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Love- what is it?

gerrandesquire
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3/28/2011 11:50:24 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
How do you know you're in love? Do you look at a person and go-'hey! I think I can spend my life with him/her.' Or, like, I don't know. What is the minimum age you should have felt this feeling of love?

Think of this as a social experiment. And is it possible someone never feels it? Are there 'asexual' humans?
PervRat
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3/29/2011 12:30:29 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/28/2011 11:50:24 PM, gerrandesquire wrote:
How do you know you're in love? Do you look at a person and go-'hey! I think I can spend my life with him/her.' Or, like, I don't know. What is the minimum age you should have felt this feeling of love?

Think of this as a social experiment. And is it possible someone never feels it? Are there 'asexual' humans?

There are quite a few distinct questions there. I guess, before delving into my answers based on my personal experiences, I will air my drama laundry a bit: I am a 35 year old bisexual man and have been through 5 serious relationships. Three of those relationships (all three with other men) ended badly with mutual strife; the other two (one male, one female) ended in tragedy in the deaths of both of those lovers of mine. My three "bad" relationships lasted less than two years each; the other two relationships I would describe as being good (if one discounts their very untimely deaths) and were past five years each.

To answer your question on what love is, I will consider all of my relationships. I believe the three "bad" relationships were not true love, but enfatuation; I believe the other two were true love. The three that went badly followed a similar pattern: Very passionate, intense and one might say crazy at first ... I and each of them could not get enough of one another. I and each of them did get a bit carried away. I and the other person, each time, could not make much sense of what we were feeling, but I know that with each, I was excited, my hopes built quickly and I did have dreams of living out my old age with each of them. However, each declined over time from the hot, intense, passionate beginnings ... by the time the 6 month mark rolled around with each, they had become lukewarm, if not outright chilly; we did not touch each other much and seemed to grow tired of one another. By a year or so, each had actually grown hostile.

The two widower relationships, by contrast, started much slower, as friendships that very gradually and slowly grew into more over time. I did not even realize what either had meant to me until I had gone away for awhile, on a trip, and realized I could not stop thinking about them and realizing how much I missed their everyday company with me. Every single day I was with them, though, my bond and feelings with them became just a little bit stronger than the day before. The male of the two was my first serious relationship at all (he preceded the three failed relationships) and was not concurrent with any of the other relationships (that is, I was not with any of the other guys, nor the female, while I was in a relationship with him). Before him, I would describe myself as a loner; I felt, before him, that I was neither capable of true love nor that I needed it ... I based this, a bit, off the frivolous relationships I saw my classmates in junior and senior high school go through -- they had seemingly weekly dramas of having a boyfriend/girlfriend, only to "devote" themselves to a new boyfriend/girlfriend within just a few weeks or so. The guy I developed a relationship, though ... he made me realize that I was as capable as anyone of feeling love, and earning the full, intimate love of someone else. I started to realize and explore a whole new part of myself when I was with him. When I was 21, after he and I had been together for about 6 years (our relationship having gotten serious when I was 18 or so, about the 3rd year of our friendship), he was hit by a car while walking along the road to my house ... I saw the whole thing. It was like some tragic scene in a movie ... I remember how deathly quiet the world became when I ran to him, bloody and unconscious on the side of the road. Our parents knew we were friends, but we each kept out intimate relationship a secret. He clung on to life for about two weeks, but never woke up from the coma.

That was, I think understandably, quite devastating to me. I had *finally*, in the last six months we had together, managed to cast aside the 'I am a deviant for having feelings for another guy' crap I had retained from my youth when my mother had forced me to go to church. I did not come out of the closet, then, to my folks or his ... but when I learned to accept our relationship as being true love and a good thin, the depression I had my entire life to that point suddenly vanished and the whole world seemed to go my way. That all came crashing down, of course, when he was hit and when he finally succumbed.

I was in a mental and emotional maelstrom. I was sad, certainly, but I couldn't tell what else I was feeling. It was during my grieving, just 3 weeks or so after my first boyfriend had passed away, that the guy who became my second boyfriend (the first of the three bad relationships) had told me he had feelings for me. This second guy had actually been a mentor to me online and (with others) helped me to 'see the light' and accept myself. He himself was not gay, so he said, and I was the first guy he had even thought of. He was a bit of a bully to others, but at that point not to me ... I remember having wished I could be stronger in my personality, like him, and more confident in myself, like him, as I have never been a very self-confident person. I started feeling guilty after a week of not being able to give him an answer whether I had feelings for him as he did for me ... I just could not make sense of what I was feeling at all ... but eventually I told him I did. I think it was a combination of my feeling guilty at not giving him an answer, and wishing to be more confident and less indecisive. Our relationship was very passionate at first, and all of my troubles -- including my grief -- just vanished when I was with him at first ... but as I described above, the feelings faded in time and eventually he became hostile and both physically and emotionally abusive toward me.

