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The Misadventures of Wolf News

bubbatheclown
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3/9/2014 1:04:05 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
About Wolf News:

Wolf News is a fictional newspaper that was established in 1933. In 2011 it created its own news channel, Wolf News Channel. (WNC)
Its motto is "Progressive and Unbiased." As the name suggests it is a progressive news organization.
bubbatheclown
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3/9/2014 1:19:46 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The Misadventures of Wolf News:
S1 E1:
The Shooter

Bob: Good evening, America. I'm Bob Rob, your host. The other host, Martha, is sick today. Therefore, we hired a substitute to take the stage when one of us is absent.
(Hispanic male walks onto spotlight and sits down next to Bob)
Bob: What's your name, good sir?
(The Hispanic male stares at him with a blank expression on his face)
Bob: Oh yeah, that's right. You don't speak English. This is where my Dora the Explorer skills come in handy. Uh, Nombre, por favor?
Hispanic Male: Jorge.
Bob: Come now, be civil! We need to be tolerant of alternate lifestyles!
Hispanic Male: Mi nombre es Jorge.
(Bob nods)
Bob: Okay then. Sorry for the mix up. Anyway, a recent study from the renowned University of Alabaska says that gun-free zones are twenty times less likely to be attacked by hostile gunmen.
(Sound of gunfire)
Bob: AAAH! What was that?!
Cameraman: (Barely Audible) There's a gunman downstairs.
Bob: A gunman?! Don't be ridiculous! This is a gun-free zone! No criminal would dare use a gun in a gun-free zone!
(Jorge runs away screaming)
Bob: Did you call the cops?
Cameraman: (Barely Audible) Yes I did. They should be here shortly.

Twenty minutes later...

(Bob is hiding behind his desk; cameraman enters room)
Bob: (Traumatized) Government will protect me...government will protect me...government will protect me...
Cameraman: The police have been taken hostage by the gunman.
Bob: (Standing) HOW THE HECK could that happen?!
Cameraman: It's a gun-free zone, so the police entered without their weapons.
(Bob passes out)

Ten minutes later...

(The Cameraman splashes water on Bob; Bob wakes up, startled)
Bob: What happened?
Cameraman: The gunman is dead. The Fox News guy came in here, ignored the gun-free zone sign, and shot him. It's safe now.
Bob: Well, if it's safe, then I guess we can continue rolling the camera.

Two minutes later...

Bob: Anyway, folks, according to the esteemed University of Alabaska, gun-free zones are twenty times safer than zones that are not gun-free.

END OF EPISODE
MassiveDump
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3/9/2014 1:24:59 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
So Fox News versus Wolf News is kind of like Nintendo's StarFox versus StarWolf.

Fox is obviously biased for Corneria, but Wolf is just out of his damn mind.
bubbatheclown
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3/9/2014 1:53:56 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/9/2014 1:24:59 PM, MassiveDump wrote:
So Fox News versus Wolf News is kind of like Nintendo's StarFox versus StarWolf.

Fox is obviously biased for Corneria, but Wolf is just out of his damn mind.

Uh, no, that's not quite what I had in mind. However, I did get the name Wolf News off of Fox News.
So what did you think of Episode 1?
MassiveDump
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3/9/2014 2:02:27 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/9/2014 1:53:56 PM, bubbatheclown wrote:
At 3/9/2014 1:24:59 PM, MassiveDump wrote:
So Fox News versus Wolf News is kind of like Nintendo's StarFox versus StarWolf.

Fox is obviously biased for Corneria, but Wolf is just out of his damn mind.

Uh, no, that's not quite what I had in mind. However, I did get the name Wolf News off of Fox News.

Oh, just let me make analogies that only I understand.

So what did you think of Episode 1?

It had its chuckle moments.
bubbatheclown
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3/9/2014 4:10:08 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The Misadventures of Wolf News:
S1 E2:
Interview With Ken Ham

