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"hypothetical" advice

brittwaller
Posts: 331
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1/7/2010 4:26:56 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
So "Person M" and "Person F" were high school sweethearts. M and F were with each other for 5 years, went to same college, etc. Consumed by the myopia of youth, M broke up with F about x years ago (at which point F began dating, within a week, a mutual friend of theirs [;of course, after this they were no longer a "mutual" friend]). M has been tortured by M's decision ever since M made it. Recently, F became single and moved to the same town as M. M has been having trouble because F does not want to see M (and M very much wants to see F)... because M was in the hospital once and M's vocal chords were damaged during the stay (M sounds a little drunk when M speaks, though M be stone sober.) This usually does not bother M, but then again no one usually tells M that it would be too difficult to see M "like that," or that "[F] don't want to remember [M] that way." M thought it hurtful that F would say that, not to mention selfish, shallow, and a little suspect as an excuse not to see M.

So what should M do?
Don't I take care of them all?
Frodobaggins
Posts: 602
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1/7/2010 4:32:26 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Methinks M (M for male) might want F because the mutual friend took her afterwards. Methinks that F is making up fake excuses and isn't really shallow. I think M should give F a try, and put forth an honest attempt, if it doesn't work out there's nothing left M can do. M should move on and find another F.
tkubok
Posts: 5,044
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1/7/2010 4:36:14 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
M should move on. Life goes on. Unless F was the worlds hottest, most sexiest, richest and downright best woman on the planet, M should move on.There are other fish in the sea.
Frodobaggins
Posts: 602
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1/7/2010 4:45:23 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/7/2010 4:36:14 PM, tkubok wrote:
I also think its fine and dandy to steal from the church offering plate, keep this in mind when listening to my advice

Don't worry I'm sure he will.
brittwaller
Posts: 331
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1/7/2010 4:53:52 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
M thought M had moved on, but when F chatted (yea, M knows...) with M on Footbook M was euphoric. Not voluntarily... Although M did smile wickedly that F and friend were through with. lol M felt somehow validated although M had nothing to do with the process.
As far as giving it an honest try, that's what M wants to do... but if F won't agree to even talk on the phone (and won't give a real reason if the other is indeed false) then M is in a stalemate.
F is not the hottest, richest, sexiest girl to M... was just the kind of connection (when it was active) M believes is very hard to find in mates. "Long story," said M. M also realizes this sounds very strange, but there are other circumstances that play a factor in this being more than "hey ex give me some rebound poontang because I'm familiar" :P
Don't I take care of them all?
Frodobaggins
Posts: 602
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1/7/2010 4:59:58 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Consumed by the myopia of youth, M broke up with F about x years ago

Depends exactly why this happened, description was vague. If she cannot hold your interest then why now do you expect to the relationship to work out in the future.
brittwaller
Posts: 331
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1/7/2010 5:06:13 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/7/2010 4:59:58 PM, Frodobaggins wrote:
Consumed by the myopia of youth, M broke up with F about x years ago

Depends exactly why this happened, description was vague. If she cannot hold your interest then why now do you expect to the relationship to work out in the future.

mmmm. To be trite, I'll say that M wanted to sow wild oats, as it were. There were other things, but most tensions (except the one where F constantly accuses M of cheating) were caused by M's "living-on-the-edge" lifestyle during that era.
Don't I take care of them all?
Frodobaggins
Posts: 602
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1/7/2010 5:13:43 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/7/2010 5:06:13 PM, brittwaller wrote:
At 1/7/2010 4:59:58 PM, Frodobaggins wrote:
Consumed by the myopia of youth, M broke up with F about x years ago

Depends exactly why this happened, description was vague. If she cannot hold your interest then why now do you expect to the relationship to work out in the future.

mmmm. To be trite, I'll say that M wanted to sow wild oats, as it were. There were other things, but most tensions (except the one where F constantly accuses M of cheating) were caused by M's "living-on-the-edge" lifestyle during that era.

Now that you've been single for a while you want to settle down. How do you know when you've been together for a while you won't want to go back to living on the edge?

No, I'm afraid my consensus is to move on. When you found the right one you won't part. If you do it won't be for long. If you didn't immediately get back together there is little chance you ever will. But you can always try if the thought of what if bugs you too much.
Puck
Posts: 6,457
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1/8/2010 12:12:44 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/7/2010 4:53:52 PM, brittwaller wrote:
but there are other circumstances that play a factor in this being more than "hey ex give me some rebound poontang because I'm familiar" :P

ooo M gets to go to F's child ... Luke ... I am your Father ?

If so, just for that, it is worth it. :D
Cerebral_Narcissist
Posts: 10,806
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1/8/2010 12:19:02 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Send F a letter.

