jedi4 wrote:

I saw Admiral Latham's face on the screen. I scared him
"woah, ahhh CUT MINIMUM WAGE!" He screemed
"Sir, it's just me"
"Ohhh" Sighed Latham "report."

Lol, I died.

I imagine thats what its like talking to him
Jedi4
Posts: 330
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10/1/2015 9:23:30 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/27/2015 11:08:39 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 9/27/2015 10:56:36 PM, n7 wrote:
Wtf....

Is this a good wtf or a bad wtf?

Did u like it XO?
MisterMittens
Posts: 3,660
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10/2/2015 7:02:29 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/27/2015 10:13:04 PM, Jedi4 wrote:
DDO in spaaaaace
Why am I not in this?
I'm handsome. Whoever disagrees with me can go die in a deep, dark hole.
SeventhProfessor
Posts: 5,080
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9/18/2016 7:13:03 PM
Posted: 2 months ago
I demand this series be revived
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
~mysteriouscrystals

"I've honestly never seen seventh post anything that wasn't completely idiotic in a trying-to-be-funny way."
~F-16

https://docs.google.com...
The-Voice-of-Truth
Posts: 6,542
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9/18/2016 7:25:13 PM
Posted: 2 months ago
Why did I not know that this existed until now?
Suh dude

"Because we all know who the most important snowflake in the wasteland is... It's YOU, champ! You're a special snowflake." -Vaarka, 01:30 in the hangouts

"Screw laying siege to Korea. That usually takes an hour or so." -Vaarka

"Crap, what is my religion again?" -Vaarka

I'm Rick Harrison and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my old man and my son, Big Hoss, and in 23 years I've learned one thing. You never know what is gonna come through that door.