During my time with him, though, the woman who would become my other long-term relationship entered my life ... actually that second boyfriend had brought her into our house and into my life as a romantic interest for himself. He had actually pushed her and I a bit to be together. She was a couple years older than I, 24 I think when I met her to my 21 (and that second boyfriend was 32 or so), but had just moved out of her parents'. Her father had molested her, and even got her pregnant when she was 12; she had the child (a girl) and had her adopted without anyone finding out, beyond her family, that it was her own father who got her pregnant. Anyhow, she was very quiet and withdrawn at first, but she did open up, especially emotionally with me. When it comes to sex, my boyfriend was more active with her than I was; I did not have a high libido. He was not abusive to her at all, but just did not connect as deeply with her emotionally as I did. I did not recognize falling in love with her at all, though, as I kept trying to compare my love for my first boyfriend with my feelings for her, and all I could tell then was that the feelings were not the same ... I enjoyed her company, but thought of her as a "friend with benefits" more than a serious lover.

As my relationship with my boyfriend soured and became hostile, though, things changed. That boyfriend had a 3rd guy move into the house, and about month after the 3rd guy moved in, officially declared our relationship over ... he seemed to push me on with this 3rd guy, but I had no interest. I had been devastated by the end of my relationship with the second boyfriend, and came closer than I have ever been in my life to taking my own life.

(Cont'd...)
CosmicAlfonzo
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3/29/2011 1:05:44 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Love, what is it?

The way most people describe it...

Mental illness.

Completely.

Seriously.

Not even joking.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
PervRat
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3/29/2011 1:07:23 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 12:30:29 AM, PervRat wrote:
(Cont'd...)

That then ex-second-boyfriend invited a 4th guy to move in with us ... and I did, for the first time in my life, fall in "love at first sight." I dunno what it was about the 4th male guy in the house (5 of us in total, including 'Raven' the woman ... err, guess its easier to name everyone: 'Moose' my first boyfriend, 'Hawk' my 2nd, 'Raven' the woman, 'Blaze' the 3rd male guy living in that house after myself and Hawk, and 'Darwin' the 4th guy in the house whom would become my 3rd boyfriend), but I did fall for him ... the very night he moved in, about 2 months after Hawk had declared to Blaze that our relationship was over, I slept with him. The next day, Hawk was furious, yelled at me for betraying him (remember this is two months after he had broken up with me) and threatened to kill me. Despite the rational knowing or reasoning that Hawk had broken up with me and shouldn't be able to cry foul if I was with another guy, I was even more devastated and felt guilty that I had betrayed Hawk's trust. I know, it doesn't make any sense for me to feel/think that way ... but that's part of the reason my friends told me I had battered wife's syndrome. Anyhow, with things such a mess, I felt I needed to clear my head, so I left that house for a month to stay with my parents ... by that time, I had come out of the closet to them (like I coward, I did it via mail while I was living with Hawk half a continent away from them).

The only thing that really cleared up for me, then, was how badly I missed Raven's company ... I realized I truly, deeply loved her. She had already said, only a few months after she had moved in (more than 6 months before I had this getting-away-and-having-a-revelation-that-I-loved-her) that she loved me, but that had just made me feel a bit silly and I still hadn't believed, then, that I was in love with her. That became very clear to me, though, on my time away from Hawk, from her and the rest of the craziness.