Explaining why M dumped F, how M regrets it, how M would like to see F again, just for old times sake, even if its just to be friends, and explaining the vocal cord injury plus a few general tidbits e.g. hey did you hear Todd joined the marines? etc.
I am voting for Innomen because of his intelligence, common sense, humility and the fact that Juggle appears to listen to him. Any other Presidential style would have a large sub-section of the site up in arms. If I was President I would destroy the site though elitism, others would let it run riot. Innomen represents a middle way that works, neither draconian nor anarchic and that is the only way things can work. Plus he does it all without ego trips.
brittwaller
Posts: 331
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1/8/2010 6:43:27 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/8/2010 12:12:44 AM, Puck wrote:
At 1/7/2010 4:53:52 PM, brittwaller wrote:
but there are other circumstances that play a factor in this being more than "hey ex give me some rebound poontang because I'm familiar" :P


ooo M gets to go to F's child ... Luke ... I am your Father ?

If so, just for that, it is worth it. :D

hehe That would be sweet... but not happening (unless I missed something BIG)... lol, the extended analogy is hilarious.

Send F a letter.

Explaining why M dumped F, how M regrets it, how M would like to see F again, just for old times sake, even if its just to be friends, and explaining the vocal cord injury plus a few general tidbits e.g. hey did you hear Todd joined the marines? etc.

Yea, M wrote a letter, but didn't send it. For M to be completely honest (as in said letter) would require basically surrendering any capital there might be... however, M doesn't think F can be even near honest (with herself, in general, much less about M) and therefore fears honesty, or rather fears that it won't be returned.

Maybe M is just getting old... thanks to all.
Don't I take care of them all?
JBlake
Posts: 4,634
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1/8/2010 9:55:37 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/8/2010 6:43:27 AM, brittwaller wrote:
Yea, M wrote a letter, but didn't send it. For M to be completely honest (as in said letter) would require basically surrendering any capital there might be... however, M doesn't think F can be even near honest (with herself, in general, much less about M) and therefore fears honesty, or rather fears that it won't be returned.

Maybe M is just getting old... thanks to all.

Person J thinks that person M should swallow his pride if he thinks/wants there to be any chance whatsoever. If M does not take the opportunity to open himself up at some point and in some way to F then he will regret not having tried. M should do SOMETHING to make it perfectly clear that he is interested in re-exploring things with F. If F returns the feelings then good. If F does not, then at least M will know and M can move on.

A little rejection never hurt anyone (not physically, anyway). :)
Sylux
Posts: 290
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1/8/2010 12:42:31 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
M should stop being so naive, give up F and go find a hotter chick.
"Can you see? Do you know?
The string behind you, it's shiny and pretty.
Where is my string.
Give me because I don't know.
Give me your string.
Give me everything."
-grasshoppa
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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1/8/2010 1:51:06 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/8/2010 12:42:31 PM, Sylux wrote:
M should stop being so naive, give up F and go find a hotter chick.

Easier said than done. You'd know this if you had any real-life experience :p
President of DDO
Sylux
Posts: 290
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1/8/2010 1:53:27 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/8/2010 1:51:06 PM, theLwerd wrote:
At 1/8/2010 12:42:31 PM, Sylux wrote:
M should stop being so naive, give up F and go find a hotter chick.

Easier said than done. You'd know this if you had any real-life experience :p

Not when you're wired like me.
I don't get sad, I get mad and then get some Glad bags to carry the person's gouged out eyes.
^_^
"Can you see? Do you know?
The string behind you, it's shiny and pretty.
Where is my string.
Give me because I don't know.
Give me your string.
Give me everything."
-grasshoppa
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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1/8/2010 1:55:13 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/8/2010 12:42:31 PM, Sylux wrote:
M should stop being so naive, give up F and go find a hotter chick.

But! To an extent, I agree. I think that girls make it pretty obvious when they're interested and when they're not. If you're feeling something, it might be because you like the feelings she used to give you and you miss it... but you could have that with someone else. If it didn't work out between you guys already, there must have been a reason. You should let her know that you're interested now, but in no way dwell on it; just say your peace and move on. If anything, you'll be more attractive for not making her feel like she's just a glorification of an old romance -- she'll feel better knowing that you have options, but that you care and that you're willing to try again.
President of DDO
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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1/8/2010 1:55:40 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/8/2010 1:53:27 PM, Sylux wrote:

Not when you're wired like me.
I don't get sad, I get mad and then get some Glad bags to carry the person's gouged out eyes.
^_^

That's... strange...
President of DDO
Frodobaggins
Posts: 602
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1/8/2010 3:25:32 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/8/2010 1:53:27 PM, Sylux wrote:
I don't get sad, I get mad and then get some Glad bags to carry the person's gouged out eyes.

