Total Posts:20|Showing Posts:1-20
Jump to topic:

Gentlemen: Are you asexual?

brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/4/2010 5:14:19 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Take the test to find out:

The Scenario

You are on a business trip and after your dinner appointment you return to your hotel and retire to the bar for a nightcap.

You are sitting at the bar sipping your favourite tipple when a blonde stunner sits down on the stool next to you and orders herself a drink.

You glance at her and she flashes you a smile. You look again and your eyes meet but you lower your gaze as she discreetly draws your attention to her ample bosom by pretending to flick cigarette ash off her blouse.

So, do you:

A – Say "hello" and engage in some pleasant small talk, or
B – Ignore her, she looks like a bit of a tart, in fact she might even be on the game and you certainly don't want to get out of your depth.

Assuming your answer is A, you carry on talking and discover that she is also staying at the hotel and is on an extended business trip. She tells you she doesn't like being away from home for long periods of time because she gets so very lonely, but tonight she feels fine because she has a charming, witty and interesting man to talk to. As she speaks, she casually undoes a couple of buttons on her blouse. Do you:

A – Ask her if she would like another drink, or
B – Make your excuses and leave, she's a lovely girl but you have a meeting first thing in the morning and you want wake up fresh and alert.

Assuming your answer is A, she accepts your offer of a drink but suggests you get them from the minibar in her room because it would be easier to relax there. Do you:

A – Say that is an excellent suggestion but excuse yourself just for a moment as you need to go to the restroom, discreetly asking the barman to give you change for the condom machine as you go, or
B – Say you'd rather have another drink at the bar, if she doesn't mind. You think she is sexy but you know that one thing might lead to another upstairs and although you are 'attracted to females and you can imagine yourself screwing them, you don't want to actually do it in real-life. You're really introvert, and currently don't plan on having intercourse with anyone.' *

Assuming your answer is A, you return from the restroom having duly stocked up on Johnnies from the blob machine. Whilst you were there you also had a gentleman's wash as a courtesy to the girl should she decide to favour you with a blow job. You then both make your way up to her room and once inside you raid the minibar and pop the cork on a bottle of bubbly, because as every player knows, champagne goes straight to a girl's chuff. As you are pouring the drinks she disappears into the bathroom, emerging a few minutes later wearing nothing more than a loose-fitting shirt. It is unbuttoned sufficiently for you to establish she is not wearing a bra and when she bends over to pick a packet of cigarettes up off the floor, you further establish she is not wearing any panties either. She sits down on the edge of the bed and you join her. You both giggle like teenagers as you quaff the champagne and when it is finished, she puts down her glass, takes yours from you, puts one arm around your shoulders and slips the other inside your shirt. No words are spoken as look into each others' eyes and your lips gently meet. Do you:

A – Engage in a passionate kiss, allowing her to remove your clothes as your tongue caresses hers and when you are totally naked you whip off her shirt, think "oh, never mind the damned condom" and insert yourself between her legs, or
B – Pull back, tell her that you are not that sort of man and that you are sure that she wouldn't want to do anything that she might regret in the morning either, then go back to your room to have a w@nk over a porn movie on the adult channel.

The Results

If you answered A to all of the above then you don't have anything to worry about, you are perfectly normal. Or you could be bi-sexual if your answer would still be A even if the blonde stunner in the story were replaced with a 6'6" construction worker with a big bushy moustache.

On the other hand, if you answered B to any of them you might have a problem. If you didn't answer B until near the end, it could be that you are just shy or lack confidence in your ability to pleasure a woman.

However, if you answered B towards the middle you are very probably asexual and if you answered B towards the beginning, I regret to advise you that you are probably gay. Sorry about that.

So, how did you get on?

* I am indebted to studentathletechristian8 for providing that phrase:
http://www.debate.org...
Visit the burglars' bulletin board: http://www.break-in-news.com...
feverish
Posts: 2,716
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/4/2010 5:42:39 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
I'm far from asexual according to your survey but I couldn't quite go A at the very end cos I do always use a condom having learnt my lesson from the past.
studentathletechristian8
Posts: 5,810
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/4/2010 5:52:50 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
I've actually been told the difference between asexuality and apathy, and I am apathetic, not asexual. However, I would have answered "B" to the first one. I don't really like blondes, and I would have seen her as a skank.
Puck
Posts: 6,457
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/4/2010 6:08:16 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 6/4/2010 5:52:50 AM, studentathletechristian8 wrote:
I've actually been told the difference between asexuality and apathy, and I am apathetic, not asexual. However, I would have answered "B" to the first one. I don't really like blondes, and I would have seen her as a skank.