Anyhow, I'll spare most of the rest of the long details ... I came back, of course. I helped Darwin move out and in with his folks when he became tired of watching Hawk batter me around and control me. Hawk officially ended his relationship with Raven, saying she was 'mine' as it was plain to all that she was bonding very deeply with me emotionally, even though he was more sexually active with her. I asked Darwin to be my boyfriend, which he agreed to and he, Raven and I moved in together ... we worked and paid rent to a friend for awhile, but things didn't work out and wound up moving in with another friend, and then I had my mini-stroke. That other friend also had a medical emergency with his wife and had to have their family move in, and there wasn't room for us, so we went to another state ... my relationship with Darwin finally started to crap out, but my relationship wtih Raven continued to grow stronger. Darwin became hostile as well, and I got the sense he was envious of my emotional bond with Raven, even though Darwin (having a high libido) was free to and explored flings with a lot of other guys, whereas I was only with him and Raven. Anyway, that ended ... and I overstayed my welcome with that other friend whose house we lived in. Raven went back to her extended family, but another guy, 'Wolf,' declared his affinity for me, so I moved in with him ... he became the 3rd of those bad relationships. I didn't feel right dragging Raven around when I was basically a jobless drifter at that point, and I even became homeless while living with 'Wolf' as his apartment manager wouldn't let me live in his apartment, I wound up moving into a homeless shelter. I did manage to eventually find a job, and Wolf and I got a place together, but I wanted to wait before moving Raven back in with us; her extended family were starting to get ill will toward me. Raven developed heart problems, and I sent what money I could to help with the medical expenses, though neither she nor I nor her extended family had any health coverage. I wound up losing my job, and my relationship with Wolf followed suit with my relationships with Hawk and Darwin, and I wound up moving back in with my folks.

I continued thinking about Raven a lot, and decided there would be no other relationships. I tried and tried to rebuild my life, I moved out on my own again and had my own job again, but wanted things to be *right* without having to deal with roommates so I could provide for Raven. She became sick, though, so sick that she couldn't get out of bed ... her family took her to the ER, she was so lethargic, and they discovered she had late stage lymphoma. She died in the hospital a couple months later in January of 2006. I had been through my darkest days with her, especially my suicidal time at the end of my relationship with Hawk. The one thought that kept me from finally going through with it was worrying what would happen to her. When I had left a couple months later and realized I loved her, I realized that she truly loved me ... and she made me feel both truly loved and worthy of being loved, something I had not felt since Moose had died. When Hawk ahd said he loved me (though he had stopped saying it many months prior), it felt like an act, something he said because that's what someone is supposed to say ... but when she said she loved me, it felt real. It is very difficult to describe the deep difference in feeling there. Further, she seemed to lose her depression when I was with her ... she had a horrible non-childhood; I had nothing like that -- my parents loved me and there was no abuse. And yet she started to smile and laugh a few months after moving in with Hawk and I, and spent a lot of time with me. I realized I really meant something to her, and after that one suicidal episode, any time I started to feel the world would be better off without me again, thinking of her and my effect on her and her love for me truly stopped me from going any further with those thoughts.

Now that all that introductory drama is out of the way, I want to share my observations to answer the question of what is love based on my relationships with Moose, Hawk, Raven, Darwin and Wolf. As I mentioned, Moose and Raven were 'good' relationships (aside from both having died), whereas Hawk, Darwin and Wolf were 'bad' ones and not, I think, true love.

Words, I think, can't accurately describe what I feel the answer is, but I will try. In the cases of Moose and Raven, they each happened by 'accident' whereas myself and/or the other person tried to create a relationship in the cases of Hawk, Darwin and Wolf. In Moose and Raven, each helped me find a part of myself -- with Moose, I found I could feel love; with Raven, I found how good it feels to be loved (not that Moose hadn't ... its difficult to explain, sorry). With Hawk, Darwin and Wolf, in each case I or the other person wanted to fill a shortcoming within ourselves that we felt the other was strong in (such as my wanting to learn to be self-confident from Hawk who was very self-confident).

(cont'd...)
gerrandesquire
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3/29/2011 1:13:51 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 1:05:44 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
Love, what is it?

The way most people describe it...

Mental illness.

Completely.

Seriously.

Not even joking.

Mental illness you want to be diagonised with/ or not?
PervRat
Posts: 963
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3/29/2011 1:25:07 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/28/2011 11:50:24 PM, gerrandesquire wrote:
How do you know you're in love? Do you look at a person and go-'hey! I think I can spend my life with him/her.' Or, like, I don't know. What is the minimum age you should have felt this feeling of love?

Think of this as a social experiment. And is it possible someone never feels it? Are there 'asexual' humans?

(... cont'd)

I guess those are the essential elements -- true love is something that builds gradually over time. If you feel intense attraction to someone, to the point of feeling like just going crazy, tossing your life to the wind, moving in together and just feeling the absolute hots for someone you've only just met or only known a few months ... I think, based on my experience, that it is probably enfatuation, not true love. True love, I think, takes a long time to recognize ... it needs time to grow and mature from a friendship into something more. I think true love is marked and recognizable by something starting as a friendship, smiling and enjoying each other's company pleasantly and seriously wanting to be there for each other, and never trying to figure out what you should say to them or compute when you should tell them you love them ... with true love, it just comes out naturally on its own.

