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Funny e-mails

brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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11/19/2010 8:22:25 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
Have received any funny e-mails recently? Here's one I got that made me laugh:

AM I GAY? SELF TEST FOR MEN

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming h0m0. A cat is like a dog, but gay — it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… "Killer, come here! I said get your @ss over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat…"Bun-bun, come to daddy, pooky!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

3. If you suck on lollipops, R!ng-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a G@ylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or t1ts. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a f@g.

4. If you refuse to take a dvmp in a public bathroom or p1ss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free @ss passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that cr@p. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are f@ggadocious.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-@ss driver or to cut the j3rk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8 . If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fvdgepacker
Visit the burglars' bulletin board: http://www.break-in-news.com...
wush
Posts: 330
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11/19/2010 9:10:56 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
hahah
1.i am not over forty
2.don't have any pets
3.hmmm well no i don't really suck on lollipops and definitely none of the others
4. haha i'm fine with that one
5. when i do drink coffee its black without sugar
6. cotton,denim, nylon OMG i'm gay
7.i don't drive
8. well i didn't send this to anyone but not because i'm afraid of hurting their feelings

well according to #6 i'm gay
BE HAPPY!! =D
you are beautiful, don't let anyone tell you you're not
you're 100X more beautiful when you smile, not that you need it
Koopin
Posts: 12,090
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11/19/2010 9:20:36 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 11/19/2010 9:16:14 PM, OreEle wrote:
A Chihuahua is still a dog, right?

Dumb dumb dumb Chihuahua. I hate those rats! I HATE EM!

I really wish I could set fire to every Chihuahua ever born. I hate those rats!
kfc
Ore_Ele
Posts: 25,980
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11/19/2010 9:26:27 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 11/19/2010 9:20:36 PM, Koopin wrote:
At 11/19/2010 9:16:14 PM, OreEle wrote:
A Chihuahua is still a dog, right?

Dumb dumb dumb Chihuahua. I hate those rats! I HATE EM!

I really wish I could set fire to every Chihuahua ever born. I hate those rats!

You burn my chihuahua, I'll burn down your kfc.
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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11/19/2010 9:42:17 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
cats are cool.

that and I like wool.
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
mattrodstrom
Posts: 12,028
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11/19/2010 9:44:45 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 11/19/2010 9:42:17 PM, mattrodstrom wrote:
cats are cool.

see: http://3rdarm.biz...
"He who does not know how to put his will into things at least puts a meaning into them: that is, he believes there is a will in them already."

Metaphysics:
"The science.. which deals with the fundamental errors of mankind - but as if they were the fundamental truths."
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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11/20/2010 12:35:25 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
I'll take it for me and my bf...

At 11/19/2010 8:22:25 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
Have received any funny e-mails recently? Here's one I got that made me laugh:

AM I GAY? SELF TEST FOR MEN

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

Neither are over 40.

2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming h0m0. A cat is like a dog, but gay — it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… "Killer, come here! I said get your @ss over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat…"Bun-bun, come to daddy, pooky!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.

....We're getting a cat and naming him after him. There's nothing wrong or gay with/about kitties. -_-

3. If you suck on lollipops, R!ng-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a G@ylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or t1ts. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a f@g.

I don't suck on anything but chicken bones. I doubt he sucks on that much.

4. If you refuse to take a dvmp in a public bathroom or p1ss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

Ewwww.

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

I doubt he would. I just drink coffee with cream and sugar except one time when my friend [two guy friends of mine actually] took me to starbucks.

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as well be handing out free @ss passes. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that cr@p. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are f@ggadocious.

I doubt he knows any non-standard color, he knows ice cream pie, cookies, cake, and I think thats about it.
I know pie, cheesecake, cookes, ice cream, cake, grrr damn it I think I forgot.
Lets see aquamarine, magenta, turquoise, burgundy, maroon, sh!t I forgot.
[neither are gay...]

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-@ss driver or to cut the j3rk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

hmm I don't think either of us really drive.

8 . If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being a fvdgepacker

What if I'm just too lazy? Wouldn't that make me a real man?
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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11/20/2010 12:36:27 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 11/19/2010 9:26:27 PM, OreEle wrote:
At 11/19/2010 9:20:36 PM, Koopin wrote:
At 11/19/2010 9:16:14 PM, OreEle wrote:
A Chihuahua is still a dog, right?

Dumb dumb dumb Chihuahua. I hate those rats! I HATE EM!

