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What is the right thing to do?

nonentity
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3/20/2011 10:07:31 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I don't know if I want to get into the details of my specific situation (lol) but if you knew someone had cheated on and lied to their significant other, and continues to do so (or attempt to do so) would you tell the person being cheated on/lied to?

On the one hand, I feel guilty for not telling her and feel that she deserves to know what kind of douchebag she is wasting her time and money with.

On the other hand, it's none of my business...

Advice? Thoughts?
Sieben
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3/20/2011 10:10:39 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
My first instinct is to anonymously contact the friend and tell them they're being cheated on.

My second instinct is to contact the cheater and threaten to tell for them if they don't come clean on their own.

If there's any grey area I might not do anything. Like if someone got super drunk and cheated and then regretted it... or if someone cheated before they were "officially" dating, or thought they were on a break (like Ross on Friends).
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annhasle
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3/20/2011 10:11:10 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:07:31 PM, nonentity wrote:
I don't know if I want to get into the details of my specific situation (lol) but if you knew someone had cheated on and lied to their significant other, and continues to do so (or attempt to do so) would you tell the person being cheated on/lied to?

On the one hand, I feel guilty for not telling her and feel that she deserves to know what kind of douchebag she is wasting her time and money with.

On the other hand, it's none of my business...

Advice? Thoughts?

Personally, I would tell her -- but its up to you.

Just some clarifying questions...

1. Are you friends with the girl or the cheating dougebag?

2. How long has he been cheating on her for?

3. How much does she like him?
I'm not back. This idiot just upset me which made me stop lurking.
askbob
Posts: 7,254
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3/20/2011 10:12:37 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
flat up tell them then tell the cheater that I told their significant other and that they could go suck a dick for being such a low-life

I don't give a shitt about getting in others business.
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askbob
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3/20/2011 10:15:53 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
i'd also bring a camera then film the cheaters reaction and upload it to youtube then put it on facebook so everyone can laugh at him
Me -Phil left the site in my charge. I have a recorded phone conversation to prove it.
kohai -If you're the owner, then do something useful like ip block him and get us away from juggle and on a dofferent host!
Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
tvellalott
Posts: 10,864
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3/20/2011 10:16:25 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Annoymous letter detailing the cheating.
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

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nonentity
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3/20/2011 10:20:04 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:11:10 PM, annhasle wrote:

Personally, I would tell her -- but its up to you.

Just some clarifying questions...

1. Are you friends with the girl or the cheating dougebag?


Here's the thing. We started going out before I knew he was living with his girlfriend. The day I found out, we went bowling together with his friends (and his girlfriend). So although we are not friends, I've hung out with her because of him, and she's such a friendly girl. We go to the same school >.<

2. How long has he been cheating on her for?


It was pretty much all summer. He let me believe he would move out and I was stupid enough to believe him for a while. Then last week he started trying to date me again but I told him I wasn't interested. He was very persistent in knowing how serious my new relationship was and whether he still had a chance. I found out yesterday he bought a house with his girlfriend---so clearly, he wanted to know if he still had a chance with me before committing to another living situation with her.

3. How much does she like him?

A lot. They've been living together for exactly a year now. He did the same thing a year ago---wanted to know if I liked him and when I said no, signed a lease with her.
ccstate4peat
Posts: 2,022
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3/20/2011 10:21:37 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:20:04 PM, nonentity wrote:
At 3/20/2011 10:11:10 PM, annhasle wrote:

Personally, I would tell her -- but its up to you.

Just some clarifying questions...

1. Are you friends with the girl or the cheating dougebag?


Here's the thing. We started going out before I knew he was living with his girlfriend. The day I found out, we went bowling together with his friends (and his girlfriend). So although we are not friends, I've hung out with her because of him, and she's such a friendly girl. We go to the same school >.<

2. How long has he been cheating on her for?


It was pretty much all summer. He let me believe he would move out and I was stupid enough to believe him for a while. Then last week he started trying to date me again but I told him I wasn't interested. He was very persistent in knowing how serious my new relationship was and whether he still had a chance. I found out yesterday he bought a house with his girlfriend---so clearly, he wanted to know if he still had a chance with me before committing to another living situation with her.

