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Best Chuck Norris facts.

comoncents
Posts: 5,647
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12/3/2009 9:54:57 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination.
As Oswald shot, Chuck Norris met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but it wouldn't take shart from anybody.

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com...

Make up your own!
See how creative you are.
MikeLoviN
Posts: 746
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12/3/2009 10:12:58 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Chuck Norris is not afraid of flying. Gravity is afraid of the consequences of letting him fall.

When it comes time to file his taxes, Chuck Norris just sends in a picture of himself crouching down, ready to attack. He has yet to be audited.

There is no such thing as crippled people, just people who have met Chuck Norris

When you ask Chuck Norris what time it is he always answers "Two seconds till..." and before you can ask "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face
JBlake
Posts: 4,634
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12/4/2009 3:02:10 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
God sat on his throne one day, with Jesus sitting to his right. Jesus was his right hand man, so he decided to hold interviews for his seat on the left.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, and Chuck Norris were there for the interviews.

First he asked, "Arnold, why do you think you deserve to be my left hand man?"

Arnold responded, "I am the Governator, I was crush anything that gets in your way!"

Second, he asked, "Sylvester Stallone, why do you deserve to be seated to my left?"

Stallone responded, "Uhh... I'm the Champ, I'm number one. Adrian!"

Finally, he asked Chuck Norris, "Why do you deserve the seat?"

Chuck Norris glared at God and answered "You're sitting in my seat."
Sylux
Posts: 290
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12/6/2009 1:12:33 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
One time, Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands.

When he came back, they were just the Islands.
"Can you see? Do you know?
The string behind you, it's shiny and pretty.
Where is my string.
Give me because I don't know.
Give me your string.
Give me everything."
-grasshoppa
wonderwoman
Posts: 744
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12/6/2009 5:12:44 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 12/4/2009 2:23:00 PM, wjmelements wrote:
Chuck Norris can find Waldo with his eyes closed.

I always heard it that Chuck Norris was the reason Waldo was hiding.
mongoose
Posts: 3,500
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12/6/2009 6:00:54 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 12/6/2009 5:12:44 PM, wonderwoman wrote:
At 12/4/2009 2:23:00 PM, wjmelements wrote:
Chuck Norris can find Waldo with his eyes closed.

I always heard it that Chuck Norris was the reason Waldo was hiding.

Except you can't hide from Chuck Norris, so that doesn't work.
It is odd when one's capacity for compassion is measured not in what he is willing to do by his own time, effort, and property, but what he will force others to do with their own property instead.
Freedomaniac
Posts: 365
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12/6/2009 7:40:21 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
You say Jesus walked on water? Chuck Norris swam through land.
I am a moosepotomus, here me quack! *Grr, ruff, moo*

I am my own God and the free market is my Jesus.

http://freedomaniac.wordpress.com...
Freedomaniac
Posts: 365
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12/6/2009 7:41:41 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
When God said "let there be light", Chuck Norris said "say please".
I am a moosepotomus, here me quack! *Grr, ruff, moo*

I am my own God and the free market is my Jesus.

http://freedomaniac.wordpress.com...
Freedomaniac
Posts: 365
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12/6/2009 7:43:08 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups..he pushes the Earth down.
I am a moosepotomus, here me quack! *Grr, ruff, moo*

I am my own God and the free market is my Jesus.

http://freedomaniac.wordpress.com...
Freedomaniac
Posts: 365
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12/6/2009 7:44:32 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Want to know what animals Chuck Norris doesn't like?..Check the extinct species list.
I am a moosepotomus, here me quack! *Grr, ruff, moo*

I am my own God and the free market is my Jesus.

http://freedomaniac.wordpress.com...
ToastOfDestiny
Posts: 990
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12/6/2009 8:33:31 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Chuck Norris can gargle with peanut butter and blow bubbles with beef jerky.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: walk and kill.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his rage.
At 10/11/2009 8:28:18 PM, banker wrote:
Our demise and industrial destruction
At 10/11/2009 10:00:21 PM, regebro wrote:
Only exists in your head, as already shown.

At 10/11/2009 8:28:18 PM, banker wrote:
reveal why you answer with a question mark
At 10/11/2009 10:00:21 PM, regebro wrote:
Because it was a question.

RFDs Pl0x:
http://www.debate.org...
Freedomaniac
Posts: 365
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12/6/2009 9:09:35 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could Chuck Norris?

All of it.
I am a moosepotomus, here me quack! *Grr, ruff, moo*

I am my own God and the free market is my Jesus.

http://freedomaniac.wordpress.com...
Freedomaniac
Posts: 365
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12/6/2009 9:11:15 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch, he decides what time it is.
I am a moosepotomus, here me quack! *Grr, ruff, moo*

I am my own God and the free market is my Jesus.

http://freedomaniac.wordpress.com...
Freedomaniac
Posts: 365
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12/6/2009 9:12:04 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Chuck Norris doesn't read books, he just stares at them until he gets the information he wants.
I am a moosepotomus, here me quack! *Grr, ruff, moo*

I am my own God and the free market is my Jesus.

http://freedomaniac.wordpress.com...
Freedomaniac
Posts: 365
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12/6/2009 9:13:32 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Chuck Norris lost his legs in a car accident and still managed to walk it off.
I am a moosepotomus, here me quack! *Grr, ruff, moo*

I am my own God and the free market is my Jesus.

http://freedomaniac.wordpress.com...
Freedomaniac
Posts: 365
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12/6/2009 9:14:27 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
There's no such thing as periods, Chuck Norris screws every woman on the Earth once a month.
I am a moosepotomus, here me quack! *Grr, ruff, moo*

I am my own God and the free market is my Jesus.

http://freedomaniac.wordpress.com...
Freedomaniac
Posts: 365
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12/6/2009 9:15:23 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
As a side note; I live just a few minutes away from Chuck Norris, I really do.
I am a moosepotomus, here me quack! *Grr, ruff, moo*

I am my own God and the free market is my Jesus.

http://freedomaniac.wordpress.com...