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my grandmother is dying today....

comoncents
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10/13/2009 10:58:47 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
I am not looking for sorrow or condolences so please do not send them...

she is the only one that ever cared for me when i was young... i love her a lot and she always loved me.

she had a stroke and heart attack and brian is swelling.. doc said she will not make it...

why do i not feel like crying?
is that normal?

my best memories were with her taking care of me... i am not crying, do not feel like crying, and do not feel extremely bad.
she is the only grandmother i have ever known...

she taught me to cook, and have fun... always was there for me... i would cry when ever my mom would pick me up from her house b/c i never wanted her to leave...

why do i not feel like crying?
is that normal?
Maikuru
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10/13/2009 11:02:19 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
Everyone responds to these types of situations differently. Don't preoccupy yourself with how you are feeling now and spend whatever time you can with her or family if possible. You are in the midst of this now and sometimes it takes a while for certain realizations to hit home. I know you didn't ask for this but I am sorry this is happening and I wish her luck.
"You assume I wouldn't want to burn this whole place to the ground."
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comoncents
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10/13/2009 11:02:56 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
and she was the one who fled cuba so i would have a chance to be an american... (with my pipo)grandfather(who died in hurricane andrew a long time ago.
comoncents
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10/13/2009 11:06:04 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/13/2009 11:02:19 AM, Maikuru wrote:
Everyone responds to these types of situations differently. Don't preoccupy yourself with how you are feeling now and spend whatever time you can with her or family if possible. You are in the midst of this now and sometimes it takes a while for certain realizations to hit home. I know you didn't ask for this but I am sorry this is happening and I wish her luck.

thanks...

maybe your right... it just has not hit home yet... but i have logically looked at it... and still nothing... i thought i have forced to hit home... but maybe it just has not yet...

thanks... but no need for sorrow... i was not looking for that when i posted this... and do not want people to think i was looking for people to feel sorry for me...
don't... i am ok... really
I-am-a-panda
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10/13/2009 11:12:09 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
I felt very little upon my mothers death when I was 11. People who are debated and are affluent in morality often experiences this. Atheists also feel very little for the most part.
Pizza. I have enormous respect for Pizza.
comoncents
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10/13/2009 11:17:56 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/13/2009 11:12:09 AM, I-am-a-panda wrote:
I felt very little upon my mothers death when I was 11. People who are debated and are affluent in morality often experiences this. Atheists also feel very little for the most part.

Thanks... i think that makes good sense.
simpleton
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10/13/2009 11:57:48 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
I think we build up a resistance to emotional stimuli in the same way we build up a tolerance to pain. Some people have a high tolerance from the start for certain things. When I was younger, being punched in the face was less intimidating than a tetanus shot. Why? Who knows. It was stupid but our emotional self isn't rational.

When the moment hits, you'll know it. Maybe it'll be just after the death. Maybe it'll be when all the drama that follows a death subsides and you're sitting by yourself thinking.

We're a creature that is both emotional and intellectual. Using the latter to curb the irresponsible tendencies of the former is necessary but using our intellect to unnecessarily direct our emotional self only stunts our experience of life.

Not slobbering at this stage as others might is just who you are. It is, I think, your right. Just ride with it. Chances are, you don't have an emotional awareness of the cause/effect that's happening. The next death will be different because when something bad happens in the future, it'll plug into the loss you're about to experience.

It'll be like this. When the next tragedy happens, suppose it's another stroke to a friend, when hearing of the stroke, you'll begin to experience the loss of your grandmother again.

If that makes sense.
comoncents
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10/13/2009 12:00:16 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/13/2009 11:57:48 AM, simpleton wrote:
I think we build up a resistance to emotional stimuli in the same way we build up a tolerance to pain. Some people have a high tolerance from the start for certain things. When I was younger, being punched in the face was less intimidating than a tetanus shot. Why? Who knows. It was stupid but our emotional self isn't rational.

When the moment hits, you'll know it. Maybe it'll be just after the death. Maybe it'll be when all the drama that follows a death subsides and you're sitting by yourself thinking.

We're a creature that is both emotional and intellectual. Using the latter to curb the irresponsible tendencies of the former is necessary but using our intellect to unnecessarily direct our emotional self only stunts our experience of life.

