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JakeBoatman96
Posts: 9
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11/16/2011 9:09:22 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
A duck walks into a over 7-11 and says "Give me some Chapstick, put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because as all people know, Ducks cannot speak, however, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chapstick anyway, since he has no lips.
Chrysippus
Posts: 2,173
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11/16/2011 11:51:28 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a parrot?

Nothing. The mechanisms of reproductive isolation or hybridization barriers prevent the members of two different species that cross or mate from producing offspring. The different mating rituals of animal species creates extremely powerful reproductive barriers, termed sexual or behavior isolation, that isolate apparently similar species in the majority of the groups of the animal kingdom. In dioecious species, males and females have to search for a partner, be in proximity to each other, carry out the complex mating rituals and finally copulate or release their gametes into the environment in order to breed.

The songs of birds, insects and many other animals are part of a ritual to attract potential partners of their own species. The song presents specific patterns recognizable only by members of the same species, they therefore represent a mechanism of reproductive isolation.

Mating dances, the songs of males to attract females or the mutual grooming of pairs, are all examples of typical courtship behavior that allows both recognition and reproductive isolation. This is because each of the stages of courtship depend on the behavior of the partner. The male will only move onto the second stage of the exhibition if the female shows certain responses in her behavior. He will only pass onto the third stage when she displays a second key behavior. The behaviors of both interlink, are synchronized in time and lead finally to copulation or the liberation of gametes into the environment. No animal that is not physiologically suitable for fertilization can complete this demanding chain of behavior. In fact, the smallest difference in the courting patterns of two species is enough to prevent mating.

A type of incompatibility that is found as often in plants as in animals occurs when the ovule is fertilized but the zygote does not develop, or it develops and the resulting individual has a reduced viability. This is the case for crosses between species of the frog genus, where widely differing results are observed depending of the species involved. In some crosses there is no segmentation of the zygote (or it may be that the hybrid is extremely non-viable and changes occur from the first mitosis). In others, normal segmentation occurs in the blastula but gastrulation fails. Finally, in other crosses, the initial stages are normal but errors occur in the final phases of embryo development. This indicates differentiation of the embryo development genes (or gene complexes) in these species and these differences determine the non-viability of the hybrids.

Similar results are observed in mosquitos of the Culex genus, but the differences are seen between reciprocal crosses, from which it is concluded that the same effect occurs in the interaction between the genes of the cell nucleus (inherited from both parents) as occurs in the genes of the cytoplasmic organelles which are inherited solely from the female progenitor through the cytoplasm of the ovule.

In Angiosperms, the successful development of the embryo depends on the normal functioning of its endosperm.

The failure of endosperm development and its subsequent abortion has been observed in many interploidal crosses (that is, those between populations with a particular degree of intra or interspecific ploidy, and in certain crosses in species with the same level of ploidy. The collapse of the endosperm, and the subsequent abortion of the hybrid embryo is one of the most common post-fertilization reproductive isolation mechanism found in angiosperms.

In general, the barriers that separate species do not consist of just one mechanism. The twin species of Drosophila, D. pseuoobscura and D. persimilis, are isolated from each other by habitat (persimilis generally lives in colder regions at higher altitudes), by the timing of the mating season (persimilis is generally more active in the morning and pseuoobscura at night) and by behavior during mating (the females of both species prefer the males of their respective species). In this way, although the distribution of these species overlaps in wide areas of the west of the United States of America, these isolation mechanisms are sufficient to keep the species separated. Such that, only a few fertile females have been found amongst the other species among the thousands that have been analyzed. However, when hybrids are produced between both species, the gene flow between the two will continue to be impeded as the hybrid males are sterile. Also, and in contrast with the great vigor shown by the sterile males, the descendants of the backcrosses of the hybrid females with the parent species are weak and notoriously non-viable. This last mechanism restricts even more the genetic interchange between the two species of fly in the wild.

Pre-copulatory isolation occurs when the genes necessary for the sexual reproduction of one species differ from the equivalent genes of another species, such that if a male of species A and a female of species B are placed together they are unable to copulate. Study of the genetics involved in this reproductive barrier tries to identify the genes that govern distinct sexual behaviors in the two species. The males of Drosophila melanogaster and those of D. simulans conduct an elaborate courtship with their respective females, which are different for each species, but the differences between the species are more quantitative than qualitative. In fact the simulans males are able to hybridize with the melanogaster females. Although there are lines of the latter species that can easily cross there are others that are hardly able to. Using this difference, it is possible to assess the minimum number of genes involved in pre-copulatory isolation between the melanogaster and simulans species and their chromosomal location.

