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Dark Humor

Jack_Dead
Posts: 22
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6/24/2016 4:29:31 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
I will start off with a classic one:

Dark Humor is like a pair of legs - Not everyone have them.
Foodiesoul
Posts: 579
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7/4/2016 4:57:25 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
Okay. I came up with a dark joke!

A boy sits down in his chair. The teacher tells everyone to stand up but the boy still sits down. The teacher goes towards the boys and tells him to stand up but the boy still refuses to stand up. The teacher threatens the boy with a detention but the boy still doesn't stand up. The boy says, "I can't stand up. That would be disobeying Satan!"

Get it? Sitting down= Satan down, because Satan kind of sounds like Sitting.
Foodiesoul
Posts: 579
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7/4/2016 5:00:12 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 7/4/2016 4:57:25 PM, Foodiesoul wrote:
Okay. I came up with a dark joke!

A boy sits down in his chair. The teacher tells everyone to stand up but the boy still sits down. The teacher goes towards the *boys and tells him to stand up but the boy still refuses to stand up. The teacher threatens the boy with a detention but the boy still doesn't stand up. The boy says, "I can't stand up. That would be disobeying Satan!"

Get it? Sitting down= Satan down, because Satan kind of sounds like Sitting.

*Boy, not boys
Black-Jesus
Posts: 60
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7/4/2016 8:20:29 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/24/2016 4:29:31 AM, Jack_Dead wrote:
I will start off with a classic one:

Dark Humor is like a pair of legs - Not everyone have them.

What is the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair

Why don't orphans know how to play baseball?
They don't know where home is

What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
zero
Vote on my newest debate(s):
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Foodiesoul
Posts: 579
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7/4/2016 8:27:45 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 7/4/2016 8:20:29 PM, Black-Jesus wrote:
At 6/24/2016 4:29:31 AM, Jack_Dead wrote:
I will start off with a classic one:

Dark Humor is like a pair of legs - Not everyone have them.

What is the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair

Why don't orphans know how to play baseball?
They don't know where home is

What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
zero

I don't get the vegetable joke or the leper joke or the Irishman joke! The only joke I get is the orphan joke!
Black-Jesus
Posts: 60
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7/4/2016 8:39:19 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 7/4/2016 8:27:45 PM, Foodiesoul wrote:
At 7/4/2016 8:20:29 PM, Black-Jesus wrote:
At 6/24/2016 4:29:31 AM, Jack_Dead wrote:
I will start off with a classic one:

Dark Humor is like a pair of legs - Not everyone have them.

What is the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair

Why don't orphans know how to play baseball?
They don't know where home is

What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
zero

I don't get the vegetable joke or the leper joke or the Irishman joke! The only joke I get is the orphan joke!

The vegetable joke is referring to people that are deemed to be "vegetables", not actual vegetables.

The tip of the leper's penis broke off because he has leprosy

The Irishman joke is a reference to the Great Irish Potato Famine brought on by potato blight, which destroyed almost the entire supply of potatoes: the main source of food for the Irish in this time. And-- you know, human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together: mass hysteria. Anyway, millions of Irish died of starvation and related illnesses and emigrated to America
Vote on my newest debate(s):
Earth: Spherical vs Flat: http://www.debate.org...
Foodiesoul
Posts: 579
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7/4/2016 8:43:08 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 7/4/2016 8:39:19 PM, Black-Jesus wrote:
At 7/4/2016 8:27:45 PM, Foodiesoul wrote:
At 7/4/2016 8:20:29 PM, Black-Jesus wrote:
At 6/24/2016 4:29:31 AM, Jack_Dead wrote:
I will start off with a classic one:

Dark Humor is like a pair of legs - Not everyone have them.

What is the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair

Why don't orphans know how to play baseball?
They don't know where home is

What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
zero

I don't get the vegetable joke or the leper joke or the Irishman joke! The only joke I get is the orphan joke!

The vegetable joke is referring to people that are deemed to be "vegetables", not actual vegetables.

