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X walks into a bar jokes...

drafterman
Posts: 18,870
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6/27/2013 7:04:14 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Does everyone want a drink?"

The first one says, "I don't know."
The second one says, "I don't know."
The third one says, "Yes!"
Stephen_Hawkins
Posts: 5,316
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6/27/2013 7:17:54 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks "Do you want a beer?" Descartes said "I think not", and poof! he vanished.

Jesus Christ walked into a bar and says "I'll just have a glass of water."

E-flat walks into a bar, and the bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve minors".

Julius Caesar walks into bar. "I'll have a martinus," he says. The bartender, puzzled, asks "Don't you mean martini?" "Look," Caesar retorts, "If I wanted a double, I'd have asked for it!"

The past, present and future all walk into a bar. Things get tense.

Two guys walk into a bar. The third one ducks.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to be Gay, he'll positively influence the GDP.

Social Contract Theory debate: http://www.debate.org...
mathdebator
Posts: 72
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6/28/2013 12:51:39 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."
DakotaKrafick
Posts: 1,517
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7/1/2013 4:27:02 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/27/2013 7:04:14 AM, drafterman wrote:
Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender says, "Does everyone want a drink?"

The first one says, "I don't know."
The second one says, "I don't know."
The third one says, "Yes!"

I love it. It's more clever than funny though.
MassiveDump
Posts: 3,423
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7/1/2013 5:49:11 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
A horse walks into a bar...

The bartender says, "Listen, my job's pretty hard already. And then there's this whole thing with you walking in here, and I'm probably going to have to fix this door, and, our seats aren't really, you know, designed for horses...

...and we don't actually have, you know, glasses, that fit to the shape of your mouth, and... well... you're starting to freak some of the customers out...

...so you're just gonna have to leave."
Jack212
Posts: 572
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7/22/2013 5:30:10 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
A duck walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Hey mate, how are you?"
Duck says, "I'm good. I've been in and out of puddles all day. Gimme a beer." So the bartender pours him a beer.

A second duck walks in. Bartender says, "Hey mate, how are you?"
Duck says, "I'm good. I've been in and out of puddles all day. Gimme a beer." So the bartender pours him a beer, and the second duck strikes up a conversation with the first.

A third duck walks in. Bartender says, "Hey mate, how are you?"
Duck says, "I'm good. I've been in and out of puddles all day. Gimme a beer." So the bartender pours him a beer, and the third duck joins the conversation of the other two.

A fourth duck walks in. Bartender says, "Hey mate, how are you?"
Duck says, "Miserable, utterly miserable. I hate my life and want to die."
Bartender says, "Oh come on, it can't be that bad. Here, I'll give you a beer on the house. What's your name, mate?"
Duck replies, "Puddles."
rajun
Posts: 346
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8/10/2013 6:02:16 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
One day, a man walks into a bar and finds PM of India Manmohan and barrack Obama gossiping..totaled.
"hey, you are manmohan and barrack!!watzha doing?"

PM farts and says " we are planning World war 3, we will kill 14 million pakistanis and 1 US musician."

"one US musician!!!" replied the man,aghast.

PM smiled and barrack's smile vanished..."see, you lost the bet. I said no one will care about the 14 million pakistanis."

LOL
Only cool guys can see this....
Subutai
Posts: 3,223
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8/10/2013 4:37:07 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
The Pope, a rabbi, a blonde, a lawyer, a gay man, an Irishman, a Pole, a Puerto Rican, and a black man all walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "What is this, some kind of a joke?!?"
I'm becoming less defined as days go by, fading away, and well you might say, I'm losing focus, kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself.
Shadowguynick
Posts: 516
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8/14/2013 10:17:03 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
A priest, a rabbi, and a whale all walk into a bar. The bartender asks them what they want.
Priest: I'll take your most expensive drink, the church will pay for it.
Rabbi: I'll take your least expensive drink, since I'm poor.
Whale: Waaaaaaoooooooooooooh
Jack212
Posts: 572
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8/15/2013 5:27:16 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
A black guy, a Mexican guy and a Paki all walk into a bar.
Barman says, "Hey! Get the f*ck out of here!"
rajun
Posts: 346
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8/16/2013 5:13:58 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 8/16/2013 2:08:19 AM, Irresistable wrote:
An underage kid walked into a bar. His parents were the bartenders.

TEEHEE!

...................
boo
Only cool guys can see this....
Irresistable
Posts: 224
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8/16/2013 1:57:32 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 8/16/2013 5:13:58 AM, rajun wrote:
At 8/16/2013 2:08:19 AM, Irresistable wrote:
An underage kid walked into a bar. His parents were the bartenders.

TEEHEE!

...................
boo

So there's a racist joke and you boo mine instead. facepalm
Maxwell61
Posts: 3
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8/16/2013 10:29:07 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 7/1/2013 4:46:05 PM, benevolent wrote:
An Irish man walks out of a bar...

well i guess it could happen
Bullish
Posts: 3,527
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8/19/2013 10:06:35 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Man walks into a bar and pauses to look: at the other end of the bar, there's this guy with a large purple head. Just kind of sitting there, mooning into his drink. So the man asks the bartender, "Say, what's up with the guy with the large purple head?" And the bartender says, "It's an interesting story. Buy him a drink and maybe he'll tell it to you."

So the man walks over and introduces himself and offers to buy a round. The guy with the large purple head says, "Yeah, I'll bet you want to know the story, huh?" To which the man replies, "Sure, if you don't mind."

The man with the large purple head sighs and says, "You know, I've gone over it in my mind a million times. Basically, it's like this: I was walking along the beach one day, when I stubbed my toe on something. I looked down, and there was an antique brass lamp. I picked it up and dusted it off a little -- when all of a sudden this enormous genie pops out!

"The genie thundered, 'You have released me from my ten-thousand year imprisonment, and I am in your debt. I will grant you three wishes as a token of my gratitude.'

The man at the bar is agape. The guy with the large purple head continues: "So I said, 'Wow, okay. Well, my first wish is to be fantastically wealthy.'

"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And all of a sudden I have bling on my fingers and over my neck, and a crown on my head, and my wallet is full of cash and a dozen ATM cards and the deed to a mansion in the hills -- I mean, I was loaded!

"So I said, 'Amazing! Okay, for my next wish , I want to be married to the most beautiful woman in the world.'

"The genie says, 'Your wish is granted.' And the ocean parts, and out walks this gorgeous woman in this beautiful dress, and she takes my hand and we fall in love and the genie marries us right there. It was incredible.

"The genie booms, 'You have one wish remaining.'"

The man with the large purple head pauses and sips his beer. He says, "Now, you know, this may be where I went wrong. I wished for a large purple head.
0x5f3759df
Bullish
Posts: 3,527
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8/20/2013 1:02:01 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
A guy walks into a bar...

And suffers head injuries...

Because he was beat up by the two drunk guys...

Who where carrying a bar around...

As part of the "Beer on Wheels" national tour...

And they were carrying one of the supporting beams of the tent...

But they were taking a short cut by going through a local bar.

But the guy who walked into the bar laughs it off and orders a beer.
0x5f3759df
Hi_Im_Icis
Posts: 2
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8/20/2013 2:43:12 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 6/28/2013 12:51:39 PM, mathdebator wrote:
A guy walks into a bar. He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

I have no clue why I laughed so hard at this! XD