In experiments, flies of the D. melanogaster line, which hybridizes readily with simulans, were crossed with another line that it does not hybridize with, or rarely. The females of the segregated populations obtained by this cross were placed next to simulans males and the percentage of hybridization was recorded, which is a measure of the degree of reproductive isolation. It was concluded from this experiment that 3 of the 8 chromosomes of the haploid complement of D. melanogaster carry at least one gene that affects isolation, such that substituting one chromosome from a line of low isolation with another of high isolation reduces the hybridization frequency. In addition, interactions between chromosomes are detected so that certain combinations of the chromosomes have a multiplying effect. Cross incompatibility or incongruence in plants is also determined by major genes that are not associated at the self-incompatibility S locus.
Cavete mea inexorabilis legiones mimus!
lotus_flower
Posts: 454
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11/16/2011 11:54:24 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What is worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm?

Being raped by a giant scorpion.

What is worse than stubbing your toe?

the Holocaust.
"Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it."
- Christopher Hitchens, God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything
*******************************************************
http://www.bbc.co.uk...
DetectableNinja
Posts: 6,043
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11/16/2011 7:32:50 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
A duck walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender goes to fill the order, but then realizes the ridiculousness of the situation. However, he then wakes up from this dream, and turns over to his wife to tell her of the dream, but she ignores him. He then proceeds to cry silently, realizing his marriage is in shambles.
Think'st thou heaven is such a glorious thing?
I tell thee, 'tis not half so fair as thou
Or any man that breathes on earth.

- Christopher Marlowe, Doctor Faustus
Ren
Posts: 7,102
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11/16/2011 7:45:49 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/16/2011 11:51:28 AM, Chrysippus wrote:
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a parrot?

Nothing. The mechanisms of reproductive isolation or hybridization barriers prevent the members of two different species that cross or mate from producing offspring. The different mating rituals of animal species creates extremely powerful reproductive barriers, termed sexual or behavior isolation, that isolate apparently similar species in the majority of the groups of the animal kingdom. In dioecious species, males and females have to search for a partner, be in proximity to each other, carry out the complex mating rituals and finally copulate or release their gametes into the environment in order to breed.

The songs of birds, insects and many other animals are part of a ritual to attract potential partners of their own species. The song presents specific patterns recognizable only by members of the same species, they therefore represent a mechanism of reproductive isolation.

Mating dances, the songs of males to attract females or the mutual grooming of pairs, are all examples of typical courtship behavior that allows both recognition and reproductive isolation. This is because each of the stages of courtship depend on the behavior of the partner. The male will only move onto the second stage of the exhibition if the female shows certain responses in her behavior. He will only pass onto the third stage when she displays a second key behavior. The behaviors of both interlink, are synchronized in time and lead finally to copulation or the liberation of gametes into the environment. No animal that is not physiologically suitable for fertilization can complete this demanding chain of behavior. In fact, the smallest difference in the courting patterns of two species is enough to prevent mating.

A type of incompatibility that is found as often in plants as in animals occurs when the ovule is fertilized but the zygote does not develop, or it develops and the resulting individual has a reduced viability. This is the case for crosses between species of the frog genus, where widely differing results are observed depending of the species involved. In some crosses there is no segmentation of the zygote (or it may be that the hybrid is extremely non-viable and changes occur from the first mitosis). In others, normal segmentation occurs in the blastula but gastrulation fails. Finally, in other crosses, the initial stages are normal but errors occur in the final phases of embryo development. This indicates differentiation of the embryo development genes (or gene complexes) in these species and these differences determine the non-viability of the hybrids.

Similar results are observed in mosquitos of the Culex genus, but the differences are seen between reciprocal crosses, from which it is concluded that the same effect occurs in the interaction between the genes of the cell nucleus (inherited from both parents) as occurs in the genes of the cytoplasmic organelles which are inherited solely from the female progenitor through the cytoplasm of the ovule.

In Angiosperms, the successful development of the embryo depends on the normal functioning of its endosperm.

The failure of endosperm development and its subsequent abortion has been observed in many interploidal crosses (that is, those between populations with a particular degree of intra or interspecific ploidy, and in certain crosses in species with the same level of ploidy. The collapse of the endosperm, and the subsequent abortion of the hybrid embryo is one of the most common post-fertilization reproductive isolation mechanism found in angiosperms.

