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m93samman
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9/28/2010 8:55:55 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Well, I'm at UT Austin and, for those of you that haven't heard, there is a shooting incident that, according to my sources, involves an AK 47, police with shotguns and the swat team, etc. So, all class is cancelled for some unexplained reason, and I have time to write out this issue that I'm over, but that I also want opinions on. There's this girl that I feel went psychotic, but here's the story.

March 2010, I'm crazy in love with her. She's smart, funny, athletic, and beautiful. Everything I could ever ask of a girl, and she was recently single. She liked me as a friend, but from the start I was telling her that I love her. From then until summer we would have anywhere from 5 minute to 5 hour talks on the phone that begin around 11pm; they would last till morning, and they were some of the most fun I had ever had in my life. I left on summer vacation to Syria still expressing my love of her, but she never told me she felt the same. Meanwhile, (she's bisexual) she got back with her ~20 year old ex-girlfriend. The girl is 17. Then on the way to Syria, in transit in Dubai, I catch her on facebook. She spills her heart out to me; she tells me that she loved me from the first time she met me, and that I was so sweet and sincere, but she felt bad because she loves both me and her gf and she feels like a player; she couldn't choose one over the other. I was fine with that and told her I would "wait"; I was single, I've never been in a relationship anyways and I wasn't in much of a hurry, plus the prospect of getting her would have made me the happiest man on earth. Anyways, I get to Syria and we have frequent contact over skype; we blush at the remarks we make to each other, we kiss over the camera- all of this, her gf knows nothing about. I come back and go to college, she's still a high school senior, but we keep in touch of course. I see her at a high school debate tournament and we spend quite a bit of time; I give her a few gifts I brought back from Syria, and while I'm putting a necklace on her neck I "hurt" my finger with the metal pieces. I was holding my finger a little and showed her, and she kissed it; it was riveting to say the least, seeing as I've never kissed anyone outside my family unless it was out of respect or culture (it's customary in my culture). Anyways, this past weekend I was judging at this debate tournament she was competing in; she gives me a poem she had written for me before I left in the summer, I give her something I had written and an "I love you" pen from UT. Everything is going well. Then, in one of the rounds, a debate team was running pretty late, so I told her to ask her debate coach if they were enforcing the 15-minute rule, under which the team would be disqualified. She told me no, and she also told me that her coach didn't want me to hang out with her anymore, no reason given. I was fine with that; it seems it was so I don't distract her from the tournament. I asked if we could have a conversation on the phone tonight because I had a lot to tell her; she knew I was low on texts so she sent her response to my iPod which was at home. I stopped to see her one time, asked about her response, she just told me to "go" in a very exigent voice. Then the tournament is over, and I see her with two of her friends. I ask if it would be weird if I followed them around. Her two friends said nothing, she said "No. ----- (her coach) said you can't hang around me because you're a judge." I told her that I was done judging, the tournament is over, I don't think it matters now. I walked towards her (she was already walking). I called her name and I started walking a little faster to catch up with her, then she turned in the other direction. I turned with her, then she turned again. I was getting confused, but then one of the other coaches calls me and tells me that they are getting the impression that I'm "preferring" some students over others, and that I probably wouldn't get another judging contract if I ever did that again. He even said that I need to stop "harassing" her; I told him that it isn't that simple- if I follow someone harassment isn't a necessary conclusion. It's more complicated than that, but I told him I understood what he was saying, and left the tournament. I got home and read the text on my iPod, saying she wasn't sure if she could have a chat. I texted/called her a few times to no avail, so I understood that she was busy. The next day, still nothing. It is sunday afternoon now, and I try to call her. Two rings, busy tone, then a text- "Leave me alone!". I understood; the next morning around 3am (I was up studying for a midterm) I go to sleep and wake up around 7, she's on facebook. I told her "Whenever you're willing to talk to me, do let me know." "go away!" *removes me from friends*. I'm absolutely stunned; the night before, though, I had a chat with a new friend of mine at UT and she helped me make the decision to just say FVCK IT. She's going crazy, she's emotionally immature. I have nothing to make of it, so I move on. Anyways, here's the beef. I had a habit of forwarding emails to her with the word of the day, only the good/interesting/funny words. I sent her "hobbledehoy" 3 days earlier, and this morning I read her reply. I'll copy-paste it here. "I want you to leave me alone, all together. You are a "hobbledehoy," and you frighten me. I don't feel comfortable anymore. I don't like it. And I want you to leave me alone. I do want any texts, calls, e-mails or even facebook messages or anything from you. I'm sorry. You scare me." I responded, just asked a few questions. I promised I would leave her alone forever if she answered my questions, which are of no consequence now because she still hasn't responded.

