Total Posts:13|Showing Posts:1-13
Jump to topic:

Extremely short life sperm.

Chrysippus
Posts: 2,173
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
7/3/2012 4:44:31 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I have been recently informed of the tragic story of one of our vy own members, a Mrs. Chioma David. Apparently she is on her last legs because she has an "extremely short life sperm."

Let me share the whole letter:

"Greetings In the name of God Almighty,

First of all, I seek your indulgence to solicit for your assistance concerning the content of my e-mail, although I am not comfortable discussing it through this manner, due to lots of unsolicited mails on the internet presently, but I have no other medium to do so right now since
the situation of my health is deteriorating.

INTRODUCTION: I am Mrs.Chioma David 63years-old, I am married to late Dr. Alexander Tom David of blessed memory a citizen of Cote d'Ivoire. Who was a reputable business magnet-(Oil Explorer) in France for many years before He died of Heart Attack in the year 2008. We were married for Thirty-Five years with a child and our only son died in a ghastly motor accident las year.

I have been battling with both lung cancer and stroke.
My late husband deposited the sum of (2.800.000.00 Dollas) Two Million Eight Hundred Thousand Dollas with a Bank here in Cote d'Ivoire and my name as beneficiary of the funds. After his death I decided not to remarry or get a child outside my matrimonial home.

According to the doctor, my medical report shows a have very short life sperm due to my health status presently. Maybe I may still have another 1-3 months to live, that I do not know but God can say. That is just my faith as a deteriorating cancer patient. But I pray to God to heal me so that I will be alive and see this work done as my late husband instructed me.

Knowing my health condition I decided to donate the above mentioned funds to an individual Muslim/Christian or any faith, so that He/She will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein, I want an individual that will use this fund for the less privilege ones like;
orphanages, widows, also help our old ones who is unable to cater for their needs. The Bible/Qur'an made us to understand that blessed is the hand that giveth.

I took this decision because our only son who is suppose to inherit this money and properties is also late and my husband relatives has possesses some of my late husband properties and left me almost nothing. I don't want my late husband's relatives to know about this development, I know if I ask them to use these funds for less privilege ones they will use it for their own vested/personal interest. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in such manner, this is why I am taking this decision, I know we have not meet before but I want you to consider this mission as DIVINE MISSION!!!

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going; I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus "14 VS 14" says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace.I want you and your family to always pray for me because the lord is my shepherd, my happiness is that I lived a worthy life and whoever that wants to serve the God must serve him in spirit and truth. Please you are require to respond back to me immediately. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you more details regarding this great mission. Please I will like you to write me through my private email address (redacted)

Remain blessed.
Mrs Chioma David
Email: (redacted)"


As I am "require to respond back to me immediately," I attempted to do so, but it seems her life sperm was shorter than she realized, and the poor lady's account is now closed. On the off chance that she survived to make another account on here, I am including my intended response as a sort of open letter.

Dear Mrs. David,

It pains me to hear of your suffering and the loss of your estimable husband, whose passing has left such a gap in the energy world that all mention of his name has been wiped from the publications and records associated with that field. I understand that the shortening of one's life sperm can be a traumatic event, and can only hope that your strong (if rather nebulous) faith will give you comfort during this difficult time.

Imagine then my regret at being entirely unable to assist you in this matter. I am not qualified to practice law or to give legal advice, and can only hope that you will seek out the counsel of a qualified legal representative before it is too late.

It may seem odd that I, a devout christian, would turn down such an obvious DIVINE MISSION!!!, but I am a weak man with many responsibilities, and I am afraid I know exactly what I would do with 2.8 million dollars should anyone be foolish enough to entrust me with them sans legally binding instrument of intent. Again, I urge to to not offer this sum to anyone else on the internet, as google search indicates you have been doing, and instead to consult a estate lawyer immediately.

Your humble servant,
Chrysippus.
Cavete mea inexorabilis legiones mimus!
Platypus666
Posts: 262
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
7/3/2012 4:47:47 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Poor girl. My life sperm is huge.
NEVER LOGGING IN UNLESS I AM HIGH

Official "The (Weed) Aquatic (Weed) and (Weed) Egg (Weed) Laying (Weed) Mammalian (Weed) Enforceress (Weed) of (Weed) Liberty (Weed), Cuddliness (Weed), and (Weed) Involuntary (Weed) Administration (Weed) of (POT) Psychoactive (Weed) Substances (Weed) To (Weed) All (Weed) The (Weed) Masses (Weed) Under (Weed?) The (Weed!) Control (Weed) of (Weed) The (Weed) All (Weed) High (Weed) FREEDO (Weed) and (Weed) Yyyyyyyyyyyyeah (WEED)" of the FREEDO Bureaucracy.
Chrysippus
Posts: 2,173
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
7/3/2012 4:50:42 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
For those who don't know, the Life Sperm is a single-celled organelle that swims freely in the bloodstream, transporting life energy throughout the body in the storage vacuoles in it's tail. it ages, the tail grows shorter, reducing the amount of energy the Life Sperm can carry.

