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Chuck Norris jokes

TheLastMan
Posts: 140
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8/24/2014 2:21:10 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Post your Chuck Norris jokes. Alright. Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on
a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on
the outside of his pants.
Christian27
Posts: 12
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9/1/2014 5:57:10 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Chuck Norris got himself arrested in Turkey, and during the routine prisoner torture session, a Turk broke his wrist, as he was trying to crush Chuck's balls of Steel
apb4y
Posts: 480
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9/13/2014 6:12:16 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
I'm skeptical that Chuck Norris could beat up Thor. In fact, I'd like to test this sometime by getting Chris Hemsworth and Chuck Norris to arm-wrestle in front of a live audience.
LifeMeansGodIsGood
Posts: 2,744
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9/13/2014 6:42:00 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Chuck Norris got thrown in jail. "Hey, it's Chuck Norris!" his cellmate who had been there for years shouted out. Everybody applauded for Chuck. After the applause died down, somebody down the cellblock shouted "27!!!" All the prisoners laughed out loud. After the laugher died down, another prisoner in a different part of the jail shouted "39!!!!". Again, all of the prisoners laughed. Chuck asked his old cellmate, "how come everybody laughs when somebody shouts out a number?" The cellmate explained: we have been here so long, we know all the jokes by heart so we have them numbered and that's how we tell them. Chuck said, "cool, I'll try one", and shouted out "42!!!!" Nobody laughed. He tried again: "42!!!". Again, nobody laughed. Chuck asked his cellmate, "how come nobody laughs when I shout out a number". With a serious face, his cellmate explained: "Chuck, I'm sorry. Some people just don't know how to tell a joke"

As a chuck norris joke, this fit the forum. I was telling this joke with no specific names for years before it appeared in Reader's Digest under "Laughter, the Best Medicine"

Sorry it wasn't really a Chuck Norris joke, but I do think the expectation that it really would be about Chuck adds to the joke.

I hope you all go to heaven. I'll be there.
TheLastMan
Posts: 140
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9/18/2014 3:22:25 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 9/13/2014 6:42:00 PM, LifeMeansGodIsGood wrote:
Chuck Norris got thrown in jail. "Hey, it's Chuck Norris!" his cellmate who had been there for years shouted out. Everybody applauded for Chuck. After the applause died down, somebody down the cellblock shouted "27!!!" All the prisoners laughed out loud. After the laugher died down, another prisoner in a different part of the jail shouted "39!!!!". Again, all of the prisoners laughed. Chuck asked his old cellmate, "how come everybody laughs when somebody shouts out a number?" The cellmate explained: we have been here so long, we know all the jokes by heart so we have them numbered and that's how we tell them. Chuck said, "cool, I'll try one", and shouted out "42!!!!" Nobody laughed. He tried again: "42!!!". Again, nobody laughed. Chuck asked his cellmate, "how come nobody laughs when I shout out a number". With a serious face, his cellmate explained: "Chuck, I'm sorry. Some people just don't know how to tell a joke"


As a chuck norris joke, this fit the forum. I was telling this joke with no specific names for years before it appeared in Reader's Digest under "Laughter, the Best Medicine"

Sorry it wasn't really a Chuck Norris joke, but I do think the expectation that it really would be about Chuck adds to the joke.

I hope you all go to heaven. I'll be there.

._.
Gaming_Debater
Posts: 233
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9/20/2014 3:48:25 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
No man got kicked in the balls during the writing of this post. wait... scratch that. Chuck Norris kicks EVERY MAN in the ballz.
Ragnar
Posts: 1,658
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9/21/2014 1:19:35 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
A perfume company once tried to design a Chuck Norris cologne, they ended up selling it to the military as napalm.
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Gaming_Debater
Posts: 233
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10/16/2014 8:27:04 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 9/13/2014 6:42:00 PM, LifeMeansGodIsGood wrote:
Chuck Norris got thrown in jail. "Hey, it's Chuck Norris!" his cellmate who had been there for years shouted out. Everybody applauded for Chuck. After the applause died down, somebody down the cellblock shouted "27!!!" All the prisoners laughed out loud. After the laugher died down, another prisoner in a different part of the jail shouted "39!!!!". Again, all of the prisoners laughed. Chuck asked his old cellmate, "how come everybody laughs when somebody shouts out a number?" The cellmate explained: we have been here so long, we know all the jokes by heart so we have them numbered and that's how we tell them. Chuck said, "cool, I'll try one", and shouted out "42!!!!" Nobody laughed. He tried again: "42!!!". Again, nobody laughed. Chuck asked his cellmate, "how come nobody laughs when I shout out a number". With a serious face, his cellmate explained: "Chuck, I'm sorry. Some people just don't know how to tell a joke"


As a chuck norris joke, this fit the forum. I was telling this joke with no specific names for years before it appeared in Reader's Digest under "Laughter, the Best Medicine"

Sorry it wasn't really a Chuck Norris joke, but I do think the expectation that it really would be about Chuck adds to the joke.

I hope you all go to heaven. I'll be there.

WAY too long. Here's a good one: Clowns were scared of Chuck Norris as kids.
LifeMeansGodIsGood
Posts: 2,744
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10/16/2014 8:33:47 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/16/2014 8:27:04 PM, Gaming_Debater wrote:
At 9/13/2014 6:42:00 PM, LifeMeansGodIsGood wrote:
Chuck Norris got thrown in jail. "Hey, it's Chuck Norris!" his cellmate who had been there for years shouted out. Everybody applauded for Chuck. After the applause died down, somebody down the cellblock shouted "27!!!" All the prisoners laughed out loud. After the laugher died down, another prisoner in a different part of the jail shouted "39!!!!". Again, all of the prisoners laughed. Chuck asked his old cellmate, "how come everybody laughs when somebody shouts out a number?" The cellmate explained: we have been here so long, we know all the jokes by heart so we have them numbered and that's how we tell them. Chuck said, "cool, I'll try one", and shouted out "42!!!!" Nobody laughed. He tried again: "42!!!". Again, nobody laughed. Chuck asked his cellmate, "how come nobody laughs when I shout out a number". With a serious face, his cellmate explained: "Chuck, I'm sorry. Some people just don't know how to tell a joke"


As a chuck norris joke, this fit the forum. I was telling this joke with no specific names for years before it appeared in Reader's Digest under "Laughter, the Best Medicine"

Sorry it wasn't really a Chuck Norris joke, but I do think the expectation that it really would be about Chuck adds to the joke.

I hope you all go to heaven. I'll be there.

WAY too long. Here's a good one: Clowns were scared of Chuck Norris as kids.

My joke never failed to get at least a big aaaaawwwwww if not a laugh from anybody who listened......but it's true, some might not have the patience for it. If you can spin a story good, you can keep people interested easily with this story-type joke.

Your one liner is pretty good too......and of course much better when you need the punch to be fast. (a little chuch norris pun there)
Skepticalone
Posts: 6,134
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10/19/2014 11:18:59 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake. After three days of pain and agony, the rattle snake died.
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