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Why are gays so flamboyant?

jaksunmadness
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12/7/2015 12:54:13 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Why are most gays so flamboyant? It can't be that they're feminine because most women don't act that way. There isn't that many flamboyant straight men and when there is they are mistaken as being gay.
bsh1
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12/7/2015 1:25:32 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Not all gay men are flamboyant. I wouldn't call people like Anderson Cooper, for instance, flamboyant. Your comment is a gross generalization.

For those who are, why can't it be because they have a more feminine side. To say that "all women" don't act like that is to imply that all women behave in observably similar patterns such that you can deduce what femininity is. That would be, yet again, another gross generalization.
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jaksunmadness
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12/7/2015 7:44:34 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/7/2015 1:25:32 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Not all gay men are flamboyant. I wouldn't call people like Anderson Cooper, for instance, flamboyant. Your comment is a gross generalization.

For those who are, why can't it be because they have a more feminine side. To say that "all women" don't act like that is to imply that all women behave in observably similar patterns such that you can deduce what femininity is. That would be, yet again, another gross generalization.

How could it be a generalization when I said "most" instead of all?
bsh1
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12/7/2015 8:18:56 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/7/2015 7:44:34 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
At 12/7/2015 1:25:32 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Not all gay men are flamboyant. I wouldn't call people like Anderson Cooper, for instance, flamboyant. Your comment is a gross generalization.

For those who are, why can't it be because they have a more feminine side. To say that "all women" don't act like that is to imply that all women behave in observably similar patterns such that you can deduce what femininity is. That would be, yet again, another gross generalization.

How could it be a generalization when I said "most" instead of all?

Because most is still a generalization. You assume most due, when you can only be basing your claim on unscientific anecdotal information which is insufficient to support the claim.
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sadolite
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12/7/2015 9:54:05 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
Why are gays so flamboyant? I ask the same thing. When sht gets serious they don't act that way. It a conscious effort to act that way. Probably to draw the attention of other gays for future hook ups most likely and to show they are the female in the relationship.
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Blade-of-Truth
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12/7/2015 10:22:26 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
This is a response I found on quora, and seems worthy of sharing. I've edited it slightly for clarity and will include the link at the bottom.

------

My hypothesis is that:

Cerebral Engineering. The part of the brain responsible for sexual attraction is likely connected to the part of the brain responsible for gender identity. I believe as we study and reverse-engineer the human brain, we'll likely discover that proclivity and sexual identity are closely connected. Since "feminine" is typically associated with expressiveness and introspection, we're likely to see a bit more of that in men that have same-sex attraction. (this is pure speculation on my part and I may well be proven wrong)

Psychological Development. Gay people spend a lot of time in their own heads. When you spend an inordinate amount of time "fixing" yourself and analyzing yourself and adjusting your behavior to fit societal norms, you learn the importance and the power of emotions and emotional expressiveness. This is one of those, "Once you discover it, you tend to use it" type things. Boys, conversely, spend a great deal of time burying their emotions. Some of this is innate nature, but most of it is society inadvertently applying pressure on boys to stifle his emotions.

Social Influence ("guilt by association"). Gay people tend, early on, to associate with other gays and females. Since being gay means you have to find a close circle of friends who you can trust, means that, like all people, "social osmosis" tends to happen in ways that reinforce this expressiveness. This happens in all peer groups. Straight men, straight women, Christians, Muslims, atheists, liberals, conservatives and any other "group" identity tend to become echo-chambers of each other and verbal cues, idioms, clothing and music tastes, etc, all rub off on each other. Gays are no exception.

Perception bias. You assume that "what you see" is the entirety of the "thing", when it's not. Clearly there are more flamboyant gay men than flamboyant straight men (percentage-wise). That said, since you don't notice all the butch gay men (they sink into the background and your mind assumes that they are straight), and since it's the flamers who stand out to you, you naturally assume that, that must be what gay men are. You're incorrect.

https://www.quora.com...
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dylancatlow
Posts: 12,255
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12/7/2015 10:34:07 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
1. Flamboyantly gay men are easy to spot, while reserved gay men aren't. Thus, your impression of gays is based disproportionately on the former. There are lots of non-flamboyant gay men who you just never knew were gay.