So no, I don't think you should meet someone, imagine yourself growing old together with them, and that being true love ... that happened at some point with all of my relationships, so it can be 'false' love that is actually just enfatuation. What is the minimum age true love can happen? That is very hard to answer. I think a good rule of thumb is true love will endure and grow stronger over time. I think it does necessitate complete emotional maturity, well past those crazy teenage hormones. If you were taking bets on how old, and I had money to bet, I'd put money on 18 at the youngest.

And lastly, as to the question of whether there are asexual humans, the answer is 'yes.' However, there are varying definitions of 'asexual.' I myself have a low libido, and have gone long periods without any desire for sex ... I also have at least one friend who does not desire sex at all. Both myself and this friend actually are seriously considering becoming physically asexual -- that is, she (the friend is a female, and no, we are not 'friends with benefits') desires to have her ovaries removed, and I have seriously pondered having my testicles removed.

Some define asexuality as having no desire to have any form of sex, not even masturbation; desiring no sex except masturbation is then referred to as "autosexual." Others have a more relaxed definition for asexual as someone who has no desire to have sex with anyone else (but masturbating doesn't count against being asexual). Still others define asexuality in terms of anatomy and not desire, to describe a physical lack of genitals whether born or surgically removed.

I do believe, wholeheartedly, that one can have a very deep, meaningful relationship without sex at all. I also believe, however, that such relationships are not for everyone, and so long as there is no abuse (which, to me, inherently includes no pedophilia regardless of supposed 'consent' as a minor is inherently not mature enough to exercise good judgment to be able to grant consent), and every precaution is taken against STDs and unwanted pregnancies, sex is fine and most of my friends have a much higher libido than I do, and their sexual activities are not harmful. Sex can be a good, healthy part of a relationship, but a relationship can be good and healthy even with no sex. I think it entirely depends on the mutual interest of the partners in the relationship. Similarly, monoamory or polyamory (I'm avoiding '-gamy' due to the rotten religious polygamists who give true polygamy a bad rap) can be healthy as well ... I feel most folk, even those who think they'd be okay with polyamory, cannot handle it because some have a predisposition to feel possessive jealosy over a 'lover' that they have no way of realizing they even have such a predisposition until a situation arises that rouses it.

I did not recognize my relationship with Raven because it did not resemble nor feel like my relationship with Moose. Based on my experiences, I believe every relationship is different ... and not just that my relationship with X will be different than your relationship with Y, but your relationship with Y will be very different than your relationship with Z. It can well be that you won't even recognize your relationship with Z as being romantic because it is so different, foreign and alien compared with your relationship with Y. It is sort of like eating a jelly bean that tastes like steak, and then another one that tastes like watermelon ... its hard to recognize them as both being jelly beans because they taste so different.
CosmicAlfonzo
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3/29/2011 1:26:38 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 1:13:51 AM, gerrandesquire wrote:
At 3/29/2011 1:05:44 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
Love, what is it?

The way most people describe it...

Mental illness.

Completely.

Seriously.

Not even joking.

Mental illness you want to be diagonised with/ or not?

Fvck no.

I can say from several personal experiences that it does you no good at all. It's unhealthy, crippling, and pathetic. It makes me want to puke.

It's also borderline retarded.

But go ahead and see for yourself. Get it all out before it's finally hammered in that it is one of the sickest form of mental illnesses. If it doesn't turn you into a miserable, cold, spiteful monster, then you'll know what love is really about. >.>

Love is practically the polar opposite of what society glorifies.. Which is controlling, obsessive, plastic emotional crap that makes me want to puke. It's the worst type of drug there is. It is the type of love that tears people apart, not the type of love that brings people together.

It is straight mental illness, and one of the hardest illnesses to overcome... But it is possible.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
gerrandesquire
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3/29/2011 1:27:41 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Words, I think, can't accurately describe what I feel the answer is, but I will try. In the cases of Moose and Raven, they each happened by 'accident' whereas myself and/or the other person tried to create a relationship in the cases of Hawk, Darwin and Wolf. In Moose and Raven, each helped me find a part of myself -- with Moose, I found I could feel love; with Raven, I found how good it feels to be loved (not that Moose hadn't ... its difficult to explain, sorry). With Hawk, Darwin and Wolf, in each case I or the other person wanted to fill a shortcoming within ourselves that we felt the other was strong in (such as my wanting to learn to be self-confident from Hawk who was very self-confident).

