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Your Favorite Copypastas

Wallstreetatheist
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2/18/2014 2:46:24 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theater of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.
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thett3
Posts: 14,371
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2/18/2014 3:02:31 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Meh. If you want a *real* snack duel, you need to get animal crackers and have them fight by hitting each other head on until one breaks and eat the loser immediately.
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: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
Cermank
Posts: 3,773
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2/18/2014 3:16:25 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
If it's trolling copypastas, my favourite one would be this.

"Halo sister..!!
You are look like a real beauty woman..!!
I am have Nokia phone and a (prospective) nano..!!
Do you want to frandship me..??
I am treat you like barbie doll.. !!
I am give you whatever you are want..!!
Plz accept my request I am have photosynthesis diseases I am death in 3 months..!!

Doctor say of frandship with beautiful girl you are not death..!!
Please save my life..!!"

<i crie evritym>
sadolite
Posts: 8,839
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2/18/2014 4:24:20 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
What's up with "Whoppers" ? There is always one or two in the box that are defective. Your eating them and then all of the sudden one of them has no center and it all hard like it has been sitting for years under the machine that makes them.
It's not your views that divide us, it's what you think my views should be that divides us.

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thett3
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2/18/2014 6:11:12 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 2/18/2014 4:24:20 PM, sadolite wrote:
What's up with "Whoppers" ? There is always one or two in the box that are defective. Your eating them and then all of the sudden one of them has no center and it all hard like it has been sitting for years under the machine that makes them.

Right??? It doesnt make sense because surely they were all manufactured at the same time
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

"Thett, you're really good at convincing people you're a decent person"-tulle

"You fit the character of Regina George quite nicely"- Sam

: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
xXCryptoXx
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2/18/2014 6:17:44 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 2/18/2014 6:11:12 PM, thett3 wrote:
At 2/18/2014 4:24:20 PM, sadolite wrote:
What's up with "Whoppers" ? There is always one or two in the box that are defective. Your eating them and then all of the sudden one of them has no center and it all hard like it has been sitting for years under the machine that makes them.

Right??? It doesnt make sense because surely they were all manufactured at the same time

l.o.l
Nolite Timere
SeventhProfessor
Posts: 5,088
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2/18/2014 6:25:19 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
My favorite copypasta breaks the character limit, so you can find it here: http://www.shafou.net...
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
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Pitbull15
Posts: 479
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2/18/2014 6:30:22 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
I've seen this on at least 15 different forums:

Caught my gf pooping, so I broke up with her.

She said she's off to go pee while we're watching a movie, now she's been in there for 5 minutes so now I know something was up.

I knocked on the door and asked if everything was okay, she said yes she'll be right out... Her voice was labored and I became suspicious... So I yelled " I'M COMING IN ", she screamed no, but there was no stopping to this. I smashed through the door and I see her sitting on the toilet seat. I told her to get the *** up, she didn't so I threw her off myself.. I looked inside the toilet, and just as I suspected, a damn log, ***** you better pray this isn't yours. I looked around and saw no pet in sight. I KNOW THIS IS UR POOP U WHORE, she screamed at me and said I was crazy and that she's calling the cops, all that while the toilet paper was on her hand. I told her no need to call the cops because i'm breaking up with u, U SOME KINDA POOP WHORE! and that was that.

I feel like a new man already and off to find a new woman that doesn't poop.

Did I do the right thing?
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Wallstreetatheist
Posts: 7,132
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2/19/2014 11:36:11 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 2/18/2014 3:16:25 PM, Cermank wrote:
If it's trolling copypastas, my favourite one would be this.

"Halo sister..!!
You are look like a real beauty woman..!!
I am have Nokia phone and a (prospective) nano..!!
Do you want to frandship me..??
I am treat you like barbie doll.. !!
I am give you whatever you are want..!!
Plz accept my request I am have photosynthesis diseases I am death in 3 months..!!

Doctor say of frandship with beautiful girl you are not death..!!
Please save my life..!!"

<i crie evritym>

dead. hahahha that's a keeper for sure
DRUG HARM: http://imgur.com...
Primal Diet. Lifting. Reading. Psychedelics. Cold-Approach Pickup. Music.
Wallstreetatheist
Posts: 7,132
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2/20/2014 12:01:44 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 2/18/2014 6:30:22 PM, Pitbull15 wrote:
I've seen this on at least 15 different forums:

Caught my gf pooping, so I broke up with her.

She said she's off to go pee while we're watching a movie, now she's been in there for 5 minutes so now I know something was up.