Anyways, I was as neutral as possible. My word choice was as basic to present an impartial image; if you want me to clarify on any of the incidents, if you want more info, if you want me to restate something, tell me. But I want you to answer the following, once you have all the info you need:

Who is at fault? Did I make the right decision to "wait" for her? I'm over it, but I want some more interpretations just to get some external points of view.
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.
J.Kenyon
Posts: 4,194
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9/28/2010 9:03:36 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 8:55:55 AM, m93samman wrote:

Who is at fault? Did I make the right decision to "wait" for her? I'm over it, but I want some more interpretations just to get some external points of view.

Lies.

Simple explanation: teenage girls can be effing psychotic. Tough break, man.
m93samman
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9/28/2010 9:05:19 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:03:36 AM, J.Kenyon wrote:
At 9/28/2010 8:55:55 AM, m93samman wrote:

Who is at fault? Did I make the right decision to "wait" for her? I'm over it, but I want some more interpretations just to get some external points of view.

Lies.

Simple explanation: teenage girls can be effing psychotic. Tough break, man.

I'm not lying; I don't exactly need her, but if she came back I'd be more than happy. So you think there's absolutely no question about it, it's her?
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.
m93samman
Posts: 2,685
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9/28/2010 9:05:51 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:04:51 AM, innomen wrote:
You didn't do anything wrong, it just sucks, especially at your age it hurts a lot.

Yea it did hurt, but somehow I feel better now. I feel liberated, especially because I was being loyal to a false hope, you know?
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.
xxdarkxx
Posts: 3,090
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9/28/2010 9:07:35 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:05:19 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:03:36 AM, J.Kenyon wrote:
At 9/28/2010 8:55:55 AM, m93samman wrote:

Who is at fault? Did I make the right decision to "wait" for her? I'm over it, but I want some more interpretations just to get some external points of view.

Lies.

Simple explanation: teenage girls can be effing psychotic. Tough break, man.

I'm not lying; I don't exactly need her, but if she came back I'd be more than happy. So you think there's absolutely no question about it, it's her?

This shows that you are lying. If you were truly over her you wouldn't be "more than happy" if she came back.

Also tough break, i know what its like. Life's a b1tch, so move on...

staying with this will get you no where...
J.Kenyon
Posts: 4,194
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9/28/2010 9:07:51 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:05:51 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:04:51 AM, innomen wrote:
You didn't do anything wrong, it just sucks, especially at your age it hurts a lot.

Yea it did hurt, but somehow I feel better now. I feel liberated, especially because I was being loyal to a false hope, you know?

Congratulations, you've just experienced the Kantian notion of freedom :D
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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9/28/2010 9:10:10 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:05:51 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:04:51 AM, innomen wrote:
You didn't do anything wrong, it just sucks, especially at your age it hurts a lot.

Yea it did hurt, but somehow I feel better now. I feel liberated, especially because I was being loyal to a false hope, you know?

Yeah, i was never good at that moving on part of it.
m93samman
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9/28/2010 9:10:18 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:07:35 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:

This shows that you are lying. If you were truly over her you wouldn't be "more than happy" if she came back.

I'm not explaining well. Right now, I don't feel any remorse. But she still has the characteristics I mentioned, and she would be a good partner, especially given that she is oblivious to negative external influences. I just still don't understand what happened with her..
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.
m93samman
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9/28/2010 9:11:58 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:07:51 AM, J.Kenyon wrote:

Congratulations, you've just experienced the Kantian notion of freedom :D

If I knew what that is I would probably agree :P

At 9/28/2010, sometime, Innomen wrote:

~~something about not being good about the moving on part~~

): Sorry man. I guess I'm naturally resilient, it was my hormones maybe? Idk, but I got lucky lol
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.
m93samman
Posts: 2,685
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9/28/2010 9:12:43 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:11:52 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:
teenage girls= psychotic

She's so intelligent though; she got a full-ride to NYU before the start of her senior year, she's number 2 in her senior class.
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.
J.Kenyon
Posts: 4,194
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9/28/2010 9:13:46 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:11:58 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:07:51 AM, J.Kenyon wrote:

Congratulations, you've just experienced the Kantian notion of freedom :D

If I knew what that is I would probably agree :P

It's okay. Kant had this radical notion of "freedom from" Idk, it's trippy stuff. I'm writing an essay on it right now, so it kinda came to mind.
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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9/28/2010 9:13:47 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:10:18 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:07:35 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:

This shows that you are lying. If you were truly over her you wouldn't be "more than happy" if she came back.


