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Paraprosdokian Sentences

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1/1/2015 1:28:07 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
I received this as an email. Just fun stuff.

" Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and
beat you with experience.

" Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing
in a garage makes you a car.

" The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list.

" Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear
bright until you hear them speak.

" If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong.

" We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

" War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

" Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit;
Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

" The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the

" Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then
proceed to tell you why it isn't.

" To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism.
To steal from many is research.

" A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a
train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

" How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a
whole box to start a campfire?

" Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but
you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

" Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they
can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

" I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted pay checks.

" A bank is a place that will lend you money,
if you can prove that you don't need it.

" Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an
emergency, notify": I put "DOCTOR".

" I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

" Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

" Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president
and 50 for Miss America ?

" Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a
successful man is usually another woman.

" A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

" You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute
to skydive twice.

" The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good

" Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

" Hospitality: making your guests feel like they're at home,
even if you wish they were.

" Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live

" I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured
by a great white shark, or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.

" Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

" There's a fine line between cuddling and
holding someone down so they can't get away.

" I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

" When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the
Fire Department usually uses water.

" You're never too old to learn something stupid.

" To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you
hit the target.

" Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.

" Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people.
Others have no imagination whatsoever.

" A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as
when you are in it.

" Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.