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Tax-Free Franchise Opportunity

brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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12/22/2012 5:57:40 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
UNIQUE FRANCHISE OPPORTUNITY WITH TAX-FREE EARNINGS

Please try and answer the following questions as honestly as you can.

1 - Would you like to be the proud owner of a Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe for the summer, a Lamborghini Aventador for the winter and a Range Rover Autobiography to use for excursions into the wilds?

2 - Would you like to be the proprietor of a huge mansion in the best part of town and also own a private island in the Caribbean and have a private jet to fly you there and back?

3 - Would you like to be the owner of an ocean-going mega-yacht with a helipad, a crew of leggy blonde nymphomaniacs and a permanent mooring in Monte Carlo?

If the answer to any or all of the above questions is "yes" then you owe it to yourself to read on.

The fact is, not many people in the world enjoy a life of lavish excess; certainly very few that are subject to income tax. No, the life of unmitigated decadence, magnificent opulence and unadulterated profligacy is reserved for the likes of Italian mafia bosses, British investment bankers, Chinese property tycoons, Russian oligarchs, Australian media moguls, Israeli politicians, African despots, Colombian drug barons and, of course, American preachers, all of whom pay little or no tax.

WHAT? AMERICAN PREACHERS DON'T PAY TAX?

That's right; preachers in America are rolling in money because they get to keep every last cent of the money they extort from their flocks because preachers enjoy IRS 501 (c) (3) status which exempts them from tax.

And not only that, the Clergy Housing Allowance Clarification Act of 2002 states that preachers can exclude rent, principle and interest, taxes, appliances, repairs, furniture and much, much more from their income.

Furthermore, 25 states allow churches and ministries to apply for Sales and Use Tax Exemption which effectively means preachers get an automatic discount on everything they buy!

But it doesn't end there, preachers are also entitled to apply for Self Employment Tax Exemption which means earnings received while in ministry are exempt from Self Employment Tax, and what's more, they still do not sacrifice their entitlement to Social Security.

GOOD FOR THEM, BUT WHAT ABOUT ME?

The great news is that now YOU could get a slice of this tax-free high-life action by purchasing a franchise to operate a branch of The Self-Righteous Church of the Chosen Few from Eggleston"s Ecclesiastical Enterprises (Monaco) S.A.

BUT WOULDN"T I NEED TO BE A QUALIFIED THEOLOGIAN?

Not at all! The courts have ruled that a church or ministry has the right to license and ordain its own ministers, qualified or not, and as soon as Eggleston's Ecclesiastical Enterprises has accepted you and cleared your check we will ordain you regardless of educational background, plus issue you with the official permission to establish a branch of The Self-Righteous Church of the Chosen Few in your chosen area. This will enable you to take advantage of the special tax benefits extended to preachers by Congress without delay.

BUT SURELY I WOULD NEED TO STUDY THE BIBLE?

No, unlike Judaism and Islam whose teachings are fixed, the Christian scriptures are open to wide interpretation - that's why there are literally thousands of Christian denominations and sects - and this means you can issue a holy denouncement or seal of approval on almost any action or event on any given occasion.

WHAT IF ONE OF MY FLOCK ASKS ME AN AWKWARD QUESTION ABOUT GOD?

No problem, your Self-Righteous Church of the Chosen Few franchise pack includes an operator's manual disguised as a Bible for you to consult in such a contingency. The manual offers useful responses such as: "The Lord works in mysterious ways"; "Have faith, my child" and "That would be an ecumenical matter."

BUT WHAT IF SOMEONE QUESTIONS MY LAVISH LIFESTYLE?

Membership of The Self-Righteous Church of the Chosen Few is aimed at the more prosperous section of society and those people do not tend to ask intrusive questions relating to personal finances but, should some nosey reporter come sniffing around looking for a story, your franchise manual includes various ready-prepared press statements. For example, should you be asked why need a private jet in order to discharge your parochial duties, you can reply: "My jet brings me closer to God, 26,000 feet closer to be precise. That means my prayers reach Heaven before the prayers of ordinary preachers on the ground and, therefore, my prayers take priority over theirs. This is the sort of VIP service that members of The Self-Righteous Church of the Chosen Few are more than happy to pay for."