I'm not explaining well. Right now, I don't feel any remorse. But she still has the characteristics I mentioned, and she would be a good partner, especially given that she is oblivious to negative external influences. I just still don't understand what happened with her..

I doubt she's as oblivious to them as you think.
xxdarkxx
Posts: 3,090
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9/28/2010 9:15:59 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:12:43 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:11:52 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:
teenage girls= psychotic

She's so intelligent though; she got a full-ride to NYU before the start of her senior year, she's number 2 in her senior class.

Intelligence matters not, when a girl is a raving lunatic ^-^
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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9/28/2010 9:17:14 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Teenage girls are really fickle. I thought I was "bisexual" in HS and it always turned out the same. I'd convince myself I had a crush on them, and as soon as they found out, they would start pursuing me and I was immediately disinterested lol. It's human nature to want what you can't have, but I think other factors were involved too (like my conflicting sexuality and overall discomfort at the thought of actually getting more physical in general... haha or maybe just with men!). I'm not saying that this girl isn't really bi, but there IS pressure to conform (especially in HS) to a heterosexual norm that just might not feel right to her despite her initial feelings toward you.

Either that, or you came on too strong. Guys used to scare me away doing that too. There's a difference between being sweet (which girls love) and coming on too strong too fast (which they hate). She was already in a relationship, so she probably had a change of heart or conflicting emotions. Your friend is right: she is definitely emotionally immature (but then again, all 17 year olds are) and look at it this way -- You don't want to be with someone who cheated on her gf anyway. If she could be dishonest and unfaithful to someone else, then she could do it to you. You're probably better off and will find someone more loyal and self-assured in the future :) I'd say just leave her alone and look forward to whatever new awesome girl the future holds for you.
President of DDO
m93samman
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9/28/2010 9:17:50 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:13:47 AM, innomen wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:10:18 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:07:35 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:

This shows that you are lying. If you were truly over her you wouldn't be "more than happy" if she came back.


I'm not explaining well. Right now, I don't feel any remorse. But she still has the characteristics I mentioned, and she would be a good partner, especially given that she is oblivious to negative external influences. I just still don't understand what happened with her..

I doubt she's as oblivious to them as you think.

You're right. And here's something else to consider: we never went on a date, our first was scheduled for (figures) November 13th.
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.
m93samman
Posts: 2,685
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9/28/2010 9:19:41 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:17:14 AM, theLwerd wrote:
Teenage girls are really fickle. I thought I was "bisexual" in HS and it always turned out the same. I'd convince myself I had a crush on them, and as soon as they found out, they would start pursuing me and I was immediately disinterested lol. It's human nature to want what you can't have, but I think other factors were involved too (like my conflicting sexuality and overall discomfort at the thought of actually getting more physical in general... haha or maybe just with men!). I'm not saying that this girl isn't really bi, but there IS pressure to conform (especially in HS) to a heterosexual norm that just might not feel right to her despite her initial feelings toward you.

Either that, or you came on too strong. Guys used to scare me away doing that too. There's a difference between being sweet (which girls love) and coming on too strong too fast (which they hate). She was already in a relationship, so she probably had a change of heart or conflicting emotions. Your friend is right: she is definitely emotionally immature (but then again, all 17 year olds are) and look at it this way -- You don't want to be with someone who cheated on her gf anyway. If she could be dishonest and unfaithful to someone else, then she could do it to you. You're probably better off and will find someone more loyal and self-assured in the future :) I'd say just leave her alone and look forward to whatever new awesome girl the future holds for you.

You have a way with words, and argumentation. That made me go "DAMN". Thanks hahaha
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.
xxdarkxx
Posts: 3,090
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9/28/2010 9:19:55 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:17:50 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:13:47 AM, innomen wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:10:18 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:07:35 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:

This shows that you are lying. If you were truly over her you wouldn't be "more than happy" if she came back.


I'm not explaining well. Right now, I don't feel any remorse. But she still has the characteristics I mentioned, and she would be a good partner, especially given that she is oblivious to negative external influences. I just still don't understand what happened with her..

I doubt she's as oblivious to them as you think.

You're right. And here's something else to consider: we never went on a date, our first was scheduled for (figures) November 13th.

whats so special about november 13th?
m93samman
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9/28/2010 9:19:59 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:15:59 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:12:43 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:11:52 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:
teenage girls= psychotic

She's so intelligent though; she got a full-ride to NYU before the start of her senior year, she's number 2 in her senior class.