2. Flamboyantness stands out more when it's a man than when it's a woman. Energetic females are just as flamboyant as gay men.
Smithereens
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12/7/2015 10:38:14 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
why wouldn't gays seize upon the stereotype to make the world a bit more fabulous..? Imo this is a generalisation that could be immensely helpful with the shy ones who think society will crucify them for coming out. If they see a large number of gays being openly and unreservedly gay (flamboyant), we wouldn't have such an issue with coming out.
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bsh1
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12/7/2015 10:41:23 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/7/2015 10:38:14 PM, Smithereens wrote:
why wouldn't gays seize upon the stereotype to make the world a bit more fabulous..? Imo this is a generalisation that could be immensely helpful with the shy ones who think society will crucify them for coming out. If they see a large number of gays being openly and unreservedly gay (flamboyant), we wouldn't have such an issue with coming out.

In a way, it is good that people be more open about being gay, but there are those of us, like myself, who are too introverted to be flamboyant.
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Peepette
Posts: 1,242
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12/8/2015 12:20:18 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/7/2015 10:41:23 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 12/7/2015 10:38:14 PM, Smithereens wrote:
why wouldn't gays seize upon the stereotype to make the world a bit more fabulous..? Imo this is a generalisation that could be immensely helpful with the shy ones who think society will crucify them for coming out. If they see a large number of gays being openly and unreservedly gay (flamboyant), we wouldn't have such an issue with coming out.

In a way, it is good that people be more open about being gay, but there are those of us, like myself, who are too introverted to be flamboyant.

I agree with bsh1, dylancatlow and blade of truth. Very few gays fit the flamboyant stereotype. It's just the very few who do are noticeable; they are out of the norm. The majority go about their lives in the same manner as straights. Most of my gay friends had to tell me they were gay. I would have not known or guessed otherwise. I am pleased that they are themselves and they knew my friendship with them would be unchanged. Don't let what you see cast a blind veil over what is really the norm. And for those who are flamboyant, let it roar. The manner fades with time, with developed self confidence and maturity
YYW
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12/8/2015 12:32:49 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/7/2015 12:54:13 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
Why are most gays so flamboyant? It can't be that they're feminine because most women don't act that way. There isn't that many flamboyant straight men and when there is they are mistaken as being gay.

You just don't know enough gay people. That's the problem.
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Geogeer
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12/8/2015 12:47:46 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/7/2015 12:54:13 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
Why are most gays so flamboyant? It can't be that they're feminine because most women don't act that way. There isn't that many flamboyant straight men and when there is they are mistaken as being gay.

Straight guess here, but I would venture it is either conscious or not an attempt to get noticed by another gay person. Given the low percentage of the population that is gay the necessity to advertise in order to find a potential partner becomes greater.
dylancatlow
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12/8/2015 1:23:31 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/8/2015 12:47:46 AM, Geogeer wrote:
At 12/7/2015 12:54:13 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
Why are most gays so flamboyant? It can't be that they're feminine because most women don't act that way. There isn't that many flamboyant straight men and when there is they are mistaken as being gay.

Straight guess here, but I would venture it is either conscious or not an attempt to get noticed by another gay person. Given the low percentage of the population that is gay the necessity to advertise in order to find a potential partner becomes greater.

Have you heard of Grindr?
ShabShoral
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12/8/2015 1:52:46 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/7/2015 1:25:32 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Not all gay men are flamboyant. I wouldn't call people like Anderson Cooper, for instance, flamboyant.
He's gay???
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jaksunmadness
Posts: 43
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12/8/2015 3:32:42 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/7/2015 8:18:56 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 12/7/2015 7:44:34 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
At 12/7/2015 1:25:32 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Not all gay men are flamboyant. I wouldn't call people like Anderson Cooper, for instance, flamboyant. Your comment is a gross generalization.