Bob: Hello, America. I'm your host, Bob Rob.
Martha: (Giggles and snorts obnoxiously) And I'm Martha! Heeey!
Bob: Today, we invited pseudo-scientist Ken Ham for an interview.
(Ken Ham walks onto stage; Liberal crowd boos)
Bob: Ken Ham, Americans would like to hear about your pseudo-scientist Creation Museum.
Ken Ham: (In Australian accent) Why certainly. Well, the Creation Museum has exhibits on the Pre-Flood world, the fossil layers, we're building a full-sized model of Noah's Ark, we have dinosaur attractions for the kiddies...
Bob Rob: Dinosaur Train and Land Before Time! You mean to say that you attract children to Creationism with dinosaurs?!
(Ken Ham whips Bob with his awesome beard)
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) I'm, um, terribly sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me. I guess that the hypocrisy of that statement got to me more than I thought it would.
Bob: (Getting up off the floor) It's, uh, okay.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) So, Ken Ham, tell us about your recent debate with Bill Nye.
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) Why certainly. Bill Nye said during one point in the debate that he only needed one ounce of proof for him to switch beliefs to Creationism. However, I do not believe that is true. He was absolutely stumped by two of the Q &As asked during the Debate, and yet he showed no sign of considering switching to Intelligent Design.
Martha: What?
Bob: I, uh, didn't understand any of that. It must've been the Australian Accent, which made it harder for us to understand you.
Ken Ham: (In fake Country-American accent) Why y'all sure I'll repeat that. During the debate that good 'ole Bill Nye said that he'd switch to Creationism if he had one ounce of proof o' it. However, though he was stumped by two of the Q & As during the debate, that good 'ole Bill Nye showed no sign of jumpin' fences to Creationism. Yeehaw!
Bob: That's much better.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously while throwing her blonde hair back) Thank ya Kennie boy.
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) Actually, thank you for your time. You've just helped spread publicity for the Creationist cause. If that's all, I'll be taking my leave now.
(Leaves building)
Bob: (Forgetting about camera) Wait a second, Martha. Didn't you call him here so we could prove him to be an idiot?
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously while putting her makeup on without a mirror; misses eyelashes completely and puts a black smudge on her cheek) Ya, that was the plan, duh.
Bob: But instead, we just gave him more publicity.
(They look at each other, horrified)
Boss: (Barely audible) You two are fired!

END OF EPISODE
SeventhProfessor
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3/9/2014 4:27:43 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/9/2014 4:10:08 PM, bubbatheclown wrote:
The Misadventures of Wolf News:
S1 E2:
Interview With Ken Ham

Bob: Hello, America. I'm your host, Bob Rob.
Martha: (Giggles and snorts obnoxiously) And I'm Martha! Heeey!
Bob: Today, we invited pseudo-scientist Ken Ham for an interview.
(Ken Ham walks onto stage; Liberal crowd boos)
Bob: Ken Ham, Americans would like to hear about your pseudo-scientist Creation Museum.
Ken Ham: (In Australian accent) Why certainly. Well, the Creation Museum has exhibits on the Pre-Flood world, the fossil layers, we're building a full-sized model of Noah's Ark, we have dinosaur attractions for the kiddies...
Bob Rob: Dinosaur Train and Land Before Time! You mean to say that you attract children to Creationism with dinosaurs?!
(Ken Ham whips Bob with his awesome beard)
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) I'm, um, terribly sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me. I guess that the hypocrisy of that statement got to me more than I thought it would.
Bob: (Getting up off the floor) It's, uh, okay.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) So, Ken Ham, tell us about your recent debate with Bill Nye.
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) Why certainly. Bill Nye said during one point in the debate that he only needed one ounce of proof for him to switch beliefs to Creationism. However, I do not believe that is true. He was absolutely stumped by two of the Q &As asked during the Debate, and yet he showed no sign of considering switching to Intelligent Design.
Martha: What?
Bob: I, uh, didn't understand any of that. It must've been the Australian Accent, which made it harder for us to understand you.
Ken Ham: (In fake Country-American accent) Why y'all sure I'll repeat that. During the debate that good 'ole Bill Nye said that he'd switch to Creationism if he had one ounce of proof o' it. However, though he was stumped by two of the Q & As during the debate, that good 'ole Bill Nye showed no sign of jumpin' fences to Creationism. Yeehaw!
Bob: That's much better.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously while throwing her blonde hair back) Thank ya Kennie boy.
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) Actually, thank you for your time. You've just helped spread publicity for the Creationist cause. If that's all, I'll be taking my leave now.
(Leaves building)
Bob: (Forgetting about camera) Wait a second, Martha. Didn't you call him here so we could prove him to be an idiot?
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously while putting her makeup on without a mirror; misses eyelashes completely and puts a black smudge on her cheek) Ya, that was the plan, duh.
Bob: But instead, we just gave him more publicity.
(They look at each other, horrified)
Boss: (Barely audible) You two are fired!

