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Helping Strangers with Physical Disabilities

Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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4/29/2012 10:41:05 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Specifically- the etiquette of helping strangers with physical disabilities.

So, for my job, I walk around campus a lot. Naturally, I run into a lot of people, some of whom have physical disabilities. Sometimes it seems rude to help out and other times it seems rude not to help out.

Once, I came upon a guy who was having a bit of trouble opening a door. I wasn't in a hurry so I just waited. He finally got it. It would have felt rude in this instance to jump in front of him and get the door for him when, if given just a few more seconds, he could get it himself. And he did.

Another time, I came upon a guy in a wheelchair with a very pained face. He had a PACKED messenger bag sitting on his lap and was struggling trying to put his foot back on the little... foot thing... I don't know what it's called lol The bag was far too heavy. So I offered to lift the bag for him while he got his leg up. He seemed reluctant but overall thankful. I honestly don't think he would have done it without me unless he had taken the time to take the bag off his lap, put it on the ground, then pick it up again. That might have been a feat in itself- it was seriously heavy.

So, basically- what do you do when you come upon these situations? What do you think about it? When is it helpful to help and when it is rude to help?

If you have a physical disability or if you've ever been in a wheelchair or on crutches for a time- what did/do you think about random strangers helping you out?
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
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: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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4/30/2012 5:54:37 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Cereal? Nobody comes across people with physical disabilities EVAR?
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
EvanK
Posts: 599
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4/30/2012 6:07:58 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Depends. I usually will help. Like earlier today for example, an old lady was walking towards the street corner, kind of limping, and was going to cross a busy street (with a short green light), so I helped her cross. She said she had arthritis pretty bad, so she was grateful for the help. Other times, like if he/she needs help with the door, I'll ask, and they're usually grateful for the help, or at least will politely decline.

Personally, I don't think it's rude to ask someone if they need help. It's not like you're insulting them, you're trying to make their day a bit easier. If they choose the get mad at the offer, fine, let them be mad lol. :D
The problem with socialism is that, sooner or later, you run out of people's money."_Margaret Thatcher

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."_Thomas Jefferson

"The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it."_Thomas Jefferson

"It is easier to fool someone than to convince them that they have been fooled."-Mark Twain
Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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4/30/2012 7:03:39 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/30/2012 6:07:58 PM, EvanK wrote:
Depends. I usually will help. Like earlier today for example, an old lady was walking towards the street corner, kind of limping, and was going to cross a busy street (with a short green light), so I helped her cross. She said she had arthritis pretty bad, so she was grateful for the help. Other times, like if he/she needs help with the door, I'll ask, and they're usually grateful for the help, or at least will politely decline.

Personally, I don't think it's rude to ask someone if they need help. It's not like you're insulting them, you're trying to make their day a bit easier. If they choose the get mad at the offer, fine, let them be mad lol. :D

hahah!!! That is like... prototypical old lady situation. The helping-the-old-lady-across-the-street deal. It's a classic.

And yes, it's definitely good to ask first and not just jump right in! I agree!
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
tulle
Posts: 4,445
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4/30/2012 7:07:05 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Sometimes I do worry that I may offend them and they might respond with "You don't think I can do it myself?!" but I think I'd rather offer help erroneously than not offer help to someone who needs it (when it comes to holding open a door or whatever).

It happens to me a lot with seniors at work. I usually let them just take their time so that they don't feel rushed, because feeling rushed would just make it worse, and it's probably better for them to feel self-efficacious and do things themselves. A lot of them have arthritis and it looks so damn painful but they manage to get their bank cards out of their wallets in their own way.
yang.
OberHerr
Posts: 13,062
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4/30/2012 7:08:46 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/30/2012 7:07:05 PM, tulle wrote:
Sometimes I do worry that I may offend them and they might respond with "You don't think I can do it myself?!" but I think I'd rather offer help erroneously than not offer help to someone who needs it (when it comes to holding open a door or whatever).

It happens to me a lot with seniors at work. I usually let them just take their time so that they don't feel rushed, because feeling rushed would just make it worse, and it's probably better for them to feel self-efficacious and do things themselves. A lot of them have arthritis and it looks so damn painful but they manage to get their bank cards out of their wallets in their own way.

This, in the basic concept. Same with helping people in general.
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EvanK
Posts: 599
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4/30/2012 7:10:18 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/30/2012 7:03:39 PM, Oryus wrote:
At 4/30/2012 6:07:58 PM, EvanK wrote:
Depends. I usually will help. Like earlier today for example, an old lady was walking towards the street corner, kind of limping, and was going to cross a busy street (with a short green light), so I helped her cross. She said she had arthritis pretty bad, so she was grateful for the help. Other times, like if he/she needs help with the door, I'll ask, and they're usually grateful for the help, or at least will politely decline.

Personally, I don't think it's rude to ask someone if they need help. It's not like you're insulting them, you're trying to make their day a bit easier. If they choose the get mad at the offer, fine, let them be mad lol. :D

hahah!!! That is like... prototypical old lady situation. The helping-the-old-lady-across-the-street deal. It's a classic.