(cont'd...)

Thanks for sharing you experiences. It was highly illuminating.

I guess love is something along the line of-a feeling that makes you comfortable with who you are. So my next question would be, with Moose, were you looking for a relationship, or you-'fell' into love?

Looking forward to your reply.
PervRat
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3/29/2011 1:34:45 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 1:27:41 AM, gerrandesquire wrote:
Words, I think, can't accurately describe what I feel the answer is, but I will try. In the cases of Moose and Raven, they each happened by 'accident' whereas myself and/or the other person tried to create a relationship in the cases of Hawk, Darwin and Wolf. In Moose and Raven, each helped me find a part of myself -- with Moose, I found I could feel love; with Raven, I found how good it feels to be loved (not that Moose hadn't ... its difficult to explain, sorry). With Hawk, Darwin and Wolf, in each case I or the other person wanted to fill a shortcoming within ourselves that we felt the other was strong in (such as my wanting to learn to be self-confident from Hawk who was very self-confident).

(cont'd...)

Thanks for sharing you experiences. It was highly illuminating.

I guess love is something along the line of-a feeling that makes you comfortable with who you are. So my next question would be, with Moose, were you looking for a relationship, or you-'fell' into love?

Looking forward to your reply.

I guess its more accurate to describe my relationship with Moose as having 'waded' into love in a gradually-deepening pool or beach. At a certain point, about 3 years into our relationship, I mark it as transitioning from friendship to more than friendship with our awkward, clumsy stumble the first time we made love. I was definitely not looking for love -- I saw the frivolous flings my classmates went through and felt I didn't need that crap, I didn't think I even needed love ... I wasn't trying to go anywere with Moose, I just enjoyed being with him more and more over time.
tvellalott
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3/29/2011 1:34:55 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Love is attachment and that's it.
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

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tvellalott
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3/29/2011 1:35:42 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 1:34:55 AM, tvellalott wrote:
Love is attachment plus attraction and that's it.

Sorry, fixed.
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

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gerrandesquire
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3/29/2011 1:46:10 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 1:34:45 AM, PervRat wrote:
At 3/29/2011 1:27:41 AM, gerrandesquire wrote:
Words, I think, can't accurately describe what I feel the answer is, but I will try. In the cases of Moose and Raven, they each happened by 'accident' whereas myself and/or the other person tried to create a relationship in the cases of Hawk, Darwin and Wolf. In Moose and Raven, each helped me find a part of myself -- with Moose, I found I could feel love; with Raven, I found how good it feels to be loved (not that Moose hadn't ... its difficult to explain, sorry). With Hawk, Darwin and Wolf, in each case I or the other person wanted to fill a shortcoming within ourselves that we felt the other was strong in (such as my wanting to learn to be self-confident from Hawk who was very self-confident).

(cont'd...)

Thanks for sharing you experiences. It was highly illuminating.

I guess love is something along the line of-a feeling that makes you comfortable with who you are. So my next question would be, with Moose, were you looking for a relationship, or you-'fell' into love?

Looking forward to your reply.

I guess its more accurate to describe my relationship with Moose as having 'waded' into love in a gradually-deepening pool or beach. At a certain point, about 3 years into our relationship, I mark it as transitioning from friendship to more than friendship with our awkward, clumsy stumble the first time we made love. I was definitely not looking for love -- I saw the frivolous flings my classmates went through and felt I didn't need that crap, I didn't think I even needed love ... I wasn't trying to go anywere with Moose, I just enjoyed being with him more and more over time.

Thanks. This was certainly highly helpful. Just one last question, and I apologise in advance if the question is stupid. How do you differentiate love from friendship? s it because of the urge to 'make love'?
PervRat
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3/29/2011 1:58:55 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 1:46:10 AM, gerrandesquire wrote:
Thanks. This was certainly highly helpful. Just one last question, and I apologise in advance if the question is stupid. How do you differentiate love from friendship? s it because of the urge to 'make love'?

I don't mind the questions at all, feel free to ask away. I am probably about the oldest fart on this forum, and doubt many have had the run of relationships I have had ... I'm already having my fill again of the forum debates and enjoy an opportunity to try and share what my life experiences have been, in hoping to trigger self-discovery in someone curious about the 'big stuff' that's hard to talk about.

This question is very difficult to answer. I have had what I would describe as "friends with benefits" ... good friends I love hanging out with, and have enjoyed sexual romps with, but have not been in serious relationships with and do not desire such (nor they with me). How, then, to differentiate friends and lovers?