END OF EPISODE

Country accents are stereotypically conservative things, and it would probably be harder for them to understand.
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
~mysteriouscrystals

"I've honestly never seen seventh post anything that wasn't completely idiotic in a trying-to-be-funny way."
~F-16

https://docs.google.com...
bubbatheclown
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3/9/2014 4:32:27 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/9/2014 4:27:43 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/9/2014 4:10:08 PM, bubbatheclown wrote:
The Misadventures of Wolf News:
S1 E2:
Interview With Ken Ham

Bob: Hello, America. I'm your host, Bob Rob.
Martha: (Giggles and snorts obnoxiously) And I'm Martha! Heeey!
Bob: Today, we invited pseudo-scientist Ken Ham for an interview.
(Ken Ham walks onto stage; Liberal crowd boos)
Bob: Ken Ham, Americans would like to hear about your pseudo-scientist Creation Museum.
Ken Ham: (In Australian accent) Why certainly. Well, the Creation Museum has exhibits on the Pre-Flood world, the fossil layers, we're building a full-sized model of Noah's Ark, we have dinosaur attractions for the kiddies...
Bob Rob: Dinosaur Train and Land Before Time! You mean to say that you attract children to Creationism with dinosaurs?!
(Ken Ham whips Bob with his awesome beard)
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) I'm, um, terribly sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me. I guess that the hypocrisy of that statement got to me more than I thought it would.
Bob: (Getting up off the floor) It's, uh, okay.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) So, Ken Ham, tell us about your recent debate with Bill Nye.
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) Why certainly. Bill Nye said during one point in the debate that he only needed one ounce of proof for him to switch beliefs to Creationism. However, I do not believe that is true. He was absolutely stumped by two of the Q &As asked during the Debate, and yet he showed no sign of considering switching to Intelligent Design.
Martha: What?
Bob: I, uh, didn't understand any of that. It must've been the Australian Accent, which made it harder for us to understand you.
Ken Ham: (In fake Country-American accent) Why y'all sure I'll repeat that. During the debate that good 'ole Bill Nye said that he'd switch to Creationism if he had one ounce of proof o' it. However, though he was stumped by two of the Q & As during the debate, that good 'ole Bill Nye showed no sign of jumpin' fences to Creationism. Yeehaw!
Bob: That's much better.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously while throwing her blonde hair back) Thank ya Kennie boy.
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) Actually, thank you for your time. You've just helped spread publicity for the Creationist cause. If that's all, I'll be taking my leave now.
(Leaves building)
Bob: (Forgetting about camera) Wait a second, Martha. Didn't you call him here so we could prove him to be an idiot?
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously while putting her makeup on without a mirror; misses eyelashes completely and puts a black smudge on her cheek) Ya, that was the plan, duh.
Bob: But instead, we just gave him more publicity.
(They look at each other, horrified)
Boss: (Barely audible) You two are fired!

END OF EPISODE

Country accents are stereotypically conservative things, and it would probably be harder for them to understand.

I suppose you have a point. This whole thing is just intended to be funny.
So, what did you think of the Misadventures of Wolf News?
SeventhProfessor
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3/9/2014 4:34:36 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/9/2014 4:32:27 PM, bubbatheclown wrote:
At 3/9/2014 4:27:43 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/9/2014 4:10:08 PM, bubbatheclown wrote:
The Misadventures of Wolf News:
S1 E2:
Interview With Ken Ham

