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The Quantum New-agey Altmed Technobabble

jh1234l
Posts: 580
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4/9/2014 5:31:58 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The magical healing quantum chakra cure has magical quantum healing properties. That is because it stimulates the global counsciousness field, resulting in individual magical quantum information packets. These packets enter your nervous system, stimulating your counsciousness, giving you the spell of magicalness. Why? Because we are all actually information packet wavelengths in the global counsciousness quantum field, which can be enhanced with the chakra cure. The cure can fix all maladies such as vomiting, fever, cancer, and aids.

To do the magical healing quantum chakra cure, dip a unpeeled organic fruit of Musa acuminata into olive oil. Carefully rub it against the Muladhara, the Root Chakra to make the Mother Goddess change your electro-quantum frequency on the global counsciousness quantum field, and enhance your spiritual hippyness-vortex wellbeing. Then, insert it into the depression located near the chakra, and then pull it out. You should feel the happiness coming from the relations between the quantum-counsciousness-technobabble field and the electromagnetic effects on your counsciousness and happiness.
My political compass:
Economic Left/Right: -1.00
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -2.82
1 square right of Nelson Mandela, 2 squares down from Francois Hollande
dylancatlow
Posts: 12,252
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4/9/2014 6:43:44 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/9/2014 6:35:42 PM, Cody_Franklin wrote:
Well, it does have the word "quantum" in it. A lot. Must be pretty credible.

But has it been SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN???
Cody_Franklin
Posts: 9,484
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4/10/2014 12:50:50 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/9/2014 6:43:44 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 4/9/2014 6:35:42 PM, Cody_Franklin wrote:
Well, it does have the word "quantum" in it. A lot. Must be pretty credible.

But has it been SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN???

I actually have a transcendental epistemic tool far superior to mundane scientific inquiry. I have a trifurcated gut-check system. If a proposition makes it past all three gut-level filters, it's taken to be immutable truth.
jh1234l
Posts: 580
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4/10/2014 6:31:45 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 4/9/2014 6:35:42 PM, Cody_Franklin wrote:
Well, it does have the word "quantum" in it. A lot. Must be pretty credible.

The Musa fruit is the banana and the root chakra is located at your an*s. It's an obvious joke.
My political compass:
Economic Left/Right: -1.00
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -2.82
1 square right of Nelson Mandela, 2 squares down from Francois Hollande