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DDO's 4th annual Joke Battle

lannan13
Posts: 23,062
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11/3/2015 9:43:32 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Here are the results from the last series:
1st Annual: OberHerr
2nd Annual: Subutia
3rd Annual: 9Spaceking
4th Annual: ???

Will it be you? Tell your jokes, clean or dirty, racist or sexist, bring them all and let 'em rip.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
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Rami
Posts: 431
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11/4/2015 10:46:21 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/3/2015 9:43:32 PM, lannan13 wrote:
Here are the results from the last series:
1st Annual: OberHerr
2nd Annual: Subutia
3rd Annual: 9Spaceking
4th Annual: ???

Will it be you? Tell your jokes, clean or dirty, racist or sexist, bring them all and let 'em rip.

An elderly Jewish couple go on a trip to Hawaii and get into an argument about how to pronounce the name. The wife said said it was Hawaii, while the husband insisted it was Havaii. As soon as they got off the plane, they rush over to a local and ask him the correct pronunciation.
"It Havawii," the local replied.
"Thank you," the husband gloated.
The local replied, "You're velcome."

How does the scoring work? Is it by the amount of jokes you post?
lannan13
Posts: 23,062
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11/4/2015 10:49:51 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/4/2015 10:46:21 PM, Rami wrote:
At 11/3/2015 9:43:32 PM, lannan13 wrote:
Here are the results from the last series:
1st Annual: OberHerr
2nd Annual: Subutia
3rd Annual: 9Spaceking
4th Annual: ???

Will it be you? Tell your jokes, clean or dirty, racist or sexist, bring them all and let 'em rip.

An elderly Jewish couple go on a trip to Hawaii and get into an argument about how to pronounce the name. The wife said said it was Hawaii, while the husband insisted it was Havaii. As soon as they got off the plane, they rush over to a local and ask him the correct pronunciation.
"It Havawii," the local replied.
"Thank you," the husband gloated.
The local replied, "You're velcome."

How does the scoring work? Is it by the amount of jokes you post?

That's somewhat a factor, but humor is a major part. If you just spew anti-jokes then I'll just doc points.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
lannan13
Posts: 23,062
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11/4/2015 10:50:36 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Rami- 1
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Rami
Posts: 431
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11/4/2015 10:57:37 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
A Jewish poor man was going from house to house to collect alms since his house burned down. He was asked, " Do you have any document signed by your Rabbi to prove that your house really burned down?"
"Oy, nebach," the poor man cried, "That to, was destroyed in the fire!"
BLAHthedebator
Posts: 982
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11/5/2015 6:23:21 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/3/2015 9:43:32 PM, lannan13 wrote:

There are three boys walking together. A genie appears in front of them and presents a slide and an empty pool. The genie says that when anyone slides down the slide, they can say the name of an object and the pool will be full of it.

The first kid slides down and goes, "Candy!" Consequently, the pool was now full of candy.

The genie produced two more slides and pools for the other boys.

The second kid slides down and goes, "Pizza!" Likewise, the pool fills with pizza.

The third kid slides down and goes, "WHEEE!
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas...
Is...
Youuuuuu
BLAHthedebator
Posts: 982
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11/5/2015 6:23:37 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/5/2015 6:23:21 AM, BLAHthedebator wrote:
At 11/3/2015 9:43:32 PM, lannan13 wrote:

There are three boys walking together. A genie appears in front of them and presents a slide and an empty pool. The genie says that when anyone slides down the slide, they can say the name of an object and the pool will be full of it.

The first kid slides down and goes, "Candy!" Consequently, the pool was now full of candy.

The genie produced two more slides and pools for the other boys.

The second kid slides down and goes, "Pizza!" Likewise, the pool fills with pizza.

The third kid slides down and goes, "WHEEE!"
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas...
Is...
Youuuuuu
lannan13
Posts: 23,062
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11/9/2015 2:37:59 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/5/2015 6:23:21 AM, BLAHthedebator wrote:
At 11/3/2015 9:43:32 PM, lannan13 wrote:

There are three boys walking together. A genie appears in front of them and presents a slide and an empty pool. The genie says that when anyone slides down the slide, they can say the name of an object and the pool will be full of it.

The first kid slides down and goes, "Candy!" Consequently, the pool was now full of candy.

The genie produced two more slides and pools for the other boys.

The second kid slides down and goes, "Pizza!" Likewise, the pool fills with pizza.

The third kid slides down and goes, "WHEEE!