There's a difference between asexual biological replication and asexual as a class of attraction.
Mirza
Posts: 16,992
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/4/2010 6:23:31 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 6/4/2010 6:08:16 AM, Puck wrote:
There's a difference between asexual biological replication and asexual as a class of attraction.
SAC8 is neither.

I think he is simply going through a phase where he has little will toward having sex. It is quite normal, mostly for women, though.
Puck
Posts: 6,457
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/4/2010 6:31:26 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 6/4/2010 6:23:31 AM, Mirza wrote:
At 6/4/2010 6:08:16 AM, Puck wrote:
There's a difference between asexual biological replication and asexual as a class of attraction.
SAC8 is neither.

I think he is simply going through a phase where he has little will toward having sex. It is quite normal, mostly for women, though.

I wasn't aware I called him either, but thanks, Professor.
Mirza
Posts: 16,992
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/4/2010 6:40:41 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 6/4/2010 6:31:26 AM, Puck wrote:
I wasn't aware I called him either, but thanks, Professor.
I was pointing it out.

And you are welcome.
Reasoning
Posts: 4,456
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/4/2010 7:24:52 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Meh. Blondes aren't my thing, generally.
"What we really ought to ask the liberal, before we even begin addressing his agenda, is this: In what kind of society would he be a conservative?" - Joseph Sobran
I-am-a-panda
Posts: 15,380
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/4/2010 7:36:59 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Uh, A all the way. Brian, make another but with A, B, C or D choices not ones that are clearly leading to either asexuality or heterosexuality.
Pizza. I have enormous respect for Pizza.
brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/4/2010 8:00:27 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 6/4/2010 7:36:59 AM, I-am-a-panda wrote:
Uh, A all the way. Brian, make another but with A, B, C or D choices not ones that are clearly leading to either asexuality or heterosexuality.

To be honest with you, I wasn't really trying to be scientific - this started as a satirical comment on the posts SAC8 wrote on the anti-Semitism forum but I got carried away.

By the way, the girl doesn't have to be blonde - she could be an Asian babe or an Afro-Caribbean girl or whatever you prefer.

Also, she's not a prostitute - she really is a businesswoman. A bit of a slapper, perhaps, but she's no whore!
Visit the burglars' bulletin board: http://www.break-in-news.com...
belle
Posts: 4,113
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/4/2010 11:45:02 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 6/4/2010 6:08:16 AM, Puck wrote:
At 6/4/2010 5:52:50 AM, studentathletechristian8 wrote:
I've actually been told the difference between asexuality and apathy, and I am apathetic, not asexual. However, I would have answered "B" to the first one. I don't really like blondes, and I would have seen her as a skank.

There's a difference between asexual biological replication and asexual as a class of attraction.

tru dat. i once considered myself asexual. i was quite wrong :P

i think sac8 will grow out of it even though i hated to hear that when i felt the same....
evidently i only come to ddo to avoid doing homework...
Cerebral_Narcissist
Posts: 10,806
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/4/2010 11:53:43 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
oh noes i am a gay!!!!!111111
I am voting for Innomen because of his intelligence, common sense, humility and the fact that Juggle appears to listen to him. Any other Presidential style would have a large sub-section of the site up in arms. If I was President I would destroy the site though elitism, others would let it run riot. Innomen represents a middle way that works, neither draconian nor anarchic and that is the only way things can work. Plus he does it all without ego trips.
I-am-a-panda
Posts: 15,380
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/5/2010 3:00:23 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 6/4/2010 11:53:43 PM, Cerebral_Narcissist wrote:
oh noes i am a gay!!!!!111111

I thought asexual was that you're not attracted things.

I for a while I thought I was Pansexual, but it turns out I'm plain old Heterosexual.
Pizza. I have enormous respect for Pizza.
mongoose
Posts: 3,500
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/5/2010 5:14:59 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 6/5/2010 3:00:23 AM, I-am-a-panda wrote:
At 6/4/2010 11:53:43 PM, Cerebral_Narcissist wrote:
oh noes i am a gay!!!!!111111

I thought asexual was that you're not attracted things.

I for a while I thought I was Pansexual, but it turns out I'm plain old Heterosexual.

Does that mean that you are sexually attracted to pandas?
It is odd when one's capacity for compassion is measured not in what he is willing to do by his own time, effort, and property, but what he will force others to do with their own property instead.
Puck
Posts: 6,457
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/5/2010 5:17:15 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 6/4/2010 6:40:41 AM, Mirza wrote:
At 6/4/2010 6:31:26 AM, Puck wrote:
I wasn't aware I called him either, but thanks, Professor.
I was pointing it out.

And you are welcome.

Sarcasm fail.