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Tell the most offensive joke you know.

apb4y
Posts: 480
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8/31/2014 6:56:02 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
This must be a joke where you laughed, but at the same time went, "Oh, for fvck's sake!"

This is mine:

My parents and I were having dinner one evening.
Me: "I don't like loud parties. There are always idiots screaming."
Dad: "You don't like screaming?"
Me: "Well, I can never tell if it's good screaming or bad screaming, so I'm always paranoid that somebody might be in trouble."
Dad: "Son, here is how you tell the difference. If she's laughing and dancing around with a glass of wine in her hand, then that's good screaming. If she's cowering on the floor with a ripped dress while surrounded by ten guys with their cocks out, then you know that she deserved to be raped and they're all just waiting their turn."

True story.
curiousgeorgia
Posts: 2
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9/3/2014 9:40:20 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
A little girl comes home to her father, who is sitting at the kitchen table waiting for her.
"Where were you?" The father asks.
"I was at the park daddy." She answers, a sad look on her face.
"With your friends?"
"Yes, until the scary man came along."
"What scary man, darling? What happened?"
"Well, he told all my friends to go so he could talk to me alone."
"Sweetheart, tell me exactly what happened, don't leave anything out."
"Well he took me behind a tree..."
"Keep going..."
"He took off my dress..."
"Oh god... Then what happened..."
"He took his thing out..."
"And then?"
"That's it."
"That's it?"
"Yep."
"UGH. Well then make something up!"
RevL8ion
Posts: 616
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9/5/2014 10:00:30 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Ugh, I despise this one, but it's still fresh in my mind.

Q: Why do black people have white palms and feet?
A: They were on all fours when God spray-painted them.

I'm generally never racist or discriminatory, so please don't hurt me if you're offended by this joke.
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Christian27
Posts: 12
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9/14/2014 1:16:27 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
if gay men love to have butt sex so much, they should be glued together, penis to the other guy's backhole
apb4y
Posts: 480
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9/14/2014 4:57:33 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 9/14/2014 1:16:27 PM, Christian27 wrote:
if gay men love to have butt sex so much, they should be glued together, penis to the other guy's backhole

What? Like the human centipede?

Here's the worst one I know:

Q: How do you make a gay fvck a woman?

A: Shiit in her cvnt!

- Jimmy Carr
Christian27
Posts: 12
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9/14/2014 5:22:31 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
How do you make a gay man cry?
Glue together his rectum!

How do you make a straight guy cry?
Crush his testicles!

How do tortures actually make any man cry?
Attach electric shock wires to his genitalia
apb4y
Posts: 480
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9/14/2014 5:42:46 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Q: Why can't gays drive faster than 68mph?

A: Because at 69 they blow a rod.

-

Q. Did you hear about the gay rabbit?

A. He found a hare up his arse.

-

I think the bloke next to me is gay. I'm trying to take a shiit but he keeps giving me looks.

I'll try the next urinal.

-

There are two things I hate about my son's new partner:

He's black.

-

Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A: Megasorearse.

Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur?

Lickalottapuss.

Q: What do you call a pedophile dinosaur?

A: Barney.
mrsatan
Posts: 417
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9/14/2014 6:07:06 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
What kind of offensive are you looking for?

It can be targeted, such as anti-Semitic, like....

How do you fit 20 Jews in one car?

Or you can go for a more general offense, and see if you can piss off everyone at once, like...

What's worse than ten babies nailed to a tree?

If anyone wants the punch lines just ask and I'll PM them.
To say one has free will, to have chosen other than they did, is to say they have will over their will... Will over the will they have over their will... Will over the will they have over the will they have over their will, etc... It's utter nonsense.
apb4y
Posts: 480
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9/15/2014 5:13:20 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 9/14/2014 6:07:06 PM, mrsatan wrote:
What kind of offensive are you looking for?

Up to you.

At 9/15/2014 2:56:12 AM, Bennett91 wrote:
How do you make a little girl cry twice?