Not slobbering at this stage as others might is just who you are. It is, I think, your right. Just ride with it. Chances are, you don't have an emotional awareness of the cause/effect that's happening. The next death will be different because when something bad happens in the future, it'll plug into the loss you're about to experience.

It'll be like this. When the next tragedy happens, suppose it's another stroke to a friend, when hearing of the stroke, you'll begin to experience the loss of your grandmother again.

If that makes sense.

it does... thanks
Danielle
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10/13/2009 12:35:20 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Panda, I'm sorry about your mom. But hey, I'm an atheist, but I still respond to death. It's a natural process and not really about morality or happens after death, but rather mourning a loss in general. That's always tough. But hey, if it helps, you can take a physics approach to death :) Since energy can't be created or destroyed, when you die, your body doesn't lose all of its energy. Instead, only your cells die (which will then shrink and split into other molecules which have their own energy; these will then meet and react with other molecules all over the universe). So, although death definitely encompasses a loss, I try to think of it just as a transformation or whatever approach I happen to find comforting in that particular situation.
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simpleton
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10/13/2009 12:42:06 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Sure. I'll also add:

Be careful where you get advice. Men experience things differently than women. If you seek guidance from women on this without putting it through a Mars/Venus filter, you'll end up making a butt of yourself.

That's from personal experience.
I-am-a-panda
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10/13/2009 12:54:36 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/13/2009 12:35:20 PM, theLwerd wrote:
Panda, I'm sorry about your mom.

I thought this had been established long ago. Apparently not. Thanks for the condolences , and it's not that I'm uncormfortabele talkign about it, it's just complicated. PM me for more.

But hey, I'm an atheist, but I still respond to death. It's a natural process and not really about morality or happens after death, but rather mourning a loss in general. That's always tough. But hey, if it helps, you can take a physics approach to death :) Since energy can't be created or destroyed, when you die, your body doesn't lose all of its energy. Instead, only your cells die (which will then shrink and split into other molecules which have their own energy; these will then meet and react with other molecules all over the universe). So, although death definitely encompasses a loss, I try to think of it just as a transformation or whatever approach I happen to find comforting in that particular situation.

Science never really helps with grievance.
Pizza. I have enormous respect for Pizza.
feverish
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10/13/2009 3:04:19 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Best wishes to you and your family Common.

I found out last week that my mum has a malignant tumour and I'm coming to terms with the fact we may lose her soon. I'm flying out to see her soon in your neck of the woods Panda, she's at the Mater hospital in Dublin. I don't know how I would have coped if she'd passed when I was a kid, you have my sympathy and my respect.
comoncents
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10/13/2009 3:16:28 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/13/2009 3:04:19 PM, feverish wrote:
Best wishes to you and your family Common.

I found out last week that my mum has a malignant tumour and I'm coming to terms with the fact we may lose her soon. I'm flying out to see her soon in your neck of the woods Panda, she's at the Mater hospital in Dublin. I don't know how I would have coped if she'd passed when I was a kid, you have my sympathy and my respect.

I am sorry you are going through that.. it must be tough. I hope something can be don... and if not, I hope every moment you have left will be the best moments ever, and that you will remember them always.
tkubok
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10/13/2009 3:55:00 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Completely normal. My mom died, and i didnt cry. My dad died, and i didnt cry. Usually, men dont cry, but women do. That, and you werent that close to your grandmother.
studentathletechristian8
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10/14/2009 12:36:32 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
It's kind of weird for me too. I feel if one of my grandparents passed away, I wouldn't cry. If my dad did, I may cry a little, but if my mom did, my mind would go ballistic. I guess my emotion goes on a personal basis.
I-am-a-panda
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10/14/2009 1:36:57 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/13/2009 3:04:19 PM, feverish wrote:
Best wishes to you and your family Common.

I found out last week that my mum has a malignant tumour and I'm coming to terms with the fact we may lose her soon. I'm flying out to see her soon in your neck of the woods Panda, she's at the Mater hospital in Dublin. I don't know how I would have coped if she'd passed when I was a kid, you have my sympathy and my respect.

Mater hospital? 'Tis a fair hospital. I hope everything goes okay.
Pizza. I have enormous respect for Pizza.
leet4A1
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10/15/2009 3:03:35 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/15/2009 3:55:30 AM, feverish wrote:
Thanks guys.

