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DDO: Game Over -- Season 2, Episode 7

donald.keller
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4/21/2015 10:16:49 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Level XXII: The Fox and the Hound

"Police Report: We have calls from across St. Louis about children and adults trapped in a coma while playing a game call Terra.net..."

----
UNKNOWN
----

Anthony had escaped the room.
The windows were red from the reflection of fire inside... The red soon turned black as smoke filled the room. It seeped from the door. The last thing he saw was Mrs. Allision stuck in the corner of the room, trapped...

He didn't mean for it to go that way. The black powder would explode, but it'd be many small explosions. He hadn't expected the bag to tipped over and spill the powder everywhere... He didn't know what to do...

----

Anthony was outside looking around. It was dark out, and he could hear the alarms from the school go off... He looked up and saw Mrs. Allision at the window trying to escape.
Apparently someone else saw first. Sirens were heard in the distance and Anthony could see red and blue dotting the horizon. He knew he had to leave, and so he ran...

----

Anthony had been running for nearly half an hour or more... He had made it as far as the Arch. He was too tired to keep running, and he knew the school's cameras would already have told the police who he was.
He sat down and laid back... He looked up at the Arch so far above him... He considered what had happened. What if Mrs. Allision didn't survive the fire? He'd never be able to live with himself.

He could hear the police already. He knew it was too late to keep running. Midnight was nearing.

----
POLICE CAR
----

The officer had stopped along the way to move Anthony from the back seat to the front. The officer knew Anthony's mother, and knew he wouldn't try anything.
"Is Mrs. Allision okay?" Anthony asked. He was looking down at his hands, trying to act as if he weren't scared.
"Who?.." The officer kept his eyes on the rode.
"The teacher. She was in the room with the fire." Anthony looked out the window. He watched all of the building fly by. He focused on Bush Stadium... Him and his mother would go there each year to watch the Cardinals....

The officer sighed before finally answering, "Listen kid, they're still trying to put out the fire. But I can assure you that anyone in the building still, is probably not going to make it."
Anthony looked back down. He just wanted to pull a prank... He didn't expect to come out of this a murderer... All he could remember was the last thing his Mother said to him...

Don't ever come home...

----
--------
FOREST
--------
----

"Vicksan." Vox called him to wake up. "Vicksan. What did you dream about?"
"Nothing. Why do you keep asking?" Vicksan sat up. "I'm sorry. I couldn't do it."
"I know." Vox got to his feet and begin to wake off.

"Vox." Vicksan called over. "What was your life like?"
Vox stopped and looked back. "I don't recall much... It was eight years ago, and I was young. But I recall being a student from a small town called Hamilton Bay... Why?"
"I remember visiting that town... I never heard of anyone going missing down there though. I mean, I would have been only eight back then. But still." Vicksan got up.
"Ya. Well. I was only fifteen. I don't remember much else..." Vox turned back around. "We'll resume training in... half a day."
"Wait, you're still going to help me?" Vicksan asked. He thought Vox was leaving since Vicksan failed to stop the Hollows.
"I can see you've been training too hard. I understand that that's an issue." Vox observed the forests around him. It was almost dawn.

// Goblin Invasion --> 4 Days away.

Vicksan noted the warning... Only four days remaining.
"If we're going to take a break, we should spend the time looking for a Converter." Vicksan knew Vox was right to push him too far... They only had so much time.
"I see... Why?" Vox looked at him.
"Because it's a part of the plan. I get a converter, find you, and then we plan ahead after that." Vicksan replied.
"Hm. Okay. I know of a ring we can use." Vox answered.
"Why a ring? Don't I use enough of those?"Vicksan laughed.
Vox just observed his laughter.
"So where is this ring?" Vicksan finally asked.
"I'll take you to it. Follow." Vox turned and started walking toward the mountains in the distance.

----
--------
MIDNIGHT
--------
----

"Warem." Emberly walked down the main street of the city with him.
"Yes?" Warem noted all the new faces around him.
"Bluesteel and Daytona are arriving today to discuss terms, right?" Emberly stopped to observe a large stone building with mighty towers of stone and massive stained glass windows. A Church built for the religious who needed a place to prey and teach.

On the steps of the church were dancers entertaining the observers from the crowd. They circled and twirled, and danced with their hips and arms. It was nearly hypnotizing.

"Yes. They'll be here by midday." Warem answered.
"Good... After the Goblins, we can focus on getting out of this game." Emberly looked around the shops, interested in how the town was doing.
"You know the town has grown to nearly three thousand. With Raven's Roost, we are a kingdom of almost four thousand." Warem held his hand to his sword while talking.
"I know." Emberly took note of a pretty dress in a window... It was a light blue dress made of a combination of clothes layered and kept together with pink ribbons..
Warem saw her observing the dress. "You know... That dress is only 500 gold."
"Yes, but... How much do we have?" Emberly looked up at him.
"From my last count? Nearly a hundred thousand. There are at least seven other villages who need to buy from us to survive. Tax money is more than easily found."

Emberly smiled, and went in to talk to the shop owner. Warem observed her buy the dress, and switch out her clothes for it in her inventory.
After nearly a minute, she came out to show off the dress to him.
"How do I look?" She asked.
"You look like a princess..." He smiled.
"Hehe..." She giggled back.
"I didn't think you liked dresses so much." Warem thought the dress was wonderful, or perhaps it was her smile that cheered him up.
Emberly didn't answer. She seemed to get lost in a thought...