You wipe your bloody dick on her teddy bear.

That's sick, man. You, good sir, are now in first place.
Highmind
Posts: 1
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10/12/2014 10:19:44 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
How do you put 6 babies in a bucket?
Blender.
How do you get them out?
Nachos.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
Whats worse than a baby stapled to a tree?
A baby stapled to ten trees.
What's the difference between a corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a corvette in my garage.
What's worse than a pile of 100 dead babies?
A pile of 99 dead babies with one live one at the bottom eating its way out.
apb4y
Posts: 480
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10/13/2014 12:02:44 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
How do you get a Jewish girl's number?

Roll up her sleeve.

---

A guy is fuvcking a fat chick in the arse. After he's finished and pulled out, she rolls over, spreads her legs and says, "Are you gonna eat that?"
Guy says, "What? Your minge?"
Fat chick says, "No, the sweetcorn on your knob."

---

A man walks into a pharmacy and says, "I'd like some birth control pills for my 7-year-old daughter."
Pharmacist is shocked. "Is your 7-year-old daughter sexually active?!"
Man says, "Nah, she just lays there and cries."

---

What do a gay guy and a tumbleweed have in common?

Both blow and blow until they get stuck on a fence in Wyoming.

---

What breaks when you give it to a toddler?

Her hips.

---

What's the worst part about locking your keys in your car outside a Planned Parenthood?

Having to go inside and ask for a coat hanger.
intellectuallyprimitive
Posts: 1,000
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10/14/2014 11:50:53 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
What do you call 1000 blacks at the bottom of the ocean?
A good start.

What is the difference between a dead dog and a dead black in the street?
The skid marks that lead up to the dog.

What is the definition of confusion?
20 blind lesbian women in a fish market.

What do you get when you cross a gay eskimo with a black guy?
A snowblower that doesn't work.

What do you call a fat Chinese person?
A chunk.

What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.

What's the difference between a gay man and a freezer?
Freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.

What's the useless skin around a vagina called?
The woman.

Whats the difference between real Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.

Did you hear about the chinese couple that had a retarted baby?
Yea, they named it, Sum Ting Wong.

What's the best thing about screwing homeless girls?
When you're done, you can drop 'em off anywhere.
paininthenuts
Posts: 161
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10/18/2014 5:18:13 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
Well, you asked for it.

A pregnant women is taken into hospital and gives birth to her child two months early. The following morning she asks the nurse if she can see her child, to which she is told that the baby is not well, but the doctors are doing their best for it. A few hours later she awakes to be told the same thing. In the evening a doctor kicks open the door, and is holding the baby wrapped in a blanket. The doctor throws the child to the mother, it bounces on the bed and goes out of the window, and lands on the ground three floors down. She says "oh my god what have you done", the doctor replies "April fool, it was dead already".

Now if that isn't sick, I don't know what is.
sadolite
Posts: 8,834
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10/18/2014 11:20:11 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
What's the worst part about screwing a bald puzzy, getting the diaper off.
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
paininthenuts
Posts: 161
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10/19/2014 12:01:36 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/19/2014 1:27:48 AM, apb4y wrote:
When it comes to abortion, I believe that 20 weeks is the absolute limit. Any sooner, and it's too small to fit your dick in!

Yep, you win the prize
apb4y
Posts: 480
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10/19/2014 5:50:10 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 10/19/2014 12:01:36 PM, paininthenuts wrote:
At 10/19/2014 1:27:48 AM, apb4y wrote:
When it comes to abortion, I believe that 20 weeks is the absolute limit. Any sooner, and it's too small to fit your dick in!

Yep, you win the prize

Yay!