In general, the barriers that separate species do not consist of just one mechanism. The twin species of Drosophila, D. pseuoobscura and D. persimilis, are isolated from each other by habitat (persimilis generally lives in colder regions at higher altitudes), by the timing of the mating season (persimilis is generally more active in the morning and pseuoobscura at night) and by behavior during mating (the females of both species prefer the males of their respective species). In this way, although the distribution of these species overlaps in wide areas of the west of the United States of America, these isolation mechanisms are sufficient to keep the species separated. Such that, only a few fertile females have been found amongst the other species among the thousands that have been analyzed. However, when hybrids are produced between both species, the gene flow between the two will continue to be impeded as the hybrid males are sterile. Also, and in contrast with the great vigor shown by the sterile males, the descendants of the backcrosses of the hybrid females with the parent species are weak and notoriously non-viable. This last mechanism restricts even more the genetic interchange between the two species of fly in the wild.

Pre-copulatory isolation occurs when the genes necessary for the sexual reproduction of one species differ from the equivalent genes of another species, such that if a male of species A and a female of species B are placed together they are unable to copulate. Study of the genetics involved in this reproductive barrier tries to identify the genes that govern distinct sexual behaviors in the two species. The males of Drosophila melanogaster and those of D. simulans conduct an elaborate courtship with their respective females, which are different for each species, but the differences between the species are more quantitative than qualitative. In fact the simulans males are able to hybridize with the melanogaster females. Although there are lines of the latter species that can easily cross there are others that are hardly able to. Using this difference, it is possible to assess the minimum number of genes involved in pre-copulatory isolation between the melanogaster and simulans species and their chromosomal location.

In experiments, flies of the D. melanogaster line, which hybridizes readily with simulans, were crossed with another line that it does not hybridize with, or rarely. The females of the segregated populations obtained by this cross were placed next to simulans males and the percentage of hybridization was recorded, which is a measure of the degree of reproductive isolation. It was concluded from this experiment that 3 of the 8 chromosomes of the haploid complement of D. melanogaster carry at least one gene that affects isolation, such that substituting one chromosome from a line of low isolation with another of high isolation reduces the hybridization frequency. In addition, interactions between chromosomes are detected so that certain combinations of the chromosomes have a multiplying effect. Cross incompatibility or incongruence in plants is also determined by major genes that are not associated at the self-incompatibility S locus.

Lmfaooooooooooo
Lasagna
Posts: 2,440
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11/16/2011 8:49:19 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
What's black and blue and red all over?

Wait, that joke doesn't work because I have to spell red, which disambiguates the homonym.
Rob
Rockylightning
Posts: 2,862
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11/16/2011 9:41:00 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream?
He was hit by a bus.

Why did the monkey fall out of a tree?
It was dead.

A blonde, a brunette and a red head walk into a bar.
They are all killed by a sudden nuclear blast.

Why was Mr. Goldstein quiet?
He drank cyanide.

How did the French win WWII?
They didn't.

What is brown, and smells like poop?
Poop.

How do you kill a special kid?
Push him off a bridge.

How do you kill a blonde?
In a car accident.

What is the difference between a black person and a bucket of sh*t?
The black person has a soul, a body, and is sentient. The bucket is made of metal and the sh*t is digested food, and therefore there are a lot of differences between the two. If you are implying the skin tone of the black person and the poop...that's just racist.

Why did Jimmy fail his Algebra test?
He has autism.

Roses are Red Violets are BLue
I have a gun
Get in the van.
bluesteel
Posts: 12,301
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11/16/2011 9:47:05 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Jake is good at this

Want to hear a dirty joke?

Jake rolled in the mud.

Want to hear a clean joke?

Jake took a bath with Bubbles.

Okay for real, want to hear a dirty joke?

Bubbles is his pet name for his grandma.
You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into - Jonathan Swift (paraphrase)
sadolite
Posts: 8,842
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11/16/2011 10:57:56 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I worship progressive liberal ideology
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
lotus_flower
Posts: 454
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11/17/2011 6:51:29 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/16/2011 10:57:56 PM, sadolite wrote:
I worship progressive liberal ideology

of coarse you had to make it political... F*ck off
"Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it."
- Christopher Hitchens, God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything
*******************************************************
http://www.bbc.co.uk...
sadolite
Posts: 8,842
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11/20/2011 8:09:57 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/17/2011 6:51:29 AM, lotus_flower wrote:
At 11/16/2011 10:57:56 PM, sadolite wrote:
I worship progressive liberal ideology

of coarse you had to make it political... F*ck off

Is not politics the butt of many jokes? Now go eat Lima beans marinated in diarrhea
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
lotus_flower
Posts: 454
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11/21/2011 3:53:38 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/20/2011 8:09:57 AM, sadolite wrote:
At 11/17/2011 6:51:29 AM, lotus_flower wrote:
At 11/16/2011 10:57:56 PM, sadolite wrote:
I worship progressive liberal ideology

of coarse you had to make it political... F*ck off

Is not politics the butt of many jokes? Now go eat Lima beans marinated in diarrhea

