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I will now re-write the Holy Bible.

dtaylor971
Posts: 1,907
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12/8/2013 11:03:24 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Adam 1:1
Thou hath formed thyself and thy universe in one measly action.
On the first day, there shalt be light and light within.
On the second day, I create the Earth.
On the third day, I create some more sh!t that doesn't matter.
On the fourth day, I cure A.I.D.S in myself because I banged a first-draft of Eve.
On the fifth day, I create Adam and Eve.
On the sixth day, they f*ck.
On the seventh day, I rest, upon the sabbath. Adam and Eve f*ck some more.
On the eight day, I invent clothes because I'm sick of watching.
On the ninth day, I get wasted and create the Bubonic Plague.
On the tenth day, I make the immune system.
On the eleventh day, I f*ck up the immune system.
On the twelfth day, I create christmas because it is the twelfth day.
On the thirteenth day, I create friday to scare the SH!T out of some people.
On the fourteenth day, I rest again.
On the fifteenth day, I create necessary things to survive. Somehow those two Adam and Eves survived.

The five commandments:

1. Thou shalt not f*ck with thy coworker.
2. Thou shalt not shout obscene or make obscene gestures out of the car windows.
3. Thou shalt not use the Imabench's name in vain.
4. Thou shalt not create sh*tty polls.
5. Thou shalt not pray to Chuck Norris.

D.J's ark:

Upon a worldwide flood due to God's giant f*cking bladder, D.J hath had to gather two of every animal and save them. He died when God took a giant p!ss on him.

Thank you for reading the Holy Bible.
"I don't know why gays want to marry, I have spent the last 25 years wishing I wasn't allowed to." -Sadolite
yay842
Posts: 5,680
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12/8/2013 11:10:57 PM
Posted: 3 years ago
Yay 69:69

1. Freedom to do YOLO
2. Freedom to fart at any girl
3. Freedom to fart in front of anyone's face
4. Freedom of speech
5. Freedom to piss all over your face
6. Freedom to not bear arms

FARTS ALL OVER THE WORLD TONIGHT!!

Commandments
1. I command thee to do my laundry.
2. I command thee to do whatever I say.
3. I command thee to fart once a day.
4. I command thee to blow up the government.

Amenandwomen.
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imabench
Posts: 21,230
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12/9/2013 12:57:15 AM
Posted: 3 years ago
At 12/8/2013 11:03:24 PM, dtaylor971 wrote:
Adam 1:1
Thou hath formed thyself and thy universe in one measly action.
On the first day, there shalt be light and light within.
On the second day, I create the Earth.
On the third day, I create some more sh!t that doesn't matter.
On the fourth day, I cure A.I.D.S in myself because I banged a first-draft of Eve.
On the fifth day, I create Adam and Eve.
On the sixth day, they f*ck.
On the seventh day, I rest, upon the sabbath. Adam and Eve f*ck some more.
On the eight day, I invent clothes because I'm sick of watching.
On the ninth day, I get wasted and create the Bubonic Plague.
On the tenth day, I make the immune system.
On the eleventh day, I f*ck up the immune system.
On the twelfth day, I create christmas because it is the twelfth day.
On the thirteenth day, I create friday to scare the SH!T out of some people.
On the fourteenth day, I rest again.
On the fifteenth day, I create necessary things to survive. Somehow those two Adam and Eves survived.

The five commandments:

1. Thou shalt not f*ck with thy coworker.
2. Thou shalt not shout obscene or make obscene gestures out of the car windows.
3. Thou shalt not use the Imabench's name in vain.

I like it.

4. Thou shalt not create sh*tty polls.
5. Thou shalt not pray to Chuck Norris.

D.J's ark:

Upon a worldwide flood due to God's giant f*cking bladder, D.J hath had to gather two of every animal and save them. He died when God took a giant p!ss on him.

Thank you for reading the Holy Bible.
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