Now we just need somebody to one-up me.
Voxol
Posts: 23
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10/30/2014 1:05:06 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
hey guys did you know that something offensive did not have to be sexual? there's also racist AND sexist hahahahaha
JernHenrik
Posts: 65
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7/6/2015 7:47:34 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/14/2014 1:16:27 PM, Christian27 wrote:
if gay men love to have butt sex so much, they should be glued together, penis to the other guy's backhole

HA HA or tie a string to both of their ballsacks and force them to stand apart, holding the string thight, so you can have fun hitting the string with your baton
j50wells
Posts: 345
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7/27/2015 7:58:13 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/3/2014 9:40:20 PM, curiousgeorgia wrote:
A little girl comes home to her father, who is sitting at the kitchen table waiting for her.
"Where were you?" The father asks.
"I was at the park daddy." She answers, a sad look on her face.
"With your friends?"
"Yes, until the scary man came along."
"What scary man, darling? What happened?"
"Well, he told all my friends to go so he could talk to me alone."
"Sweetheart, tell me exactly what happened, don't leave anything out."
"Well he took me behind a tree..."
"Keep going..."
"He took off my dress..."
"Oh god... Then what happened..."
"He took his thing out..."
"And then?"
"That's it."
"That's it?"
"Yep."
"UGH. Well then make something up!"

That is horrible.....F-....but that's a good mark for an evil joke.
j50wells
Posts: 345
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7/27/2015 7:59:28 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/5/2014 10:00:30 PM, RevL8ion wrote:
Ugh, I despise this one, but it's still fresh in my mind.

Q: Why do black people have white palms and feet?
A: They were on all fours when God spray-painted them.

I'm generally never racist or discriminatory, so please don't hurt me if you're offended by this joke.

Hell, everyone should just relax. Racist jokes are fun too. Blacks have 'em against us. We used to have a lot of horrible jokes against Polacks.
sadolite
Posts: 8,834
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8/4/2015 12:31:14 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
What's the worst thing about eating a bald puzzy?

Getting the diaper off
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
sadolite
Posts: 8,834
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8/4/2015 12:32:46 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 10/19/2014 1:27:48 AM, apb4y wrote:
When it comes to abortion, I believe that 20 weeks is the absolute limit. Any sooner, and it's too small to fit your dick in!

LIKE
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
Otokage
Posts: 2,347
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8/8/2015 6:54:23 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/3/2014 9:40:20 PM, curiousgeorgia wrote:
A little girl comes home to her father, who is sitting at the kitchen table waiting for her.
"Where were you?" The father asks.
"I was at the park daddy." She answers, a sad look on her face.
"With your friends?"
"Yes, until the scary man came along."
"What scary man, darling? What happened?"
"Well, he told all my friends to go so he could talk to me alone."
"Sweetheart, tell me exactly what happened, don't leave anything out."
"Well he took me behind a tree..."
"Keep going..."
"He took off my dress..."
"Oh god... Then what happened..."
"He took his thing out..."
"And then?"
"That's it."
"That's it?"
"Yep."
"UGH. Well then make something up!"

lol!
Cotton_Candy
Posts: 299
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9/14/2015 6:19:48 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 9/3/2014 9:40:20 PM, curiousgeorgia wrote:
A little girl comes home to her father, who is sitting at the kitchen table waiting for her.
"Where were you?" The father asks.
"I was at the park daddy." She answers, a sad look on her face.
"With your friends?"
"Yes, until the scary man came along."
"What scary man, darling? What happened?"
"Well, he told all my friends to go so he could talk to me alone."
"Sweetheart, tell me exactly what happened, don't leave anything out."
"Well he took me behind a tree..."
"Keep going..."
"He took off my dress..."
"Oh god... Then what happened..."
"He took his thing out..."
"And then?"
"That's it."
"That's it?"
"Yep."
"UGH. Well then make something up!"

I laughed at this post more than I should have *_*
Lee001
Posts: 3,168
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9/14/2015 7:21:55 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
I'm not racist. I think blacks are a noble hardworking race that enrich our culture. In fact I think every self-respecting white person owes it to themselves to own a couple of them.
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