Sh*t mate, I only just read this thread... best of luck to your mother and family. I can't even imagine losing a loved one, much less my mother.
"Let me tell you the truth. The truth is, 'what is'. And 'what should be' is a fantasy, a terrible terrible lie that someone gave to the people long ago. The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is." - Lenny Bruce

"Satan goes to church, did you know that?" - Godsands

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Republican95
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10/19/2009 3:20:11 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/13/2009 10:58:47 AM, comoncents wrote:

why do i not feel like crying?
is that normal?

My great-grandfather died after a long battle with a brain tumor on January 5, 2009. At that time he was 87, yesterday would have been his 88th birthday. We had known that he wasn't going to life much longer since, about, the week before Christmas.

This man, when I was younger, like 5 and 6, would take me fishing and we would do all types of fun things together. Yet, right before I knew he was going to die and after he actually die, I didn't cry.

What you are going through in understandable.

When you first learned of your grandmother's likely death, you probably didn't cry because at that time what you were hearing was shocking. Even if you knew her death was right around the corner, the news of her impeding death induces more of a state of shock, than a state of grief. Shock isn't an emotion, its a lack of emotion. That would explain you lack of crying.

In the case of my grandfather, I didn't really grieve until the April after he died. I went to his funeral and saw him get put in the ground, but I still didn't grieve. I think that the death isn't what brings about the grief, what bought about the grief in my case was the constant day-in and day-out without him being there.

Death hits you about three-to-six months after it happens.
banker
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10/20/2009 11:11:46 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
we find this more and more people, disregard the suffering of the weak, the pain and tragedy of the helpless.!!
sometimes at one point those who become void of emotion,emotion other then hate strugle to come to terms with this void..!! but thier lust to hate will still not alow the return to compassion..!!

joining the ranks of jihadist who could put the blame of thier actions on its victims endures a price..!! sometimes the price is dehumanization..
the most important source for muslim Arabs:

"And thereafter We [Allah] said to the Children of Israel: 'Dwell securely in the Promised Land. And when the last warning will come to pass, we will gather you together in a mingled crowd'.".

- Qur'an 17:104 -

Any sincere muslim must recognize the Land they call "Palestine" as the Jewish Homeland, according to the book considered by muslims to be the most sacred word and Allah's ultimate revelation.

Ibn Khaldun, one of the most creditable
I-am-a-panda
Posts: 15,380
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10/20/2009 1:14:18 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/20/2009 11:11:46 AM, banker wrote:
we find this more and more people, disregard the suffering of the weak, the pain and tragedy of the helpless.!!
sometimes at one point those who become void of emotion,emotion other then hate strugle to come to terms with this void..!! but thier lust to hate will still not alow the return to compassion..!!

"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic" - Josef Stalin


joining the ranks of jihadist who could put the blame of thier actions on its victims endures a price..!! sometimes the price is dehumanization..

His grandmother isn't dying because of Jihad. Sure, they're bunch of crazies, but we're not Jihadists, and you're the type of person to kill innocent Muslims on account of them being heartless Jihadist. At this point, who's the heartless Christian?

Go Atheist.
Pizza. I have enormous respect for Pizza.
banker
Posts: 1,370
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10/20/2009 1:28:36 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/20/2009 1:14:18 PM, I-am-a-panda wrote:
At 10/20/2009 11:11:46 AM, banker wrote:
we find this more and more people, disregard the suffering of the weak, the pain and tragedy of the helpless.!!
sometimes at one point those who become void of emotion,emotion other then hate strugle to come to terms with this void..!! but thier lust to hate will still not alow the return to compassion..!!


"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic" - Josef Stalin


joining the ranks of jihadist who could put the blame of thier actions on its victims endures a price..!! sometimes the price is dehumanization..

His grandmother isn't dying because of Jihad. Sure, they're bunch of crazies, but we're not Jihadists, and you're the type of person to kill innocent Muslims on account of them being heartless Jihadist. At this point, who's the heartless Christian?

Go Atheist.
my point is that the bigest victims of islam, are muslims.

the raped girl hanged in iran age 16 was muslim

18 year old gay kids hanged in iran where muslim.

ny girl honor killed by her father where muslim..!!

we need to save them from islam...!!
if islams victims would be mostly christians more people would understand we need to save them...!!
the most important source for muslim Arabs:

"And thereafter We [Allah] said to the Children of Israel: 'Dwell securely in the Promised Land. And when the last warning will come to pass, we will gather you together in a mingled crowd'.".

