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The Official Sick Jokes Thread

MouthWash
Posts: 2,607
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7/10/2012 1:14:06 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
I've made this thread for the purpose of the posting any sort of joke that could be considered unsavory, bigoted, or in some cases, downright sick. If you think you might be offended at anything someone might post here (pedophilia, bestiality, or dead baby jokes), I would seriously advise you not to read any further, and by doing so you automatically agree to waive any right to complain. I would also encourage people posting here to use common sense and not get too carried away.

Here are some of my favorites:

What's the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?
Santa goes down the chimney.

What do you do to a deaf, dumb, and blind girl after you rape her?
Break her fingers so she can't tell anyone.

What's the worst thing about screwing a five year-old?
Getting the blood out of the clown suit.

What do a tightrope walker and a young man getting head off his granny have in common?
Neither look down.

How can you fit 100 Jews in a Volkswagon?
Two in the front seats, two in the back seats and rest in the ashtray.

Why don't Mexicans and black people marry?
They're afraid their kids will be too lazy to steal.

Why can't you fool the aborted baby?
Because it wasn't born yesterday.

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Punch her.

What's worse than the Holocaust?
6 million Jews.

What's the difference between an aborted fetus and my girlfriend?
I don't kiss my girlfriend when I'm done having sex with her.

What does a black kid get for christmas?
Your bike.

What do you call the useless skin around the vagina?
The woman.

What do you call a white man in a courtroom?
Your honor.

What do you call a black man in a courtroom?
Guilty.

What's gray and white and black and looks good on a cop?
The World Trade Center.

What do you say when you see your TV floating across the room in the middle of the night?
Drop it, n****r.

Why do Jewish women like their men circumcised?
They always want 20% off something.

That's all for now. Have fun, kiddies!
"Well, that gives whole new meaning to my assassination. If I was going to die anyway, perhaps I should leave the Bolsheviks' descendants some Christmas cookies instead of breaking their dishes and vodka bottles in their sleep." -Tsar Nicholas II (YYW)
drafterman
Posts: 18,870
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7/10/2012 7:13:17 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Person 1: Did you hear that Hitler killed 6 million Jews and 1 clown?
Person 2: Why the clown?
Person 1: See? No one cares about the Jews.
Kleptin
Posts: 5,095
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7/12/2012 4:14:14 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/10/2012 1:47:53 AM, Cermank wrote:
Q. How do you know when your sister's on her period?

A. You can taste blood on yer old man's knob.

I died XD
: At 5/2/2010 2:43:54 PM, innomen wrote:
It isn't about finding a theory, philosophy or doctrine and thinking it's the answer, but a practical application of one's experiences that is the answer.

: At 10/28/2010 2:40:07 PM, jharry wrote: I have already been given the greatest Gift that anyone could ever hope for [Life], I would consider myself selfish if I expected anything more.
MouthWash
Posts: 2,607
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7/12/2012 4:35:51 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/12/2012 4:14:14 PM, Kleptin wrote:
At 7/10/2012 1:47:53 AM, Cermank wrote:
Q. How do you know when your sister's on her period?

A. You can taste blood on yer old man's knob.

I died XD

I never thought that that version was so funny.
"Well, that gives whole new meaning to my assassination. If I was going to die anyway, perhaps I should leave the Bolsheviks' descendants some Christmas cookies instead of breaking their dishes and vodka bottles in their sleep." -Tsar Nicholas II (YYW)
OberHerr
Posts: 13,062
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7/12/2012 4:50:09 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/12/2012 4:40:13 PM, Kinesis wrote:
How do you get a baby out of a blender?

Doritos (nachos for you Americans).

?

I don't get it, but we have Doritos over here.....
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Official Enforcer for the DDO Elite(if they existed).

"Cases are anti-town." - FourTrouble

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Kleptin
Posts: 5,095
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7/12/2012 5:35:01 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/12/2012 4:40:13 PM, Kinesis wrote:
How do you get a baby out of a blender?

Doritos (nachos for you Americans).