Haven't you said that one before in the last one?
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
BLAHthedebator
Posts: 982
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11/9/2015 2:47:12 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/9/2015 2:37:59 AM, lannan13 wrote:
At 11/5/2015 6:23:21 AM, BLAHthedebator wrote:
At 11/3/2015 9:43:32 PM, lannan13 wrote:

There are three boys walking together. A genie appears in front of them and presents a slide and an empty pool. The genie says that when anyone slides down the slide, they can say the name of an object and the pool will be full of it.

The first kid slides down and goes, "Candy!" Consequently, the pool was now full of candy.

The genie produced two more slides and pools for the other boys.

The second kid slides down and goes, "Pizza!" Likewise, the pool fills with pizza.

The third kid slides down and goes, "WHEEE!

Haven't you said that one before in the last one?

Have I? lol if I did then nvm
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas...
Is...
Youuuuuu
lannan13
Posts: 23,062
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11/9/2015 2:48:17 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
Rami-2
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
BLAHthedebator
Posts: 982
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11/10/2015 6:48:24 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
Yo mama's so fat, the universe is still trying to make room for her
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas...
Is...
Youuuuuu
fire_wings
Posts: 5,561
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11/10/2015 12:50:53 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
What is the difference of a negro or a bucket of paint?

Answer: The bucket.
#ALLHAILFIRETHEKINGOFTHEMISCFORUM

...it's not a new policy... it's just that DDO was built on an ancient burial ground, and that means the spirits of old rise again to cause us problems sometimes- Airmax1227

Wtf you must have an IQ of 250 if you're 11 and already decent at this- 16k

Go to sleep!!!!- missmozart

So to start off, I never committed suicide- Vaarka
fire_wings
Posts: 5,561
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11/10/2015 12:51:38 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Your mama is so dumb, she is mad because there is a hole in her doughnut.
#ALLHAILFIRETHEKINGOFTHEMISCFORUM

...it's not a new policy... it's just that DDO was built on an ancient burial ground, and that means the spirits of old rise again to cause us problems sometimes- Airmax1227

Wtf you must have an IQ of 250 if you're 11 and already decent at this- 16k

Go to sleep!!!!- missmozart

So to start off, I never committed suicide- Vaarka
Vaarka
Posts: 7,566
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11/10/2015 3:05:18 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Can I use a joke from the last battle? I think I posted it too late for it to count.
You're probably thinking right now "haha I'm a genius". Well you're not -Valkrin

inferno: "I don't know, are you attracted to women?"
ButterCatX: "No, Vaarka is mine!"

All hail scum Vaarka, wielder of the bastard sword, smiter of nations, destroyer of spiders -VOT

"Vaarka, I've been thinking about this for a long time now," (pulls out small box made of macaroni) "W-will you be my noodle buddy?" -Kirigaya
lannan13
Posts: 23,062
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11/10/2015 3:20:57 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Rami-2
Fire Wings-2
BLAH-1
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
lannan13
Posts: 23,062
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11/10/2015 3:22:03 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/10/2015 3:05:18 PM, Vaarka wrote:
Can I use a joke from the last battle? I think I posted it too late for it to count.

Nope.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Vaarka
Posts: 7,566
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11/10/2015 3:22:58 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/10/2015 3:22:03 PM, lannan13 wrote:
At 11/10/2015 3:05:18 PM, Vaarka wrote:
Can I use a joke from the last battle? I think I posted it too late for it to count.

Nope.

Aw
You're probably thinking right now "haha I'm a genius". Well you're not -Valkrin

inferno: "I don't know, are you attracted to women?"
ButterCatX: "No, Vaarka is mine!"

All hail scum Vaarka, wielder of the bastard sword, smiter of nations, destroyer of spiders -VOT

"Vaarka, I've been thinking about this for a long time now," (pulls out small box made of macaroni) "W-will you be my noodle buddy?" -Kirigaya
lannan13
Posts: 23,062
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11/10/2015 3:25:12 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/10/2015 3:22:58 PM, Vaarka wrote:
At 11/10/2015 3:22:03 PM, lannan13 wrote:
At 11/10/2015 3:05:18 PM, Vaarka wrote:
Can I use a joke from the last battle? I think I posted it too late for it to count.

Nope.

Aw

Sorry, but even if it did or did not count you still wouldn't have been able to catch 9Spaceking.
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
The-Voice-of-Truth
Posts: 6,560
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11/10/2015 3:52:47 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/4/2015 10:46:21 PM, Rami wrote:
At 11/3/2015 9:43:32 PM, lannan13 wrote:
Here are the results from the last series:
1st Annual: OberHerr
2nd Annual: Subutia
3rd Annual: 9Spaceking
4th Annual: ???

Will it be you? Tell your jokes, clean or dirty, racist or sexist, bring them all and let 'em rip.

