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40 Ways Men Fail In Bed

Wallstreetatheist
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4/24/2013 10:05:29 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
1) NOT KISSING FIRST.
Avoiding her lips and diving straight for the erogenous zones makes her feel like you're paying by the hour and trying to get your money's worth by cutting out nonessentials. A proper passionate kiss is the ultimate form of foreplay.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.
Admit it, some kid at school told you girls love this. Well, there's a difference between being erotic and blowing as if you're trying to extinguish the candles on your 50th birthday cake. That hurts.

3) NOT SHAVING.
You often forget you have a porcupine strapped to your chin which you rake repeatedly across your partner's face and thighs. When she turns her head from side to side, it's not passion, it's avoidance.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.
Most men act like a housewife testing a melon for ripeness when they get their hand on a pair. Stroke, caress, and smooth them.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.
Why do men fasten onto a woman's nipples, then clamp down like they're trying to deflate her body via her breasts? Nipples are highly sensitive. They can't stand up to chewing. Lick and suck them gently. Flicking your tongue across them is good. Pretending they're a dogie toy isn't.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.
Stop doing that thing where you twiddle the nipples between finger and thumb like you're trying to find a radio station in a hilly area. Focus on the whole breasts, not just the exclamation points.

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.
A woman is not a highway with just three turnoffs: Breastville East and
West, and the Midtown Tunnel. There are vast areas of her body which you've ignored far too often as you go bombing straight into downtown Vagina. So start paying them some attention.

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.
Poor manual dexterity in the underskirt region can result in tangled fingers and underpants. If you're going to be that aggressive, just ask her to take the damn things off.

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.
Condom disposal is the man's responsibility. You wore it, you store it.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.
Direct pressure is very unpleasant, so gently rotate your fingers along side of the clitoris.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.
Women, unlike men, don't pick up where they left off. If you stop, they plummet back to square one very fast. If you can tell she's not there, keep going at all costs, numb jaw or not.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.
Women hate looking stupid, but stupid she will look when naked at the
waist with a sweater stuck over her head. Unwrap her like an elegant present, not a kid's toy.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.
Stroking her gently through her panties can be very sexy. Pulling the material up between her thighs and yanking it back and forth is not.

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.
Although most men can find the clitoris without maps, they still believe that the vagina is where it's all at. No sooner is your hand down there than you're trying to stuff stolen banknotes up a chimney. This is okay in principle, but if you're not careful, it can hurt - so don't get carried
away. It's best to pay more attention to her clitoris and the exterior of her vagina at first, then gently slip a finger inside her and see if she likes
it.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.
You're attempting to give her a sensual, relaxing massage to get her in the mood. Hands and fingertips are okay; elbows and knees are not.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.
Don't force the issue by stripping before she's at least made some move toward getting your stuff off, even if it's just undoing a couple of buttons.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.
A man in socks and underpants is a at his worst. Lose the socks fist.

18) GOING TOO FAST.
When you get to the penis-in-vagina situation, the worst thing you can do
is pump away like an industrial power tool - she'll soon feel like an assembly-line worker made obsolete by your technology. Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

19) GOING TOO HARD.
If you bash your great triangular hip bones into her thigh or stomach, the pain is equal to two weeks of horseback riding concentrated into a few seconds.

20) COMING TOO SOON.
Every man's fear. With reason. If you shoot before you see the whites of
her eyes, make sure you have a backup plan to ensure her pleasure too.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.
It may appear to you that humping for an hour without climaxing is the mark of a sex god, but to her it's more likely the mark of a numb vagina. At least buy some intriguing wall hangings, so she has something to hold her interest while you're playing Marathon Man.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.
You really ought to be able to tell. Most women make noise. But if you really don't know, don't ask