Bob: Hello, America. I'm your host, Bob Rob.
Martha: (Giggles and snorts obnoxiously) And I'm Martha! Heeey!
Bob: Today, we invited pseudo-scientist Ken Ham for an interview.
(Ken Ham walks onto stage; Liberal crowd boos)
Bob: Ken Ham, Americans would like to hear about your pseudo-scientist Creation Museum.
Ken Ham: (In Australian accent) Why certainly. Well, the Creation Museum has exhibits on the Pre-Flood world, the fossil layers, we're building a full-sized model of Noah's Ark, we have dinosaur attractions for the kiddies...
Bob Rob: Dinosaur Train and Land Before Time! You mean to say that you attract children to Creationism with dinosaurs?!
(Ken Ham whips Bob with his awesome beard)
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) I'm, um, terribly sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me. I guess that the hypocrisy of that statement got to me more than I thought it would.
Bob: (Getting up off the floor) It's, uh, okay.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) So, Ken Ham, tell us about your recent debate with Bill Nye.
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) Why certainly. Bill Nye said during one point in the debate that he only needed one ounce of proof for him to switch beliefs to Creationism. However, I do not believe that is true. He was absolutely stumped by two of the Q &As asked during the Debate, and yet he showed no sign of considering switching to Intelligent Design.
Martha: What?
Bob: I, uh, didn't understand any of that. It must've been the Australian Accent, which made it harder for us to understand you.
Ken Ham: (In fake Country-American accent) Why y'all sure I'll repeat that. During the debate that good 'ole Bill Nye said that he'd switch to Creationism if he had one ounce of proof o' it. However, though he was stumped by two of the Q & As during the debate, that good 'ole Bill Nye showed no sign of jumpin' fences to Creationism. Yeehaw!
Bob: That's much better.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously while throwing her blonde hair back) Thank ya Kennie boy.
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) Actually, thank you for your time. You've just helped spread publicity for the Creationist cause. If that's all, I'll be taking my leave now.
(Leaves building)
Bob: (Forgetting about camera) Wait a second, Martha. Didn't you call him here so we could prove him to be an idiot?
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously while putting her makeup on without a mirror; misses eyelashes completely and puts a black smudge on her cheek) Ya, that was the plan, duh.
Bob: But instead, we just gave him more publicity.
(They look at each other, horrified)
Boss: (Barely audible) You two are fired!

END OF EPISODE

Country accents are stereotypically conservative things, and it would probably be harder for them to understand.

I suppose you have a point. This whole thing is just intended to be funny.
So, what did you think of the Misadventures of Wolf News?

Some of it's good. What two points in the debate were you referring to, and how does saying you have an answer for something count as an ounce of evidence?
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
~mysteriouscrystals

"I've honestly never seen seventh post anything that wasn't completely idiotic in a trying-to-be-funny way."
~F-16

https://docs.google.com...
bubbatheclown
Posts: 1,258
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3/9/2014 4:37:57 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/9/2014 4:34:36 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/9/2014 4:32:27 PM, bubbatheclown wrote:
At 3/9/2014 4:27:43 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 3/9/2014 4:10:08 PM, bubbatheclown wrote:
The Misadventures of Wolf News:
S1 E2:
Interview With Ken Ham

Bob: Hello, America. I'm your host, Bob Rob.
Martha: (Giggles and snorts obnoxiously) And I'm Martha! Heeey!
Bob: Today, we invited pseudo-scientist Ken Ham for an interview.
(Ken Ham walks onto stage; Liberal crowd boos)
Bob: Ken Ham, Americans would like to hear about your pseudo-scientist Creation Museum.
Ken Ham: (In Australian accent) Why certainly. Well, the Creation Museum has exhibits on the Pre-Flood world, the fossil layers, we're building a full-sized model of Noah's Ark, we have dinosaur attractions for the kiddies...
Bob Rob: Dinosaur Train and Land Before Time! You mean to say that you attract children to Creationism with dinosaurs?!
(Ken Ham whips Bob with his awesome beard)
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) I'm, um, terribly sorry, I don't know what's gotten into me. I guess that the hypocrisy of that statement got to me more than I thought it would.
Bob: (Getting up off the floor) It's, uh, okay.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) So, Ken Ham, tell us about your recent debate with Bill Nye.
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) Why certainly. Bill Nye said during one point in the debate that he only needed one ounce of proof for him to switch beliefs to Creationism. However, I do not believe that is true. He was absolutely stumped by two of the Q &As asked during the Debate, and yet he showed no sign of considering switching to Intelligent Design.
Martha: What?
Bob: I, uh, didn't understand any of that. It must've been the Australian Accent, which made it harder for us to understand you.
Ken Ham: (In fake Country-American accent) Why y'all sure I'll repeat that. During the debate that good 'ole Bill Nye said that he'd switch to Creationism if he had one ounce of proof o' it. However, though he was stumped by two of the Q & As during the debate, that good 'ole Bill Nye showed no sign of jumpin' fences to Creationism. Yeehaw!
Bob: That's much better.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously while throwing her blonde hair back) Thank ya Kennie boy.
Ken Ham: (In Australian Accent) Actually, thank you for your time. You've just helped spread publicity for the Creationist cause. If that's all, I'll be taking my leave now.
(Leaves building)
Bob: (Forgetting about camera) Wait a second, Martha. Didn't you call him here so we could prove him to be an idiot?
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously while putting her makeup on without a mirror; misses eyelashes completely and puts a black smudge on her cheek) Ya, that was the plan, duh.
Bob: But instead, we just gave him more publicity.
(They look at each other, horrified)
Boss: (Barely audible) You two are fired!