She suddenly panicked and switched out the dress. "I can't wear that..." She threw the dress onto the ground and begin for the castle.
"Emberly?" Warem didn't understand... He tried following her. "Ember!?"

"Warem." Adam appeared.
"Adam, not now." Warem tried ignoring him.
"It's about the Modder." Adam grabbed his attention.
"... Who?" Warem asked.
"Mod 10.... She's also called the Modder."
"... What about her?" Warem was interested now.

----
HOURS EARLIER
----

"Okay... Whiteflame... What information do you have?" Adam asked.
Whiteflame looked around to make sure no one was around. "Do you know who Mod 10 was?"
"A designer for the game. That's all I know." Adam waited to hear more.
"Well Mod 10... Or 'The Modder'... was Airmax's teacher. He learned everything from her. You can imagine no one back home trusts him. Cody, you know, Paramix? Cody was the only reason he was picked to go into the game." Whiteflame could tell Adam didn't know who Airmax was. "Airmax is Mod 11. He's here to help get everyone out."
"Okay.. So anything important? Aside from Airmax, of course. He sounds important." Adam continued to wait.
"Okay. Well, The Modder was the head of AI development. She often tested a lot of things on test servers that she took home. This is Test Server 112... Problem is, she only had 84 authorized servers."
Adam nodded as he took everything in. "So she designed this server?"
"Yes... I can't say why though... I'm under oath." Whiteflame explained.
"Under oath? To who?" Adam didn't much care about who... He wanted answers,
"The US and UN Coalition armies." Whiteflame replied
"Oh..." Adam was far more curious now.
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donald.keller
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4/21/2015 10:17:45 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
"So listen... The Modder is in a coma... Her mind, likes ours, is trapped in the server. I'd say find her, but I've tried. She's hiding... Finding her will be difficult. Do that and you might have your way out." Whiteflame explained.
"Okay... So how do we do that?" Adam asked.
"Survive the Goblins first, then worry about it. You aren't finding her before the Goblins hit." Whiteflame looked around some more. He was twirling a ring between his fingers.

"Okay... This was a test server, right? What she was testing?" Adam asked.
"I said I can't say... Again, army oath. I'd like to log out a free man..." Whiteflame explained.
"... Okay... Well are you going to help us with the Goblin Invasion, so we are alive afterwards to find the Modder?" Adam asked.
"Oh. Yes. Right... Looking up at the sky, I can tell your queen hasn't read her mail... It might be in her Other folder. Tell her to check." Whiteflame winked, walked back into the shadows.
"What?" Adam ran up to the shadow, but Whiteflame was gone...

----
PRESENT
----

"So... We find this Modder women, and see if she can help us log out?" Warem asked.
"Yes." Adam sat back against the stone of the building.
"I see... And why would he tell us to check Ember's inbox?" Warem was curious about what they had learned.
"I don't know... I guess we should find out."

----
--------
MOUNTAINS
--------
----

"Maragon!" Mekaiel called out.
"What?" Maragon was standing behind him.
"That was fast for you." Mekaiel looked back at him.
"What is it?" Maragon didn't seem amused with his statement.
"I know what I have to do..." Mekaiel looked forward. "I need to hunt down, and kill, Vicksan."
"This is for... Are you doing this for revenge?" Maragon assumed correctly.
"Yes... Vicksan's why all this happened." Mekaiel looked out at a desert in the far distance.
"I recall Sasima was... is responsible." Maragon corrected him.
"If you're trying to convince me to kill Sasima, don't. I'll kill her after I kill Vicksan." Mekaiel looked down at a tumbadil. They were rare, and very beautiful.
"I assume you aren't planning on killing her." Maragon wasn't sure if Mekaiel wanted to kill Sasima or if he liked her.
Mekaiel looked back at him with anger in his eyes. "Vicksan started all of this. He was made King... Him and Paramix... But Paramix is dead. Only Vicksan is left... For now. And when Vicksan is dead, I will have my victory."

"If you have your goal, then so be it." Maragon replied.
"You know... I had a friend named Anthony... He showed me an old movie I fell in love with." Mekaiel looked back at him. "The Fox and the Hound... Well looks like I get to be the hound now... And I will get my kill."

----
--------
MOUNTAIN
--------
----

"Where are we going?" Vicksan asked. They had traveled far into the mountains.
"To find someone who has what we're looking for." Vox explained.
"Wait. I know this area... Kroengards just up ahead." Vicksan begin to run.
"Indeed." Vox continued on with his normal speed.

"Look! It's my city!" Vicksan was excited.
"I can see. Well he's in there right now. So let's go. Besides, I think you need to see someone." Vox begin to enter the city.
"See who?" Vicksan asked.
"Someone who can help you with all those dreams you've been having. Before they stress you out and get you killed by that ailment of yours." Vox entered Kroengard.

