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The History of American Culture

brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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8/20/2009 7:25:30 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
I have been researching American culture and have uncovered the amazing history behind everyday life in the United States. Below is one story, but perhaps you have others you could enlighten us with?

The History of McDonald's Hamburgers

Way back in the 1950's a semi-literate Italian-American called Ronaldo Donaldo set up a stall in Coney Island, which was a popular holiday resort at the time. Donaldo made his living selling ground beef meatballs to hungry day-trippers from nearby New York City, attracting customers with a large red sign he erected above his stall. Unfortunately, Donaldo couldn't spell ‘meatballs' so he just painted a massive yellow letter "M" on it instead, but it seemed do the trick nonetheless.

Then, one summer's day, a herd of obese people escaped from a nearby freak show and, stampeding through the crowds, they caught the scent of Donaldo's meatballs and headed straight for his stall. When they arrived, they fell upon the meatballs and devoured them in a wild feeding frenzy. Sadly, by time their keeper managed to round them all up and corral them back into their pen, all Donaldo's cooked meatballs had been eaten and all his uncooked meatballs had all been knocked to the ground and trodden on.

Nevertheless, Donaldo decided to make the best of a bad job and he dusted off the flattened meatballs, fried them up and sold them on. Presently, an educated young lady called Wendy came over, bought one of Donaldo's flattened meatballs and pronounced it delicious. She asked him what this strange dish was called and Donaldo was just about to reply "squashed meatballs" when he glanced at the old soldier from the deep South who was selling chicken burgers on a neighbouring stall and he said: "beef burgers" instead.

Now, these flattened patties of beef sold so fast that the next day Donaldo decided to deliberately flatten his meatballs before frying them and to paint "beef burgers" on his sign. Now, of course, Donaldo could barely read and write and although he was able to copy the word "burger" from the colonel from Kentucky's sign, he couldn't spell "beef" so he just wrote "ham" instead.

Later that day, Wendy came back with her father and he was so impressed with Donaldo's beef burgers that he decided to invest in the business.

However, Wendy's father suggested changing Donaldo's sign by replacing the big "M" for ‘meatballs' with a big "B" for ‘beef burgers' and amending the words "ham burgers" to "beef burgers", but Donaldo thought it would be unlucky and refused. He did, however, accept Wendy's advice to Americanize his name and change it from Ronaldo Donaldo to Ronald McDonald.

Soon after, Wendy and Ronald were married but, unfortunately, he found Wendy in bed with his two best friends, Ben and Jerry, the two brothers who ran the ice cream parlour in Coney Island. The couple split up as a result but Ronald's business blossomed.

Amazingly, not much has changed since the business was founded and knives, forks and even plates are still not provided – for those of you who have never been inside a McDonald's restaurant, the customers are forced to use their hands to convey their food to their mouths, just like savages do.

Despite that though, Ronald McDonald currently owns the biggest chain of fast food outlets in the world and hamburgers have now become the staple food of America.
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UsafRevenged
Posts: 144
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8/20/2009 7:45:33 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!! PART 2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! PwEASE!
IM A 7!!!! HA! Take that society!

Unlike ccstateisback who happens to be a 1.
Rezzealaux
Posts: 2,251
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8/20/2009 10:29:35 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
Source this thing.
: If you weren't new here, you'd know not to feed me such attention. This is like an orgasm in my brain right now. *hehe, my name is in a title, hehe* (http://www.debate.org...)

Just in case I get into some BS with FREEDO again about how he's NOT a narcissist.

"The law is there to destroy evil under the constitutional government."
So... what's there to destroy evil inside of and above the constitutional government?
brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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8/21/2009 8:17:13 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
Here is the second chapter:

The History of the American Language

The history of the American language in many ways mirrors the history of the American people. The language, like the American culture, has spread far beyond the shores of the United States and, today, American is spoken in lands as far afield as Alaska, Hawaii, Barbados and Australia – indeed, it is even understood in some parts of the British Isles! But American is not a pure language – it developed, like the nation, through the process of immigration.