For those who are, why can't it be because they have a more feminine side. To say that "all women" don't act like that is to imply that all women behave in observably similar patterns such that you can deduce what femininity is. That would be, yet again, another gross generalization.

How could it be a generalization when I said "most" instead of all?

Because most is still a generalization. You assume most due, when you can only be basing your claim on unscientific anecdotal information which is insufficient to support the claim.

How the hell are you going to measure flamboyancy. It's an observation that everyone can see. Get out of here with that when you yourself have no scientific evidence against it. Tired of you
Geogeer
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12/8/2015 6:09:15 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/8/2015 1:23:31 AM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 12/8/2015 12:47:46 AM, Geogeer wrote:
At 12/7/2015 12:54:13 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
Why are most gays so flamboyant? It can't be that they're feminine because most women don't act that way. There isn't that many flamboyant straight men and when there is they are mistaken as being gay.

Straight guess here, but I would venture it is either conscious or not an attempt to get noticed by another gay person. Given the low percentage of the population that is gay the necessity to advertise in order to find a potential partner becomes greater.

Have you heard of Grindr?

Norm established pre-grindr.
komododragon8
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12/8/2015 6:29:42 AM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/7/2015 12:54:13 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
Why are most gays so flamboyant? It can't be that they're feminine because most women don't act that way. There isn't that many flamboyant straight men and when there is they are mistaken as being gay.

This is part of what I like to call the vegetarian affect. Simply put, the out going individuals are the only ones you know are veggies, so you think they make up the majority. In reality, you've probably met a lot of vegetarians, you just didn't know it because they never told you. Similarly you have probably met countless gay people, you just never knew that they were gay.
dylancatlow
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12/8/2015 7:43:14 PM
Posted: 1 year ago
At 12/8/2015 6:09:15 AM, Geogeer wrote:
At 12/8/2015 1:23:31 AM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 12/8/2015 12:47:46 AM, Geogeer wrote:
At 12/7/2015 12:54:13 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
Why are most gays so flamboyant? It can't be that they're feminine because most women don't act that way. There isn't that many flamboyant straight men and when there is they are mistaken as being gay.

Straight guess here, but I would venture it is either conscious or not an attempt to get noticed by another gay person. Given the low percentage of the population that is gay the necessity to advertise in order to find a potential partner becomes greater.

Have you heard of Grindr?

Norm established pre-grindr.

Flamboyant gay men were often flamboyant from a young age (as in, before puberty). I don't think people that age are too concerned with advertising their sexual orientation, even subconsciously. It's not like when gay men find a partner they stop being flamboyant. But I'm sure you have an explanation for that as well.
SuperHuman
Posts: 31
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12/21/2015 4:50:04 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
Did you think that in the nature all individual males are bright and the females are not. And people are not so... So.....Mayb the gays are bright as they are closer to the nature?)
TBR
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12/21/2015 8:30:01 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/7/2015 12:54:13 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
Why are most gays so flamboyant? It can't be that they're feminine because most women don't act that way. There isn't that many flamboyant straight men and when there is they are mistaken as being gay.

OK. Let me run a bunch of stuff past you that you will ignore.

1) Most gay men are not conforming to your stereotype. They look, act, dress just like you every day.
2) Gay men who you perceive to be behaving differently that you are no different than man who act more "macho" than they are. Kicked in the balls, they cry like any other man.
3) If they choose to dress, or behave differently, it is because they are different than you. Get over it.

Whatever the reason any person acts however they may act to "attract" another, when received by you as "unattractive" means you were not who the other was trying to attract. Or... He is just not that into you - get over it.
Wylted
Posts: 21,167
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12/22/2015 9:50:57 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/7/2015 8:18:56 PM, bsh1 wrote:
At 12/7/2015 7:44:34 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
At 12/7/2015 1:25:32 PM, bsh1 wrote:
Not all gay men are flamboyant. I wouldn't call people like Anderson Cooper, for instance, flamboyant. Your comment is a gross generalization.