END OF EPISODE

Country accents are stereotypically conservative things, and it would probably be harder for them to understand.

I suppose you have a point. This whole thing is just intended to be funny.
So, what did you think of the Misadventures of Wolf News?

Some of it's good. What two points in the debate were you referring to, and how does saying you have an answer for something count as an ounce of evidence?

During the debate, there was a Q & A, Bill Nye was asked:
A. Where did the matter for the Big Bang come from?
B. How did life come from non-living material?

Bill Nye said that he did not have the answers to these questions, and that they were the "mysteries of science."
I suppose it wasn't exactly evidence, but Bill Nye was clearly stumped by these questions.
But like I said, this whole thing is intended to be humorous.
bubbatheclown
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3/10/2014 3:35:47 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The Misadventures of Wolf News:
S1 E3:
Dog Days

Bob: Good morning, America! I'm your host, Bob Rob.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) And I'm your other host, Martha!
Bob: We've invited Alexei Romanov, a professor at the esteemed University of Alabaska, to stand before America on Wolf News Network. Here he is: Professor Romanov.
(Professor Romanov enters stage and sits down next to Martha)]
Bob: So, Professor, I hear you have some important new findings.
Professor Romanov: Yes, indeed I do. According to a new study conducted by the brightest minds of Alabaska University, the chemicals released into our atmosphere by air conditioning units permanently warm up our planet by approximately 2 degrees every decade. By fifty years the worldwide temperature will be ten degrees higher than it is now, and on it goes. The solution of this problem, obviously, is...
(His words are drowned out by the loud AC)
Bob: Uh, I'm sorry, there was some background noise. Can you repeat that?
Professor Romanov: Certainly. To save our planet, we all need to turn off all our...
(His words are again drowned out by the loud AC)
Professor Romanov: And thus, I conclude that without our air conditioning units the global warming will mostly cease. Of course, there are other factors, such as...
(His words are again drowned out by the loud AC; Bob and Martha look confusedly at Professor Romanov)
Bob: Uh, will that be all, Professor Romanov?
Professor Romanov: Not quite. I have one more thing to add: come on down to Al Gore's Fan Shop! We sell environmentally-friendly fans to keep you cool! Air Conditioners are gonna be banned soon, so buy your fans while you can! We'll even make it 1.5 times the normal price instead of twice the normal price if you call now! That's 1800-473-2896. Call now!
(Professor Romanov gets up and leaves)
Martha: Wow, Bob, that was deep! And I like totally agree with him! Our world will be so much better without...
(Air Conditioner shuts off)
Bob: Gosh! Why's it so hot in here?!
Camera Man: (Barely audible) Like you said, we decided to turn the A/Cs off to help save the environment.
Martha: (Sweating so badly that she stinks) Turn it back on, idiot! TURN IT BACK ON RIGHT NOW!

THE END
bubbatheclown
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3/10/2014 4:26:17 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The Misadventures of Wolf News
S1 E4:
Max Bang

Bob: Good morning, America! I'm your host, Bob Rob!
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) And I'm your other host, Martha! Hey Bob, did you notice the new gorgeous red dress that I'm wearing? I bought it at J.C. Penney yesterday!
Bob: Uh, isn't that the same red dress that you've been wearing since the beginning of your time here at Wolf News?
Martha: (Stumped) Oh yeah, they do share a resemblance.
Bob: Anyway, today we called Professor Max Bang from the University of Alabaska here to be interviewed by us at Wolf News.
(Professor Max Bang walks onto stage, waves to cheering audience; sits down next to Bob)
Max Bang: Hello there, Americans. In case you don't know me, I am a well-educated Liberal who is an expert at guns.
Bob and Martha: Oooohh.
Max Bang: Oooohh indeed. I am here to talk about gun owners. It turns out that most conservative gun owners are irresponsible. For instance, recently there was a teen who picked the three locks leading to his dad's closet where a shotgun was. After accessing the gun he went deep into the woods and dug up the buried box of shells, avoiding the minefield surrounding the buried shell box. Then he brought it back to the house. Then he used wire cutters on the trigger lock and then he shot himself. Don't you see?! It's way too easy for children to get their hands on guns!
Bob: I couldn't agree more, Professor.
Max Bang: That is why I'm petitioning Washington to only allow well-educated Liberals to get their hands on guns. Also, virtually all conservatives are unable to distinguish the safety from the non-safety. To prove my point, I brought this handgun.
(He hands it to Martha)
Max Bang: Go ahead, aim it at my face and try to pull the trigger.
Martha: Really?
Max Bang: Why sure. The safety's on, so it won't fire.
(Martha aims it at Max Bang's face and pulls the trigger)
*Bang*

