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Osama is dead speech parody for Pluto
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1/25/2012 10:59:33 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
I had to write an essay in college about making a speech announcing that Pluto has been demoted from being a planet. So I took Obamas speech made about the death of Osama Bin Laden, changed it a bit, and I think it came out very humorous, check it out...
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1/25/2012 11:00:18 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Good evening. Tonight, I can report to the American people and to the world that the United States has conducted an operation that demoted Pluto from being a planet, Pluto was the leader of distance from the sun, and a planet who's responsible for the deception of thousands of innocent men, women, and children.
It was about 80 years ago that a bright February day turned to night when Pluto was discovered. The images of Pluto are seared into our national memory —celestial bodies cutting through a cloudless outer space baffling scholars over the years, where the actions of heroic astronomers saved even more heartbreak and destruction after deciding Pluto's fate.
And yet we know that the worst images of Pluto are those that were unseen to the world. The empty #9 seat at the Planetary dinner table where Pluto used to sit. Children who were forced to grow up without there being 9 planets. Parents who would never know the feeling of their child's excitement from learning about Pluto. Nearly 1/5th the size of Earth's moon in size no longer considered a planet, leaving a not so large gaping hole in outer space.
On August 24 ,2006 the scientists of the world came together, we offered our scientists hospitality, and we offered the astronomers our telescopes. We reaffirmed our ties to each other, and our love of outer space planetary status justice. On that day, no matter where we came from, what God we prayed to, or what race or ethnicity we were, we were united as one human family.
We were also united in our resolve to protect our other beloved planets and to bring those who do not belong as planets to justice. We quickly learned that the question of whether Pluto was a planet was a very big issue. And so we went to war against Pluto to protect our citizens, our friends, and our allies in space.
Over the last 80 years, thanks to the tireless and heroic work of our scientists and our outer space professionals, we've made great strides in that effort.. And around the globe, we worked with our friends and allies to agree on what a planet is and came to agreement that Pluto, did not qualify
Pluto avoided being forgotten and escaped across the "Planet" border into "Dwarf Planets". Meanwhile, Astronomers continued to operate from along that border and operate through its affiliates across the world.
And so shortly after taking office, I directed out top astronomers to make the redefining of what is and what is not a planet the top priority of our fight to classify the Solar System.
Then after years of painstaking work by our intelligence community, I was briefed on a possible new definition of the term Planet. It was far from conventional, and it took many months to run this idea through the science community for it to be accepted. I met repeatedly with my national space exploration team as we developed more information about the possibility that we had an illegal immigrant living as a planet located deep inside the Solar System. And finally I determined that we had enough intelligence to take action, and authorized an operation to remove this illegal immigrant from Planetary status, and bring Pluto to justice.
Today, really 6 years ago, the United States launched a targeted operation against that compound in the outer Solar System. A small team of scientists and people of wisdom carried out the operation of redefining what a planet was with extraordinary courage and capability. No other planets were harmed. They took care to avoid civilian casualties. After a long debate, they killed Pluto as a planet and took custody of its planetary status.
For over eight decades, Pluto has been dwarf planet's leader and symbol, and has continued to plot attacks against our solar system and our planets and stars. The figurative death of Pluto marks the most significant achievement to date in our nation's effort to redefine what is and what is not a planet.
Yet Pluto's death does not mark the end of our effort. There's no doubt that dwarf planets will continue to pursue attacks against regular planets. We must –- and we will — remain vigilant at home and abroad.
As we do, we must also reaffirm that the United States is not –- and never will be -– at war with all of outer space. I've made clear, just as President William Harrison did shortly after Neptune was discovered, that our war is not against outer space. Pluto was not a space leader; he was an illegal immigrant of outer space. Indeed, Pluto had long fought against the other planets trying to act like one of them, so Pluto's demise from planetary status should be welcomed by all who believe in peace and dignity for planets in the Solar System.
Over the years, I've repeatedly made clear that we would take action within the outer planets if we knew where Pluto was. That is what we've done. But it's important to note that our counterterrorism cooperation with the outer planets of Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, and Neptune helped lead us to Pluto and the part of space where it was hiding. Indeed, Pluto had declared war against the outer planets as well, and ordered attacks against the outer planets.
Tonight, I called President Sun, and my team has also spoken with their Planetary counterparts. They agree that this is a good and historic day for both of our kinds. And going forward, it is essential that the outer planets continue to join us in the fight against dwarf planets and their affiliates.
The planets in the Solar System did not choose this fight. It came to our stars, and started with the senseless slaughter of the definition of planet. After nearly 80 years of service, struggle, and sacrifice, we know well the costs of the war. These efforts weigh on me every time I, one of the ambassadors of Earth to the Solar System, have to sign a letter to the family of a scientist that has lost a loved one, or look into the eyes of an astronomer who's been gravely wounded.
So citizens of Earth understand the costs of this war. Yet as a planet, we will never tolerate our security being threatened, nor stand idly by when our people have been lied to. We will be relentless in defense of our citizens and our friends and allies in outer space. We will be true to the values that make us who we are. And on nights like this one, we can say to those families who have lost loved ones to studying Pluto: Justice has been done.
Tonight, we give thanks to the countless intelligence and counterterrorism professionals who've worked tirelessly to achieve this outcome. The people of Earth do not see their work, nor know their names. But tonight, they feel the satisfaction of their work and the result of their pursuit of justice.
We give thanks for the men who carried out this operation, for they exemplify the professionalism, patriotism, and unparalleled courage of those who serve our Solar System. And they are part of a generation that has borne the heaviest share of the burden since that February day.
Finally, let me say to the astronomers who lost their sanity on the day Pluto was classified as a planet, that we have never forgotten your loss, nor wavered in our commitment to see that we do whatever it takes to prevent another attack in our Solar System.
And tonight, let us think back to the sense of unity that prevailed. I know that it has, at times, frayed. Yet that achievement is a testament to the greatness of our planet and the determination of the scientific community.
The cause of securing our Solar System is not complete. But we are once again reminded that true planets can do whatever we set our mind to. That is the story of our history, whether it's the pursuit of prosperity for our people, or the struggle for equality for all our planets; our commitment to stand up for our values abroad, and our sacrifices to make the universe a safer place.
Let us remember that we can do these things not just because of wealth or power, but because of who we are: one planet, under the Sun's gravitational pull, indivisible, with libert