And yes, it's definitely good to ask first and not just jump right in! I agree!

I know, textbook good deed right? :D

Yeah, I've had times where I try and help without asking, and it doesn't go as expected, so I just play it safe and ask first lol XD
The problem with socialism is that, sooner or later, you run out of people's money."_Margaret Thatcher

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."_Thomas Jefferson

"The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it."_Thomas Jefferson

"It is easier to fool someone than to convince them that they have been fooled."-Mark Twain
Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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4/30/2012 7:11:03 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/30/2012 7:07:05 PM, tulle wrote:
Sometimes I do worry that I may offend them and they might respond with "You don't think I can do it myself?!" but I think I'd rather offer help erroneously than not offer help to someone who needs it (when it comes to holding open a door or whatever).

It happens to me a lot with seniors at work. I usually let them just take their time so that they don't feel rushed, because feeling rushed would just make it worse, and it's probably better for them to feel self-efficacious and do things themselves. A lot of them have arthritis and it looks so damn painful but they manage to get their bank cards out of their wallets in their own way.

Yeah, it does happen a lot with the elderly too. I hadn't even thought of that. I actually used to work with the elderly and I found that the ones who have physical ability for the longest are the ones who take the extra effort to do every single thing that they possibly can for themselves. I would get really upset with fellow employees who wouldn't let them do things for themselves- they would get frustrated and "rush" them like you said. They're like toddlers- gaining motor skills in a new body. They have to practice and if everyone does everything for them, they will deteriorate faster. Of course, that doesn't really apply to a random encounter with a stranger... but you get my drift.
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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4/30/2012 7:12:11 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/30/2012 7:10:18 PM, EvanK wrote:
At 4/30/2012 7:03:39 PM, Oryus wrote:
At 4/30/2012 6:07:58 PM, EvanK wrote:
Depends. I usually will help. Like earlier today for example, an old lady was walking towards the street corner, kind of limping, and was going to cross a busy street (with a short green light), so I helped her cross. She said she had arthritis pretty bad, so she was grateful for the help. Other times, like if he/she needs help with the door, I'll ask, and they're usually grateful for the help, or at least will politely decline.

Personally, I don't think it's rude to ask someone if they need help. It's not like you're insulting them, you're trying to make their day a bit easier. If they choose the get mad at the offer, fine, let them be mad lol. :D

hahah!!! That is like... prototypical old lady situation. The helping-the-old-lady-across-the-street deal. It's a classic.

And yes, it's definitely good to ask first and not just jump right in! I agree!

I know, textbook good deed right? :D

Yeah, I've had times where I try and help without asking, and it doesn't go as expected, so I just play it safe and ask first lol XD

hehe I did a textbook good deed recently. Feels good to be a good Samaritan. :P
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
EvanK
Posts: 599
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4/30/2012 7:15:09 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/30/2012 7:12:11 PM, Oryus wrote:
At 4/30/2012 7:10:18 PM, EvanK wrote:
At 4/30/2012 7:03:39 PM, Oryus wrote:
At 4/30/2012 6:07:58 PM, EvanK wrote:
Depends. I usually will help. Like earlier today for example, an old lady was walking towards the street corner, kind of limping, and was going to cross a busy street (with a short green light), so I helped her cross. She said she had arthritis pretty bad, so she was grateful for the help. Other times, like if he/she needs help with the door, I'll ask, and they're usually grateful for the help, or at least will politely decline.

Personally, I don't think it's rude to ask someone if they need help. It's not like you're insulting them, you're trying to make their day a bit easier. If they choose the get mad at the offer, fine, let them be mad lol. :D

hahah!!! That is like... prototypical old lady situation. The helping-the-old-lady-across-the-street deal. It's a classic.

And yes, it's definitely good to ask first and not just jump right in! I agree!

I know, textbook good deed right? :D

Yeah, I've had times where I try and help without asking, and it doesn't go as expected, so I just play it safe and ask first lol XD

hehe I did a textbook good deed recently. Feels good to be a good Samaritan. :P

Yes it does! XD
The problem with socialism is that, sooner or later, you run out of people's money."_Margaret Thatcher

"The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government."_Thomas Jefferson

"The beauty of the Second Amendment is that it will not be needed until they try to take it."_Thomas Jefferson

"It is easier to fool someone than to convince them that they have been fooled."-Mark Twain
Lickdafoot
Posts: 5,599
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4/30/2012 7:26:50 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Just ask. Ask. If they need help, they will appreciate it. If they don't, they don't. If they get angered by you asking to help, that's not really your fault, now is it?

I know 2 disabled people and they don't get offended if i ask if they need help.
Neither of them really like to ask though.
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Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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4/30/2012 7:28:52 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/30/2012 7:26:50 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
Just ask. Ask. If they need help, they will appreciate it. If they don't, they don't. If they get angered by you asking to help, that's not really your fault, now is it?

I know 2 disabled people and they don't get offended if i ask if they need help.
Neither of them really like to ask though.

Yeah. I wish there was someone on DDO with a physical disability who could speak on it. It's just a perspective I have never experienced. No idea what it could be like. I might someday though...
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.