I knocked on the door and asked if everything was okay, she said yes she'll be right out... Her voice was labored and I became suspicious... So I yelled " I'M COMING IN ", she screamed no, but there was no stopping to this. I smashed through the door and I see her sitting on the toilet seat. I told her to get the *** up, she didn't so I threw her off myself.. I looked inside the toilet, and just as I suspected, a damn log, ***** you better pray this isn't yours. I looked around and saw no pet in sight. I KNOW THIS IS UR POOP U WHORE, she screamed at me and said I was crazy and that she's calling the cops, all that while the toilet paper was on her hand. I told her no need to call the cops because i'm breaking up with u, U SOME KINDA POOP WHORE! and that was that.

I feel like a new man already and off to find a new woman that doesn't poop.

Did I do the right thing?

That was glorious <33333
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tylergraham95
Posts: 1,461
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2/20/2014 11:27:23 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
This is my favorite:

"What the f*ck did you just f*cking say about me, you little b*tch? I"ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I"ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I"m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the f*ck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my f*cking words. You think you can get away with saying that sh*t to me over the Internet? Think again, f*cker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You"re f*cking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that"s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable @ss off the face of the continent, you little sh*t. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your f*cking tongue. But you couldn"t, you didn"t, and now you"re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will sh*t fury all over you and you will drown in it. You"re f*cking dead, kiddo.

I don"t give a f*ck who you are or where you live. You can count on me to be there to bring your f*cking life to a hellish end. I"ll put you in so much f*cking pain that it"ll make Jesus being nailed to a cross in the desert look like a f*cking back massage on a tropical island. I don"t give a f*ck how many reps you have or how tough you are IRL, how well you can fight, or how many f*cking guns you own to protect yourself. I"ll f*cking show up at your house when you aren"t home. I"ll turn all the lights on in your house, leave all the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. You"re going to start stressing the f*ck out, your blood pressure will triple, and you"ll have a f*cking heart attack. You"ll go to the hospital for a heart operation, and the last thing you"ll see when you"re being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you, dressed like a doctor. When you wake up after being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You"ll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of the hospital to go home I"ll run you over with my f*cking car out of no where and kill you. I just want you to know how easily I could f*cking destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how I"d rather go to a great f*ckng length to make sure your last remaining days are spent in a living, breathing f*cking hell. It"s too late to save yourself, but don"t bother committing suicide either" I"ll f*cking resuscitate you and kill you again myself you b*tch-faced phaggot. Welcome to hell, population: you."
"we dig" - Jeanette Runquist (1943 - 2015)
Wallstreetatheist
Posts: 7,132
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2/21/2014 4:59:14 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 2/20/2014 11:27:23 AM, tylergraham95 wrote:
This is my favorite:

"What the f*ck did you just f*cking say about me, you little b*tch? I"ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I"ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I"m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the f*ck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my f*cking words. You think you can get away with saying that sh*t to me over the Internet? Think again, f*cker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You"re f*cking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that"s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable @ss off the face of the continent, you little sh*t. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your f*cking tongue. But you couldn"t, you didn"t, and now you"re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will sh*t fury all over you and you will drown in it. You"re f*cking dead, kiddo.

I don"t give a f*ck who you are or where you live. You can count on me to be there to bring your f*cking life to a hellish end. I"ll put you in so much f*cking pain that it"ll make Jesus being nailed to a cross in the desert look like a f*cking back massage on a tropical island. I don"t give a f*ck how many reps you have or how tough you are IRL, how well you can fight, or how many f*cking guns you own to protect yourself. I"ll f*cking show up at your house when you aren"t home. I"ll turn all the lights on in your house, leave all the water running, open your fridge door and not close it, and turn your gas stove burners on and let them waste gas. You"re going to start stressing the f*ck out, your blood pressure will triple, and you"ll have a f*cking heart attack. You"ll go to the hospital for a heart operation, and the last thing you"ll see when you"re being put under in the operating room is me hovering above you, dressed like a doctor. When you wake up after being operated on, wondering what ticking time bomb is in your chest waiting to go off. You"ll recover fully from your heart surgery. And when you walk out the front door of the hospital to go home I"ll run you over with my f*cking car out of no where and kill you. I just want you to know how easily I could f*cking destroy your pathetic excuse of a life, but how I"d rather go to a great f*ckng length to make sure your last remaining days are spent in a living, breathing f*cking hell. It"s too late to save yourself, but don"t bother committing suicide either" I"ll f*cking resuscitate you and kill you again myself you b*tch-faced phaggot. Welcome to hell, population: you."

Check the other versions http://knowyourmeme.com...
DRUG HARM: http://imgur.com...
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