Where the hell are you that you think Americans don't have Doritos XD?
: At 5/2/2010 2:43:54 PM, innomen wrote:
It isn't about finding a theory, philosophy or doctrine and thinking it's the answer, but a practical application of one's experiences that is the answer.

: At 10/28/2010 2:40:07 PM, jharry wrote: I have already been given the greatest Gift that anyone could ever hope for [Life], I would consider myself selfish if I expected anything more.
Kinesis
Posts: 3,667
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7/12/2012 5:55:23 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/12/2012 5:35:01 PM, Kleptin wrote:
At 7/12/2012 4:40:13 PM, Kinesis wrote:
How do you get a baby out of a blender?

Doritos (nachos for you Americans).

Where the hell are you that you think Americans don't have Doritos XD?

I don't know okay! It's one of those things you think for some reason and then you say it and everyone else looks at you like you've just pooed yourself.
16kadams
Posts: 10,497
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7/12/2012 6:08:25 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Some of those are disgusting
https://www.youtube.com...
https://rekonomics.wordpress.com...
"A trend is a trend, but the question is, will it bend? Will it alter its course through some unforeseen force and come to a premature end?" -- Alec Cairncross
Kleptin
Posts: 5,095
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7/12/2012 6:50:21 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/12/2012 5:55:23 PM, Kinesis wrote:
At 7/12/2012 5:35:01 PM, Kleptin wrote:
At 7/12/2012 4:40:13 PM, Kinesis wrote:
How do you get a baby out of a blender?

Doritos (nachos for you Americans).

Where the hell are you that you think Americans don't have Doritos XD?

I don't know okay! It's one of those things you think for some reason and then you say it and everyone else looks at you like you've just pooed yourself.

HAHAHAHAHA XD
: At 5/2/2010 2:43:54 PM, innomen wrote:
It isn't about finding a theory, philosophy or doctrine and thinking it's the answer, but a practical application of one's experiences that is the answer.

: At 10/28/2010 2:40:07 PM, jharry wrote: I have already been given the greatest Gift that anyone could ever hope for [Life], I would consider myself selfish if I expected anything more.
blackhawk1331
Posts: 4,932
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7/17/2012 9:51:27 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
What's worse then 7 dead babies nailed to a tree? 1 dead baby nailed to 7 trees.

Why did the boy drop his ice cream cone? He was hit by a bus.

Why'd Sally fall off the swing? She has no arms.
Knock knock. Whos's there? Not Sally!

What's worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The holocaust. What's worse than the holocaust? Three bee stings.

What do you call 1,000 black people on the moon? A good start.
Because you said it was a waste, numb nuts. - Drafter

So fvck you. :) - TV

Use prima facie correctly or not at all. - Noumena
blackhawk1331
Posts: 4,932
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7/17/2012 10:15:21 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
What's black & brown, and looks good on an Abo?
A doberman.

Why are Abos called "Boongs"?
Because that's the sound they make as they bounce off your truck's bull-bar.

Three men are in a jail cell, discussing their crimes.
The first man asks the second man, "What are you in here for?".
Second man says "Armed robbery".
"What did you get?"
"12 years".
First man to third man, "What are you in for?"
"Murder".
"What did you get?"
"20 years".
Third man then asks the first man, "And what are you in for?"
"Burning Abos with petrol".
"What did you get?"
"Eight to the gallon".

How was the Grand Canyon formed?
Someone dropped 20 cents down a rabbit hole at a Jewish Convention.

What's the difference between pizzas and Jews?
Pizzas don't scream in the oven.

Why are Yankee dollars green?
Because the Jews pick them before they're ripe.

Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years?
Because someone dropped a twenty-cent piece.

Why do Jews have such big noses?
Because air is free.