GREAT, BUT THERE ARE ALREADY SEVERAL CHURCHES IN MY AREA, HOW TO I ATTRACT NEW MEMBERS?

Membership of The Self-Righteous Church of the Chosen Few is as exclusive as membership of the most prestigious of sporting and social clubs - you don't need to advertise, knock on doors or preach in the streets to build up your membership - the members come to you. All you need do is invite the most affluent people in the area to apply for membership subject to interview and once the richest and most influential residents have been granted membership of your church, the social, political and financial elite from miles around will be desperate to join your congregation. And remember, it's not how many members you have that counts, it's the total amount of money they donate that's really important.

IT SOUNDS FANTASTIC, WHERE DO I SIGN?

Not so fast, buddy, we don't take money from just anyone, you know, we have our reputation to protect. If you think a Self-Righteous Church of the Chosen Few franchise is right for you, contact us and we'll set up a meeting to decide if you are right for us. If you are successful in obtaining a Self-Righteous Church of the Chosen Few franchise, however, your journey along the Self-Righteous road to riches will have begun!

This message was brought too you by Eggleston's Ecclesiastical Enterprises (Monaco) S.A. US Headquarters: Avarice House, 1020 Greed Street, Cashville, TN.
Visit the burglars' bulletin board: http://www.break-in-news.com...
Khaos_Mage
Posts: 23,214
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12/22/2012 7:14:21 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 12/22/2012 5:57:40 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
UNIQUE FRANCHISE OPPORTUNITY WITH TAX-FREE EARNINGS

WHAT? AMERICAN PREACHERS DON'T PAY TAX?

That's right; preachers in America are rolling in money because they get to keep every last cent of the money they extort from their flocks because preachers enjoy IRS 501 (c) (3) status which exempts them from tax.
This applies to the "business", not the individual. Incomes paid by churches or charities are subject to taxes.

And not only that, the Clergy Housing Allowance Clarification Act of 2002 states that preachers can exclude rent, principle and interest, taxes, appliances, repairs, furniture and much, much more from their income.

This is to mitigate expenses from the church. If the minister must pay taxes for these expenses, he then must be compensated more than if he wasn't taxed on them. This frees more money to the church to do its thing.


Furthermore, 25 states allow churches and ministries to apply for Sales and Use Tax Exemption which effectively means preachers get an automatic discount on everything they buy!
This applies to most non-profits in these states, not just churches.

But it doesn't end there, preachers are also entitled to apply for Self Employment Tax Exemption which means earnings received while in ministry are exempt from Self Employment Tax, and what's more, they still do not sacrifice their entitlement to Social Security.

Actually, if you are exempt from self-employment taxes, you do not collect Social Security. One of the requirements is, as a matter of religion, you must be opposed to general insurance, therefore, you do not pay, nor do you collect.
http://www.irs.gov...

Furthermore, not all clergy are considered self-employed for tax purposes; those people would have incomes.
My work here is, finally, done.
Illegalcombatant
Posts: 4,008
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12/22/2012 7:52:27 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Wait, you mean I can generate TAX FREE INCOME by making various metaphysical claims ?

Sure this sounds good, but I have a few concerns first.........

1) Would I be under any obligation to acknowledge the claims I make as unproven ? Or am I allowed to claim that the claims I am making are God given truth and beyond question ?

2) Can I use fear of divine punishment to keep people in line ?

3) Can I invoke anyone who dis agrees with what I said as lovers of liars and darkness and of course anyone who agree's with me as lovers as truth ?

4) Am I allowed to claim that God revealed to me in some way something to justify some doctrine, or will I be restricted to only prior doctrines ?

5) How much money are we talking about here ?

6) What are the start up costs ?

7) Do you take a cut of money coming in, or do we keep all monies ?

8) Why isn't this in the religious section ?
"Seems like another attempt to insert God into areas our knowledge has yet to penetrate. You figure God would be bigger than the gaps of our ignorance." Drafterman 19/5/12