THE END
bubbatheclown
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3/14/2014 10:21:06 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The Misadventures of Wolf News:
Episode 5

Bob: Good evening, America! I'm your host, Bob Rob!
Martha: (Silent and looking like she's been sleep-deprived)
Bob: Uh, I said, I'm Bob! And this is my host...
Martha: (Still silent and looking sleep-deprived)
Bob: Martha? Aren't you going to say something?
Martha: My...phone...battery is...DEAD!! Oh yeah, and my twin sister was found dead yesterday.
(Puts her head on the desk, moaning like she's a beached whale)
Bob: Uh...okay. Uh, anyway, folks, the University of Alabaska recently released a study which found that the death penalty is unjust. Here he is, Doctor T-Jazz.
(Doctor T-Jazz, an African-American man with dreadlocks, walks onto stage and sits down next to moaning Martha)
Bob: So, Doctor T-Jazz, tell us about your study.
Doctor T-Jazz: Man, all dat death penalty stuff's just killin' all my brothas, ya know?
Bob: I'm...sorry? Can you, uh, elaborate, please?
Doctor T-Jazz: Alls my four brothas was involved in a gang rape of some random college white girl, ya knows what I's is sayin? And boys, was she a hottie! She had blonde hair, curls, a red dress, a birthmark on her left ankle, and...
Bob: *Ahem* Uh, can you please continue?
Doctor T-Jazz: When they's done, they shot 'er in da head, like BANG! Wait, no, it was more like a BAM! So anyway, dey was caught and da cops sayins that dey should all get da chair. Da chair, man! Whats they done that deserves death, man! Man, nobody ain't deservin death!
(Breaks down sobbing; phone rings, Doctor T-Jazz answers it)
Doctor T-Jazz: What dat, mama? You sayin there was a shootout in our hood? *gasp* What you mean Mrs. Pickles (his fluffy cat) was killed?! Man, who did this?! I'll rip 'im apart wit my bare hands!! He deadder than that burger I ate earlier!!!
(Storms off before they can say another word)

END OF EPISODE
bubbatheclown
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3/14/2014 10:37:06 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/14/2014 10:29:27 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Pretty soon you're just going to make someone create a counter show mocking conservatives.

They already have one of those: the Weekly Stupid.
bubbatheclown
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3/14/2014 10:42:44 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/14/2014 10:29:27 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Pretty soon you're just going to make someone create a counter show mocking conservatives.

That'd be interesting to see.
MassiveDump
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3/14/2014 10:42:49 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/14/2014 10:37:06 PM, bubbatheclown wrote:
At 3/14/2014 10:29:27 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Pretty soon you're just going to make someone create a counter show mocking conservatives.

They already have one of those: the Weekly Stupid.

Dayum, shots fired.
bubbatheclown
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3/14/2014 10:43:21 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
At 3/14/2014 10:42:49 PM, MassiveDump wrote:
At 3/14/2014 10:37:06 PM, bubbatheclown wrote:
At 3/14/2014 10:29:27 PM, EndarkenedRationalist wrote:
Pretty soon you're just going to make someone create a counter show mocking conservatives.

They already have one of those: the Weekly Stupid.

Dayum, shots fired.

What?
bubbatheclown
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3/15/2014 10:18:13 AM
Posted: 2 years ago
The Misadventures of Wolf News:
Episode 6

Bob: Good Morning, America! I'm your host, Bob Rob!
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) And I'm Martha! Check out the new shampoo I've been using! It's a brand called Blue Mist.
Bob: But, uh, haven't you been using Blue Mist for the past 2 years?
Martha: (Stumped) Oh yeah. It must've been the new labeling on it.
Bob: Anyway, the University of Alabaska released yet another peer-approved study, a study that will change our perception on animal slaughter. So here he is, Doctor Robert Burns.
(Doctor Burns walks onto the stage with swag and sits down next to Bob)
Bob: Wow, Doctor Burns, this is your third peer-approved study that you've released in a week. Tell me, what peers reviewed this study?
Doctor Burn: (Chuckling) Well, "peer-approved" is just fancy talk we scientists use to make our studies sound more professional, you know?
Bob: (Nodding) I understand completely.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) So, ya big Mr. Macho Man, tell us more about your study.
Doctor Burns: Well, according to my study, decapitation causes severe pain in chickens for ten seconds prior to death. Also...(stomach growls) uh, did you mind if I have some lunch while we talk?
Bob: Uh, sure.
(Doctor Burns pulls out a KFC chicken bucket and starts eating)
Doctor Burns: (Munching) Also, the study found that hunting methods used on alligators almost always leads to severe pain for the alligator as it dies.
Martha: (Gasps) Those are totally cute boots!
Doctor Burns: Do you like them? They're made out of...alligator leather. Um, can you, um, excuse me? I've got to get a breath of fresh air.
(Runs away from stage)