- Qur'an 17:104 -

Any sincere muslim must recognize the Land they call "Palestine" as the Jewish Homeland, according to the book considered by muslims to be the most sacred word and Allah's ultimate revelation.

Ibn Khaldun, one of the most creditable
I-am-a-panda
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10/20/2009 1:34:22 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/20/2009 1:28:36 PM, banker wrote:
At 10/20/2009 1:14:18 PM, I-am-a-panda wrote:
At 10/20/2009 11:11:46 AM, banker wrote:
we find this more and more people, disregard the suffering of the weak, the pain and tragedy of the helpless.!!
sometimes at one point those who become void of emotion,emotion other then hate strugle to come to terms with this void..!! but thier lust to hate will still not alow the return to compassion..!!


"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic" - Josef Stalin


joining the ranks of jihadist who could put the blame of thier actions on its victims endures a price..!! sometimes the price is dehumanization..

His grandmother isn't dying because of Jihad. Sure, they're bunch of crazies, but we're not Jihadists, and you're the type of person to kill innocent Muslims on account of them being heartless Jihadist. At this point, who's the heartless Christian?

Go Atheist.
my point is that the bigest victims of islam, are muslims.

the raped girl hanged in iran age 16 was muslim

18 year old gay kids hanged in iran where muslim.

ny girl honor killed by her father where muslim..!!

Sources please.


we need to save them from islam...!!

See, here's the problem - Islam has legitimate values. Just because a vertain, small percentage are committing these acts, doesn't mean you shoudl ban the religion outright. Banning it would probably increase said attacks.

if islams victims would be mostly christians more people would understand we need to save them...!!

Probably, but according to you they're still humans. Make up your mind.
Pizza. I have enormous respect for Pizza.
banker
Posts: 1,370
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10/20/2009 1:43:10 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/20/2009 1:34:22 PM, I-am-a-panda wrote:
At 10/20/2009 1:28:36 PM, banker wrote:
At 10/20/2009 1:14:18 PM, I-am-a-panda wrote:
At 10/20/2009 11:11:46 AM, banker wrote:
we find this more and more people, disregard the suffering of the weak, the pain and tragedy of the helpless.!!
sometimes at one point those who become void of emotion,emotion other then hate strugle to come to terms with this void..!! but thier lust to hate will still not alow the return to compassion..!!


"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic" - Josef Stalin


joining the ranks of jihadist who could put the blame of thier actions on its victims endures a price..!! sometimes the price is dehumanization..

His grandmother isn't dying because of Jihad. Sure, they're bunch of crazies, but we're not Jihadists, and you're the type of person to kill innocent Muslims on account of them being heartless Jihadist. At this point, who's the heartless Christian?

Go Atheist.
my point is that the bigest victims of islam, are muslims.

the raped girl hanged in iran age 16 was muslim

18 year old gay kids hanged in iran where muslim.

ny girl honor killed by her father where muslim..!!

Sources please.


we need to save them from islam...!!

See, here's the problem - Islam has legitimate values. Just because a vertain, small percentage are committing these acts, doesn't mean you shoudl ban the religion outright. Banning it would probably increase said attacks.

if islams victims would be mostly christians more people would understand we need to save them...!!

Probably, but according to you they're still humans. Make up your mind.

well not only are they still humans ,they are more loyal, and more trustig then we are,and are all over nice people,
most muslims are victims of islam
the most important source for muslim Arabs:

"And thereafter We [Allah] said to the Children of Israel: 'Dwell securely in the Promised Land. And when the last warning will come to pass, we will gather you together in a mingled crowd'.".

- Qur'an 17:104 -

Any sincere muslim must recognize the Land they call "Palestine" as the Jewish Homeland, according to the book considered by muslims to be the most sacred word and Allah's ultimate revelation.