If the Life Sperm is ever lost, death of the organism follows almost immediately. All Life Sperm are now required to carry GPS at all times.
Cavete mea inexorabilis legiones mimus!
bossyburrito
Posts: 14,075
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
7/3/2012 4:57:36 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Her touching story gave me enough Faith to be able to be trusted with the money.
#UnbanTheMadman

"Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight
Somewhere out of a memory of lighted streets on quiet nights..."

~ Rush
Oryus
Posts: 8,280
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
7/3/2012 6:33:35 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
This is among the top 10 best open letters I have ever seen.
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
Agent_Orange
Posts: 2,252
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
7/3/2012 7:56:17 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/3/2012 4:47:47 PM, Platypus666 wrote:
Poor girl. My life sperm is huge.

Are you sure? Cause I'd happily share some life sperm with you.
#BlackLivesMatter
Ren
Posts: 7,102
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
7/4/2012 4:04:02 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/3/2012 7:56:17 PM, Agent_Orange wrote:
At 7/3/2012 4:47:47 PM, Platypus666 wrote:
Poor girl. My life sperm is huge.

Are you sure? Cause I'd happily share some life sperm with you.

Lol, no kidding.
Chrysippus
Posts: 2,173
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
7/5/2012 3:35:15 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/3/2012 7:56:17 PM, Agent_Orange wrote:
At 7/3/2012 4:47:47 PM, Platypus666 wrote:
Poor girl. My life sperm is huge.

Are you sure? Cause I'd happily share some life sperm with you.

I'm shocked. It took seven posts for this to come up?

You people are slipping. I had $50 running that this would be the third post.
Cavete mea inexorabilis legiones mimus!
bossyburrito
Posts: 14,075
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
10/15/2012 10:50:09 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 7/4/2012 4:04:02 AM, Ren wrote:
At 7/3/2012 7:56:17 PM, Agent_Orange wrote:
At 7/3/2012 4:47:47 PM, Platypus666 wrote:
Poor girl. My life sperm is huge.

Are you sure? Cause I'd happily share some life sperm with you.

Lol, no kidding.

Does Platypus being Freedo make you want to redact that or does it make you lust even more?
#UnbanTheMadman

"Some will sell their dreams for small desires
Or lose the race to rats
Get caught in ticking traps
And start to dream of somewhere
To relax their restless flight
Somewhere out of a memory of lighted streets on quiet nights..."

~ Rush
Chicken
Posts: 1,296
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
10/15/2012 10:55:21 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/15/2012 10:50:09 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
At 7/4/2012 4:04:02 AM, Ren wrote:
At 7/3/2012 7:56:17 PM, Agent_Orange wrote:
At 7/3/2012 4:47:47 PM, Platypus666 wrote:
Poor girl. My life sperm is huge.

Are you sure? Cause I'd happily share some life sperm with you.

Lol, no kidding.

Does Platypus being Freedo make you want to redact that or does it make you lust even more?

WHAT IS UP WITH THESE NECROPOSTS?!?!?!? O.o
Disciple of Koopin
Right Hand Chicken of the Grand Poobah DDO Vice President FREEDO

Servant of Kfc
MilitaryAtheist
Posts: 1,058
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
10/16/2012 8:47:54 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/15/2012 10:55:21 PM, Chicken wrote:
At 10/15/2012 10:50:09 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
At 7/4/2012 4:04:02 AM, Ren wrote:
At 7/3/2012 7:56:17 PM, Agent_Orange wrote:
At 7/3/2012 4:47:47 PM, Platypus666 wrote:
Poor girl. My life sperm is huge.

Are you sure? Cause I'd happily share some life sperm with you.

Lol, no kidding.

Does Platypus being Freedo make you want to redact that or does it make you lust even more?

WHAT IS UP WITH THESE NECROPOSTS?!?!?!? O.o

kfc
Ron-Paul
Posts: 2,557
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
10/19/2012 9:52:17 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 10/15/2012 10:55:21 PM, Chicken wrote:
At 10/15/2012 10:50:09 PM, bossyburrito wrote:
At 7/4/2012 4:04:02 AM, Ren wrote:
At 7/3/2012 7:56:17 PM, Agent_Orange wrote:
At 7/3/2012 4:47:47 PM, Platypus666 wrote:
Poor girl. My life sperm is huge.

Are you sure? Cause I'd happily share some life sperm with you.

Lol, no kidding.

Does Platypus being Freedo make you want to redact that or does it make you lust even more?

WHAT IS UP WITH THESE NECROPOSTS?!?!?!? O.o