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And now... a joke!

tvellalott
Posts: 10,864
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1/8/2011 9:23:38 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
A man is walking down the beach and comes across a lamp half buried in the sand.

Curious, he picks it up and examines it. A gust of smoke rushes out of the top and a genie appears. The genie says "Look, I'm really tired so I can only give you one wish."

The man thinks for a while and says "Well, I've always wanted to go to Europe, but I'm scared of planes and boats. I wish you would build a bridge going from Australia over to Germany?"

The genie replies "Do you have any idea how much concentration and energy that will take. Do you have another wish?!"

The man thinks for a moment and says "Well, I'm having some trouble with my missus. Do you think you could make it so I could read her thoughts, before she thinks them?"

The genie says quickly "How many lanes do you want on that bridge?"
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

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annhasle
Posts: 6,657
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1/8/2011 9:25:10 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Lol.

I want that bridge, though! That would be AWESOME. :D
I'm not back. This idiot just upset me which made me stop lurking.
brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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1/10/2011 6:35:13 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Don't read this joke, lovelife, it's sick...

A sexual pervert is walking down the beach and he discovers the dead body of a naked young woman washed up on the shoreline.

The beach is deserted so he decides to have sex with her. Boasting about this later in the pub, one of his mates asks him what she looked like, to which the pervert replies: "I dunno, I couldn't find her head."
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tvellalott
Posts: 10,864
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1/10/2011 7:25:37 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/10/2011 6:35:13 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
Don't read this joke, lovelife, it's sick...

A sexual pervert is walking down the beach and he discovers the dead body of a naked young woman washed up on the shoreline.

The beach is deserted so he decides to have sex with her. Boasting about this later in the pub, one of his mates asks him what she looked like, to which the pervert replies: "I dunno, I couldn't find her head."

I like it!
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

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lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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1/10/2011 8:14:49 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/10/2011 6:35:13 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
Don't read this joke, lovelife, it's sick...

A sexual pervert is walking down the beach and he discovers the dead body of a naked young woman washed up on the shoreline.

The beach is deserted so he decides to have sex with her. Boasting about this later in the pub, one of his mates asks him what she looked like, to which the pervert replies: "I dunno, I couldn't find her head."

Wait where's the funny?
Its not funny when thats happened to like everyone you know.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
Ren
Posts: 7,102
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1/10/2011 12:40:33 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
What's the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is using a feather to pleasure your lover.

Perverted is using the whole chicken.
brian_eggleston
Posts: 3,347
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1/10/2011 12:52:01 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/10/2011 8:14:49 AM, lovelife wrote:
At 1/10/2011 6:35:13 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
Don't read this joke, lovelife, it's sick...

A sexual pervert is walking down the beach and he discovers the dead body of a naked young woman washed up on the shoreline.

The beach is deserted so he decides to have sex with her. Boasting about this later in the pub, one of his mates asks him what she looked like, to which the pervert replies: "I dunno, I couldn't find her head."

Wait where's the funny?
Its not funny when thats happened to like everyone you know.

I told you not to read it!

Anyway, if I explain the joke you won't find it funny so I won't bother but what do you mean "that's happened to everyone?"

You mean all the men you know have had sex with headless corpses?
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RoyLatham
Posts: 4,488
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1/10/2011 1:24:09 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
A man dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter welcomes im but cautions, "We have a very important rule here: Don't step on a duck." The man looks around, and sure enough there are ducks all over the place.

After a few days, he sees a man step on a duck. There is a puff of smoke, and the man emerges handcuffed to an incredibly ugly woman, his punishment for eternity. The man takes great care not to step on ducks. He sees other men step on ducks, always with the same result.

After several months, an incredibly beautiful woman suddenly appears handcuffed to him. "Wow, this is wonderful! What did I do to deserve this?" The woman replies, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."
RoyLatham
Posts: 4,488
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1/10/2011 1:31:19 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/8/2011 9:23:38 PM, tvellalott wrote:
A man is walking down the beach and comes across a lamp half buried in the sand.