I really wish I could set fire to every Chihuahua ever born. I hate those rats!

You burn my chihuahua, I'll burn down your kfc.

This. My puppy is so nice and sweet, and the bestest puppy ever
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
Koopin
Posts: 12,090
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11/20/2010 1:16:41 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 11/20/2010 12:36:27 AM, lovelife wrote:
At 11/19/2010 9:26:27 PM, OreEle wrote:
At 11/19/2010 9:20:36 PM, Koopin wrote:
At 11/19/2010 9:16:14 PM, OreEle wrote:
A Chihuahua is still a dog, right?

Dumb dumb dumb Chihuahua. I hate those rats! I HATE EM!

I really wish I could set fire to every Chihuahua ever born. I hate those rats!

You burn my chihuahua, I'll burn down your kfc.

This. My puppy is so nice and sweet, and the bestest puppy ever

They are so irritating...
kfc
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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11/20/2010 4:58:09 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 11/20/2010 1:16:41 PM, Koopin wrote:
At 11/20/2010 12:36:27 AM, lovelife wrote:
At 11/19/2010 9:26:27 PM, OreEle wrote:
At 11/19/2010 9:20:36 PM, Koopin wrote:
At 11/19/2010 9:16:14 PM, OreEle wrote:
A Chihuahua is still a dog, right?

Dumb dumb dumb Chihuahua. I hate those rats! I HATE EM!

I really wish I could set fire to every Chihuahua ever born. I hate those rats!

You burn my chihuahua, I'll burn down your kfc.

This. My puppy is so nice and sweet, and the bestest puppy ever

They are so irritating...

They aren't. My puppy is nice and sweet, and protects me while I sleep. He's awesome.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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11/20/2010 5:24:54 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
This isn't an e-mail but it is funny...

"Now my little darling, remember: power up; turn in; opposite lock..."

Little girls - watch and learn - that's the way to drift-park your bike!
Visit the burglars' bulletin board: http://www.break-in-news.com...
tvellalott
Posts: 10,864
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11/23/2010 9:40:39 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
This isn't funny, but it's interesting...

"fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweorof the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! I
f you can raed tihs forwrad it"
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

Muh threads
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wjmelements
Posts: 8,206
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11/23/2010 9:49:25 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 11/23/2010 9:40:39 PM, tvellalott wrote:
This isn't funny, but it's interesting...

"fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweorof the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! I
f you can raed tihs forwrad it"

Auclatly erenvoye can raed taht. It's sailclcneitify porevn.
in the blink of an eye you finally see the light
Atheism
Posts: 2,033
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11/23/2010 10:49:16 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 11/23/2010 9:49:25 PM, wjmelements wrote:
At 11/23/2010 9:40:39 PM, tvellalott wrote:
This isn't funny, but it's interesting...

"fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweorof the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! I
f you can raed tihs forwrad it"

Auclatly erenvoye can raed taht. It's sailclcneitify porevn.

Waht aoubt toshe who are ilitelare? Tehy cna't. :)
I miss the old members.
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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11/24/2010 12:53:48 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 11/23/2010 10:49:16 PM, Atheism wrote:
At 11/23/2010 9:49:25 PM, wjmelements wrote:
At 11/23/2010 9:40:39 PM, tvellalott wrote:
This isn't funny, but it's interesting...

"fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too

Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can.

i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweorof the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! I
f you can raed tihs forwrad it"

Auclatly erenvoye can raed taht. It's sailclcneitify porevn.

Waht aoubt toshe who are ilitelare? Tehy cna't. :)

45% of people are illiterate I guess.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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11/24/2010 12:54:30 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
fvck I feel retarded, I didn't notice that you weren't writing it correctly >.<
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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11/24/2010 11:12:54 AM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 11/20/2010 5:24:54 PM, brian_eggleston wrote:
This isn't an e-mail but it is funny...

"Now my little darling, remember: power up; turn in; opposite lock..."

Little girls - watch and learn - that's the way to drift-park your bike!



Hey! There was a YouTube clip embedded here - what happened to it?
Visit the burglars' bulletin board: http://www.break-in-news.com...
bluesteel
Posts: 12,301
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11/24/2010 7:44:46 PM
Posted: 6 years ago
At 11/19/2010 9:16:14 PM, OreEle wrote:
A Chihuahua is still a dog, right?

lol, #9 on brian's list should definitely be "you have a dog that could fit inside a purse"
You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into - Jonathan Swift (paraphrase)