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.
Don't act like a giant cat at a saucer of milk. Get your whole mouth down there, and concentrate on gently rotating or flicking your tongue on her clitoris.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.
Men persist in doing this until she's eyeball-to-penis, hoping that it
will lead very swiftly to mouth-to-penis. All women hate this. It's about three steps from being dragged to a cave by their hair. If you want her to use her mouth, use yours; try talking seductively to her.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it.
When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.
Don't thrust. She'll do all the moving during fellatio. You just lie there. And don't grab her head.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.
In X-rated movies, women seem to love it when men ejaculate over them. In real life, it just means more laundry to do.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.
Asking her to be on top is fine. Lying there grunting while she does all the hard work is not. Caress her gently, so that she doesn't feel quite so much like the captain of a schooner. And let her have a rest.

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
This is how men earn a reputation for not being able to follow directions. If you want to put it there, ask her first. And don't think that being drunk is an excuse.

30) TAKING PICTURES.
When a man says, "Can I take a photo of you?" she'll hear the words "__to show my buddies." At least let her have custody of them.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.
There is no less erotic noise. It's as sexy as a belching contest.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.
If she wants to do advanced yoga in bed, fine, but unless she's a Romanian gymnast, don't get too ambitious. Ask yourself if you want a sexual partner with snapped hamstrings.

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.
Read this carefully: Anal stimulation feels good for men because they have a prostate. Women don't.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.
It is highly erotic to exert some gentle suction on the sides of the neck,
if you do it carefully. No woman wants to have to wear turtlenecks and jaunty scarves for weeks on end.

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Don't shout encouragement like a coach with a megaphone. It's not a big turn-on.

37) TALKING DIRTY.
It makes you sound like a lonely magazine editor calling a 1-900 line. If she likes nasty talk, she'll let you know

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.
You have to finish the job. Keep on trying until you get it right, and she might even do the same for you.

39) SQUASHING HER.
Men generally weigh more than women, so if you lie on her a bit too heavily, she will turn blue.

40) THANKING HER.
Never thank a woman for having sex with you. Your bedroom is not a soup kitchen.

Do not commit these sins.
DRUG HARM: http://imgur.com...
Primal Diet. Lifting. Reading. Psychedelics. Cold-Approach Pickup. Music.
tvellalott
Posts: 10,864
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4/24/2013 11:14:33 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
This is mostly common sense.
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

Muh threads
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RyuuKyuzo
Posts: 3,074
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4/24/2013 11:19:17 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/24/2013 10:05:29 PM, Wallstreetatheist wrote:
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it.
When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

Yeah, I'm gunna go out on a limb and say you didn't write this list.
If you're reading this, you're awesome and you should feel awesome.
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,450
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4/25/2013 12:20:18 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
I disagree with the facial hair one. There are women out there who actually prefer facial hair...
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
Wallstreetatheist
Posts: 7,132
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4/25/2013 12:34:08 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/24/2013 11:19:17 PM, RyuuKyuzo wrote:
At 4/24/2013 10:05:29 PM, Wallstreetatheist wrote:
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it.
When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

Yeah, I'm gunna go out on a limb and say you didn't write this list.

Nope, but I do know a great recipe to make semen taste good for your lady friends [http://www.food.com...].
DRUG HARM: http://imgur.com...
Primal Diet. Lifting. Reading. Psychedelics. Cold-Approach Pickup. Music.
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,450
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4/25/2013 2:15:14 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/25/2013 12:34:08 AM, Wallstreetatheist wrote:
At 4/24/2013 11:19:17 PM, RyuuKyuzo wrote:
At 4/24/2013 10:05:29 PM, Wallstreetatheist wrote:
25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.
Sperm tastes like sea water mixed with egg white. Not everybody likes it.
When she's performing oral sex, warn her before you come so she can do what's necessary.

Yeah, I'm gunna go out on a limb and say you didn't write this list.

Nope, but I do know a great recipe to make semen taste good for your lady friends [http://www.food.com...].

