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Love

nonentity
Posts: 5,008
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6/14/2011 12:27:47 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Have you ever been in love? How many times have you been in love? How long did it take for you to fall in love? How did you know that you loved that person?
Rockylightning
Posts: 2,862
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6/14/2011 12:32:46 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/14/2011 12:27:47 AM, nonentity wrote:
Have you ever been in love? How many times have you been in love? How long did it take for you to fall in love? How did you know that you loved that person?

1. No
2. Zero
3. No time
4. I didnt
belle
Posts: 4,113
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6/14/2011 12:40:00 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
i am in love. i think this is probably the first and only time i could say that as a fact. in the past my feelings have been more clouded by infatuation and neediness. not that those things don't play a factor in this, but i've found a much deeper level of admiration and comfort with my current partner than i have in the past.

on the other hand, being "in love" is probably a lot less magical and unique than people make it out to be. when you're with someone, you feel it, when that relationship falls apart, you were "never really in love". maybe not right away, but once you get some emotional distance from the situation. anyways, for me personally i know when i was younger i was never able to open up enough to have a truly intimate relationship with anyone... so it never happened. but at the time, it felt like what i thought love was...

its a really ill defined term :P

its become a total cliche too, for older people to say they had no idea what love was when they were kids. i think its more likely that the way we love changes.
evidently i only come to ddo to avoid doing homework...
annhasle
Posts: 6,657
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6/14/2011 12:51:50 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/14/2011 12:27:47 AM, nonentity wrote:
Have you ever been in love?

I'm currently "in love".

How many times have you been in love?

I'm extremely hesitant to say more than once. Each time I'm in a relationship, the connection is different. I would say that this time is the most intense though which makes me more critical of my past flings -- in comparison to this, I never was "in love" before.

How long did it take for you to fall in love?

As cliche (and un-annhasle) as it sounds, it only took a couple of weeks to really start falling for my boyfriend. After one month, I loved him.

How did you know that you loved that person?

When I could say/do things around him that I never dreamed of doing in front of past boyfriends for fear of seeming too weird or simply being judged harshly. We're eerily similar but have just enough differences to keep it interesting. And even though he's not entirely fond of politics like I am, we have the best philosophical debates. :)
I'm not back. This idiot just upset me which made me stop lurking.
tvellalott
Posts: 10,864
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6/14/2011 1:06:25 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/14/2011 12:27:47 AM, nonentity wrote:
Have you ever been in love?
Yes

How many times have you been in love?
Once.

How long did it take for you to fall in love?
I knew the chick for several years before we started dating, but I fell for her pretty quick.

How did you know that you loved that person?
Butterflies; couldn't stand to be apart; thinking about her all the time; warm feeling inside my guts when we were together; more than just sex... All that sh!t.

It's great until it's over, then it's just awful.
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

Muh threads
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FREEDO
Posts: 21,057
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6/14/2011 1:07:51 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Romantic love. Probably not. I feel very strong love for many people in others ways, though.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
innomen
Posts: 10,052
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6/14/2011 4:23:17 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/14/2011 12:27:47 AM, nonentity wrote:
Have you ever been in love?
Yes
How many times have you been in love?
Twice
How long did it take for you to fall in love?
The first didn't take long, the second (current) was sort of like a small kernal of love that continued to grow.
How did you know that you loved that person?
My first love wasn't terribly healthy, and i wasn't ready for love. It was crushing to me in so many ways, and even though my feelings have faded, and it was a very long time ago, there is still someplace in my heart for him.
Now with Carlos i cannot imagine my life without him. To me love is when the other person's happiness is more important to you than your happiness, and it's reciprocal. There is sort of an invisible connection at a very emotional level. It makes no sense at all and really is dangerous for some people, but for most people love brings the best out in us.
Rob1_Billion
Posts: 1,300
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6/14/2011 9:47:12 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/14/2011 12:27:47 AM, nonentity wrote:
Have you ever been in love?

Y

How many times have you been in love?