lol wut
Lexicaholic
Posts: 526
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1/8/2010 5:53:40 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/7/2010 4:26:56 PM, brittwaller wrote:
So "Person M" and "Person F" were high school sweethearts. M and F were with each other for 5 years, went to same college, etc. Consumed by the myopia of youth, M broke up with F about x years ago (at which point F began dating, within a week, a mutual friend of theirs [;of course, after this they were no longer a "mutual" friend]). M has been tortured by M's decision ever since M made it. Recently, F became single and moved to the same town as M. M has been having trouble because F does not want to see M (and M very much wants to see F)... because M was in the hospital once and M's vocal chords were damaged during the stay (M sounds a little drunk when M speaks, though M be stone sober.) This usually does not bother M, but then again no one usually tells M that it would be too difficult to see M "like that," or that "[F] don't want to remember [M] that way." M thought it hurtful that F would say that, not to mention selfish, shallow, and a little suspect as an excuse not to see M.

So what should M do?

F is really trying to be gentle about the fact that she isn't interested in M anymore and doesn't want M in F's life. M should move on and find someone else.
http://mastersofcreationrpg.com... - My new site and long-developed project. Should be fun.
Lexicaholic
Posts: 526
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1/8/2010 5:56:55 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/8/2010 5:53:40 PM, Lexicaholic wrote:

F is really trying to be gentle about the fact that she isn't interested in M anymore and doesn't want M in F's life. M should move on and find someone else.

Although talking on "Footbook" is surprising. If she's a social butterfly though, it's probably just because she likes to talk/ reminisce and not because of any interest in M.
http://mastersofcreationrpg.com... - My new site and long-developed project. Should be fun.
brittwaller
Posts: 331
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1/8/2010 7:03:23 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/8/2010 5:56:55 PM, Lexicaholic wrote:
At 1/8/2010 5:53:40 PM, Lexicaholic wrote:

F is really trying to be gentle about the fact that she isn't interested in M anymore and doesn't want M in F's life. M should move on and find someone else.

Although talking on "Footbook" is surprising. If she's a social butterfly though, it's probably just because she likes to talk/ reminisce and not because of any interest in M.

Perhaps Lexicaholic and Lwerd hit the nail on the head somewhere between "glorification of an old romance" and "isn't interested in M anymore and doesn't want M in F's life." M is aware of this possibility...and it is fairly likely, M is afraid. However, there is also the "if M does not take the opportunity to open himself up at some point and in some way to F then he will regret not having tried."
One notable exchange from a chat went like this:
M:"You're back in town, you should come see me."
F:"No... [basically I don't want to be more than footbook friends.]"
M:"I have a deep affection for you and have missed you greatly, and I don't believe in 'just footbook friends.' You act like you're afraid of me or something."
F:"I don't want to feel sorry for you and get sucked back in."
M:"I'm asking for a cup of coffee, not pity."
F:"I know... gg"

And yes, M is also aware of the ridiculousness of deconstructing chat conversations. M had exhausted all other resources. At the least M's psyche will be prepared for the inevitable.
Don't I take care of them all?
Frodobaggins
Posts: 602
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1/8/2010 7:11:26 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/8/2010 7:03:23 PM, brittwaller wrote:
Perhaps Lexicaholic and Lwerd hit the nail on the head somewhere between "glorification of an old romance" and "isn't interested in M anymore and doesn't want M in F's life." M is aware of this possibility...and it is fairly likely, M is afraid. However, there is also the "if M does not take the opportunity to open himself up at some point and in some way to F then he will regret not having tried."
One notable exchange from a chat went like this:
M:"You're back in town, you should come see me."
F:"No... [basically I don't want to be more than footbook friends.]"
M:"I have a deep affection for you and have missed you greatly, and I don't believe in 'just footbook friends.' You act like you're afraid of me or something."
F:"I don't want to feel sorry for you and get sucked back in."
M:"I'm asking for a cup of coffee, not pity."
F:"I know... gg"

And yes, M is also aware of the ridiculousness of deconstructing chat conversations. M had exhausted all other resources. At the least M's psyche will be prepared for the inevitable.

I'm pretty sure it has been decided. The terms "suck back in" "don't want to feel sorry" "No (won't even meet with you)"

I mean you can put in a little more effort and see if you can meet, but ultimately it doesn't seem like she's interested, I personally would move on.
brittwaller
Posts: 331
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1/8/2010 7:29:26 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
Heard. When F did not respond favorably to M's subliminally suggestive wall-post serenade, M figured this much.
Don't I take care of them all?
JBlake
Posts: 4,634
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1/11/2010 3:47:59 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 1/8/2010 7:29:26 PM, brittwaller wrote:
Heard. When F did not respond favorably to M's subliminally suggestive wall-post serenade, M figured this much.

I would agree that some of those certainly indicate that there is at the very least a fair possibility that she is not interested.

However, there are other explanations. Perhaps she is being guarded because you were the one that broke up with her.
Depending on her personality, she may also be playing hard to get.

I still say that it would be worth it to make the attempt. At least then you will know.