This actually is legitimate, what you eat effects the taste of your "secret sauce" if you will
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,450
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4/25/2013 2:20:57 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/25/2013 2:17:09 AM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
Where is the clitoris? When they say next to the vagina, do they mean on the leg?

LOL, u jokin right?
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,362
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4/25/2013 2:25:36 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/25/2013 2:20:57 AM, Buddamoose wrote:
At 4/25/2013 2:17:09 AM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
Where is the clitoris? When they say next to the vagina, do they mean on the leg?

LOL, u jokin right?

Only a little bit.
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,450
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4/25/2013 2:26:23 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/25/2013 2:25:36 AM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
At 4/25/2013 2:20:57 AM, Buddamoose wrote:
At 4/25/2013 2:17:09 AM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
Where is the clitoris? When they say next to the vagina, do they mean on the leg?

LOL, u jokin right?

Only a little bit.

Fair enough
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
FourTrouble
Posts: 12,777
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4/25/2013 2:28:06 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/25/2013 12:20:18 AM, Buddamoose wrote:
I disagree with the facial hair one. There are women out there who actually prefer facial hair...

This is so true, so many girls out there have beard fetishes oddly enough.
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,450
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4/25/2013 2:32:36 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/25/2013 2:28:06 AM, FourTrouble wrote:
At 4/25/2013 12:20:18 AM, Buddamoose wrote:
I disagree with the facial hair one. There are women out there who actually prefer facial hair...

This is so true, so many girls out there have beard fetishes oddly enough.

I wouldnt say oddly, beards give a rugged, masculine appearance, no facial hair gives a younger, baby-facd. Certain women are attracted to the latter, some the former. Some to both. For example I've had gf's that were equally as attracted to facial hair and clean shaven, all depended on the circumstance.
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,450
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4/25/2013 2:44:01 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Imagination is anything from drawing patterns on her back to pouring honey on her and licking it off. Fruit, vegetables, ice and feathers are all handy props; hot candle wax and permanent dye are a no no.

HOLD UP! I can understand why some women would not find candle wax a turn-on, but there are women out there who do. In fact, the stimulation of hot to cold, think candle wax followed by an ice cube in the mouth, I have found with certain women, is an intense stimulation.

Polar opposites if you will. As for the whole "Oral Sex" thing. I just play the alphabet game, but at random with letters of the alphabet, making sure to acknowledge the vocal cues o what letters are working and what dont. And if it doesnt seem to be working... GO WITH ARABIC YO
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,450
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4/25/2013 2:46:54 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
and if that doesnt work, and I've only had to resort to that once... and I haven't ever reached the "if that doesnt work" point. I'd throw in the towel and just go to sleep.

I dont feel satisfied unless the woman is satisfied 95% of the time, and I would just get frustrated and stop if it wasnt working. Simple as that
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
Eitan_Zohar
Posts: 2,697
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4/25/2013 3:29:01 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
What's the best thing to be high on when losing your virginity? I'm probably not capable of getting my hands on any drug harsher than marijuana, but I'd like to know.
"It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book."
muzebreak
Posts: 2,781
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4/25/2013 3:52:23 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
I would say it's probably exstasy. I'v only done it on weed though.
"Every kid starts out as a natural-born scientist, and then we beat it out of them. A few trickle through the system with their wonder and enthusiasm for science intact." - Carl Sagan

This is the response of the defenders of Sparta to the Commander of the Roman Army: "If you are a god, you will not hurt those who have never injured you. If you are a man, advance - you will find men equal to yourself. And women.
Osiris
Posts: 265
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4/25/2013 10:14:41 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/25/2013 3:29:01 AM, Eitan_Zohar wrote:
What's the best thing to be high on when losing your virginity? I'm probably not capable of getting my hands on any drug harsher than marijuana, but I'd like to know.