3. How much does she like him?

A lot. They've been living together for exactly a year now. He did the same thing a year ago---wanted to know if I liked him and when I said no, signed a lease with her.

Holy shît just tell her already
nonentity
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3/20/2011 10:23:38 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
lol But telling her now, after they've just bought a house with two other people, completely messes with all their lives >.< If I tell her, should I tell him first that I'm telling her? Or just do it?
ccstate4peat
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3/20/2011 10:24:34 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:23:38 PM, nonentity wrote:
lol But telling her now, after they've just bought a house with two other people, completely messes with all their lives >.< If I tell her, should I tell him first that I'm telling her? Or just do it?

Give him a week to tell her himself. If it doesn't happen, tell her.
Cerebral_Narcissist
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3/20/2011 10:26:55 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:23:38 PM, nonentity wrote:
lol But telling her now, after they've just bought a house with two other people, completely messes with all their lives >.< If I tell her, should I tell him first that I'm telling her? Or just do it?

How messed up will her life be when he leaves her halfway through the pregancy? It seems that you should do something.
I am voting for Innomen because of his intelligence, common sense, humility and the fact that Juggle appears to listen to him. Any other Presidential style would have a large sub-section of the site up in arms. If I was President I would destroy the site though elitism, others would let it run riot. Innomen represents a middle way that works, neither draconian nor anarchic and that is the only way things can work. Plus he does it all without ego trips.
tvellalott
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3/20/2011 10:27:08 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:23:38 PM, nonentity wrote:
lol But telling her now, after they've just bought a house with two other people, completely messes with all their lives >.< If I tell her, should I tell him first that I'm telling her? Or just do it?

You should tell her NOAW, especially if they've just bought a house together.
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

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nonentity
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3/20/2011 10:32:00 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
I'm talking to him about it now... Dang, I thought everyone would be against me telling her. Guess I'm not as moral as I thought :p
ccstate4peat
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3/20/2011 10:34:01 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:32:00 PM, nonentity wrote:
I'm talking to him about it now... Dang, I thought everyone would be against me telling her. Guess I'm not as moral as I thought :p

Just because people here think confronting someone is the right thing to do doesn't mean they have the balls to do it in real life.
askbob
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3/20/2011 10:34:53 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:23:38 PM, nonentity wrote:
lol But telling her now, after they've just bought a house with two other people, completely messes with all their lives >.< If I tell her, should I tell him first that I'm telling her? Or just do it?

TELL HER
Me -Phil left the site in my charge. I have a recorded phone conversation to prove it.
kohai -If you're the owner, then do something useful like ip block him and get us away from juggle and on a dofferent host!
Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
nonentity
Posts: 5,008
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3/20/2011 10:35:05 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
This is what he says: If you wanna tell her, go ahead. It will only make her mad, and you feel better.

That's what makes me feel that telling her would be selfish.
ccstate4peat
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3/20/2011 10:37:22 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:35:05 PM, nonentity wrote:
This is what he says: If you wanna tell her, go ahead. It will only make her mad, and you feel better.

That's what makes me feel that telling her would be selfish.

HE IS PLAYING TO YOUR EMOTIONS! HE KNOWS YOU'RE TOO SOFT! Prove him wrong, you're not his bitch. Don't let this other girl be his bitch either.
askbob
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3/20/2011 10:37:57 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:35:05 PM, nonentity wrote:
This is what he says: If you wanna tell her, go ahead. It will only make her mad, and you feel better.

That's what makes me feel that telling her would be selfish.

he's a faggol so of course he wants you to cover up his cheating for him by not saying anything lol.

