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A Special Thanksgiving Message

brian_eggleston
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11/26/2009 12:26:36 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
A Special Thanksgiving Message from England to America

Dear Americans,

This is just a short note to wish you "Happy Thanksgiving Day". I hope you all have a wonderful time and get lots of lovely presents. Don't get too drunk though!

With Best Regards for the Festive Season,

Brian.

For the attention of non-Americans:

I expect many of you are wondering what the hell "Thanksgiving" is. Perhaps, like most people, you assume that it is something the Americans made up because they wanted a festival in November but weren't allowed to celebrate Guy Fawkes Night? Well, actually, that's not the case. If you are interested, I have researched the history of Thanksgiving and have summarised it below.

The History of the American Festival of Thanksgiving

Back in the early 1600's, the Rotherhithe district of London wasn't full of luxury riverside apartments, exclusive marinas and high-class restaurants as it is today. Instead, it was a bleak trading estate: home to various small to medium-sized enterprises such as the chicken-processing factory owned by a Mr. John Carver.

One day in 1620, Carver was approached by a firm of property developers who told him they wanted to build executive homes where his factory was and asked him to sell them the land it was built on.

He was initially very reluctant because he had built up a good trade providing takeaway restaurants on the nearby Old Kent Road with breaded chicken nuggets, dippers and wings which they used deep fry and to sell to passing pilgrims making their way down the A2 to Canterbury. However, the property developers offered him a very handsome sum of money and Carver decided to sell up and move on.

Now, at that time, many English people were emigrating to various British colonies around the world looking for an easy life in the sun and Carver had heard that America was known as "The Land of Opportunity" because of the cheap property, low taxes and lenient corporate regulations.

So, he bought a second-hand ship from Ye-Bay Boats, which he renamed "The Mayflower" in tribute to his favourite Chinese restaurant (which, incidentally, is still doing business in London's Shaftesbury Avenue, although it has been taken over by somebody else since then and is now called "The New Mayflower"). Carver then loaded his ship with a cargo of live chickens and set sail with his employees for the New World.

Four and twenty long hours later the weary passengers disembarked at Plymouth harbour (the new one in Massachusetts, not the old one in Devon), where, after a hearty meal in a seafood restaurant and a good nights sleep at the Holiday Inn, they set to work building a new chicken-processing factory. He called his new company Pilgrims Pride as a tribute to his former customers back in London and set about finding new outlets for his products.

Of course, chickens are native to England and in those days were almost unknown beyond her shores so none of the convenience store owners, most of whom were Indians anyway, had even heard of them. Initially, therefore, they were very reluctant to stock any Pilgrims Pride products but Carver gave them some hot Fajita Breast Strips, Chicken Popcorn and Wing Zings to try and they loved them and agreed to sell them.

Now, because the people of Plymouth grew to adore these tasty treats so much and Carver had the complete monopoly on processed chicken products, he soon became a very rich man. However, he got greedy and he hiked his prices up so much that only the rich could afford to buy Pilgrims Pride products and the locals, rather unfairly, started to accuse the shopkeepers of profiteering.

One day, one of the Indian shopkeepers complained about this injustice in a letter to his father back home in Bombay. Not so long afterwards the shopkeeper took delivery of a crate of birds with an accompanying note from his father explaining that the box contained a small flock of Turkish hens that he had bought while on a business in Istanbul. He added that he hoped the birds might be bred to create products to rival the Pilgrims Pride's chicken dishes.

And that's exactly what happened. The Indian shopkeeper took the meat from his Turkish hens (or ‘turkeys' as they later became known), diced it, mixed it with pumpkins left over from Halloween and baked it into pies.

It was the last Thursday in November when those pies first went on sale and they quickly became a huge success because not only were they tasty but they were also much cheaper than anything from Pilgrims Pride.

Over the years since that day, processed turkey products became very popular with people all over the continent and now every fourth Thursday of November, the people of America "give their thanks" to that Indian shopkeeper for putting an end to the Pilgrims Pride rip-off and celebrate by exchanging gifts and eating traditional turkey and pumpkin pie.

And that's the history of Thanksgiving.
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JBlake
Posts: 4,634
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11/26/2009 12:38:53 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
And to think that they left all that out of our education textbooks! This is egregious!