Shrooms
"Common sense is not so common." -Voltaire
lewis20
Posts: 5,093
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4/25/2013 10:18:53 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/25/2013 2:20:57 AM, Buddamoose wrote:
At 4/25/2013 2:17:09 AM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
Where is the clitoris? When they say next to the vagina, do they mean on the leg?

LOL, u jokin right?
"If you are a racist I will attack you with the north"- Abraham Lincoln

"Do not wear clothing woven of two kinds of material" - Leviticus 19 19

"War is a racket" - Smedley Butler
Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,151
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4/25/2013 11:10:25 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Some of these are blatantly false, but others... I'm amazed that someone would ever need to be told that. Like #40, if you have to thank me, it's like I did a favor for you. Sex isn't a favor. Or, it shouldn't be - we should both enjoy it. I've been told "thank you" before. It's just awkward.

For most of those, just ask what she likes. For some people, these things will be exactly right. For others, they like beards or candle wax or biting. The internet does not know the girl you are about to have sex with.
johnnyboy54
Posts: 6,362
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4/25/2013 11:28:44 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/25/2013 10:18:53 PM, lewis20 wrote:
At 4/25/2013 2:20:57 AM, Buddamoose wrote:
At 4/25/2013 2:17:09 AM, johnnyboy54 wrote:
Where is the clitoris? When they say next to the vagina, do they mean on the leg?

LOL, u jokin right?



Good man
I didn't order assholes with my whiskey.
lannan13
Posts: 23,111
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5/1/2013 5:34:38 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
LMFAO! nac.
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If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
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lannan13
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5/1/2013 5:38:16 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/25/2013 10:14:41 PM, Osiris wrote:
At 4/25/2013 3:29:01 AM, Eitan_Zohar wrote:
What's the best thing to be high on when losing your virginity? I'm probably not capable of getting my hands on any drug harsher than marijuana, but I'd like to know.

Shrooms

lol wut?
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-Lannan13'S SIGNATURE-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If the sky's the limit then why do we have footprints on the Moon? I'm shooting my aspirations for the stars.

"If you are going through hell, keep going." "Sir Winston Churchill

"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." "Eleanor Roosevelt

Topics I want to debate. (http://tinyurl.com...)
-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~
bluesteel
Posts: 12,301
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5/11/2013 3:02:25 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
pff, they forgot for foreplay: go slower. However, slow you think is slow enough, multiply by a factor of 10.

The best is if you massage, kiss, caress around the vagina (her lower stomach area, thighs, etc) but don't any get closer for a reaaaaaally long time, until she's begging you to.
You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into - Jonathan Swift (paraphrase)
R0b1Billion
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5/12/2013 8:18:24 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
1) NOT KISSING FIRST.

Kissing isn't first. First you have to fuck her verbally. This takes effort and creativity. Find ways to compliment her and other witty things to turn her on. Kissing is somewhere in the middle.

2) BLOWING TOO HARD IN HER EAR.

You should gently kiss around the ear, with a little nibble, and perhaps just a short breath here and there just to show her you are getting worked up. Blowing is not a good thing.

3) NOT SHAVING.

Either a fresh shave or hair that is longer than a few millimeters. Stubble is trouble.

4) SQUEEZING HER BREAST.

Lots of girls love their tits squeezed, especially those who like it rough. The key is how you squeeze them, careful not to pinch or bruise them and probably not over and over again. But a good firm squeeze is definitely desired by some.

5) BITING HER NIPPLES.

Gently can be hot.

6) TWIDDLING HER NIPPLES.

lol maybe if I'm bored?

7) IGNORING THE OTHER PARTS OF HER BODY.

Personally, I kiss every square millimeter of their body (maybe not all in one sitting), except the hair and eyeballs (and I get the hair with scalp massages and casual brushing with my fingers). Unfortunately lots of girls don't like their feet played with or their salad tossed, and that is usually a good sign I need to find a more sensual mate ;)

8) GETTING THE HAND TRAPPED.

n00bed!

9) LEAVING HER A LITTLE PRESENT.