An elderly Jewish couple go on a trip to Hawaii and get into an argument about how to pronounce the name. The wife said said it was Hawaii, while the husband insisted it was Havaii. As soon as they got off the plane, they rush over to a local and ask him the correct pronunciation.
"It Havawii," the local replied.
"Thank you," the husband gloated.
The local replied, "You're velcome."

How does the scoring work? Is it by the amount of jokes you post?

*cough* Brother David Gardner *cough cough*
Suh dude

"Because we all know who the most important snowflake in the wasteland is... It's YOU, champ! You're a special snowflake." -Vaarka, 01:30 in the hangouts

"Screw laying siege to Korea. That usually takes an hour or so." -Vaarka

"Crap, what is my religion again?" -Vaarka

I'm Rick Harrison and this is my pawn shop. I work here with my old man and my son, Big Hoss, and in 23 years I've learned one thing. You never know what is gonna come through that door.
Rami
Posts: 431
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11/11/2015 12:38:49 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 11/10/2015 3:52:47 PM, The-Voice-of-Truth wrote:
At 11/4/2015 10:46:21 PM, Rami wrote:
At 11/3/2015 9:43:32 PM, lannan13 wrote:
Here are the results from the last series:
1st Annual: OberHerr
2nd Annual: Subutia
3rd Annual: 9Spaceking
4th Annual: ???

Will it be you? Tell your jokes, clean or dirty, racist or sexist, bring them all and let 'em rip.

An elderly Jewish couple go on a trip to Hawaii and get into an argument about how to pronounce the name. The wife said said it was Hawaii, while the husband insisted it was Havaii. As soon as they got off the plane, they rush over to a local and ask him the correct pronunciation.
"It Havawii," the local replied.
"Thank you," the husband gloated.
The local replied, "You're velcome."

How does the scoring work? Is it by the amount of jokes you post?

*cough* Brother David Gardner *cough cough*

*cough* I'm don't get it *cough*
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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11/11/2015 2:25:37 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
You know what's the worst part about eating a clean shaven vagina?

Putting the diaper back on when you're finished?
BLAHthedebator
Posts: 982
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11/11/2015 11:57:26 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
I was new at the school. At first I was confident I was smartest in the class, but one of my classmates beat me. I was jealous.

With every progressing class, day, week, etc. I became increasingly mad because I wasn't as smart as him. I finally couldn't handle it and confronted him after a teacher gave him extra credit on a test.

"Ugh! Stop being so smart!"

"Why should I?, I assume you're talking about the extra credit or the rest of my achievements? Well, I worked hard for them and therefore I think I deserve the credit I get."

"Then stop deserving that credit, idiot!"

"Why should I? Don't you think that as humans, we should all advance together? If you wanna be smarter than me, you should probably try earning that spot."

"Oh yeah! Of course! You're so smart!"
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas...
Is...
Youuuuuu
BLAHthedebator
Posts: 982
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11/11/2015 12:03:09 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Yo mama's so fat, when she went skydiving NASA announced the end of the world
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas...
Is...
Youuuuuu
BLAHthedebator
Posts: 982
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11/11/2015 12:04:04 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Yo mama's so fat, when a car ran into her it entered another dimension
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas...
Is...
Youuuuuu
BLAHthedebator
Posts: 982
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11/11/2015 12:07:16 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Yo mama's so black, people go blind when they look at her.
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas...
Is...
Youuuuuu
BLAHthedebator
Posts: 982
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11/11/2015 12:14:17 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
I cannot comment on your mother...
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because cows are sacred in my country
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas...
Is...
Youuuuuu
BLAHthedebator
Posts: 982
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11/11/2015 12:16:05 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
(Note: The joke may not necessarily reflect the view of the poster)

Yo mama's so politically incorrect, she supports Obama.
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas...
Is...
Youuuuuu
BLAHthedebator
Posts: 982
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11/11/2015 1:21:35 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
What's the difference between a pizza and a Jew?

Pizzas don't scream when placed in the oven.
I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas...
Is...
Youuuuuu
lannan13
Posts: 23,062
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11/11/2015 2:30:18 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
BLAH-5
Rami-2
Fire Wings-2
VOT-1
Wylted-1
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
Rami
Posts: 431
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11/11/2015 6:32:44 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
3 drunks, not wanting to be caught DUI, call over a taxi. The taxi driver, realizing his passengers were drunk, decided to profit from them. He turned on the taxi, waited a second, and then turned the taxi back off.
"This is your stop," the driver told the drunks. The first two guys thanked the taxi driver, but the third one slapped him.
"WATCH YOUR SPEED NEXT TIME!" the drunk yelled, "You nearly killed us!"