What happens when a Jew with a full erection walks into a wall?
He breaks his nose.

http://www.fajaf.com...
Because you said it was a waste, numb nuts. - Drafter

So fvck you. :) - TV

Use prima facie correctly or not at all. - Noumena
The_Fool_on_the_hill
Posts: 6,071
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7/18/2012 9:53:10 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/12/2012 4:14:14 PM, Kleptin wrote:
At 7/10/2012 1:47:53 AM, Cermank wrote:
Q. How do you know when your sister's on her period?

A. You can taste blood on yer old man's knob.

I died XD

The Fool: eh, that gives me cognitive dissonance. Not laughter.
"The bud disappears when the blossom breaks through, and we might say that the former is refuted by the latter; in the same way when the fruit comes, the blossom may be explained to be a false form of the plant's existence, for the fruit appears as its true nature in place of the blossom. These stages are not merely differentiated; they supplant one another as being incompatible with one another." G. W. F. HEGEL
Viper-King
Posts: 4,822
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8/12/2012 12:27:13 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend "You won't believe what happened. I was taking a short cut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to it. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything.

His friend replies, "That's great: did you get a blow job?"

Oh, no: I never found her head.
Viper-King
Posts: 4,822
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8/12/2012 12:28:11 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Harry answers the telephone, and it's an Emergency Room doctor.
The doctor says: "Your wife was in a serious car accident, and I have bad news and good news. The bad news is she has lost all use of both arms and both legs, and will need help eating and going to the bathroom for the rest of her life."

Harry says, "My God. What's the good news?"

The doctor says, "I'm kidding. She's dead."
Viper-King
Posts: 4,822
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8/12/2012 12:29:09 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Two guys are walking down the street and see a dog on the lawn, licking his balls.

One guy says to the other, "Man, I sure wish I could do that".

The other guy says, "Don't you think you ought to pet him first?"
Viper-King
Posts: 4,822
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8/12/2012 12:34:49 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
A little girl is watching her mum getting changed to go out for the evening.
"What are they?" she asked.
"Those are mummy's breasts," the mother replied.
"Will I get those?" came the next question.
"When you're a little older," answered the girl's mother.
"And what is that?" the little girl asked.
"That's mummy's vagina," the mother answered, a little embarrassed.
"When will I get that?"
"That will happen at around the same time you get your breasts. Now run along and let mummy change."
The little girl ran off into the next room where her father was getting changed out of his work clothes to relax for the evening.
"What's that thing, daddy?" asked the little girl.
"That's daddy's penis," he answered.
"When will I get one of those?" the little girl asked.
"In about an hour."
Jessalyn
Posts: 125
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8/12/2012 3:58:29 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
How do you kill a hundred flies at once?
Smash an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest?
Acne doesn't come on a boy's face until he's at least thirteen.
WARNING: Hitchslaps may become inflamed when accompanied by unceasing stupidity.
rajun
Posts: 346
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8/15/2013 7:21:10 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 8/12/2012 12:34:49 AM, Viper-King wrote:
A little girl is watching her mum getting changed to go out for the evening.
"What are they?" she asked.
"Those are mummy's breasts," the mother replied.
"Will I get those?" came the next question.
"When you're a little older," answered the girl's mother.
"And what is that?" the little girl asked.
"That's mummy's vagina," the mother answered, a little embarrassed.
"When will I get that?"
"That will happen at around the same time you get your breasts. Now run along and let mummy change."
The little girl ran off into the next room where her father was getting changed out of his work clothes to relax for the evening.
"What's that thing, daddy?" asked the little girl.
"That's daddy's penis," he answered.
"When will I get one of those?" the little girl asked.
"In about an hour."

..................
hahaha
Only cool guys can see this....
SitaraForGod
Posts: 19
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8/17/2013 4:19:37 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
How did Hitler tie his shoes? Little knotsies.
What do you call a Jewish martial art? Jew Jitsu.
What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb? You can unscrew the light bulb.
How many conservatives does it take to change a light bulb? Zero because they fear change.
How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb? I do not know either, it depends on which of Obama's personalities you ask.
I get my politics from Ecclesiastes 3:1-8. There is a time and a place for everything. Even a time to be liberal, and a time to be conservative.