Family, friends, intimate lovers ... all of these are different sorts of relationships. I have had at least two friendships that were as deep as any of my lover-relationships -- certainly deeper than the three that failed ... those two friends (one, unfortunately, an ex-friend now) were confidants. How to tell a jelly bean apart from, say, a jolly rancher?

I guess with friends, I like to hang out frequently, but don't feel an incessant desire to be with them 24/7/365 throughout all of life. I think true lover-relationships come out of friendships, so a friendship can become more of course ... but its like a frog in a pot of water that is very slowly and gradually heated ... at what point does it become too hot? At what point, if you start with black and slowly lighten it, does it transition from dark to light? Similarly, at what point does a friendship become something more? I think, with both Moose and Raven, it happened before I realized it. I think its comparable to what point a girl becomes a woman, or a boy becomes a man. Is it a physical transition? Or some action of great emotional maturity? But if its the latter, wouldn't the act just be a sign that they had transitioned, and the actual point of transition happened earlier when their cognizance coalesced to allow their minds to make the mature decision later (itself allegorable as a bird soaked in a storm, its feathers too waterlogged to fly, gradually drying itself in the sun after the storm has passed -- is it only dry enough to fly when it finally does fly, or did it dry enough to fly before then and that it successfully flew is only a sign that the event of transitioning to becoming dry had silently passed some time before it actually flew?).
PervRat
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3/29/2011 2:09:51 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 1:46:10 AM, gerrandesquire wrote:
Thanks. This was certainly highly helpful. Just one last question, and I apologise in advance if the question is stupid. How do you differentiate love from friendship? s it because of the urge to 'make love'?

Meant to touch on the question of making love ... no, I don't think the urge to make love is necessarily a differentiator between friendship and deeper love, as I have enjoyed sex with no relationship attachments with friends. U.S. society, in general, tends to still cling to some puritanical-ism and we are raised to view sex as being wrong outside of married couples, and even for the majority of those who chuck that idea, the notion of sex among non-lover friends can seem a bit goofy. Obviously, at least some of us chuck that notion, too, myself among them.

Having sex with friends does seem to feel different from having sex with a lover, though. With both, I have a desire to please the one I am with ... but with a friend, its more like a 'jog' and a lover more like a marathon ... not necessarily with physical intensity or duration, but when I make love with a lover, I lose any and all conscious sense of the world outside of myself and my partner, and even the passage of time. Several times I have made love to a lover for almost an entire day, and I did not even notice the sun setting nor rising the next morning. I don't tend to get quite as detached from the world when having sex with a friend.

I'm not as confident in my answer about the difference, though, or whether it really is as notable a difference as I remember. I remember making love with Raven a few times ... but she and I last saw each other about 8 years ago (not counting online/telephone/snailmail love letter contact) and as intensely strong as our emotional bond had been, after 8 years some of the details of the memories have started to fade. I dreamed about her, about being with her, and would wake up some mornings absently reaching over to the empty spot in the bed beside me and have a terrible day when I fully awoke and was coldly reminded that she was not with me anymore, had passed away and I will never see her again ... those days have started to pass too, I think the last time I had such a dream was about a year ago now.
Greyparrot
Posts: 14,282
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3/29/2011 2:56:56 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Chemical sexual attraction is confusing and awkward.

Love hopefully arises as acceptance to counter this awkwardness.

Otherwise you may have bad experiences like Alfie.
For me, over the years, I have built up a tolerance for chemical impulses somewhat.
I've only been in love once and it was 15 years ago.

insert hump song..
Marywilliams
Posts: 2
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3/29/2011 4:58:05 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
nonentity
Posts: 5,008
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3/29/2011 11:22:54 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 1:26:38 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
At 3/29/2011 1:13:51 AM, gerrandesquire wrote:
At 3/29/2011 1:05:44 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
Love, what is it?

The way most people describe it...

Mental illness.

Completely.

Seriously.

Not even joking.

Mental illness you want to be diagonised with/ or not?

Fvck no.

I can say from several personal experiences that it does you no good at all. It's unhealthy, crippling, and pathetic. It makes me want to puke.

It's also borderline retarded.

But go ahead and see for yourself. Get it all out before it's finally hammered in that it is one of the sickest form of mental illnesses. If it doesn't turn you into a miserable, cold, spiteful monster, then you'll know what love is really about. >.>

Love is practically the polar opposite of what society glorifies.. Which is controlling, obsessive, plastic emotional crap that makes me want to puke. It's the worst type of drug there is. It is the type of love that tears people apart, not the type of love that brings people together.

