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Give the Gift of Horrible to the Poster Above

UnStupendousMan
Posts: 3,475
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12/16/2012 9:12:23 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
The premise of this thread is pretty self-explanatory, but I'll clarify it a bit, 'cause I can.

Because it's Christmas time, I thought it would be a good time to squash any feelings of merriness and joy in our hearts by giving and receiving nightmare-inducing horrors. Because there is nothing better to do during Yuletide than to eliminate feelings of cheer than being afraid to go to sleep at night. What I'm specifically looking for aren't inconveniences or dull pains in the neck, but truely, truely TERRIFYING (and preferaby original) things that no mortal should even have to think about. That's the best thing to cure any warmth garnered by this time of year. Also, please explain, because it's even MORE soul-crushing to read the implications if your gift! (Also, NO GIVEBACKS)

I'll start. Since nobody is above me, I'll give it to it.

Merry Christmas, nobody, you get the gift of BEING BORN ON EARTH!

So, you think you're fine not being alive or sentient. Seeing nothing. Thinking nothing. Being nothing. You seem to be set, right?

Then welcome to earth, my buddy!

As you take your first horrendous breaths, you don't know it yet but you are going to be in a world of hurt. Literally. You may be born to abusive parents. You may have to go hungry way too many times. You may be in a war-torn country, where your life is going to be in jeopardy every day. (Funny thing, life. You grow attached to it.) You almost certainly have to bear through injustice, pain, stupidity, and teenage angst.

Merry Christmas, fellow living being! We don't like you! And may your dreams be filled with sugar-plums! You're gonna need 'em!
Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,151
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12/16/2012 9:55:21 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
You get the lovely gift of being born on another planet capable of supporting life. I'm not quite sure where you'll end up, but i'll be nice and make sure it has some oxygen and liquid water and such for you. You'll be all excited to meet the life, until you realize - you're human. Humans don't have antibodies to deal with the microbes here, because they don't even use DNA (that's alien planets for ya)! Instead, you'll just die of some horrible disease that i can't even describe to you because that kind of thing just doesn't happen here. Hopefully they'll have some hospitals, but due to you being so alien to them, they won't be of any help. You will live on in medical classes, where your story will be told to the students just to mess them up on exams and they will hate you for it. Merry Christmas and may you have a quick death :)
Illegalcombatant
Posts: 4,008
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12/18/2012 1:35:21 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 12/18/2012 1:32:13 AM, Wallstreetatheist wrote:
I give Andromeda the gift of Country Music.



O cmon, no one deserves that.
"Seems like another attempt to insert God into areas our knowledge has yet to penetrate. You figure God would be bigger than the gaps of our ignorance." Drafterman 19/5/12