----
--------
KROENGARD
--------
----

They had reached the castle. It was stone, covered in a layer of wooden planks to match the city. When close, you could see the stone behind the wood.
They had entered into the grand hall. The room was stone, with pillars running down the aisles of seats that sat before the throne. Vicksan had planned the design based on a church.
"Vicksan." Bsh sat up to greet him. "I'm so glad to see you again..."
"Bsh." Vicksan grinned widely and ran up to him. "You've done well... The city is at least a few hundred strong now." Vicksan noted the number of people in the city as he walked past them all.
"A thousand, at least." Bsh laughed.

"Vicksan." Whiteflame appeared.
"White. You're still here? I figured you'd leave when you got bored." Vicksan spoke.
"Well I've leaving today, but I couldn't help but say hi. And this is Vox? Hey." Whiteflame smiled.
"Hi." Vox replied. "Vicksan. Ask Whiteflame about the Converter."
"Oh... White has it?" Vicksan looked at Whiteflame. Vicksan noticed Whiteflame twirling a ring between his fingers... He'd been doing it since they first met him...

"This?" Whiteflame flipped the ring up and caught it. He displayed it in his hand.
"Ya... That. Can we borrow that ring?" Vicksan walked up to him.
"No. How about this, I'll let you have the ring..." Whiteflame closed his hand.
"Really? Thanks. You don't know how much this means to me..." Vicksan grinned.
"IF... In a fight, you can hit me just once." He challenged Vicksan.
"Oh... Um." Vicksan thought it over... Whiteflame was well stronger than Vicksan was... But Vicksan would only have to hit him once.
"How about this... I can't attack you." Whiteflame smiled.
"Fine. If I have to to get that ring, I will." Vicksan replied.
"Then there we go. You have an hour to prepare." Whiteflame turned to leave.

"Hmm...." Vicksan thought for a moment. "Vox."
"What is it?" Vox observed.
"You wanted me to meet someone?" Vicksan turned back.
"Yes. About your nightmares... Whiteflame?" Vox looked over at him.
"Oh right. Vicksan, go into that hall... The third door on the left." He pointed to the hallway. There were four. Two going to each side of the throne room, and two going behind the throne.
"Um. Sure." Vicksan turned and went for the hall.

It was odd to him... All three, Bsh, Vox, and Whiteflame, where in on the plan to deal with Vicksan's nightmares...

----
THIRD DOOR TO THE LEFT
----

*knock*
*knock*

"Come in." A voice called from inside the room.
Vicksan opened the door and entered. He saw a player standing, facing a bookshelf.
"Hey..." Vicksan started. The player seemed to stop focusing on the books. "Everyone wanted me to meet you about my nightmare?..."
The girl turned to face him... Godmother.

Godmother: Mage: Level 65.
Real Name: UNKNOWN.
Natural Magic: Master.

"Oh.. Godmother... I forgot about you... Wow, you've leveled up a lot..." Vicksan was shocked. He wasn't even sure if the woman he'd met was real.
"Vicksan." She smiled. "You're having nightmare?"
"Um... Yea. About something very stupid I did long ago. Why?" Vicksan didn't understand what was going on. "Who are you?" Vicksan asked.
"You told me your Mother hated you... Do you dream about that?" Godmother noted Vicksan's expression.
"Yes... Sometimes... What about it?..." Vicksan asked.
"Vicksan... I can tell you that your Mother doesn't hate you... When she heard that the server was open, she entered as soon as possible so she could protect you..." Godmother smiled.
"H... How do you know my Mother?..." Vicksan didn't understand what was going on...
"I think you know how..." Godmother couldn't stop the tears that crawled down her face... Like she'd met an old friend...

"..." Vicksan realized... "Mom..."
Godmother's smile grew.
"Mom..." Vicksan ran and hugged her... Holding on like he'd never see her again...
Godmother held on as well... "I could never hate you... I didn't mean any of what I said. I regretted what I said every day after they took you..." She refused to let go.
"Mom... I missed you so much... I thought you never wanted to see me again..." Vicksan's cheek was soaked in tears...
"All I've wanted the last two years was to see you again..." Godmother looked at her son. "I'm here now, and I will always be here to protect you..."
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

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donald.keller
Posts: 3,709
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4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

OFFICIAL DK/TUF 2016 Platform: http://www.debate.org...

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SeventhProfessor
Posts: 5,086
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4/22/2015 6:42:41 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

So Mikal, Zarroette, Endark, and a whole bunch of other people are trying to kill PetersSmiths son?

2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

I'm mainly interested in seeing how he plans to track him down, and the actual fight (especially with their special weapons) will be interesting.

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Them getting posted on time.
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
~mysteriouscrystals

"I've honestly never seen seventh post anything that wasn't completely idiotic in a trying-to-be-funny way."
~F-16

https://docs.google.com...
donald.keller
Posts: 3,709
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4/22/2015 6:54:08 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/22/2015 6:42:41 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

So Mikal, Zarroette, Endark, and a whole bunch of other people are trying to kill PetersSmiths son?

Yeppers

2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

I'm mainly interested in seeing how he plans to track him down, and the actual fight (especially with their special weapons) will be interesting.

It will be interesting lol. Gonna be fun to write.

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Them getting posted on time.

Will do.
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

OFFICIAL DK/TUF 2016 Platform: http://www.debate.org...

My Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com...
#SaveThePresidency
#SaveTheSite

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donald.keller
Posts: 3,709
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4/22/2015 10:42:11 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/22/2015 10:15:04 PM, AngelofDeath wrote:
Ctrl F
Angel
0 of 0

Ctrl F
Kitty
0 of 0

Ctrl F
Morianna Belle
0 of 0

Welp, nothin' to do here....
Ctrl W

I'm sorry... Morianna Belle won't be here for a while...

don't know if people have figured this out yet, but the prologue quotes detail next seasons main enemies...
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

OFFICIAL DK/TUF 2016 Platform: http://www.debate.org...

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Adam_Godzilla
Posts: 2,487
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4/23/2015 3:17:28 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

Very surprising.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

More surprised by his desire to kill Sasima.
What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?
Goblins.
New episode of OUTSIDERS: http://www.debate.org...
Episode 4 - They walk among us
AngelofDeath
Posts: 2,953
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4/23/2015 7:20:36 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/22/2015 10:42:11 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/22/2015 10:15:04 PM, AngelofDeath wrote:
Ctrl F
Angel
0 of 0

Ctrl F
Kitty
0 of 0

Ctrl F
Morianna Belle
0 of 0

Welp, nothin' to do here....
Ctrl W

I'm sorry... Morianna Belle won't be here for a while...
Lol I was jk :P
don't know if people have figured this out yet, but the prologue quotes detail next seasons main enemies...
OMG.... i just thought it was a random sliver of info
I may or may not be a cat
RevNge
Posts: 13,835
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4/23/2015 10:32:57 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

She's going to backstab Vixen. ;D

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can trust her, lol.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

Bromance obvs
What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Me since I wasn't in this one D:>
donald.keller
Posts: 3,709
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4/23/2015 11:37:46 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/23/2015 10:32:57 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

She's going to backstab Vixen. ;D

Lol what a terrible mother...

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can trust her, lol.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

Bromance obvs

Totes...

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Me since I wasn't in this one D:>

Lol don't worry. Everyones in the next episode.
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

OFFICIAL DK/TUF 2016 Platform: http://www.debate.org...

My Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com...
#SaveThePresidency
#SaveTheSite

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RevNge
Posts: 13,835
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4/23/2015 11:43:15 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/23/2015 11:37:46 AM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 10:32:57 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

She's going to backstab Vixen. ;D

Lol what a terrible mother...

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can trust her, lol.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

Bromance obvs

Totes...

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Me since I wasn't in this one D:>

Lol don't worry. Everyones in the next episode.

More me and less Seventh pls
donald.keller
Posts: 3,709
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4/23/2015 12:03:03 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/23/2015 11:43:15 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/23/2015 11:37:46 AM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 10:32:57 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

She's going to backstab Vixen. ;D

Lol what a terrible mother...

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can trust her, lol.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

Bromance obvs

Totes...

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Me since I wasn't in this one D:>

Lol don't worry. Everyones in the next episode.

More me and less Seventh pls

Lol don't worry... you're not being neglected. I have lots planned for you
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

OFFICIAL DK/TUF 2016 Platform: http://www.debate.org...

My Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com...
#SaveThePresidency
#SaveTheSite

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SeventhProfessor
Posts: 5,086
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4/23/2015 6:04:24 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/23/2015 11:37:46 AM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 10:32:57 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

She's going to backstab Vixen. ;D

Lol what a terrible mother...

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can trust her, lol.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

Bromance obvs

Totes...

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Me since I wasn't in this one D:>

Lol don't worry. Everyones in the next episode.

hooray!
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
~mysteriouscrystals

"I've honestly never seen seventh post anything that wasn't completely idiotic in a trying-to-be-funny way."
~F-16

https://docs.google.com...
donald.keller
Posts: 3,709
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4/23/2015 6:23:12 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/23/2015 6:04:24 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 4/23/2015 11:37:46 AM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 10:32:57 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

She's going to backstab Vixen. ;D

Lol what a terrible mother...

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can trust her, lol.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

Bromance obvs

Totes...

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Me since I wasn't in this one D:>

Lol don't worry. Everyones in the next episode.

hooray!

Lol since you were one of the few to give feedback this time around, I'll try to fit you in more than Rev.
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

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RevNge
Posts: 13,835
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4/23/2015 8:06:21 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/23/2015 6:23:12 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 6:04:24 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 4/23/2015 11:37:46 AM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 10:32:57 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

She's going to backstab Vixen. ;D

Lol what a terrible mother...

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can trust her, lol.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

Bromance obvs

Totes...

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Me since I wasn't in this one D:>

Lol don't worry. Everyones in the next episode.

hooray!

Lol since you were one of the few to give feedback this time around, I'll try to fit you in more than Rev.

WTF NO
donald.keller
Posts: 3,709
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4/23/2015 8:07:31 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/23/2015 8:06:21 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/23/2015 6:23:12 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 6:04:24 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 4/23/2015 11:37:46 AM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 10:32:57 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

She's going to backstab Vixen. ;D

Lol what a terrible mother...

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can trust her, lol.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

Bromance obvs

Totes...

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Me since I wasn't in this one D:>

Lol don't worry. Everyones in the next episode.

hooray!

Lol since you were one of the few to give feedback this time around, I'll try to fit you in more than Rev.