It is straight mental illness, and one of the hardest illnesses to overcome... But it is possible.

http://files.sharenator.com...

*Plays tiny violin*
vardas0antras
Posts: 983
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3/29/2011 11:25:37 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/28/2011 11:50:24 PM, gerrandesquire wrote:
How do you know you're in love? Do you look at a person and go-'hey! I think I can spend my life with him/her.' Or, like, I don't know. What is the minimum age you should have felt this feeling of love?

Think of this as a social experiment. And is it possible someone never feels it? Are there 'asexual' humans?

There are about 5 to 8 definitions of love, seriously, be more specific.
"When he awoke in a tomb three days later he would actually have believed that he rose from the dead" FREEDO about the resurrection of Jesus Christ
Koopin
Posts: 12,090
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3/29/2011 11:26:09 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 11:25:37 AM, vardas0antras wrote:
At 3/28/2011 11:50:24 PM, gerrandesquire wrote:
How do you know you're in love? Do you look at a person and go-'hey! I think I can spend my life with him/her.' Or, like, I don't know. What is the minimum age you should have felt this feeling of love?

Think of this as a social experiment. And is it possible someone never feels it? Are there 'asexual' humans?

There are about 5 to 8 definitions of love, seriously, be more specific.

Obvious... love is KFC.
kfc
Ore_Ele
Posts: 25,980
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3/29/2011 11:29:20 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 1:26:38 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
At 3/29/2011 1:13:51 AM, gerrandesquire wrote:
At 3/29/2011 1:05:44 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
Love, what is it?

The way most people describe it...

Mental illness.

Completely.

Seriously.

Not even joking.

Mental illness you want to be diagonised with/ or not?

Fvck no.

I can say from several personal experiences that it does you no good at all. It's unhealthy, crippling, and pathetic. It makes me want to puke.

It's also borderline retarded.

But go ahead and see for yourself. Get it all out before it's finally hammered in that it is one of the sickest form of mental illnesses. If it doesn't turn you into a miserable, cold, spiteful monster, then you'll know what love is really about. >.>

Love is practically the polar opposite of what society glorifies.. Which is controlling, obsessive, plastic emotional crap that makes me want to puke. It's the worst type of drug there is. It is the type of love that tears people apart, not the type of love that brings people together.

It is straight mental illness, and one of the hardest illnesses to overcome... But it is possible.

You got rejected at prom, didn't you?
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
vardas0antras
Posts: 983
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3/29/2011 11:37:02 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 11:26:09 AM, Koopin wrote:
At 3/29/2011 11:25:37 AM, vardas0antras wrote:
At 3/28/2011 11:50:24 PM, gerrandesquire wrote:
How do you know you're in love? Do you look at a person and go-'hey! I think I can spend my life with him/her.' Or, like, I don't know. What is the minimum age you should have felt this feeling of love?

Think of this as a social experiment. And is it possible someone never feels it? Are there 'asexual' humans?

There are about 5 to 8 definitions of love, seriously, be more specific.

Obvious... love is KFC.

Ergo, love is poisonous food.
"When he awoke in a tomb three days later he would actually have believed that he rose from the dead" FREEDO about the resurrection of Jesus Christ
ccstate4peat
Posts: 2,022
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3/29/2011 12:59:32 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 1:34:55 AM, tvellalott wrote:
Love is attachment and that's it.

Awwww are you still torn up about that girl getting a new boyfriend?
askbob
Posts: 7,254
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3/29/2011 4:19:19 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 1:26:38 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
At 3/29/2011 1:13:51 AM, gerrandesquire wrote:
At 3/29/2011 1:05:44 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
Love, what is it?

The way most people describe it...

Mental illness.

Completely.

Seriously.

Not even joking.

Mental illness you want to be diagonised with/ or not?

Fvck no.

I can say from several personal experiences that it does you no good at all. It's unhealthy, crippling, and pathetic. It makes me want to puke.

It's also borderline retarded.

But go ahead and see for yourself. Get it all out before it's finally hammered in that it is one of the sickest form of mental illnesses. If it doesn't turn you into a miserable, cold, spiteful monster, then you'll know what love is really about. >.>

Lol wtf are you talking about dude
Me -Phil left the site in my charge. I have a recorded phone conversation to prove it.
kohai -If you're the owner, then do something useful like ip block him and get us away from juggle and on a dofferent host!
Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
badger
Posts: 11,793
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3/29/2011 4:23:11 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 4:19:19 PM, askbob wrote:
At 3/29/2011 1:26:38 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
At 3/29/2011 1:13:51 AM, gerrandesquire wrote:
At 3/29/2011 1:05:44 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
Love, what is it?