Intelligence matters not, when a girl is a raving lunatic ^-^

Good point. I lol'd
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.
m93samman
Posts: 2,685
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9/28/2010 9:21:24 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:19:55 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:17:50 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:13:47 AM, innomen wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:10:18 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:07:35 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:

This shows that you are lying. If you were truly over her you wouldn't be "more than happy" if she came back.


I'm not explaining well. Right now, I don't feel any remorse. But she still has the characteristics I mentioned, and she would be a good partner, especially given that she is oblivious to negative external influences. I just still don't understand what happened with her..

I doubt she's as oblivious to them as you think.

You're right. And here's something else to consider: we never went on a date, our first was scheduled for (figures) November 13th.

whats so special about november 13th?

It never happened, and we've been holding it off since JUNE SIXTH because of different commitments (swimming, church, family for her; debate nationals, family, basketball nationals in Syria, for me.) It ended up not happening lol
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.
m93samman
Posts: 2,685
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9/28/2010 9:23:02 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:13:46 AM, J.Kenyon wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:11:58 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:07:51 AM, J.Kenyon wrote:

Congratulations, you've just experienced the Kantian notion of freedom :D

If I knew what that is I would probably agree :P

It's okay. Kant had this radical notion of "freedom from" Idk, it's trippy stuff. I'm writing an essay on it right now, so it kinda came to mind.

Ah. I knew slightly about that concept, but didn't know there was a name for it. Good luck on your essay; if you don't mind, could I see it once you're done? I've recently found this new interest in philosophically involved (even if they're only remotely involved) issues
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.
m93samman
Posts: 2,685
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9/28/2010 9:24:29 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:21:45 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:
woh wait i just realized. You scheduled a date TWO MONTHS away???!!!?

was this YOUR idea or hers?

lol basically she asked a favor of me (i promised i'd do anything for her) and the favor was that I volunteer judge at a tournament her school was hosting. I was okay with that, and she told me it ends at 6pm. I asked if we could do anything after, she checked with her parents and they were good.
: At 4/15/2011 5:29:37 PM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
: Pascal's wager is for poosies.
:
: I mean that sincerly, because it's basically an argument from poooosie.
:
: I'm pretty sure that's like a fallacy.. Argument ad Pussium or something like that.
xxdarkxx
Posts: 3,090
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9/28/2010 9:30:00 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:24:29 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:21:45 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:
woh wait i just realized. You scheduled a date TWO MONTHS away???!!!?

was this YOUR idea or hers?

lol basically she asked a favor of me (i promised i'd do anything for her) and the favor was that I volunteer judge at a tournament her school was hosting. I was okay with that, and she told me it ends at 6pm. I asked if we could do anything after, she checked with her parents and they were good.

from my experience you don't really want to plan things far in advance in the beginning of relationships...

showing commitment to that degree early on isn't always a good thing
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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9/28/2010 9:31:26 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 9:30:00 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:24:29 AM, m93samman wrote:
At 9/28/2010 9:21:45 AM, xxdarkxx wrote:
woh wait i just realized. You scheduled a date TWO MONTHS away???!!!?

was this YOUR idea or hers?

lol basically she asked a favor of me (i promised i'd do anything for her) and the favor was that I volunteer judge at a tournament her school was hosting. I was okay with that, and she told me it ends at 6pm. I asked if we could do anything after, she checked with her parents and they were good.

from my experience you don't really want to plan things far in advance in the beginning of relationships...

showing commitment to that degree early on isn't always a good thing

I agree with that. 2 weeks is a long time in these situations. Watch the movie 500 Summers; that really kind of hits it.
Mirza
Posts: 16,992
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9/28/2010 10:40:21 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 9/28/2010 8:55:55 AM, m93samman wrote:
I left on summer vacation to Syria still expressing my love of her, but she never told. . .
It would be better for you to marry even three lesser beautiful women, but much more beautiful in their hearts than even looking at one that will not hesitate to break your heart. Also, why not look for a woman from your own culture? Would it not be more compatible with yourself?

You seem to be young for love (at least with the typical kind of love). Spend your time on education. Do not spend time on your exams figuring out how to solve a love problem with a heartbreaker rather than maths problem.
Cerebral_Narcissist
Posts: 10,806
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9/28/2010 10:49:37 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Break off all contact, there is only pain and criminal prosecution her. Get on with your life and if she contacts you take it from there. It must sting I am sure, but seriously quit before it's too late.
I am voting for Innomen because of his intelligence, common sense, humility and the fact that Juggle appears to listen to him. Any other Presidential style would have a large sub-section of the site up in arms. If I was President I would destroy the site though elitism, others would let it run riot. Innomen represents a middle way that works, neither draconian nor anarchic and that is the only way things can work. Plus he does it all without ego trips.