We should petition the government to get this version in our children's textbooks so they understand the true meaning of thanksgiving.
wonderwoman
Posts: 744
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11/26/2009 12:53:53 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Today, I plan to I celebrate Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invite everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we have an enormous feast, and then I kill them and take their land.
leet4A1
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11/26/2009 1:59:31 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Lol, nice one Brian!

but weren't allowed to celebrate Guy Fawkes Night?

Do you guys still celebrate Guy Fawkes Night? Apparently we used to in Australia when my old man was a lad, but some kid blew his hand off so they put a stop to it. :(
"Let me tell you the truth. The truth is, 'what is'. And 'what should be' is a fantasy, a terrible terrible lie that someone gave to the people long ago. The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is." - Lenny Bruce

"Satan goes to church, did you know that?" - Godsands

"And Genisis 1 does match modern science... you just have to try really hard." - GR33K FR33K5
brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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11/26/2009 2:23:38 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 11/26/2009 1:59:31 PM, leet4A1 wrote:
Lol, nice one Brian!

but weren't allowed to celebrate Guy Fawkes Night?

Do you guys still celebrate Guy Fawkes Night? Apparently we used to in Australia when my old man was a lad, but some kid blew his hand off so they put a stop to it. :(

Thanks for the compliment and sorry to hear about your dad.

Yes, Guy Fawkes Night is huge in England - the biggest celebration after Christmas and New Year. It is a very dangerous night though and every year lots of people are killed or injured by stray fireworks.

I remember a few years ago we had a party in one of my friend's back garden. We had a traditional bonfire and loads of booze and grub and everybody brought stacks of fireworks.

The only trouble was we were all drunk and it was a very small garden in a street of narrow terraced houses and the fireworks were going in all directions except up.

At about one in the morning I noticed that a neighbour had started a bonfire and remarked that it was a little late for that. Then I looked closer and realised that one of the fireworks had gone through an open window and set his shed on fire!

The thing was full of paint and fuel and other flammable materials the fire soon spread along a fence to his house.

Thinking quickly, I poured water on our bonfire, hid the remaining fireworks and told everyone to go inside and switch out the lights. Then I went to a public phone booth to call the fire brigade (so they couldn't trace my call back to my mobile phone).

On that occasion, nobody was hurt, I'm pleased to say, but it could so easily have been so different I suppose.
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leet4A1
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11/26/2009 2:50:02 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 11/26/2009 2:23:38 PM, brian_eggleston wrote:
At 11/26/2009 1:59:31 PM, leet4A1 wrote:
Lol, nice one Brian!

but weren't allowed to celebrate Guy Fawkes Night?

Do you guys still celebrate Guy Fawkes Night? Apparently we used to in Australia when my old man was a lad, but some kid blew his hand off so they put a stop to it. :(

Thanks for the compliment and sorry to hear about your dad.

Lol, can't tell if you're joking or not mate (never can :D), but it wasn't my old boy who blew his hand off, some other kid.


Yes, Guy Fawkes Night is huge in England - the biggest celebration after Christmas and New Year. It is a very dangerous night though and every year lots of people are killed or injured by stray fireworks.

I remember a few years ago we had a party in one of my friend's back garden. We had a traditional bonfire and loads of booze and grub and everybody brought stacks of fireworks.

The only trouble was we were all drunk and it was a very small garden in a street of narrow terraced houses and the fireworks were going in all directions except up.

At about one in the morning I noticed that a neighbour had started a bonfire and remarked that it was a little late for that. Then I looked closer and realised that one of the fireworks had gone through an open window and set his shed on fire!

The thing was full of paint and fuel and other flammable materials the fire soon spread along a fence to his house.

Thinking quickly, I poured water on our bonfire, hid the remaining fireworks and told everyone to go inside and switch out the lights. Then I went to a public phone booth to call the fire brigade (so they couldn't trace my call back to my mobile phone).

On that occasion, nobody was hurt, I'm pleased to say, but it could so easily have been so different I suppose.

Haha crazy stuff. I suppose there was good cause to ban it in Australia. I still wish it wasn't though.... that would be something to look forward to every year.
"Let me tell you the truth. The truth is, 'what is'. And 'what should be' is a fantasy, a terrible terrible lie that someone gave to the people long ago. The 'what should be' never did exist, but people keep trying to live up to it. There is no 'what should be,' there is only what is." - Lenny Bruce

"Satan goes to church, did you know that?" - Godsands

"And Genisis 1 does match modern science... you just have to try really hard." - GR33K FR33K5