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The Beautiful Mind and the Brilliant Madness

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7/15/2016 4:41:27 AM
Posted: 3 months ago
The Beautiful Mind and the Brilliant Madness

This mild form of mania also exists in a large number of great and creative persons.

It was of these remarkable people that had the huge energy of mild mania one saw in people like, Winston Churchill, Ludwig Van Beethoven, William Blake, Napoleon Bonaparte, Charles Dickens, T.S. Eliot, Robert Frost, Sigmund Freud, Ernest Hemingway, Abraham Lincoln, Jack London, Robert Cowell, Michelangelo, Mozart, Isaac Newton, Edgar Allan Poe, Mark Twain, Vincent Van Gogh, King David, and King Saul.

The Beautiful Mind and the Brilliant Madness

Mania, the evil sister of depression, is so very delightful and seductive at first, so and euphoric and wonderful, that the manic state creeps in without me or my wife realizing what was happening It became a slow descent into manic psychoses but I was unaware of this because I was feeling so gloriously happy and full of love.

While the depressive phase of bipolar disorder is extremely bleak and dark, the outcome of the destructive extreme high mania phase is even more horrifying, "if possible".

In the upper peaks of mania, you come face to face with true madness, complete insanity or psychosis. Both the peak and the valley of the sine wave of manic depression can result in the same end and outcome death.

At first, I felt so tremendously high, energetic and good, in the first stage of mania, I immediately stop all my medication, throwing it down the toilet when no one is looking.

I tried my very best at this early stage to fool my wife and family that I am completely normal and just feeling very well indeed.

I could control myself and appear to be normal at this early stage of mania even fool my psychiatrist by giving him all him all the correct answers to his questions.

Mania was so seductive and pleasant that I was absolutely positive I was healed and had thrown all my medication down the toilet.

The psychiatrist thinking I was telling the truth would come up with a wrong conclusion and make a few minor adjustments to my medication that I have absolutely no intention of taking.

Thinking back to when I threw all my medication down the toilet and the consequences thereof.

The previous control of my symptoms was removed a terrible episode of manic/ mania began to emerge.

I began to spiral uncontrollably upwards into a storm of total manic psychosis. I was, however, completely unaware of this danger at this stage and felt certain I am in absolute control of myself.

Mania is so delicious seductive, pleasurable, euphoric of the early stages, especially the feeling of omnipotent God-like power and supposed God-like intelligence and wisdom.

I am sure no drug could give as pleasant high I wanted to spend eternity in this happy glorious joyful beautiful state, where I became extremely loving to my wife and anyone I met

It became an absolute imperative, in my mind that nothing should interfere with this bliss and ecstasy and I had to sustain it no matter the cost.

Nobody could convince me, that there is anything wrong with me and anyone trying to reason or suggest that I was sick made me very angry, Irritable and very angry.

Thoughts, came with non-stop obsessions and uncontrollable non-stop thinking, trying to know the incomprehensible?

Energy became infinite with no need for sleep or rest I was absolutely without fear or inhibitions, stopped sleeping, develop extreme, sublime, exalted grandiosity, ecstasy, joy, wonder, delight, joy bliss, delight, bliss, happiness, visualizes constantly and has bright eye-lid visions, stops, eating and etc, etc.

was absolutely obsessed with religious thoughts, thinking I were God and was going to sort out evil mankind? How could the universe expand if it is everything? What is absolute nothing? Is infinity possible? Why do we exist, is there a God, Infinity?

How could God exist for eternity and how could he be infinite? these thoughts started a circular thinking non-stop racing thoughts in my brain as I tried in vain to understand the impossible to understand impossible concepts, such as infinity and eternity?

My finite mind tried to arrive at by precise and finite means the explanation for all unfathomable mysteries of the universe as well as, the puzzle of evil, the mystery that there is no such thing as nothing?, what is time?, what is life?, what is the of purpose of life?, what is energy? know the mind of god?, is evolution true?, what is gravity?, what is god?

What came before the big bang of creation?, how many dimensions are there in existence?, are there other universes beyond ours, what is outside the boundaries of the universe, Will the universe continue to expand forever? what is forever?, is there life after death? Is there a heaven or a hell?

What was the purpose of life/, is life meaningless? etc, I felt unreasonable urge to know and understand everything in existence, that it is imperative for me to urgently unravel all mysteries to know the mysterious mind of God and become one with the infinite eternal divine sublime reality.

On, on, and on day and night, without rest trapped in a cycle of questions, only coming up with unacceptable answers, which forced me to repeat the whole cycle again and again. A never ending the unsettling uncontrollable flood of disturbing thoughts that gave me no rest, day, and night.

I finally came to the conclusion that everything under the sun was meaningless and futile and I might die in ignorance

I became a helpless victim I would not admit to anyone that something was wrong with me, because of the fact that I felt so eerie wonderful.

To reiterate, the first symptom of mania is the lifting of depression one feels so very wonderful, I stopped all medication, privately without the knowledge of Denise my wife.

Once I reached the higher level of mania, where I no longer had any control over myself. I went into long altered states of consciousness, sometimes for weeks at a time, before some sanity returned.

Who would ever want to give up a beautiful state of mind like this?

Everything was so much brighter, more intense, each color is more beautiful, smell much acuter, food tastes wonderful, sleep is not necessary, endless imagery from constant reading. I began to read the bible non-stop and, researching debating every topic with myself in my mind, by writing it down, thinking and laughing at the fact that I now had a divine understanding of existence. I wrote constantly filling up both sides of the pages of notepad books on everything that flooded my mind.

My eyes became bright with my hair shining and skin looking healthy. Losing weight rapidly as my appetite decreases to nothing and in the end to the point of stopping eating or sleeping altogether.

Everything became vivid and bright so glorious, beautiful colors of flowers grass, trees, sky, stars; everything is now observed and recorded in the minutest detail.

Like an overloaded incandescent light under the strain of much too higher voltage/amperage, for which it was designed, my brain neurons began to light up all at once.

Reflecting back, I know now if I had continued in this extreme state of an extremely high state of mania, I would have gone out in a blaze of glory, burned, blinked out, and died.

While like this I was absolutely abnormal and dangerous to both myself and those around me.

If I were told by members of my family or doctor that it was imperative for me taken my medication as I was not well, I would get very angry. In this altered state of consciousness, it was a ridiculous suggestion to my irrational mind that anything was wrong with me.

I felt very healthy and thus I lied to them informing all to the fact that I had been taking my medicine as prescribed by my