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Dirty Jokes

tornshoe92
Posts: 361
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11/16/2011 11:25:16 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Post your favorite and most vile dirty jokes (so long as they don't violate the ToS of course). I'll start out with the most disturbing one I know.

How do you know when your sister's on her period? Your dad's d**k tastes funny.
"Next time I see a little old lady going to church I am going kick her in the ovaries because she is personally responsible for this. Thanks Izbo." -C_N
Ren
Posts: 7,102
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11/17/2011 1:48:30 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
What's the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is using a feather to pleasure your lover.

Perverted is using the whole chicken.
Ren
Posts: 7,102
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11/17/2011 1:52:57 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/17/2011 1:49:10 AM, BlackVoid wrote:
I was madder than a sperm in an anal encounter.

Lol. Maybe I'm going too far.

I was madder than the Hatter fkking the Hare on a platter.
Indophile
Posts: 1,414
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11/18/2011 10:50:49 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/16/2011 11:25:16 PM, tornshoe92 wrote:
Post your favorite and most vile dirty jokes (so long as they don't violate the ToS of course). I'll start out with the most disturbing one I know.

How do you know when your sister's on her period? Your dad's d**k tastes funny.

This kid always slept on his mother's bed from childhood. He used to keep his finger in her belly button and sleep contentedly.

This habit continued even when he was a child no more. One night, while sleeping, his mother said, "My child, THAT is NOT my belly button."

The kid replied, "THAT is NOT my finger either."
You will say that I don't really know you
And it will be true.
Deathbeforedishonour
Posts: 1,058
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11/18/2011 5:47:44 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/18/2011 10:50:49 AM, Indophile wrote:
At 11/16/2011 11:25:16 PM, tornshoe92 wrote:
Post your favorite and most vile dirty jokes (so long as they don't violate the ToS of course). I'll start out with the most disturbing one I know.

How do you know when your sister's on her period? Your dad's d**k tastes funny.

This kid always slept on his mother's bed from childhood. He used to keep his finger in her belly button and sleep contentedly.

This habit continued even when he was a child no more. One night, while sleeping, his mother said, "My child, THAT is NOT my belly button."

The kid replied, "THAT is NOT my finger either."

Eww
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." ~ John 1:1

Matthew 10:22- "And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved."
Deathbeforedishonour
Posts: 1,058
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11/18/2011 5:56:48 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
There is this boy and girl at sunday school at their church, and their teacher walks up and says: 'Who's are father?'

Then the boy picks up a stick and pokes her with it in the back. The girl screams: 'God all mighty!'

Then the teacher says: 'Who's his son?'

And the boy pokes her again, and the girl screams: 'Jesus Christ!'

Then the teacher asks: 'What did Eve say to Adam when they had their 100th child?' and then the boy pokes the girl twice as hard as the others and the girl screams: You touch me with that thing again and i'll break it!!!'

hahaha
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." ~ John 1:1

Matthew 10:22- "And ye shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that endureth to the end shall be saved."
rogue
Posts: 2,325
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11/18/2011 11:09:07 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Well I got some pick up lines:

I'm like a rubix cube, the more you play with me, the harder i get. ;)

If I flip this coin, what are the chances of me getting head? ;)
bluesteel
Posts: 12,301
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11/19/2011 12:41:52 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/18/2011 11:09:07 PM, rogue wrote:
Well I got some pick up lines:

I'm like a rubix cube, the more you play with me, the harder i get. ;)

If I flip this coin, what are the chances of me getting head? ;)

Are you from UPS because I just saw you checking out my package?

Beckon a girl with your finger to walk over to you: "I made you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with my whole hand."

A Jew with a boner runs into a wall and . . . breaks his nose.

3.0 => the Asian GPA equivalent of an F and the largest recorded Asian penis in history

What do you call a girl with pigtails? blowjob with handles

What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest. Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin. "Chinnuts???" "NO, BALLS IN YOUR MOUTH."

Ever tried the bucking bronco position? It's where you mount your wife from behind then lean over, whisper in her ear, "your sister is cuter than you," and then hold on for dear life.

Tried the Houdini? Pull out, spit on her back, then when she turns around to see that you've finished, you cum in her face.

Magic.
You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into - Jonathan Swift (paraphrase)
badger
Posts: 11,793
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11/20/2011 5:57:14 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 11/19/2011 12:41:52 AM, bluesteel wrote:
At 11/18/2011 11:09:07 PM, rogue wrote:
Well I got some pick up lines:

I'm like a rubix cube, the more you play with me, the harder i get. ;)

If I flip this coin, what are the chances of me getting head? ;)

Are you from UPS because I just saw you checking out my package?

Beckon a girl with your finger to walk over to you: "I made you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with my whole hand."


A Jew with a boner runs into a wall and . . . breaks his nose.

3.0 => the Asian GPA equivalent of an F and the largest recorded Asian penis in history

What do you call a girl with pigtails? blowjob with handles

What do you call nuts on the wall? Walnuts. What do you call nuts on your chest. Chestnuts. What do you call nuts on your chin. "Chinnuts???" "NO, BALLS IN YOUR MOUTH."

Ever tried the bucking bronco position? It's where you mount your wife from behind then lean over, whisper in her ear, "your sister is cuter than you," and then hold on for dear life.

Tried the Houdini? Pull out, spit on her back, then when she turns around to see that you've finished, you cum in her face.

what about the angry pirate? cum in her eye and kick her in the shin.

or have you ever tried a danger wank? where you stand out on the landing to call your mother and blow your load. some rush...

Magic.
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bossyburrito
Posts: 14,075
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6/11/2012 4:17:42 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Sex.
I win.
#UnbanTheMadman

"Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight
Somewhere out of a memory of lighted streets on quiet nights..."

~ Rush