For those who are, why can't it be because they have a more feminine side. To say that "all women" don't act like that is to imply that all women behave in observably similar patterns such that you can deduce what femininity is. That would be, yet again, another gross generalization.

How could it be a generalization when I said "most" instead of all?

Because most is still a generalization. You assume most due, when you can only be basing your claim on unscientific anecdotal information which is insufficient to support the claim.

I think being dismissive of anecdotal information is silly. I've noticed that a disproportionate amount of doctors and gas station owners in my area are Indian, should I completely dismiss that pattern because it's anecdotal? I bet a study done on the same subject would verify my observations.

It's true that a lot of gay guys are flamboyant, I know that from anecdotal evidence. The anecdotal evidence is the only thing that can be relied on here, because no scientific study will ever be done on this subject.

Obviously a lot of gay guys are very masculine, I mean look at Vin Diesal, but many gay guys such as Chris Chrissley are flamboyant. This pattern exists, so let's explore why it exists.

Not that gays are the only ones with these traits, there are straight guys that are really flamboyant, it's pretty common in the Latino community for straight guys to be flamboyant, look at Ricky Martin. Anyway the point is that these patterns exist, and maybe exploring why would be useful
Wylted
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12/22/2015 9:52:05 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/7/2015 9:54:05 PM, sadolite wrote:
Why are gays so flamboyant? I ask the same thing. When sht gets serious they don't act that way. It a conscious effort to act that way. Probably to draw the attention of other gays for future hook ups most likely and to show they are the female in the relationship.

Yep, that's my theory
Wylted
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12/22/2015 9:55:42 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/8/2015 1:23:31 AM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 12/8/2015 12:47:46 AM, Geogeer wrote:
At 12/7/2015 12:54:13 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
Why are most gays so flamboyant? It can't be that they're feminine because most women don't act that way. There isn't that many flamboyant straight men and when there is they are mistaken as being gay.

Straight guess here, but I would venture it is either conscious or not an attempt to get noticed by another gay person. Given the low percentage of the population that is gay the necessity to advertise in order to find a potential partner becomes greater.

Have you heard of Grindr?

The pattern developed before that so it will persist for a while before dying out
Wylted
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12/22/2015 10:00:16 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/21/2015 8:30:01 PM, TBR wrote:
At 12/7/2015 12:54:13 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
Why are most gays so flamboyant? It can't be that they're feminine because most women don't act that way. There isn't that many flamboyant straight men and when there is they are mistaken as being gay.

OK. Let me run a bunch of stuff past you that you will ignore.

1) Most gay men are not conforming to your stereotype. They look, act, dress just like you every day.

Not true, they're stylish and I dress like shitt
2) Gay men who you perceive to be behaving differently that you are no different than man who act more "macho" than they are. Kicked in the balls, they cry like any other man.

Yeah but straight men get mad and gays just think it's BDSM
3) If they choose to dress, or behave differently, it is because they are different than you. Get over it.

Get over it, the only reason to respond like that is because the word gay is in the title, had he asked another behavioral question such as "why are some people so good at raising their kids to be doctors or engineers", I doubt that would be your answer. It's a question meant to understand human behavior

Whatever the reason any person acts however they may act to "attract" another, when received by you as "unattractive" means you were not who the other was trying to attract. Or... He is just not that into you - get over it.
dylancatlow
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12/22/2015 10:02:18 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/22/2015 9:55:42 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 12/8/2015 1:23:31 AM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 12/8/2015 12:47:46 AM, Geogeer wrote:
At 12/7/2015 12:54:13 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
Why are most gays so flamboyant? It can't be that they're feminine because most women don't act that way. There isn't that many flamboyant straight men and when there is they are mistaken as being gay.

Straight guess here, but I would venture it is either conscious or not an attempt to get noticed by another gay person. Given the low percentage of the population that is gay the necessity to advertise in order to find a potential partner becomes greater.

Have you heard of Grindr?

The pattern developed before that so it will persist for a while before dying out

Someone already said that.
TBR
Posts: 9,991
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12/22/2015 10:03:43 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
Yeah but straight men get mad and gays just think it's BDSM
3) If they choose to dress, or behave differently, it is because they are different than you. Get over it.