The tip of the leper's penis broke off because he has leprosy

The Irishman joke is a reference to the Great Irish Potato Famine brought on by potato blight, which destroyed almost the entire supply of potatoes: the main source of food for the Irish in this time. And-- you know, human sacrifice, cats and dogs living together: mass hysteria. Anyway, millions of Irish died of starvation and related illnesses and emigrated to America

Oh! Okay! I get the jokes now. I love your dark jokes and how clever they are!
Ciacco
Posts: 40
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7/7/2016 12:58:24 AM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 6/24/2016 4:29:31 AM, Jack_Dead wrote:
I will start off with a classic one:

Dark Humor is like a pair of legs - Not everyone have them.

I like my women the same way I like my coffee. Black and ground into a fine powder.
Foodiesoul
Posts: 579
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7/7/2016 3:42:52 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 7/7/2016 12:58:24 AM, Ciacco wrote:
At 6/24/2016 4:29:31 AM, Jack_Dead wrote:
I will start off with a classic one:

Dark Humor is like a pair of legs - Not everyone have them.

I like my women the same way I like my coffee. Black and ground into a fine powder.

Lol! This is sexual humor, not dark humor!
Ciacco
Posts: 40
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7/7/2016 5:04:37 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 7/7/2016 3:42:52 PM, Foodiesoul wrote:
At 7/7/2016 12:58:24 AM, Ciacco wrote:
At 6/24/2016 4:29:31 AM, Jack_Dead wrote:
I will start off with a classic one:

Dark Humor is like a pair of legs - Not everyone have them.

I like my women the same way I like my coffee. Black and ground into a fine powder.

Lol! This is sexual humor, not dark humor!

I beg to differ. I said I like black coffee, which is dark. Therefore, it's dark humor.
Foodiesoul
Posts: 579
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7/7/2016 9:29:41 PM
Posted: 5 months ago
At 7/7/2016 5:04:37 PM, Ciacco wrote:
At 7/7/2016 3:42:52 PM, Foodiesoul wrote:
At 7/7/2016 12:58:24 AM, Ciacco wrote:
At 6/24/2016 4:29:31 AM, Jack_Dead wrote:
I will start off with a classic one:

Dark Humor is like a pair of legs - Not everyone have them.

I like my women the same way I like my coffee. Black and ground into a fine powder.

Lol! This is sexual humor, not dark humor!

I beg to differ. I said I like black coffee, which is dark. Therefore, it's dark humor.

OH! That's pretty clever! xD
Kreakin
Posts: 240
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7/20/2016 8:20:23 AM
Posted: 4 months ago
A man went to the library to get a book on committing suicide.
When he asked the librarian she said "Fvck off you won't bring it back".
Throwback
Posts: 421
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8/12/2016 6:31:42 AM
Posted: 3 months ago
At 7/4/2016 8:20:29 PM, Black-Jesus wrote:
At 6/24/2016 4:29:31 AM, Jack_Dead wrote:
I will start off with a classic one:

Dark Humor is like a pair of legs - Not everyone have them.

What is the hardest part to eat of a vegetable?
The wheelchair

Why don't orphans know how to play baseball?
They don't know where home is

What did the leper say to the prostitute?
Keep the tip

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
zero

Outstanding!!!
When I respond with "OK" don't take it personally. I'm simply being appropriately dismissive.
Throwback
Posts: 421
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8/12/2016 6:46:35 AM
Posted: 3 months ago
An executive has a regular habit of leaving the office and instead of heading home, spends several hours at a corner tavern. As expected his wife's patience is wearing very thin and she confronts him about his coming home late every evening, having vomited all over his shirt in his drunken stupor and leaving it for her to wash.

The next day at the office he is discussing the previous night's discussion with one of his partners in crime. Thinking the man might leave off their important evening meetings, he suggests to him placing a $10 in his shirt pocket before entering the bar. "When you get home, tell her you kept your promise not to go to the tavern, you had to work very late, and one of your associates became ill and threw up down the front of your shirt. Pull out the $10 and tell her the offending party felt so guilty they even gave you $10 for the cleanup."

That evening, just as expected he came home vomit soaked and just as his wife lit into him, he gave his alibi. He reported the success to the ingenious fellow who suggested the story and they had quite a laugh at his poor wife's expense.