WTF NO

Lol you have a massive story Arc, Seventh doesn't. Don't worry. I'm not revealing what it is... but it's pretty major lol
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

OFFICIAL DK/TUF 2016 Platform: http://www.debate.org...

My Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com...
#SaveThePresidency
#SaveTheSite

-- DK/TUF 2016 --
RevNge
Posts: 13,835
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4/23/2015 8:08:59 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/23/2015 8:07:31 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 8:06:21 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/23/2015 6:23:12 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 6:04:24 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 4/23/2015 11:37:46 AM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 10:32:57 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

She's going to backstab Vixen. ;D

Lol what a terrible mother...

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can trust her, lol.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

Bromance obvs

Totes...

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Me since I wasn't in this one D:>

Lol don't worry. Everyones in the next episode.

hooray!

Lol since you were one of the few to give feedback this time around, I'll try to fit you in more than Rev.

WTF NO

Lol you have a massive story Arc, Seventh doesn't. Don't worry. I'm not revealing what it is... but it's pretty major lol

If there's going to be more Seventh than me next chapter at least let me rape him then ;-;
donald.keller
Posts: 3,709
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4/23/2015 8:11:07 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/23/2015 8:08:59 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/23/2015 8:07:31 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 8:06:21 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/23/2015 6:23:12 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 6:04:24 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 4/23/2015 11:37:46 AM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 10:32:57 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

She's going to backstab Vixen. ;D

Lol what a terrible mother...

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can trust her, lol.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

Bromance obvs

Totes...

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Me since I wasn't in this one D:>

Lol don't worry. Everyones in the next episode.

hooray!

Lol since you were one of the few to give feedback this time around, I'll try to fit you in more than Rev.

WTF NO

Lol you have a massive story Arc, Seventh doesn't. Don't worry. I'm not revealing what it is... but it's pretty major lol

If there's going to be more Seventh than me next chapter at least let me rape him then ;-;

I might, if you do more commentary from now on lol
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

OFFICIAL DK/TUF 2016 Platform: http://www.debate.org...

My Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com...
#SaveThePresidency
#SaveTheSite

-- DK/TUF 2016 --
SeventhProfessor
Posts: 5,086
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4/23/2015 8:11:29 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/23/2015 8:07:31 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 8:06:21 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/23/2015 6:23:12 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 6:04:24 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 4/23/2015 11:37:46 AM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 10:32:57 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

She's going to backstab Vixen. ;D

Lol what a terrible mother...

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can trust her, lol.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

Bromance obvs

Totes...

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Me since I wasn't in this one D:>

Lol don't worry. Everyones in the next episode.

hooray!

Lol since you were one of the few to give feedback this time around, I'll try to fit you in more than Rev.

WTF NO

Lol you have a massive story Arc, Seventh doesn't. Don't worry. I'm not revealing what it is... but it's pretty major lol

)^':
#UnbanTheMadman

#StandWithBossy

#BetOnThett

"bossy r u like 85 years old and have lost ur mind"
~mysteriouscrystals

"I've honestly never seen seventh post anything that wasn't completely idiotic in a trying-to-be-funny way."
~F-16

https://docs.google.com...
donald.keller
Posts: 3,709
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4/23/2015 8:13:17 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/23/2015 8:11:29 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 4/23/2015 8:07:31 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 8:06:21 PM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/23/2015 6:23:12 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 6:04:24 PM, SeventhProfessor wrote:
At 4/23/2015 11:37:46 AM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/23/2015 10:32:57 AM, RevNge wrote:
At 4/21/2015 10:18:40 PM, donald.keller wrote:
Last Episode: The Hunt of the Hollow ==> http://www.debate.org...

Next Episode: The Midnight Aurora ==> TBA

----
For the Audience:
----

1 - What do you think of Godmother?

She's going to backstab Vixen. ;D

Lol what a terrible mother...

Seriously, though, I'm not sure if I can trust her, lol.
2 - What are your thoughts on Mekaiel going after Vicksan?

Bromance obvs

Totes...

What would you like to see in the next 5 episodes?

Me since I wasn't in this one D:>

Lol don't worry. Everyones in the next episode.

hooray!

Lol since you were one of the few to give feedback this time around, I'll try to fit you in more than Rev.

WTF NO

Lol you have a massive story Arc, Seventh doesn't. Don't worry. I'm not revealing what it is... but it's pretty major lol

)^':

Your the main character of HoCs... Rev only just now became a main character, and it's in a fanfiction that gets updated maybe once every two weeks lol.

You're play an important role, I promise lol. Their going to war, and you're a prime general.
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

OFFICIAL DK/TUF 2016 Platform: http://www.debate.org...

My Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com...
#SaveThePresidency
#SaveTheSite

-- DK/TUF 2016 --
Adam_Godzilla
Posts: 2,487
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4/24/2015 3:53:35 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
I liked this chapter a lot. It had certain cool aspects and a lot of dialogue. I think the lack of action didn't make this chapter as good as the previous but I really can't complain since you're building up to the Goblin war.

My only problems is the Goblin war. I've been waiting and waiting man! Can't we see at least one of those cute creatures? (jk)

Also, I didn't tell you this before since it seems to be your style but you're becoming a better and better writer so I feel compelled to point this out.