A good tip is to have fresh towels strategically placed, not only for clean-up, but for condom disposal. Think these things through before-hand.

10) ATTACKING THE CLITORIS.

That depends on the chick. If I'm used to a gentler one, a rougher one will have to force my head in there (and vice-versa). You got to get to know how your woman likes it.

11) STOPPING FOR A BREAK.

If you're going for a speedy orgy then yeah, but I will toy with them sometimes because I'm not an orgasm vending-machine. Making them beg is part of the fun.

12) UNDRESSING HER AWKWARDLY.

Gawd I hate bra hooks. I should buy a bra and practice or something lol. I don't see this being a deal-breaker for her anyway, clothes are not part of her body. Sometimes I just make her undress, probably not the smoothest, but a good lover will key-in to wearing easily-accessible clothing when the time is right.

13) GIVING HER A WEDGIE DURING FOREPLAY.

I've been surprised by getting good reactions from this on occasion, actually. If they are clothed and wearing a thong, a gentle tug on the back can stimulate the clit without causing too much discomfort. She's got the damned thing jammed up her ass anyways :P

14) BEING OBSESSED WITH THE VAGINA.

The clitoris extrudes over the vagina, but runs back inside her and surrounds the vagina - you're still hitting it inside. It's important to get it in both spots. I have yet to master the technique fully, but I hear the technique with the highest ceiling is to penetrate her gently with your fingers, exiting each time and running your fingers over the clit on the way out (repeating). This gets both with one stroke, but it is difficult and you have to be in a pretty strategic position with your hands.

15) MASSAGING TOO ROUGHLY.

Circumstantial. There is sometimes utility for all sorts of different pressures. Again, some women like to be roughed up a little.

16) UNDRESSING PREMATURELY.

Circumstantial, although generally the rule, yes. Sometimes it's hot for me to be naked while she's not - but that shouldn't be typical.

17) TAKING YOUR PANTS OFF FIRST.

Socks are dirt-collectors, so yeah, they aren't usually going to help anything.

18) GOING TOO FAST.
Build up slowly, with clean, straight, regular thrusts.

Typically, yes. I usually just start as slow as possible, and then wait for them to grab my ass and force it into them (again, make them beg for it). I will draw sex out for long periods of time and put them through anguish lol. I don't like to give it to them too easily. If you follow this logic, and give it to them REALLY good when you do decide to, they will go crazy for you.

19) GOING TOO HARD.

Well that depends on your size (both body-size and cock-size). If you're endowed like a horse, don't shove it into her spleen... but I've found girls love to be thrashed and man-handled. Don't go wimpy, please.

20) COMING TOO SOON.

Overrated deficiency. If you come, then lick her for a moment and fck her again. It won't take long for Johnny to get back on his feet.

21) NOT COMING SOON ENOUGH.

Sex can last for hours, but it should include foreplay and lots of variety. I've fcked girls all night long, making them come so many times we can't possibly count them. That's atypical though. You should be able to read when she's ready or not ready for that level of amazement.

22) ASKING IF SHE HAS COME.

I've had to teach girls to say something (and at one point I needed to be taught myself). It's the comer's job to let the comee know they are coming. Don't be silent, and if your lover is then politely tell them (afterwards!) that they should let their emotions out while coming. When you come, you should moan and groan (both guys and girls) to exclaim to your partner your pleasure. This, in turn, makes them come as well and you come together. Communication is key.

23) PERFORMING ORAL SEX TOO GENTLY.

Again, each girl has a certain pressure you should accustom yourself to. It's all in the muscle-memory.

24) NUDGING HER HEAD DOWN.

Some girls like being treated like prostitutes, I am not attracted by most of them though.

25) NOT WARNING HER BEFORE YOU CLIMAX.

Again, if you are doing it right, she won't need a verbal update, she will hear you moaning in anticipation. She will feel you bulging and pulsing. There are signs, and some don't mind it in their mouths anyway.