Tough to say... people have this need to define it in such a way that it's like achieving a position at a job... you either have it or you don't. In actuality, love isn't a black and white phenomenon... perhaps that could be why you're writing this post *speculation*

I had a "first love," who I fell out of love with. Then I ended the relationship, dated around, and suddenly I was back in "love" with her. However I didn't realize that although I felt strongly for her again, there was no chance the feeling was going to stay a second time any more than the first, so I had to go through the whole debacle again, including heart-break at having to wait for her to finish up other things before we could reconnect.

There was another relationship I had where I perhaps loved a girl, however I dare say I never had solid hopes for an everlasting future with her. I simply enjoyed my time with her, was faithful to her, and let her go when it was convenient for me. Again, I fell back in love with her after breaking up with her, put myself through more heartbreak while having these feelings outside of our once pure relationship, and finally escaped the ordeal.

Now I'm in love once again, perhaps for the third time. I of course went through the whole "I've got to break up with you, oh my God I'm still in love with you don't leave me" stage with her as well (it must be requisite for me), and now I'm pretty stable with her. We've been together for over five years now, and 'love' each other, but sometimes this concept seems a bit ridiculous to me. We're together because
a) we are raising a child, and it's quite necessary
b) we enjoy having sex together
c) splitting apart would cause emotional damage in the form of jealousy, and
d) it's convenient for practical reasons, mainly finances.

Now you could say there's another reason, something not as easy to define, having to do with the psychological state of being accustomed to the other person. Being used to them being around. I believe this is what people, long removed from that passing infatuation that new lovers experience, call "love." But you can't experience it directly when your relationship is healthy, so you have to have faith that it is there.

How long did it take for you to fall in love?

Instantly. Love starts as infatuation and grows. Many would say that love doesn't truly exist for people in new relationships, but I have a hard time distinguishing anything from what I have now with my five year relationship that two people with a five-day relationship in fever-heat don't have. There is still the potential for jealousy, the enjoyment of sex, a feeling of longing when missed... With people who haven't been together and made that significant emotional investment these things will not be as pronounced over the long run if the relationship ends, but that is simply a matter of degree.

How did you know that you loved that person?

People will sometimes get the sudden realization that they are helplessly attached to the other and do the math to see that they want them and no one else, but I would argue that this isn't "falling in love," it's simply the mind sputtering under a haze of emotion.
kfc
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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6/14/2011 10:02:14 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
Yes I've been in love.

Though I've had 5 relationships lasting well over a year, I've only been in love twice.

I don't think there's a precise moment when you can say "this is when I fell in love," but rather you make that realization over time. First you must decide how you're defining love. For my criteria, it would probably take around 6 months.

I also don't think love is possible after a month of dating. Technically speaking, love can only really refer to the physical feelings you have toward someone (like how much serotonin your brain produces around them lol amongst other un-romantic sounding things). It is of course possible to have those feelings after a month, or when you're really young, but if we consider love in a more philosophical way, I think that's where people make the distinction between infatuation and love. To me, relationships need to prove themselves over time to constitute what "love" is. That's something that simply cannot happen over the course of a few weeks, or when you have little other experience. That's like being a kid and thinking McDonalds is the greatest thing in the world, but then growing up and realizing... not so much. Your criteria for comparison evolve with maturity and life experience, and that's why you can say "Well I never really loved that person." No; you just had different standards for what you accepted "love" was.
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nonentity
Posts: 5,008
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6/14/2011 10:37:24 AM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/14/2011 9:47:12 AM, Rob1_Billion wrote:
I of course went through the whole "I've got to break up with you, oh my God I'm still in love with you don't leave me" stage with her as well (it must be requisite for me)

I do that too -___- For me, it has to do with me being afraid that I'm going to fall for him and he isn't going to fall for me back... so rather than let him hurt me, I end things. The guy I'm dating now is the only one I got back together with after breaking up with him though.