When you are writing dialogue you often or always put an action scene or description afterwards:

""Okay... Whiteflame... What information do you have?" Adam asked.
Whiteflame looked around to make sure no one was around. "Do you know who Mod 10 was?"
"A designer for the game. That's all I know." Adam waited to hear more."

Although I understand that it helps the readers keep track of who is saying what, personally it feels like it's breaking the dialogue.

You could have continuous dialogue without description:

""Okay... Whiteflame... What information do you have?" Adam asked.
"Do you know who Mod 10 was?"
"A designer for the game. That's all I know."

Adam waited to hear more. Whiteflame looked around to make sure no one was around.

"Well Mod 10...

The description or action scenes (she looked at, he picked up etc.) don't have to always come after a character says something. It breaks up the dialogue in a jarring way like when you're in the passenger seat and the driver keeps breaking after every ten metres.

The thing is, you are super good at the action scenes. And this DOES make it easier to follow along the characters. So I would suggest keeping that but not doing it all the time like in entire paragraphs. Here, there is not one sentence of dialogue left alone:

""A designer for the game. That's all I know." Adam waited to hear more.
"Well Mod 10... Or 'The Modder'... was Airmax's teacher. He learned everything from her. You can imagine no one back home trusts him. Cody, you know, Paramix? Cody was the only reason he was picked to go into the game." Whiteflame could tell Adam didn't know who Airmax was. "Airmax is Mod 11. He's here to help get everyone out."
"Okay.. So anything important? Aside from Airmax, of course. He sounds important." Adam continued to wait."

But when you examine it, sentences like "Vicksan ran and hugged her... Holding on like he'd never see her again..." are very important for the story and these sentences I can see are essential.

This line especially was great: "She refused to let go."

But again, perhaps you could separate these descriptive sentences (which are well done) from the stand alone dialogues (which are also well done).

Looking forward to the next chapter!
New episode of OUTSIDERS: http://www.debate.org...
Episode 4 - They walk among us
Adam_Godzilla
Posts: 2,487
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4/24/2015 9:46:38 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/22/2015 10:42:11 PM, donald.keller wrote:

Have you read the feedback above bro?
New episode of OUTSIDERS: http://www.debate.org...
Episode 4 - They walk among us
donald.keller
Posts: 3,709
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4/24/2015 9:48:42 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/24/2015 3:53:35 AM, Adam_Godzilla wrote:
I liked this chapter a lot. It had certain cool aspects and a lot of dialogue. I think the lack of action didn't make this chapter as good as the previous but I really can't complain since you're building up to the Goblin war.

My only problems is the Goblin war. I've been waiting and waiting man! Can't we see at least one of those cute creatures? (jk)

You'll see them next chapter.

Also, I didn't tell you this before since it seems to be your style but you're becoming a better and better writer so I feel compelled to point this out.

When you are writing dialogue you often or always put an action scene or description afterwards:

""Okay... Whiteflame... What information do you have?" Adam asked.
Whiteflame looked around to make sure no one was around. "Do you know who Mod 10 was?"
"A designer for the game. That's all I know." Adam waited to hear more."

Although I understand that it helps the readers keep track of who is saying what, personally it feels like it's breaking the dialogue.

You brought that up a long while back, referring to it as a great feature.

You could have continuous dialogue without description:

""Okay... Whiteflame... What information do you have?" Adam asked.
"Do you know who Mod 10 was?"
"A designer for the game. That's all I know."

Adam waited to hear more. Whiteflame looked around to make sure no one was around.

"Well Mod 10...

The description or action scenes (she looked at, he picked up etc.) don't have to always come after a character says something. It breaks up the dialogue in a jarring way like when you're in the passenger seat and the driver keeps breaking after every ten metres.

The thing is, you are super good at the action scenes. And this DOES make it easier to follow along the characters. So I would suggest keeping that but not doing it all the time like in entire paragraphs. Here, there is not one sentence of dialogue left alone:

""A designer for the game. That's all I know." Adam waited to hear more.
"Well Mod 10... Or 'The Modder'... was Airmax's teacher. He learned everything from her. You can imagine no one back home trusts him. Cody, you know, Paramix? Cody was the only reason he was picked to go into the game." Whiteflame could tell Adam didn't know who Airmax was. "Airmax is Mod 11. He's here to help get everyone out."
"Okay.. So anything important? Aside from Airmax, of course. He sounds important." Adam continued to wait."

But when you examine it, sentences like "Vicksan ran and hugged her... Holding on like he'd never see her again..." are very important for the story and these sentences I can see are essential.

This line especially was great: "She refused to let go."

But again, perhaps you could separate these descriptive sentences (which are well done) from the stand alone dialogues (which are also well done).

Looking forward to the next chapter!

Well... A lot of this is one topic, so I can't see a lot of places to reply to.. lol. I'll work on those better in the next chapter.
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

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donald.keller
Posts: 3,709
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4/24/2015 9:56:29 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/24/2015 9:46:38 PM, Adam_Godzilla wrote:
At 4/22/2015 10:42:11 PM, donald.keller wrote:

Have you read the feedback above bro?

All I can say is that people tell me to make the dialogue easier to read, but they never tell me what the issue is. So I stopped doing this:

"Blah blah blah."
"Blah blah" He said.