26) MOVING AROUND DURING FELLATIO.

Circumstantial. I will writhe in pleasure if it's really good, but yeah you got to be careful not to thrust down her throat. Sometimes it's hotter to lie still as well, I've had great orgasms both ways.

27) TAKING ETIQUETTE ADVICE FROM PORN MOVIES.

Circumstantial. You need to learn her likes and dislikes. Whether YOU like what she likes or dislikes reflects your compatibility in bed.

28) MAKING HER RIDE ON TOP FOR AGES.

Some girls can only come while on their stomach, some like variety... I personally like variety. Non-verbal communication is important here: do you want to ride me? Or let me take control?

29) ATTEMPTING ANAL SEX AND PRETENDING IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

I'm not this freaky, and I'm horrified to think of what color my cock will be when it comes out of there. I love tossing salad, but more than an inch or two up there and you're going to get more than you bargained for. If your girl is that loose that her vagina doesn't hug you perfectly, then something's probably not right. At least that's my experience.

30) TAKING PICTURES.

Talk to Dakota about this. I'm not that kinky.

31) NOT BEING IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH.

Girls love when you put the EFFORT in to thinking about special ways to enhance your sex life, more than the actual props and media themselves. If you don't care to enhance it, then that shows you aren't excited about it any more. Buy a pack of dum-dums and fck her with them and eat the lollipop while you do it. protip.

32) SLAPPING YOUR STOMACH AGAINST HERS.

Yeah slapping can be an issue. Do your best to make all aspects/senses pleasurable.

33) ARRANGING HER IN STUPID POSES.

Got to try new positions! Sit on a closed toilet and have her straddle you. Then gently lean forward until your legs support both your weight while you hold her in the air. I believe in "Baby-Boy" he called them "nigga squats" lol. If you're half-way strong and careful, you can fck her while her weight is easily balanced on your legs and she will think you are fcking superman afterwards.
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
R0b1Billion
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5/12/2013 8:26:45 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Continued...

34) LOOKING FOR HER PROSTATE.

Some chicks like a finger, but yeah I can't see that being too comfortable.

35) GIVING LOVE BITES.

Again, some girls like it rough, but I would imagine most are going to want nothing more than a nibble. This is another area where I've experience problems changing lovers and then having the wrong muscle-memory saved -_-

36) BARKING INSTRUCTIONS, 37) TALKING DIRTY.

If it is witty in the sexual sense, it will turn her on more. If it isn't, it won't. I think it's important that you explore and develop your dirty talk though, because if you don't it will be a sign that you're giving up on enhancing your sex life. If she doesn't want to hear it at all and you aren't into it either, then you don't have to.

38) NOT CARING WHETHER SHE COMES.

It's simply the golden rule all the way - do to her as you would like her to do to you. You should not focus on getting yourself off, your focus should be exclusively on doing exactly what she wants. Anticipating her every desire is your prime directive. If you accomplish this directive, she will find ways to pleasure you that you hadn't even imagined yet. If she doesn't, then perhaps it's time for a trade-in.

39) SQUASHING HER.

Lol

40) THANKING HER.

lol
Beliefs in a nutshell:
- The Ends never justify the Means.
- Objectivity is secondary to subjectivity.
- The War on Drugs is the worst policy in the U.S.
- Most people worship technology as a religion.
- Computers will never become sentient.
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,450
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5/12/2013 8:38:10 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 4/25/2013 3:52:23 AM, muzebreak wrote:
I would say it's probably exstasy. I'v only done it on weed though.

^^this
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
Tiffany1billion
Posts: 44
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5/13/2013 3:17:59 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Wall Street: What are you, some sexual genuis?? Did you find this in a book or website or something? There's no way that you managed to figured all this out in 18 years.....anyway, I will be coming back to this thread shortly to throw in my 2 cents :)
Tiffany