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How to make bio-diesel from ZOMBIES!

Beverlee
Posts: 721
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9/9/2013 4:44:23 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
You will need:

Metal dumpster
Five 5 gallon plastic buckets
Hoses
Lye or Potassium Hydroxide
Methanol (preferably) or turpentine
Sturdy Fencing
Forklift
Stirring Ladle
Something to make a metal lid for the dumpster

STEP ONE (Preparation)

MAKE THE METHANOL

This is a multipart process, that requires a whisky still, sugars and water. The Methanol is fairly easy to make, since it will not need to be safe for human consumption. Boil it and condense it exactly like making moonshine.

PREPARE THE MELTING VAT

This is done by mounting the dumpster onto the forklift, then drilling small holes into one corner. The forklift will make it possible to "tilt" the dumpster in order to drain the liquefied fat into the distilling tubs. A fire-proof lid needs to be mounted over the dumpster. The exact schematic will vary according to the type of material that can be found. A chain link fence is one good example of a lid that could be used.

Set up the fencing to funnel zombies into the pre-elevated dumpster/melting vat. The schematic should be based on a smooth-walled cattle branding-cage. (Sheets of wood instead of boards for the sides, with a valve-gate to control the flow of zombies into the melting vat. The valve-gate will swing shut, herding excess zombies into a holding pen.)

STEP TWO (Gather Zombies)
Attract and herd the zombies through the fencing into the melting vat. The dumpster should hold 12-20 intact adult sized zombies. DO NOT OVERFILL - the zombies may be ale to spill over the top and become a hazard. Close and lock the metal lid, securing the zombies inside the vat.

STEP THREE (Cook the zombies)
This step not only produces a valuable base for the fuel, it also destroys the zombies. Avoid breathing in the zombie fumes, since they may be toxic. The fat inside the zombie, including brain matter, will render exactly like bacon fat. (Brains are made almost entirely of fat.) A low fire needs to be maintained beneath the elevated melting vat. This fire cannot become too hot, or the fat will burn off. Once the zombie brains have rendered out, the zombies will become "inert" and the cooking mixture can be safely stirred and separated.

The grease will need to be drained periodically into the 5 gallon buckets.

STEP 4 (mix chemicals and distill)
The melted liquefied fat can be mixed with turpentine or methanol to prevent it from gelling. Allow the liquefied fat to settle, to remove contaminants and particulate matter. When the zombie fat has been refined into a very clear, golden-tinted oil, it can be mixed with the chemicals.

In small batches, Heat 500 ml of refined zombie oil to 120 degrees Fahrenheit. Pour 100 ml of methanol into a glass jar using a metal funnel. Use titration to raise your lye solution to a pH level between 8 and 9 before adding it to the methanol. Add the heated vegetable oil through a metal strainer into the glass jar with the methanol and lye. Seal and shake the bottle vigorously to mix the chemicals. Leave the jar in a warm place overnight.

STEP FIVE (Finishing)

Look at your jars the next day. The liquid should have settled into two layers, one light and one dark. Identify and separate the darker fluid in your jar ( this is glycerine) from the lighter fluid (biodiesel). Pour the biodiesel into another jar and let it stand for two to three days. This final distilling will prevent damage to your diesel engines.

CLEANUP:
It is important to always wear protective equipment, and to always treat zombies as an extreme biohazard. Keep your zombie distillery clean, and properly dispose of all zombie corpse matter promptly. Clean out the melting vat with water before and after each batch, to prevent accidental fire.

(For more info on Biodiesel, visit: http://www.ehow.com... Portions of this tutorial were copied directly from these instructions. Enjoy!)
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,448
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9/9/2013 4:52:51 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
This is gonna definitely come in handy in the event of a zombie apocalypse
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
MassiveDump
Posts: 3,423
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9/9/2013 5:53:59 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 4:52:51 PM, Buddamoose wrote:
This is gonna definitely come in handy in the event of a zombie apocalypse

Until Bio-diesel companies become corrupt and start deliberately turning people into zombies in order to turn a profit.
Beverlee
Posts: 721
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9/10/2013 12:01:57 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/9/2013 11:11:42 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
But how do we make the zombies?

lol... if you don't get zombies out where you are, just buy the regular bio-diesel. This is a back-up plan, for just in case. But, from what I've heard, you don't even want zombies anyway.