You know... Leaving out who said the line (the first line, in this case)... But it didn't fix anything. You actually told me what the issue was, so I can work on fixing it now.
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

OFFICIAL DK/TUF 2016 Platform: http://www.debate.org...

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Adam_Godzilla
Posts: 2,487
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4/24/2015 10:48:47 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/24/2015 9:56:29 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/24/2015 9:46:38 PM, Adam_Godzilla wrote:
At 4/22/2015 10:42:11 PM, donald.keller wrote:

Have you read the feedback above bro?

All I can say is that people tell me to make the dialogue easier to read, but they never tell me what the issue is. So I stopped doing this:

"Blah blah blah."
"Blah blah" He said.

You know... Leaving out who said the line (the first line, in this case)... But it didn't fix anything. You actually told me what the issue was, so I can work on fixing it now.

Coolsies, just wanted to let you know since you helped me a lot on my own writing.
New episode of OUTSIDERS: http://www.debate.org...
Episode 4 - They walk among us
donald.keller
Posts: 3,709
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4/24/2015 10:49:58 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/24/2015 10:48:47 PM, Adam_Godzilla wrote:
At 4/24/2015 9:56:29 PM, donald.keller wrote:
At 4/24/2015 9:46:38 PM, Adam_Godzilla wrote:
At 4/22/2015 10:42:11 PM, donald.keller wrote:

Have you read the feedback above bro?

All I can say is that people tell me to make the dialogue easier to read, but they never tell me what the issue is. So I stopped doing this:

"Blah blah blah."
"Blah blah" He said.

You know... Leaving out who said the line (the first line, in this case)... But it didn't fix anything. You actually told me what the issue was, so I can work on fixing it now.

Coolsies, just wanted to let you know since you helped me a lot on my own writing.

I notice a lot of my advice is centered around the flow of information.
-- Don't forget to submit your unvoted debates to the Voter's Union --

OFFICIAL DK/TUF 2016 Platform: http://www.debate.org...

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PetersSmith
Posts: 5,843
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4/24/2015 11:02:45 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/24/2015 3:53:35 AM, Adam_Godzilla wrote:
I liked this chapter a lot. It had certain cool aspects and a lot of dialogue. I think the lack of action didn't make this chapter as good as the previous but I really can't complain since you're building up to the Goblin war.

My only problems is the Goblin war. I've been waiting and waiting man! Can't we see at least one of those cute creatures? (jk)

Also, I didn't tell you this before since it seems to be your style but you're becoming a better and better writer so I feel compelled to point this out.

When you are writing dialogue you often or always put an action scene or description afterwards:

""Okay... Whiteflame... What information do you have?" Adam asked.
Whiteflame looked around to make sure no one was around. "Do you know who Mod 10 was?"
"A designer for the game. That's all I know." Adam waited to hear more."

Although I understand that it helps the readers keep track of who is saying what, personally it feels like it's breaking the dialogue.

You could have continuous dialogue without description:

""Okay... Whiteflame... What information do you have?" Adam asked.
"Do you know who Mod 10 was?"
"A designer for the game. That's all I know."

Adam waited to hear more. Whiteflame looked around to make sure no one was around.

"Well Mod 10...

The description or action scenes (she looked at, he picked up etc.) don't have to always come after a character says something. It breaks up the dialogue in a jarring way like when you're in the passenger seat and the driver keeps breaking after every ten metres.

The thing is, you are super good at the action scenes. And this DOES make it easier to follow along the characters. So I would suggest keeping that but not doing it all the time like in entire paragraphs. Here, there is not one sentence of dialogue left alone:

""A designer for the game. That's all I know." Adam waited to hear more.
"Well Mod 10... Or 'The Modder'... was Airmax's teacher. He learned everything from her. You can imagine no one back home trusts him. Cody, you know, Paramix? Cody was the only reason he was picked to go into the game." Whiteflame could tell Adam didn't know who Airmax was. "Airmax is Mod 11. He's here to help get everyone out."
"Okay.. So anything important? Aside from Airmax, of course. He sounds important." Adam continued to wait."

But when you examine it, sentences like "Vicksan ran and hugged her... Holding on like he'd never see her again..." are very important for the story and these sentences I can see are essential.

This line especially was great: "She refused to let go."

But again, perhaps you could separate these descriptive sentences (which are well done) from the stand alone dialogues (which are also well done).

Looking forward to the next chapter!

I asked my English teacher about the whole "he/she says" after dialogue, and they said it's fine.
Empress of DDO (also Poll and Forum "Maintenance" Moderator)

"The two most important days in your life is the day you were born, and the day you find out why."
~Mark Twain

"Wow"
-Doge

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet just because there's a picture with a quote next to it."
~Abraham Lincoln

Guide to the Polls Section: http://www.debate.org...
PetersSmith
Posts: 5,843
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4/24/2015 11:03:46 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/24/2015 3:53:35 AM, Adam_Godzilla wrote:
I liked this chapter a lot. It had certain cool aspects and a lot of dialogue. I think the lack of action didn't make this chapter as good as the previous but I really can't complain since you're building up to the Goblin war.

My only problems is the Goblin war. I've been waiting and waiting man! Can't we see at least one of those cute creatures? (jk)

Also, I didn't tell you this before since it seems to be your style but you're becoming a better and better writer so I feel compelled to point this out.

When you are writing dialogue you often or always put an action scene or description afterwards:

""Okay... Whiteflame... What information do you have?" Adam asked.
Whiteflame looked around to make sure no one was around. "Do you know who Mod 10 was?"
"A designer for the game. That's all I know." Adam waited to hear more."

Although I understand that it helps the readers keep track of who is saying what, personally it feels like it's breaking the dialogue.

You could have continuous dialogue without description:

""Okay... Whiteflame... What information do you have?" Adam asked.
"Do you know who Mod 10 was?"
"A designer for the game. That's all I know."

Adam waited to hear more. Whiteflame looked around to make sure no one was around.

"Well Mod 10...

The description or action scenes (she looked at, he picked up etc.) don't have to always come after a character says something. It breaks up the dialogue in a jarring way like when you're in the passenger seat and the driver keeps breaking after every ten metres.

The thing is, you are super good at the action scenes. And this DOES make it easier to follow along the characters. So I would suggest keeping that but not doing it all the time like in entire paragraphs. Here, there is not one sentence of dialogue left alone:

""A designer for the game. That's all I know." Adam waited to hear more.
"Well Mod 10... Or 'The Modder'... was Airmax's teacher. He learned everything from her. You can imagine no one back home trusts him. Cody, you know, Paramix? Cody was the only reason he was picked to go into the game." Whiteflame could tell Adam didn't know who Airmax was. "Airmax is Mod 11. He's here to help get everyone out."
"Okay.. So anything important? Aside from Airmax, of course. He sounds important." Adam continued to wait."

But when you examine it, sentences like "Vicksan ran and hugged her... Holding on like he'd never see her again..." are very important for the story and these sentences I can see are essential.

This line especially was great: "She refused to let go."

But again, perhaps you could separate these descriptive sentences (which are well done) from the stand alone dialogues (which are also well done).

Looking forward to the next chapter!

Although, I think if it's only between two characters than it's not necessary. As for me, I would prefer to have the clarifications, and "actions" after dialogue keep the characters from appearing "stiff".
Empress of DDO (also Poll and Forum "Maintenance" Moderator)

"The two most important days in your life is the day you were born, and the day you find out why."
~Mark Twain

"Wow"
-Doge

"Don't believe everything you read on the internet just because there's a picture with a quote next to it."
~Abraham Lincoln

Guide to the Polls Section: http://www.debate.org...
Adam_Godzilla
Posts: 2,487
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4/25/2015 1:24:11 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 4/24/2015 11:03:46 PM, PetersSmith wrote:
At 4/24/2015 3:53:35 AM, Adam_Godzilla wrote:
I liked this chapter a lot. It had certain cool aspects and a lot of dialogue. I think the lack of action didn't make this chapter as good as the previous but I really can't complain since you're building up to the Goblin war.

My only problems is the Goblin war. I've been waiting and waiting man! Can't we see at least one of those cute creatures? (jk)

Also, I didn't tell you this before since it seems to be your style but you're becoming a better and better writer so I feel compelled to point this out.

When you are writing dialogue you often or always put an action scene or description afterwards:

""Okay... Whiteflame... What information do you have?" Adam asked.
Whiteflame looked around to make sure no one was around. "Do you know who Mod 10 was?"
"A designer for the game. That's all I know." Adam waited to hear more."

Although I understand that it helps the readers keep track of who is saying what, personally it feels like it's breaking the dialogue.

You could have continuous dialogue without description:

""Okay... Whiteflame... What information do you have?" Adam asked.
"Do you know who Mod 10 was?"
"A designer for the game. That's all I know."

Adam waited to hear more. Whiteflame looked around to make sure no one was around.

"Well Mod 10...

The description or action scenes (she looked at, he picked up etc.) don't have to always come after a character says something. It breaks up the dialogue in a jarring way like when you're in the passenger seat and the driver keeps breaking after every ten metres.

The thing is, you are super good at the action scenes. And this DOES make it easier to follow along the characters. So I would suggest keeping that but not doing it all the time like in entire paragraphs. Here, there is not one sentence of dialogue left alone:

""A designer for the game. That's all I know." Adam waited to hear more.
"Well Mod 10... Or 'The Modder'... was Airmax's teacher. He learned everything from her. You can imagine no one back home trusts him. Cody, you know, Paramix? Cody was the only reason he was picked to go into the game." Whiteflame could tell Adam didn't know who Airmax was. "Airmax is Mod 11. He's here to help get everyone out."
"Okay.. So anything important? Aside from Airmax, of course. He sounds important." Adam continued to wait."

But when you examine it, sentences like "Vicksan ran and hugged her... Holding on like he'd never see her again..." are very important for the story and these sentences I can see are essential.

This line especially was great: "She refused to let go."

But again, perhaps you could separate these descriptive sentences (which are well done) from the stand alone dialogues (which are also well done).

Looking forward to the next chapter!

Although, I think if it's only between two characters than it's not necessary. As for me, I would prefer to have the clarifications, and "actions" after dialogue keep the characters from appearing "stiff".

True. Though I meant action verbs like 'he walked over' or something like that. Just adding a simple 'he says' would not be so obtrusive personally.
New episode of OUTSIDERS: http://www.debate.org...
Episode 4 - They walk among us