END OF EPISODE
bubbatheclown
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3/15/2014 2:13:29 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The Misadventures of Wolf News:
Episode 7:
The New Obama Primer

Bob: Good morning, folks! I'm Bob Rob, your host!
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) And I'm Martha! Heeey!
Bob: Recently, there have been some Right-Wing groups accusing the Common Core school curriculum of containing a Liberal Bias. To counter these outrageous claims we called Professor David Jason Frank, from the University of Alabaska, to defend Common Core.
(David Jason Frank walks onto stage and sits down next to Martha)
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) And the Right-Winger who's going against him is...uh, cameraman...WHERE IS HE?!
Cameraman: (Barely Audible) The challenger is an Amish man. He decided to come here on a horse and buggy, but we realized that he'd never get here so we drugged him and put him on a plane. Here they come now, with the sack that he's in.
(Two men walk onto stage carrying a large sack; they dump the Amish man out of the sack and walk offstage)
Amish Man: (Awoken and Drowsy) Where am I?
Bob: You're here at Wolf News.
Amish Man: (Standing) How'd I get here so quick?
Martha: Don't ask.
(The Amish Man shrugs and sits down next to Bob)
David Jason Frank: (Does karate chop on desk and hurts his fingers) So, Amish man, what are your accusations against Common Core? Oww...
Amish Man: Well, my non-Amish friend sent me a piece of paper containing some of the material taught by the Common Core standards. I realized that it was quite similar to the New England Primer, which my six children have used or are using in their education.
David Jason Frank: (Stands, does spinning crescent kick, stubs toe, and sits back down) Tell me what you're talking about. Oww...
Amish Man: Well, here's a sample from the material: The idle Fool through welfare is cool. It's similar to a rhyme from the New England Primer. Then, there's: Job feels the rod and curses God. This is also similar to a rhyme from the New England Primer. Then, there's: Peter denies evolution and dies. This is also similar to a rhyme from the New England Primer. Need I say more?
David Jason Frank: (Pulls out a belt-like object in front of him) White Tiger! (Puts it down) Uh, I mean, really? That's clearly just a coincidence.
Amish Man: Indeed, it was these similarities to the New England Primer which drew me here. However, here are some examples of its bias: Through Bush's War, we shall be no more. Then, there's: Through Obama's Care, poverty is rare. You can just smell the bias on it!
Bob: Uh...look at the time! We've gotta go!
Martha: (Barely audible) You two get out of here.
(Camera turns off)
Cameraman: I didn't want to say while we were rolling, but there was somebody else in that bag. And he's not happy.
Other Guy: (Talking to an elderly worker) Hannibal, did you put me on a plane?!

END OF EPISODE
bubbatheclown
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3/15/2014 2:17:03 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Since I forgot to give them names earlier, Episode 5 is called "The Rapist" and Episode 6 is called "A Bucket of Chicken."
bubbatheclown
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3/28/2014 6:34:17 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The Misadventures of Wolf News:
Episode 8:
We're a Happy Family