Again he came home late the very next day. His wife looked at him strangely when he pulled the $20 out of his shirt pocket and smugly handed it to her. After a few moments of silence under her gaze, he said, "This time he wet my pants, too."
When I respond with "OK" don't take it personally. I'm simply being appropriately dismissive.
Wolfram
Posts: 29
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8/31/2016 10:07:42 PM
Posted: 3 months ago
Dark humor? Hmm.

Once upon a time there was a drop-dead beauty girl living in the castle under the full moon, a vampire named Vulva was enjoying her living room with decorated fireplace and then suddenly the sound of banging against the silky-decorated door echoed from the door to the living room.

"Who's there?!" shouted Vulva.
"The name's Johnson! I have your merchandise here!" shouted Johnson.
"Oh! Yes." Vulva recalled the memory of merchandise she purchased.
"Well?" Johnson repeated.
"I'll open the door for you. Coming!" Vulva shouted.

As Vulva walking through the hallway to her castle's front door, the chilling wind blowing right past her overflowing, golden hair and her thin, silky white nightgown. Vulva shivered to the chilling wind:

"Ooh! Not even the warmth of fireplace can remedy this palace."
"What's that?" said johnson through the door with the unease voice.
"Nothing to alarm you, Johnson. Please come in." Said Vulva as soon as she opened the door for Johnson. The dark, hairy figure holding the plastic-wrapped queen bed with heavy, wood frame near the Vulva's gateway. Too hairy to be human, Vulva thought.

"You're a big, bad werewolf addressing my needs, aren't you?" said Vulva indulged at the sight of Johnson's figure.
"Of course, ma'am. I am obliged to assist you inside your sanctuary." Johnson replied with the awareness for Vulva's interest in him. The big, bad werewolf picked up Vulva's merchandise and tried to walk through the gateway but the gateway's silk decorations are impeding his way inside.

"Ma'am, your silk robes are blocking my way of business with you. Could you please remove it for me?" Said Johnson as he glared at Vulva and then turned his eyes to the gateway's silk decorations.
"U-um. Oh! Yes. I'll do that." mumbled Vulva as she struggled to reach high in the attempt to remove the gateway's silk decorations and moonlight revealed Vulva's nudity through her semi-transparent nightgown. Johnson gulped as he saw Vulva's extremely alluring body.
"Hurray! I got it!" cried Vulva when she freed her gateway of the silk robes.
"Good. Less obstruct, the better" smiled Johnson as he pushing Vulva's merchandise inside her gateway.

Fin.
SeventhProfessor
Posts: 5,090
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10/12/2016 1:40:42 AM
Posted: 1 month ago
Semi-related

http://i.imgur.com...
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
~mysteriouscrystals

"I've honestly never seen seventh post anything that wasn't completely idiotic in a trying-to-be-funny way."
~F-16

https://docs.google.com...
Dujec
Posts: 62
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10/18/2016 12:02:23 AM
Posted: 1 month ago
At 10/12/2016 1:40:42 AM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
Semi-related

http://i.imgur.com...

Ironic and dark, the bonus joke is that his character judgement skills undoubtedly wrecked his life.
Dujec
Posts: 62
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10/18/2016 4:27:22 AM
Posted: 1 month ago
At 6/24/2016 4:29:31 AM, Jack_Dead wrote:
I will start off with a classic one:

Dark Humor is like a pair of legs - Not everyone have them.

Hitler was a motivational speaker.

Nothing says I don't trust you at all like a joint Facebook account.

I wanna open up a maternity shop and call it "We're fucked".

The best way to protect your child from a school shooting is to make sure he"s the shooter.
Mad1980
Posts: 2
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10/21/2016 4:59:47 PM
Posted: 1 month ago
At 7/7/2016 12:58:24 AM, Ciacco wrote:
At 6/24/2016 4:29:31 AM, Jack_Dead wrote:
I will start off with a classic one:

Dark Humor is like a pair of legs - Not everyone have them.

I like my women the same way I like my coffee. Black and ground into a fine powder.

hahahaha very good