During the Clinton administration the joke had Bill pondering a map of the Middle East and asks the genie how to bring peace. When the genie declines, he asks how to make people like Hillary. "Let me see that map again."
lovelife
Posts: 14,629
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1/10/2011 2:39:20 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/10/2011 12:52:01 PM, brian_eggleston wrote:
At 1/10/2011 8:14:49 AM, lovelife wrote:
At 1/10/2011 6:35:13 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
Don't read this joke, lovelife, it's sick...

A sexual pervert is walking down the beach and he discovers the dead body of a naked young woman washed up on the shoreline.

The beach is deserted so he decides to have sex with her. Boasting about this later in the pub, one of his mates asks him what she looked like, to which the pervert replies: "I dunno, I couldn't find her head."

Wait where's the funny?
Its not funny when thats happened to like everyone you know.

I told you not to read it!

Anyway, if I explain the joke you won't find it funny so I won't bother but what do you mean "that's happened to everyone?"

You mean all the men you know have had sex with headless corpses?

Most at least.
Without Royal there is a hole inside of me, I have no choice but to leave
TUF
Posts: 21,309
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1/10/2011 2:45:20 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/10/2011 2:39:20 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 1/10/2011 12:52:01 PM, brian_eggleston wrote:
At 1/10/2011 8:14:49 AM, lovelife wrote:
At 1/10/2011 6:35:13 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
Don't read this joke, lovelife, it's sick...

A sexual pervert is walking down the beach and he discovers the dead body of a naked young woman washed up on the shoreline.

The beach is deserted so he decides to have sex with her. Boasting about this later in the pub, one of his mates asks him what she looked like, to which the pervert replies: "I dunno, I couldn't find her head."

Wait where's the funny?
Its not funny when thats happened to like everyone you know.

I told you not to read it!

Anyway, if I explain the joke you won't find it funny so I won't bother but what do you mean "that's happened to everyone?"

You mean all the men you know have had sex with headless corpses?

Most at least.

wtf
"I've got to go and grab a shirt" ~ Airmax1227
darkkermit
Posts: 11,204
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1/10/2011 5:02:39 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/10/2011 2:45:20 PM, TUF wrote:
At 1/10/2011 2:39:20 PM, lovelife wrote:
At 1/10/2011 12:52:01 PM, brian_eggleston wrote:
At 1/10/2011 8:14:49 AM, lovelife wrote:
At 1/10/2011 6:35:13 AM, brian_eggleston wrote:
Don't read this joke, lovelife, it's sick...

A sexual pervert is walking down the beach and he discovers the dead body of a naked young woman washed up on the shoreline.

The beach is deserted so he decides to have sex with her. Boasting about this later in the pub, one of his mates asks him what she looked like, to which the pervert replies: "I dunno, I couldn't find her head."

Wait where's the funny?
Its not funny when thats happened to like everyone you know.

I told you not to read it!

Anyway, if I explain the joke you won't find it funny so I won't bother but what do you mean "that's happened to everyone?"

You mean all the men you know have had sex with headless corpses?

Most at least.

wtf

i am severely scarred for life.
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Koopin
Posts: 12,090
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1/10/2011 5:19:27 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/10/2011 1:24:09 PM, RoyLatham wrote:
A man dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter welcomes im but cautions, "We have a very important rule here: Don't step on a duck." The man looks around, and sure enough there are ducks all over the place.

After a few days, he sees a man step on a duck. There is a puff of smoke, and the man emerges handcuffed to an incredibly ugly woman, his punishment for eternity. The man takes great care not to step on ducks. He sees other men step on ducks, always with the same result.

After several months, an incredibly beautiful woman suddenly appears handcuffed to him. "Wow, this is wonderful! What did I do to deserve this?" The woman replies, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck."

Ha
kfc
devinni01841
Posts: 1,405
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1/12/2011 9:28:37 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 1/10/2011 7:57:08 PM, FREEDO wrote:
A cop, a terrorist, and a rapist walk into a bar... He orders a drink.

HAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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