Get over it, the only reason to respond like that is because the word gay is in the title, had he asked another behavioral question such as "why are some people so good at raising their kids to be doctors or engineers", I doubt that would be your answer. It's a question meant to understand human behavior

Whatever the reason any person acts however they may act to "attract" another, when received by you as "unattractive" means you were not who the other was trying to attract. Or... He is just not that into you - get over it.

No. The advice is sound. Gay men are not trying to attract you a straight guy. If they act differently, what you are perceiving is not meant to entice you. The best advice I can give is, get over it.
Wylted
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12/22/2015 10:03:49 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/22/2015 10:02:18 PM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 12/22/2015 9:55:42 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 12/8/2015 1:23:31 AM, dylancatlow wrote:
At 12/8/2015 12:47:46 AM, Geogeer wrote:
At 12/7/2015 12:54:13 PM, jaksunmadness wrote:
Why are most gays so flamboyant? It can't be that they're feminine because most women don't act that way. There isn't that many flamboyant straight men and when there is they are mistaken as being gay.

Straight guess here, but I would venture it is either conscious or not an attempt to get noticed by another gay person. Given the low percentage of the population that is gay the necessity to advertise in order to find a potential partner becomes greater.

Have you heard of Grindr?

The pattern developed before that so it will persist for a while before dying out

Someone already said that.

I'm late, and sorry for explaining evolution to you. Now that grinder is here hopefully less gay black men will be sagging their pants
Wylted
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12/22/2015 10:06:33 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/22/2015 10:03:43 PM, TBR wrote:
Yeah but straight men get mad and gays just think it's BDSM
3) If they choose to dress, or behave differently, it is because they are different than you. Get over it.

Get over it, the only reason to respond like that is because the word gay is in the title, had he asked another behavioral question such as "why are some people so good at raising their kids to be doctors or engineers", I doubt that would be your answer. It's a question meant to understand human behavior

Whatever the reason any person acts however they may act to "attract" another, when received by you as "unattractive" means you were not who the other was trying to attract. Or... He is just not that into you - get over it.

No. The advice is sound. Gay men are not trying to attract you a straight guy. If they act differently, what you are perceiving is not meant to entice you. The best advice I can give is, get over it.

Okay, I think I can spot your theory in there. It's stated in presuppositions instead of plainly stated though. So you agree with most people that the actions are meant as a means of attraction?
bsh1
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12/22/2015 10:08:57 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/22/2015 9:50:57 PM, Wylted wrote:
It's true that a lot of gay guys are flamboyant, I know that from anecdotal evidence. The anecdotal evidence is the only thing that can be relied on here, because no scientific study will ever be done on this subject.

A lot are, but so are a lot of straight guys. It doesn't mean that gay people are especially so.
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TBR
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12/22/2015 10:09:07 PM
Posted: 11 months ago
At 12/22/2015 10:06:33 PM, Wylted wrote:
At 12/22/2015 10:03:43 PM, TBR wrote:
Yeah but straight men get mad and gays just think it's BDSM
3) If they choose to dress, or behave differently, it is because they are different than you. Get over it.

Get over it, the only reason to respond like that is because the word gay is in the title, had he asked another behavioral question such as "why are some people so good at raising their kids to be doctors or engineers", I doubt that would be your answer. It's a question meant to understand human behavior

Whatever the reason any person acts however they may act to "attract" another, when received by you as "unattractive" means you were not who the other was trying to attract. Or... He is just not that into you - get over it.

No. The advice is sound. Gay men are not trying to attract you a straight guy. If they act differently, what you are perceiving is not meant to entice you. The best advice I can give is, get over it.

Okay, I think I can spot your theory in there. It's stated in presuppositions instead of plainly stated though. So you agree with most people that the actions are meant as a means of attraction?

Sure. Any affected behavior of a straight guy or gay man have the same intent, just for a different audience. If you are not part of that audience, it follows that it will seem "odd" to you, and certainly not attractive, its not meant for you.