Ibn Khaldun, one of the most creditable
Volkov
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10/20/2009 1:45:38 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/20/2009 1:43:10 PM, banker wrote:
most muslims are victims of islam

And most Americans are killed by other Americans. Does this mean we need to save Americans from America?
banker
Posts: 1,370
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10/20/2009 1:50:49 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/20/2009 1:45:38 PM, Volkov wrote:
At 10/20/2009 1:43:10 PM, banker wrote:
most muslims are victims of islam

And most Americans are killed by other Americans. Does this mean we need to save Americans from America?

yes..! and this is why police are there ,and curts are there,crime prevantion education,etc.
the most important source for muslim Arabs:

"And thereafter We [Allah] said to the Children of Israel: 'Dwell securely in the Promised Land. And when the last warning will come to pass, we will gather you together in a mingled crowd'.".

- Qur'an 17:104 -

Any sincere muslim must recognize the Land they call "Palestine" as the Jewish Homeland, according to the book considered by muslims to be the most sacred word and Allah's ultimate revelation.

Ibn Khaldun, one of the most creditable
I-am-a-panda
Posts: 15,380
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10/20/2009 1:52:40 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/20/2009 1:43:10 PM, banker wrote:
At 10/20/2009 1:34:22 PM, I-am-a-panda wrote:
At 10/20/2009 1:28:36 PM, banker wrote:
At 10/20/2009 1:14:18 PM, I-am-a-panda wrote:
At 10/20/2009 11:11:46 AM, banker wrote:
we find this more and more people, disregard the suffering of the weak, the pain and tragedy of the helpless.!!
sometimes at one point those who become void of emotion,emotion other then hate strugle to come to terms with this void..!! but thier lust to hate will still not alow the return to compassion..!!


"A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic" - Josef Stalin


joining the ranks of jihadist who could put the blame of thier actions on its victims endures a price..!! sometimes the price is dehumanization..

His grandmother isn't dying because of Jihad. Sure, they're bunch of crazies, but we're not Jihadists, and you're the type of person to kill innocent Muslims on account of them being heartless Jihadist. At this point, who's the heartless Christian?

Go Atheist.
my point is that the bigest victims of islam, are muslims.

the raped girl hanged in iran age 16 was muslim

18 year old gay kids hanged in iran where muslim.

ny girl honor killed by her father where muslim..!!

Sources please.


we need to save them from islam...!!

See, here's the problem - Islam has legitimate values. Just because a vertain, small percentage are committing these acts, doesn't mean you shoudl ban the religion outright. Banning it would probably increase said attacks.

if islams victims would be mostly christians more people would understand we need to save them...!!

Probably, but according to you they're still humans. Make up your mind.

well not only are they still humans ,they are more loyal, and more trustig then we are,and are all over nice people,
most muslims are victims of islam

Humans are killing humans! Should we save humans from humans?
Pizza. I have enormous respect for Pizza.
Volkov
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10/20/2009 1:55:12 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/20/2009 1:50:49 PM, banker wrote:
yes..! and this is why police are there ,and curts are there,crime prevantion education,etc.

But, that isn't very consistent with your idea of what to do with Muslims. You want to "save them from Islam," which implies you want to take them out of it altogether and, I don't know, convert them to Christianity or something.

That is much different from setting up police forces and courts.
Danielle
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10/20/2009 1:59:53 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/13/2009 12:42:06 PM, simpleton wrote:
Sure. I'll also add:

Be careful where you get advice. Men experience things differently than women. If you seek guidance from women on this without putting it through a Mars/Venus filter, you'll end up making a butt of yourself.

That's from personal experience.

This sounds kind of ignorant. Everybody experiences things differently. Period. Worrying about sexist stereotypes should be the least of your concerns when you're grieving or going through a tough time.
President of DDO
Danielle
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10/20/2009 2:02:07 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 10/13/2009 3:55:00 PM, tkubok wrote:
Completely normal. My mom died, and i didnt cry. My dad died, and i didnt cry. Usually, men dont cry, but women do. That, and you werent that close to your grandmother.

It's also a culture thing. For instance, Italians are known to be... I don't want to say dramatic, but emotional (and it's true - we are). I've seen a lot of guys cry at funerals. It depends on who dies and your relationship with them, your own personal feelings and well being at the time, and the situation. Anyway, that said, I can't imagine not crying if any of my parents or grandparents died. Fortunately all of mine are still alive. I'll bawl like crazy crazy crazy the day any of them go, but that's just me.
President of DDO