Lol wtf?
"Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it."
- Christopher Hitchens, God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything
*******************************************************
http://www.bbc.co.uk...
sadolite
Posts: 8,842
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11/21/2011 6:34:02 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/21/2011 3:53:38 PM, lotus_flower wrote:
At 11/20/2011 8:09:57 AM, sadolite wrote:
At 11/17/2011 6:51:29 AM, lotus_flower wrote:
At 11/16/2011 10:57:56 PM, sadolite wrote:
I worship progressive liberal ideology

of coarse you had to make it political... F*ck off

Is not politics the butt of many jokes? Now go eat Lima beans marinated in diarrhea

Lol wtf?

Is that better? LOL
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

If you think I will give up my rights and forsake social etiquette to make you "FEEL" better you are sadly mistaken

If liberal democrats would just stop shooting people gun violence would drop by 90%
lotus_flower
Posts: 454
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11/21/2011 8:07:35 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/21/2011 6:34:02 PM, sadolite wrote:
At 11/21/2011 3:53:38 PM, lotus_flower wrote:
At 11/20/2011 8:09:57 AM, sadolite wrote:
At 11/17/2011 6:51:29 AM, lotus_flower wrote:
At 11/16/2011 10:57:56 PM, sadolite wrote:
I worship progressive liberal ideology

of coarse you had to make it political... F*ck off

Is not politics the butt of many jokes? Now go eat Lima beans marinated in diarrhea

Lol wtf?

Is that better? LOL

Yea, I guess. :p
"Human decency is not derived from religion. It precedes it."
- Christopher Hitchens, God Is Not Great: How Religion Poisons Everything
*******************************************************
http://www.bbc.co.uk...
PeacefulChaos
Posts: 2,610
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11/22/2011 8:03:06 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Violets are blue,
Roses are red,
If they have no color,
They're probably dead.

You know how geese make a "V" formation? Well, how come one side is longer than the other?

Because there's more geese on one side.
Chrysippus
Posts: 2,173
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11/23/2011 10:31:13 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?

It is impossible to say. Both the right and left side seem to have roughly equivalent numbers of feathers, at least when speaking about an average duck; there is no real way to tell how many feathers each side of any particular duck has without plucking them all off and counting - and then neither side would have any, so the endeavor would be pointless.

And the number depends on the species of duck involved; a Northern Shoveler or a Rouen duck most likely has more feathers than a Egyptian or a Tan Whistler, since the former two are larger.
Cavete mea inexorabilis legiones mimus!
badger
Posts: 11,793
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11/23/2011 11:04:11 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/23/2011 10:31:13 AM, Chrysippus wrote:
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?

It is impossible to say. Both the right and left side seem to have roughly equivalent numbers of feathers, at least when speaking about an average duck; there is no real way to tell how many feathers each side of any particular duck has without plucking them all off and counting - and then neither side would have any, so the endeavor would be pointless.

you could just mark the feathers you'd counted and thus be able to leave the feathers on the duck...

And the number depends on the species of duck involved; a Northern Shoveler or a Rouen duck most likely has more feathers than a Egyptian or a Tan Whistler, since the former two are larger.

that's not to say that all ducks don't share having more feathers on a particular side than the other..
signature
Chrysippus
Posts: 2,173
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11/23/2011 12:53:46 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
How can you tell when a blond is driving?

When the person behind the wheel has light-coloured hair.

What happens when you give a blond your credit card?

You no longer have it.

What happens when a pickup truck with three blondes in the back goes off a bridge into a lake?

They swim to safety.
Cavete mea inexorabilis legiones mimus!
PeacefulChaos
Posts: 2,610
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11/23/2011 1:57:21 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/23/2011 12:56:09 PM, Chrysippus wrote:
Knock-knock.


Who's there?


Me.


Oh, ok then. *opens door* Come on in.

I read this anti-joke, then I read your signature, then I become confused.