It's the right thing and you should do it regardless if it changes anything or not. Would suck to be in a long term relationship and find out your guy was cheating on you but would suck so much worse to be in a marriage and have a husband who is constantly cheating on you.
Me -Phil left the site in my charge. I have a recorded phone conversation to prove it.
kohai -If you're the owner, then do something useful like ip block him and get us away from juggle and on a dofferent host!
Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
tvellalott
Posts: 10,864
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3/20/2011 10:38:10 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:37:22 PM, ccstate4peat wrote:
At 3/20/2011 10:35:05 PM, nonentity wrote:
This is what he says: If you wanna tell her, go ahead. It will only make her mad, and you feel better.

That's what makes me feel that telling her would be selfish.

HE IS PLAYING TO YOUR EMOTIONS! HE KNOWS YOU'RE TOO SOFT! Prove him wrong, you're not his bitch. Don't let this other girl be his bitch either.

This.
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

Muh threads
Using mafia tactics in real-life: http://www.debate.org...
6 years of DDO: http://www.debate.org...
ccstate4peat
Posts: 2,022
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3/20/2011 10:39:41 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:38:10 PM, tvellalott wrote:
At 3/20/2011 10:37:22 PM, ccstate4peat wrote:
At 3/20/2011 10:35:05 PM, nonentity wrote:
This is what he says: If you wanna tell her, go ahead. It will only make her mad, and you feel better.

That's what makes me feel that telling her would be selfish.

HE IS PLAYING TO YOUR EMOTIONS! HE KNOWS YOU'RE TOO SOFT! Prove him wrong, you're not his bitch. Don't let this other girl be his bitch either.

This.

Way to contribute to the team. This is why you ride the pine.
tvellalott
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3/20/2011 10:41:00 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:39:41 PM, ccstate4peat wrote:
At 3/20/2011 10:38:10 PM, tvellalott wrote:
At 3/20/2011 10:37:22 PM, ccstate4peat wrote:
At 3/20/2011 10:35:05 PM, nonentity wrote:
This is what he says: If you wanna tell her, go ahead. It will only make her mad, and you feel better.

That's what makes me feel that telling her would be selfish.

HE IS PLAYING TO YOUR EMOTIONS! HE KNOWS YOU'RE TOO SOFT! Prove him wrong, you're not his bitch. Don't let this other girl be his bitch either.

This.

Way to contribute to the team. This is why you ride the pine.

You said exactly what I was thinking; sounds like a too-cool-for-school devious douchebag. I would have ratted him out immediately.
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

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ccstate4peat
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3/20/2011 10:42:11 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:41:00 PM, tvellalott wrote:
At 3/20/2011 10:39:41 PM, ccstate4peat wrote:
At 3/20/2011 10:38:10 PM, tvellalott wrote:
At 3/20/2011 10:37:22 PM, ccstate4peat wrote:
At 3/20/2011 10:35:05 PM, nonentity wrote:
This is what he says: If you wanna tell her, go ahead. It will only make her mad, and you feel better.

That's what makes me feel that telling her would be selfish.

HE IS PLAYING TO YOUR EMOTIONS! HE KNOWS YOU'RE TOO SOFT! Prove him wrong, you're not his bitch. Don't let this other girl be his bitch either.

This.

Way to contribute to the team. This is why you ride the pine.

You said exactly what I was thinking; sounds like a too-cool-for-school devious douchebag. I would have ratted him out immediately.

Yeah, hindsight is 20/20, but their a year into this shît. What's your plan now, Finkelstein?
nonentity
Posts: 5,008
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3/20/2011 10:49:53 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Thanks for the advice... I'm about to be super hated (by the guy, and the friend who lives with them who is also my friend).

...Sigh.
ccstate4peat
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3/20/2011 10:50:34 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:48:46 PM, nonentity wrote:
Okay, I did it. Don't have her number, so I found her on Facebook and sent a private message. The deed is done...

Not really, you just started a shitstorm of drama...
Sieben
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3/20/2011 10:50:51 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
So we'll hunt him because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.

(not a racial reference)
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ccstate4peat
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3/20/2011 10:51:56 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/20/2011 10:50:51 PM, Sieben wrote:
So we'll hunt him because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.

(not a racial reference)

It wasn't until you said that it wasn't. Anyway, SIEBEN'S AFRAID OF BLACK PEOPLE!