Throughout antiquity, the ancient American tribes led a simple existence, living in peace and harmony with their natural surroundings. They spent their time cultivating spaghetti plants; hunting down buffalo chickens for their wings and foraging for wild coca-cola berries in undergrowth of the Silicon Valley.

Then, one summer's day in the year 1620, a couple of American cowboys were walking their prairie dogs along the beach when they spied a ship approaching the shore. It was a far bigger vessel than anything they had seen before. Indeed, the ancient Americans believed that the Earth was flat and anyone who attempted to sail over the horizon would fall off the edge of the world. As the ship sailed closer, the cowboys went to meet it. One of them, a certain Gerald Custard, recounts the encounter in his diary:

As the vessel moored up in the harbour, we spied the bow of the ship, upon which the following words were inscribed: ‘The Malay Flyer. Registered Calcutta, India'

Presently, the vessel's dark-skinned mariners disembarked and an imposing man clad in a loin cloth, with a painted countenance, his head adorned in colourful feathers and who was clearly the chief, approached and greeted us in broken American.

‘How?' he said, holding the palm of his hand up to us. We regarded him in bemusement. ‘How?' he repeated, ‘How dear pardoners!'

‘Thee what there buddy?' I replied. This remark seemed to irritate the chief and, without any further ado, he rallied his men around him and declared:

‘Hot dig gerdy-dang! Go dam sun over beach. You move a far car! Less kickers you guise. Yee-ha!'

And with that outburst of gobbledegook, the sailors set upon us and it was only by the grace of the gods that we managed to escape with our lives."


This, of course, is the account of the first ever meeting between Americans and Indians. Despite the somewhat rocky start, however, relations between the two races mellowed and, indeed, flourished – so much so that much of the Indian culture and language was absorbed by the Americans. This is evidenced through the adoption into the language of many Indian concepts over the centuries, as is clearly illustrated below:

Indian / Old American / Modern American
Hooch / Fire Water / Whiskey
Blunderbuss / Thunder Stick / Rifle
Boeuf Charcutière / Beef Cherokee / Beef Jerky
Old Delhi / New Delhi / New York Deli

These days, the languages and cultures of the native American cowboys and the seafaring colonisers from India are so intertwined that only forensic linguists are able to establish the actual origins of modern Americans words. It is truly amazing, therefore, to think that only four hundred and ten years ago, the two peoples had never even met.
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BigMac
Posts: 1,155
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8/21/2009 7:04:57 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
BRAVO, YET AGAIN! do you make these things up? or did you copy them from somewhere/ get the idea from somewhere else?
I'm back.
brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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8/22/2009 6:29:20 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 8/21/2009 7:04:57 PM, BigMac wrote:
BRAVO, YET AGAIN! do you make these things up? or did you copy them from somewhere/ get the idea from somewhere else?

Thank you. I just make them up when I should be working. Don't tell my boss!
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I-am-a-panda
Posts: 15,380
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8/22/2009 7:14:20 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 8/22/2009 6:29:20 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
At 8/21/2009 7:04:57 PM, BigMac wrote:
BRAVO, YET AGAIN! do you make these things up? or did you copy them from somewhere/ get the idea from somewhere else?

Thank you. I just make them up when I should be working. Don't tell my boss!

Please do one about rap.
Pizza. I have enormous respect for Pizza.
BigMac
Posts: 1,155
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8/22/2009 3:34:46 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 8/22/2009 7:14:20 AM, I-am-a-panda wrote:
At 8/22/2009 6:29:20 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
At 8/21/2009 7:04:57 PM, BigMac wrote:
BRAVO, YET AGAIN! do you make these things up? or did you copy them from somewhere/ get the idea from somewhere else?

Thank you. I just make them up when I should be working. Don't tell my boss!

Please do one about rap.

SECONDED
I'm back.