Bob: Good evening, America! I am your host, Bob Rob.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) And I'm Martha. (Singing) OOHH LETTING GO...LETTING GO...I'M ONE WITH THE WIND AND SKY...OOHH...
Bob: (Interrupting) Martha, it was enjoyable the first 105 times. It was tolerable the next 137 times. But by now I think I've had about enough! My nerves are shot! Please stop singing!
Cameraman: (Barely audible) Uh, you know we're currently live, right?
Bob: (Chuckling nervously) Oh yeah, that's right. (Composing himself) *ahem* Yesterday, the prestiged and not-at-all made up University of Alabaska released another totally reliable and unbiased study, saying that gay marriages are mostly devoid of physical and sexual abuse.
Martha: (Giggling and snorting obnoxiously) So, we decided to bring in Dr. Rodney Pepper.
Bob: And his, um, lovely spouse, Doctor Davy Pepper.
(Dr. Rodney and Davy walk onto camera, they sit down next to Bob and Martha)
Davy: Rodney, please, push the button!
Rodney: Man, if I have to push this dang button again anytime in the next twenty minutes, I'm gonna go beserk, okay?
Davy: Please...just one more time.
Rodney: (sighs) Fine.
(Rodney pushes button; a small but painful electric charge zaps Davy, who screams in pain for about 1.5 seconds)
Davy: (Laughing stupidly and clapping his hands like a seal) Do it again! Do it again!
Rodney: Davy, you know we're not here just so that you can laugh stupidly in front of millions of viewers. We're here for an interview, remember?
Davy: (Mumbling) I don't laugh stupidly.
Bob: So, Doctor Pepper, uh, may I call you Rodney?
Dr. Rodney Pepper: (Blushing and suddenly speaking in a high pitch voice) You sure can, sweetheart.
Bob: Can you tell us more about this study that you've conducted?
Dr. Rodney Pepper: (Wrist goes limp) I'd be glad to, sweetheart. (Gasps) Uh, ma'am, is that Garden Blush that I smell?
Martha: Uh, yeah, it is! Nobody's ever asked me about my makeup before. We should get together!
Davy: (Feeling jealous suddenly) Sweetie, you were talking about the study, remember?
Dr. Rodney Pepper: Oh yeah, right. According to the study, gay couples are no different from straight couples. Davy, if you reach for that button one more time I'm gonna beat you like I did Wednesday! Uh, what was I saying?
Martha: You were talking about your study.
Dr. Rodney Pepper: Yeah, that's right. Well, I just told you about it, so I guess Davy and I will be going...crap. I don't have the button anymore.
Davy: (offscreen) Ha ha ha! I've got the button! I'm gonna turn it to maximum charge! Ha ha ha!
(A loud electric sound follows, accompanied by scream of agony; Dr. Rodney Pepper bangs his head against the table)
Bob: And...another one bites the dust.

END OF EPISODE
bubbatheclown
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3/30/2014 3:10:21 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
The Misadventures of Wolf News:
S1 E9
Old, Dead, White Males

Bob: Good morning, America. I'm your host, Bob Rob. Martha's not here today, because she's getting surgery. You see, today she woke up and while eating breakfast she discovered that she was actually a dude in a woman's body, so she's at the doctor's to...well, the details may be a little graphic, so I won't say. Today, it'll be just me and our special guest...Doctor Phelps, with a P.H.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D.D. from the University of Alabaska.
(Doctor Phelps walks onto camera and sits down next to Bob)
Doctor Phelps: According to a new study released by the prestiged University of Alabaska, 99% of Republicans misinterpret the Constitution. The reason for this is that they do not have a basic understanding of the language of that time period.
Bob: Uh, sir, would you be so kind as to explain what you mean?
Doctor Phelps: Of course, my good man. You see, when the Second Amendment said that we have a right to "bear arms," it meant we have a right not to have our arms chopped off. It's elementary, really. I mean, they were the first people in history to put on paper that it was morally wrong to chop somebody's arms off!
Bob: Do you have any other examples, sir?
Doctor Phelps: Of course I do. The Third Amendment states that you don't have to give up your quarters to soldiers, who may wish to use the gumball machine but only have larger units of money on them.
Bob: (Nodding) Well, Dr. Phelps, it was nice having you. What's your first name, by the way?
Dr. Phelps: Fred.
Bob: (Nodding) That's a nice name. Okay then, Dr. Phelps. Until next time.
(He shakes Dr. Phelps's hand; Dr. Phelps leaves)
Bob: (Gasping) I just realized that I'm a woman in a man's body! Somebody quick! Call the doctor!

END OF EPISODE
bubbatheclown
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4/2/2014 4:51:18 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
ATTENTION:
To anybody who actually reads this:

I'm offering somebody the chance to take over as writer of this Show henceforth. I will post one final episode before I either hand the writing of this Show over to another user or terminate this show.
Any volunteers who wish to keep this great show alive?
bubbatheclown
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4/3/2014 5:26:42 PM
Posted: 2 years ago
Episode 10 is coming soon.

As I said in my previous post, is there anyone who wishes to volunteer as the new writer of Wolf News? If nobody accepts, then this show will end after this next episode.
If you like this show, please volunteer!