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Funny things kids say

Crede
Posts: 455
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10/11/2011 3:48:37 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
So I have a 4 year old son named Caleb. He says things that are probably the most comedic things I've ever heard. I'm assuming other people with kids get to hear these gems as well from their kids so I thought I should start a thread to share them.

So my mother (Caleb's grandmother) told Caleb if he helped her wash the windows she'd give him a dollar. He did and so received the buck! Later that night his Legos were all over the living room, and so his grandmother told him to pick them up. He said "I don't really feel like it right now, but I'll give you a dollar if you do it for me!"

Amazing.
CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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10/11/2011 9:55:15 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
That's funny, I have a 3 year old Nephew named Caleb. He likes to fight.

A few weeks ago, he was being rough with the other kids, so his dad sat him on his knee, and told him that he needs to chill out, otherwise, he's going to get spanked.

Caleb said to his dad, "You can't spank me!"

His dad asked him, "Why not?"

And he responded, "Because I'm going to hit you in the face!". After saying this, he smacked his dad in the face, causing his glasses to fly off.

Everyone just looked on in disbelief, because no one expected that. A few seconds after the shock, his dad brought him into the bathroom and gave him a rightly deserved arse woopin.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
Crede
Posts: 455
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10/12/2011 2:21:44 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I love kids.

So to get Caleb to eat his veggies, we convinced him that his taste buds change, and he has to eat something a bunch of times so it will start to taste good. He accepted this truth and began to eat some veggies. Well grandpa gave him some carrots one night, and he refused to eat them. Caleb's grandpa being frustrated new of our strategy and told Caleb you have to eat the carrots because your taste buds are changing.
Caleb: "Grandpa, I already ate carrots once and I liked them, but then my taste buds changed and now I don't like them, so I'm not going to eat these."
000ike
Posts: 11,196
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10/12/2011 2:34:17 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 10/11/2011 9:55:15 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
That's funny, I have a 3 year old Nephew named Caleb. He likes to fight.

A few weeks ago, he was being rough with the other kids, so his dad sat him on his knee, and told him that he needs to chill out, otherwise, he's going to get spanked.

Caleb said to his dad, "You can't spank me!"

His dad asked him, "Why not?"

And he responded, "Because I'm going to hit you in the face!". After saying this, he smacked his dad in the face, causing his glasses to fly off.

Everyone just looked on in disbelief, because no one expected that. A few seconds after the shock, his dad brought him into the bathroom and gave him a rightly deserved arse woopin.

There are other ways to teach kids right from wrong than spanking. Children should not be raised thinking that it is okay to resort to violence as a means of solving problems or issuing correction. To the Parents who think that spanking is the only way to raise children, I say this to you: http://www.thebuzzmedia.com...
"A stupid despot may constrain his slaves with iron chains; but a true politician binds them even more strongly with the chain of their own ideas" - Michel Foucault
Crede
Posts: 455
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10/12/2011 5:40:54 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
There are other ways to teach kids right from wrong than spanking. Children should not be raised thinking that it is okay to resort to violence as a means of solving problems or issuing correction. To the Parents who think that spanking is the only way to raise children, I say this to you: http://www.thebuzzmedia.com...

Do you have kids?
000ike
Posts: 11,196
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10/12/2011 5:50:01 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 10/12/2011 5:40:54 PM, Crede wrote:
There are other ways to teach kids right from wrong than spanking. Children should not be raised thinking that it is okay to resort to violence as a means of solving problems or issuing correction. To the Parents who think that spanking is the only way to raise children, I say this to you: http://www.thebuzzmedia.com...

Do you have kids?

No I'm 15, and I listen to my parents even though they have never ever threatened violence.
"A stupid despot may constrain his slaves with iron chains; but a true politician binds them even more strongly with the chain of their own ideas" - Michel Foucault
Crede
Posts: 455
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10/12/2011 7:50:30 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
No I'm 15, and I listen to my parents even though they have never ever threatened violence.

Just so you know you might possibly change your mind when you have kids. It is hard to argue the point from someone your age with no kids. This would make an interesting debate though, but if you don't mind I would like to keep this thread as just kid stories.
Crede
Posts: 455
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10/13/2011 12:51:18 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 10/12/2011 11:40:12 PM, Rockylightning wrote:
No offense, but caleb need some respect for the elderly...

Lol, except he doesn't say it to be offensive, but rather he takes everything so literal and at face value, which makes it comical and not disrespect.
CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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10/13/2011 2:32:31 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
I think I could raise kids without wooping em.

The problem is, most parents who decide not to whip their kids are also totally poosies, and end up spoiling their kid more than anything.

Truth be told, I'm not against woopin' kids. I do think that it is possible to avoid it if you are creative, consistent, and inflexible in your punishments.

Taking away privleges is only effective if you don't puss out on doing it. Most parents are terrible at being insensitive and cold hearted pr!cks to their kids.

The secret to raising kids, In my completely inexperienced opinion is to treat them like they are adults. If they are acting like little brats, stop taking them seriously. If they act up and p!ss you off, just remember that they are the ones borrowing you're things to play with. Is that their game system? Hell no, you are just letting them play it.

If your kid wants to do something, and you say no... Instead of giving into their pressure, or remaining inflexible, ask them to give you a good fuggin reason why they should be granted permission to stay at a friends house on a school night. If they can do so, heeeeey, it'll end up good for both of you. One, you might get the lawn mowed, and two, they'll be forced to use their heads.

At an early age, instill in a child the joy of learning.

And this is totally not a post about funny things kids say. We've gone off topic, no thanks to me.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
blackhawk1331
Posts: 4,932
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10/14/2011 3:47:00 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 10/12/2011 2:34:17 PM, 000ike wrote:
At 10/11/2011 9:55:15 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
That's funny, I have a 3 year old Nephew named Caleb. He likes to fight.

A few weeks ago, he was being rough with the other kids, so his dad sat him on his knee, and told him that he needs to chill out, otherwise, he's going to get spanked.

Caleb said to his dad, "You can't spank me!"

His dad asked him, "Why not?"

And he responded, "Because I'm going to hit you in the face!". After saying this, he smacked his dad in the face, causing his glasses to fly off.

Everyone just looked on in disbelief, because no one expected that. A few seconds after the shock, his dad brought him into the bathroom and gave him a rightly deserved arse woopin.

There are other ways to teach kids right from wrong than spanking. Children should not be raised thinking that it is okay to resort to violence as a means of solving problems or issuing correction. To the Parents who think that spanking is the only way to raise children, I say this to you: http://www.thebuzzmedia.com...

You really think that all kids respond to non-violent methods?
Because you said it was a waste, numb nuts. - Drafter

So fvck you. :) - TV

Use prima facie correctly or not at all. - Noumena
CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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10/14/2011 4:16:24 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I was wooped, I turned out fine.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp