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Toilet Paper Usage

askbob
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1/13/2009 4:53:32 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
A question you will never get asked by someone you know. An appropriate one for this site.

As you may or may not know, how you use your toilet paper can actually tell a great deal about you.

There are three main types of usage, amount, compression, texture. All will help you find out where you fit in the toilet paper world.

I'll start out with the first one, usage.

Usage = Number of squares the you use on average. There are a couple major categories in this first type.

There are the following:

Big Spender - This toilet paper user knows what he wants, he wants A LOT of toilet paper. He knows that he's using way more toilet paper than is humanly necessary, but he doesn't care. He could really care less about his usage, he'll use as much as he freakin wants to use, and no one is gonna stop him from using half the roll if it strikes his fancy to do so.

Minimalist - This toilet paper user is 2 sheet or less kinda guy. He's determined with saving the environment, or saving money, or just generally seeing how little he can use. He's just a frugal toilet paper user and he takes pride in using less than the average joe.

Freak Show - This toilet paper use actually knows exactly how many squares he's going to use before he walks into the bathroom. And lets face it, that's just plain weird.

Second Helper- No this guy does not need someone to help him get the toilet paper, this toilet paper user almost always underestimates how much he will need (usually because he's a bad wiper and messes up the wipe) and goes back for seconds to complete the Job
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Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
askbob
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1/13/2009 5:07:19 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
The next category is Compression.

Everyone has a way they compress their toilet paper before they wipe.

There are a couple different compression methods that toilet paper users use.

There is the Crumplers, Folders, double folders, fold - then crumple, use then fold, use-as-is.

Crumplers- This toilet paper user typically takes the amount of toilet paper and crumples it up into almost a ball, then proceeds to use it to wipe. Crumplers feel that the crumples help to more better do the job than the regular smooth surface.

Folders - This toilet paper user typically folds whatever amount of toilet paper they have. Folders believe that the surface of the toilet paper is adequate for completing their mission. Folders also believe that toilet paper isn't as thick as it should be, therefore they fold to prevent soaking through.

Double folders - This toilet paper user typically double folds whatever amount of toilet paper they have. Double folders tend to be very cautious about how the thickness of the toilet paper, their biggest fear is soaking through. As a result they double fold.

The Crumple then folder- This toilet paper user is a hybrid of the folder and crumpler. Not only are they concerned about the texture of the toilet paper, but they also fear soaking through. This user typically is a big spender when it comes to usage.

Use-Then-unfold - This toilet paper user typically folds their toilet paper to start, but then after the first wipe, unfolds the paper revealing a clean edge to rework. This toilet paper is usually a minimalist in disguise. They generally use normal amounts of toilet paper, but don't be fooled, they are also minimalist in nature, they just aren't as good as wiping as a normal minimalist, and thus typically use more toilet paper than a true minimalist.

Use-As-Is - This toilet paper is one of the most dangerous toilet paper users around. This toilet paper user simply uses the square AS IS, they have absolutely NO COMPRESSION METHOD which generally results in soaking through followed by soiled hands. NEVER TRUST A USE AS IS USER.
Me -Phil left the site in my charge. I have a recorded phone conversation to prove it.
kohai -If you're the owner, then do something useful like ip block him and get us away from juggle and on a dofferent host!
Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
askbob
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1/13/2009 5:12:57 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
The last category is texture.

There are only a couple users in the texture category.

There is the: Paul Bunion user, Cloud user, Normal toilet paper user.

The Paul Bunion User - This toilet paper user typically uses rough texture, either for two reasons. 1. They're too cheap to give their bum the proper comfort it needs so they buy the cheap toilet paper.
2. They actually prefer rough texture because they believe it does the job better than the softer brands

The Cloud User- This toilet paper user prefers to treat their bum to a toilet paper heaven treat.
When it comes to their butt, money is not an object, only the most costly toilet paper will do.

The Normal User- This toilet paper goes for a mix of cost and softness. They want their money's worth, but they don't want to go all out on their butt.

And thus completes this description. Now please list your type.
Me -Phil left the site in my charge. I have a recorded phone conversation to prove it.
kohai -If you're the owner, then do something useful like ip block him and get us away from juggle and on a dofferent host!
Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
crackofdawn_Jr
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1/13/2009 5:44:13 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
I'm a Big Spending, Crumpling, normal type of toilet paper guy. Sometimes I might change to a Big Spending, Doulbe Folding, normal type of toilet paper guy. It depends on if your making a slurpy or a popsicle...if you get what I mean.
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Yoni
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1/16/2009 9:50:19 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
I'm a bit of a Freakshow, folder and normal kind of wiper, I suppose. I can't tell you the exact number of TP squres I'll be using, but I can give you a close estimate or at the very least show you the lenth with my arms.

I find that having a perfectly clean butt is something I enjoy most in life.
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
askbob
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1/16/2009 9:55:12 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
I'm a Second Helping/ Crumpler/Normal User
Me -Phil left the site in my charge. I have a recorded phone conversation to prove it.
kohai -If you're the owner, then do something useful like ip block him and get us away from juggle and on a dofferent host!
Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
s0m31john
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1/16/2009 9:55:35 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 1/16/2009 9:50:19 PM, Yoni wrote:
I'm a bit of a Freakshow, folder and normal kind of wiper, I suppose. I can't tell you the exact number of TP squres I'll be using, but I can give you a close estimate or at the very least show you the lenth with my arms.

I find that having a perfectly clean butt is something I enjoy most in life.

Preposterous! Everyone knows girls don't poop.
Yoni
Posts: 43
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1/16/2009 10:07:02 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
I NEVER SAID I POOPED, FOOLISH MALE. I have this thing, it's called menstruation. Learn yourself some sciencey facts, boy.
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
askbob
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1/16/2009 10:12:20 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 1/16/2009 10:07:02 PM, Yoni wrote:
I NEVER SAID I POOPED, FOOLISH MALE. I have this thing, it's called menstruation. Learn yourself some sciencey facts, boy.

Pastafarianism as a religion choice.

Nice
Me -Phil left the site in my charge. I have a recorded phone conversation to prove it.
kohai -If you're the owner, then do something useful like ip block him and get us away from juggle and on a dofferent host!
Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
askbob
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1/16/2009 10:58:36 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
Yes lol, I wrote and came up with it all, it isn't copypasta.

Yes personal observation and because my brother decided to have this convo with his friends and he found that there were all kinds of toilet paper users. My roommate brought it up to me because he bought rolls of toilet paper that cost like a couple bucks a roll wheras I got the 25 cents a roll because I'm cheap.

He was wondering why I don't buy the most expensive, so I decided to come up with all the different users and there you have it. Also I started it on a couple different forums and have been getting info from their confirming the existance of these groups as well.
Me -Phil left the site in my charge. I have a recorded phone conversation to prove it.
kohai -If you're the owner, then do something useful like ip block him and get us away from juggle and on a dofferent host!
Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
Yoni
Posts: 43
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1/17/2009 2:53:14 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
Aughhhhhhhhhhh! I thought I was the only one!

Do you ever get asked how old your "little miracle" is? I find it's particularly fun to spring the homosexuality on an unassuming (and hopefully, Spaghetti Monster willing) straight, conservative cashier. "Why, (enter gay lover's name here) and I had been trying for so long on our own, finally our (enter imaginary church leader's title here) informed us that fisting (the only way that gay men or women can express love physically) will not result in pregnancy... etc.
In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move.
jjmd280
Posts: 209
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1/18/2009 6:17:15 AM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 1/17/2009 2:53:14 AM, Yoni wrote:
Aughhhhhhhhhhh! I thought I was the only one!

Do you ever get asked how old your "little miracle" is? I find it's particularly fun to spring the homosexuality on an unassuming (and hopefully, Spaghetti Monster willing) straight, conservative cashier. "Why, (enter gay lover's name here) and I had been trying for so long on our own, finally our (enter imaginary church leader's title here) informed us that fisting (the only way that gay men or women can express love physically) will not result in pregnancy... etc.

No, can't rightly say I have...good comeback, though.
asiansarentnerdy
Posts: 124
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3/5/2009 8:22:37 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
None/second helping/normal

while we're on the subject of TP, havnt u noticed how perfect it is? a tissue is too soft and will break while wiping which is really disgusting, and normal papers are too hard and would hurt.
I'm asian.
philosphical
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3/11/2009 3:55:36 PM
Posted: 7 years ago
At 3/5/2009 8:22:37 PM, asiansarentnerdy wrote:
None/second helping/normal

while we're on the subject of TP, havnt u noticed how perfect it is? a tissue is too soft and will break while wiping which is really disgusting, and normal papers are too hard and would hurt.

thats why i use laquer thinner...
Your mouths writing checks that your @ss can't cash!
askbob
Posts: 7,254
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2/16/2011 11:57:09 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
This thread has merit and must be revived.
Me -Phil left the site in my charge. I have a recorded phone conversation to prove it.
kohai -If you're the owner, then do something useful like ip block him and get us away from juggle and on a dofferent host!
Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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2/16/2011 12:20:19 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 2/16/2011 11:57:09 AM, askbob wrote:
This thread has merit and must be revived.

Necro :p

anyway freakshow/second helper
Crumpler
Cloud/normal

Surprised I could think about it that much since I really don't give a sh!t
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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2/16/2011 1:37:01 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 2/16/2011 12:20:19 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 2/16/2011 11:57:09 AM, askbob wrote:
This thread has merit and must be revived.

Necro :p

anyway freakshow/second helper
Crumpler
Cloud/normal

Surprised I could think about it that much since I really don't give a sh!t

No pun intended, I suppose?
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FREEDO
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2/17/2011 1:00:11 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 2/17/2011 12:59:10 AM, FREEDO wrote:
Minimalist, Crumpler, Normal

Congratulations. You all now know the technique I use to wipe my @ss.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
LaissezFaire
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2/17/2011 1:26:41 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Big Spender
Crumpler
Normal

"As you may or may not know, how you use your toilet paper can actually tell a great deal about you."
So what exactly does this information tell you about us?
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TheAtheistAllegiance
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2/17/2011 2:10:29 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 2/17/2011 1:26:41 AM, LaissezFaire wrote:
Big Spender
Crumpler
Normal

So what exactly does this information tell you about us?

I know that it means you and I have a lot in common, Jimmy!
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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2/17/2011 2:27:56 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 2/16/2011 1:37:01 PM, brian_eggleston wrote:
At 2/16/2011 12:20:19 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 2/16/2011 11:57:09 AM, askbob wrote:
This thread has merit and must be revived.

Necro :p

anyway freakshow/second helper
Crumpler
Cloud/normal

Surprised I could think about it that much since I really don't give a sh!t

No pun intended, I suppose?

I didn't think about it until after it was written, so no, not intended.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
devinni01841
Posts: 1,405
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2/17/2011 4:48:00 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/5/2009 8:22:37 PM, asiansarentnerdy wrote:
None/second helping/normal

while we're on the subject of TP, havnt u noticed how perfect it is? a tissue is too soft and will break while wiping which is really disgusting, and normal papers are too hard and would hurt.

And it's ideal for throwing into your neighbor's trees!

...not that I know from experience
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