The way most people describe it...

Mental illness.

Completely.

Seriously.

Not even joking.

Mental illness you want to be diagonised with/ or not?

Fvck no.

I can say from several personal experiences that it does you no good at all. It's unhealthy, crippling, and pathetic. It makes me want to puke.

It's also borderline retarded.

But go ahead and see for yourself. Get it all out before it's finally hammered in that it is one of the sickest form of mental illnesses. If it doesn't turn you into a miserable, cold, spiteful monster, then you'll know what love is really about. >.>


Lol wtf are you talking about dude

he's obviously been bitten by love or never found it at all. pity he'd hang up the hat though in fairness.
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askbob
Posts: 7,254
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3/29/2011 4:29:50 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
Love is awesome. Before I didn't really have a purpose in life and was pretty aimless, i just wasted my time doing stupid shitt. I went through some pretty situations with girls who were just stupid intellectually and just jerks to be honest. I mean i had extreme ups and extreme downs and it was sometimes fun. But honestly it's really awesome when you find the right person. It's like the relationship of a best friend but way better and more intimate than a best friend. It's really hard to put down without sounding like a faggol.

It's just the best person in all regards that makes everything you do better even if they're not physically present.
Me -Phil left the site in my charge. I have a recorded phone conversation to prove it.
kohai -If you're the owner, then do something useful like ip block him and get us away from juggle and on a dofferent host!
Me -haha you apparently don't know my history
Kohai - Maybe not, but that doesn't matter! You shoukd still listen to your community and quit being a tyrrant!
Me - i was being completely sarcastic
Kohai - then u misrepresented yourself by impersonating the owner—a violation of the tos
ccstate4peat
Posts: 2,022
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3/29/2011 4:34:50 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/29/2011 4:29:50 PM, askbob wrote:
Love is awesome. Before I didn't really have a purpose in life and was pretty aimless, i just wasted my time doing stupid shitt. I went through some pretty situations with girls who were just stupid intellectually and just jerks to be honest. I mean i had extreme ups and extreme downs and it was sometimes fun. But honestly it's really awesome when you find the right person. It's like the relationship of a best friend but way better and more intimate than a best friend. It's really hard to put down without sounding like a faggol.

It's just the best person in all regards that makes everything you do better even if they're not physically present.

Can't you say faggot?
darkkermit
Posts: 11,204
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3/29/2011 4:37:58 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
for women it's when you decide to f*ck only one man, and not cheat, lie and say you really are the father.

For men, it's when you decide not to move far far away, and lose contact with the girl if it turns out she's pregnant.
Open borders debate:
http://www.debate.org...
CosmicAlfonzo
Posts: 5,955
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3/30/2011 12:17:42 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
As of now, there are 4 girls chasing after me, I don't find any of them to be particularly stimulating. I've had a couple bad relationships, but who hasn't?

No, I genuinely think that what most people consider to be love is mentally ill, and it isn't something I want in my life. Not for me, or my partner.

I'm talking about that mind warping desire that effects ones mental/emotional stability.

I'm not talking about healthy love, I'm talking about the type of love that should be out of any healthy minded individual's head by the time they reach adulthood.

My love comes from empathy for the human condition. Not mood altering desire, which will only bring one misery.

I find it to be incredibly plastic, shallow minded, and fundamentally dishonest. It is one of the most pervasive forms of delusion.
Official "High Priest of Secular Affairs and Transient Distributor of Sonic Apple Seeds relating to the Reptilian Division of Paperwork Immoliation" of The FREEDO Bureaucracy, a DDO branch of the Erisian Front, a subdivision of the Discordian Back, a Limb of the Illuminatian Cosmic Utensil Corp
ccstate4peat
Posts: 2,022
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3/30/2011 12:40:08 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 3/30/2011 12:17:42 AM, CosmicAlfonzo wrote:
As of now, there are 4 girls chasing after me, I don't find any of them to be particularly stimulating. I've had a couple bad relationships, but who hasn't?

Fück them all at once. Even if someone backs out you've still got a fourgy. If two people back out it's still a threesome. If three people back out you're still having sex. If all four girls back out you always have your hand.