REMINDER: Always double check to make sure the zombie is actually a zombie. Things can get weird....
Buddamoose
Posts: 19,448
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9/10/2013 5:46:19 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Or say fvck it and dont check. Fuel is fuel, and fuel is precious in the event of a zombie apocslypse. Good way to get rid of enemies :P
"Reality is an illusion created due to a lack of alcohol"
-Airmax1227

"You were the moon all this time, and he was always there to make you shine."

"Was he the sun?"

"No honey, he was the darkness"

-Kazekirion
Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,151
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9/10/2013 10:00:46 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/10/2013 12:01:57 AM, Beverlee wrote:
At 9/9/2013 11:11:42 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
But how do we make the zombies?

lol... if you don't get zombies out where you are, just buy the regular bio-diesel. This is a back-up plan, for just in case. But, from what I've heard, you don't even want zombies anyway.

YES I DO WANT ZOMBIES!!

REMINDER: Always double check to make sure the zombie is actually a zombie. Things can get weird....

No, things can get awesome. It'd be like a Flintstones car - it runs on people power!
Beverlee
Posts: 721
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9/10/2013 10:22:59 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/10/2013 10:00:46 AM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
At 9/10/2013 12:01:57 AM, Beverlee wrote:
At 9/9/2013 11:11:42 PM, Andromeda_Z wrote:
But how do we make the zombies?

lol... if you don't get zombies out where you are, just buy the regular bio-diesel. This is a back-up plan, for just in case. But, from what I've heard, you don't even want zombies anyway.

YES I DO WANT ZOMBIES!!

REMINDER: Always double check to make sure the zombie is actually a zombie. Things can get weird....

No, things can get awesome. It'd be like a Flintstones car - it runs on people power!

oooooo.... Imma do another one about how to make zombie-drawn carriages! Don't have any oxen to pull your rustic plow? No problem! Need a horse for your wagon? We got a zombie for that!
Mysterious_Stranger
Posts: 1,562
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9/10/2013 10:37:31 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Well that is the world energy problem solved. Now the matter of finding some zombies...
Turn around, go back.
MassiveDump
Posts: 3,423
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9/10/2013 5:57:49 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/10/2013 10:37:31 AM, Mysterious_Stranger wrote:
Well that is the world energy problem solved. Now the matter of finding some zombies...

Just go to a High School.
Ragnar
Posts: 1,658
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9/10/2013 8:49:38 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Will it work with humans substituted in?
Unofficial DDO Guide: http://goo.gl...
(It's probably the best help resource here, other than talking to people...)

Voting Standards: https://goo.gl...

And please disable Smart-Quotes: https://goo.gl...
Andromeda_Z
Posts: 4,151
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9/10/2013 10:12:07 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/10/2013 8:49:38 PM, Ragnar wrote:
Will it work with humans substituted in?

Of course! They're a lot like zombies but way less awesome. But be warned - they are just as dangerous, if not more (they still have functional brains).
ClassicRobert
Posts: 2,487
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9/11/2013 6:49:52 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
Joined about a week ago, and already posting about how to survive in a zombie apocalypse? I think I'm in love.
Debate me: Economic decision theory should be adjusted to include higher-order preferences for non-normative purposes http://www.debate.org...

Do you really believe that? Or not? If you believe it, you should man up and defend it in a debate. -RoyLatham

My Pet Fish is such a Douche- NiamC

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rajun
Posts: 346
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9/11/2013 9:58:18 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 9/10/2013 5:57:49 PM, MassiveDump wrote:
At 9/10/2013 10:37:31 AM, Mysterious_Stranger wrote:
Well that is the world energy problem solved. Now the matter of finding some zombies...

Just go to a High School.

You will find a plenty of those in Airmax1227's home... he keeps a stock... In case DDO needs to have an emergency shutdown...
Only cool guys can see this....