Thank you to everyone for your responses :) Some of you have given me a lot to think about.
annhasle
Posts: 6,657
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6/14/2011 5:45:16 PM
Posted: 5 years ago
At 6/14/2011 10:02:14 AM, Danielle wrote:
I don't think there's a precise moment when you can say "this is when I fell in love," but rather you make that realization over time. First you must decide how you're defining love. For my criteria, it would probably take around 6 months.

I also don't think love is possible after a month of dating. Technically speaking, love can only really refer to the physical feelings you have toward someone (like how much serotonin your brain produces around them lol amongst other un-romantic sounding things). It is of course possible to have those feelings after a month, or when you're really young, but if we consider love in a more philosophical way, I think that's where people make the distinction between infatuation and love. To me, relationships need to prove themselves over time to constitute what "love" is. That's something that simply cannot happen over the course of a few weeks, or when you have little other experience. That's like being a kid and thinking McDonalds is the greatest thing in the world, but then growing up and realizing... not so much. Your criteria for comparison evolve with maturity and life experience, and that's why you can say "Well I never really loved that person." No; you just had different standards for what you accepted "love" was.

I'm going to address this since I'm the only one who put down a month and Danielle most likely views me as "young"...

Once I got past the almost condescending disregard of my credibility due to my age, I had to laugh a bit. Danielle, you've obviously recognized that "love" is different for each person and occurs at different times. I bolded a part above to show where you made this clear -- its a concept which cannot be judged by any objective standard since we cannot experience the love (or any emotion) that another feels. But to make it even more convoluted, the concept of "love" is also debatable -- what I recognize as "love" could merely be infatuation to you or vice versa. Is it because I'm an ignorant youth? No. Its because "love" has no clear boundaries or distinctions which can be applied universally.

You could be 35 years old and still think that "love" is synonymous with "tolerating another person". Or that "love" is shown by buying your partner clothes or other materialistic things. So I'm trying not to be offended by Danielle's attempt to push away what I have called "love" because of my assumed naivety. Instead, I'm viewing the post with a mixture of shock and "meh" towards the arrogance (for the lack of a better word) that Danielle is expressing. How can you possibly assert that "love" cannot occur within a month or a few weeks? And how is my age a factor? I'm in no way an emotional person nor do I take pleasure in gallivanting about "in love" -- I've merely come to the conclusion that I love my boyfriend. Do I need more experience points to realize that? Do I have to be 50 years old before I can say "I love you" and be taken seriously?

The point is, what I recognize as "love", what I have defined as "love", is what I'm experiencing right now. Is it the "real" thing? I'm not sure. But that is a horrible question anyways - its real to ME. Its not being taken lightly by myself and I wouldn't say it if I wasn't convinced it was true. I may only be 18 years old but to have the gall to dismiss what I've claimed to feel on the basis that "you don't know what you're talking about because you haven't lived long enough" is, and I say this with complete sincerity but no intention to offend, fvcked up. I haven't lived two decades yet but no one will ever experience what I am feeling since that is impossible -- my feelings will always be a mystery to all except myself, obviously. So for you (Danielle) to think that its impossible for me to feel love for another within a month, you must be functioning under the assumption that you can know what I feel or at least have enough knowledge to presume. Either way, that is an arrogant position.

You can be skeptical. I would not fault you for that since I'm extremely skeptical of most things myself. But to compare my knowledge or understanding of "love" to a child's obsession with McDonalds shows just how little credibility I must have in your eyes. If you do not believe I can love another, fine. But my age is not a valid foundation for such an assertion -- my age may reflect the amount of time I've spent upon this earth but it does not accurately portray how much I have experienced or how much I understand. It may give a ballpark estimate to my maturity but it does not accurately display that either. I would go so far as call it arbitrary and definitely not call it conclusive grounds for determining someone "unfit" for loving another! You started off with the recognition that "love" was a relative concept but then go on as though you can determine when "love" begins or CAN begin. I would be offended if I didn't know you better.

/rant
I'm not back. This idiot just upset me which made me stop lurking.