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Lasagna
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1/1/2012 11:15:51 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I'm not sure, but I think my relationship with my fiance is over. Her last words to me were "I think I'm going to go f*ck somebody tonight" and I don't know if I'm being mr. ambiguous or not but after kicking me out and changing her FB status I'm getting the impression we're on the rocks.

I'm anticipating the nausea that will arrive when I am convinced she's sleeping with someone and particularly when I am able to attach a face to who she's with. Thankfully I've been through this before so I'm hoping the edge has been thoroughly removed from the knife. But somehow I know I'm wrong.

Our sixth anniversary would have been in a couple weeks and we have a 15-month old daughter together. I feel regret at failing to secure a tight family structure for my daughter, but I have faith in my willpower as well as her strength to help her grow up strong.

How is everybody else's relationships going? Single, married? Happy, frustrated?
Rob
Ren
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1/1/2012 11:23:43 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
How on earth do things get to that point?

"I think I'm going to go fck somebody tonight," just like that???

Like, just some random person, or...?

Infant notwithstanding?

That's just crazy. It makes me feel like shtt to even think about.
aubrey20042
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1/1/2012 11:27:55 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
That sounds awful, I can't imagine what it would feel to go through something like that.

As for myself, I'm single but can't complain. Would it be nice to be in a relationship? Of course. But I'm not someone who HAS to have a significant other to be happy. I refuse to settle for someone I don't wholly want to be with for want of someone to call my boyfriend.
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thett3
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1/1/2012 11:32:09 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I'm so sorry. That's all I can really say. Hang in there.
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Rockylightning
Posts: 2,862
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1/2/2012 1:11:15 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
HOW CAN YOUR LIFE GET ANY WORSE.

as for me? Not like that but its still tormenting me in a way.

First the drugs,
now the kidney stone
then this? JEEZ BRO.

I hope you find what you're looking for.
Or..don't find what you don't want to see.
tornshoe92
Posts: 361
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1/2/2012 1:26:43 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Perpetually single. Hopefully that'll change this semester as I met some cool chicks this fall that I enjoy hanging out with.

As for you though, just get out of bed and keep your mind busy. I have a friend who went through quite literally the same thing about 3 months ago and he said that being active helped to ease the pain.
"Next time I see a little old lady going to church I am going kick her in the ovaries because she is personally responsible for this. Thanks Izbo." -C_N
Lasagna
Posts: 2,440
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1/2/2012 2:28:12 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/1/2012 11:23:43 PM, Ren wrote:
How on earth do things get to that point?

"I think I'm going to go fck somebody tonight," just like that???

Like, just some random person, or...?

She wants sex more often than I do. The stinger for her is that I supplement my sex life with a little... personal time... and that drives her absolutely nuts. She sees "fantasizing about other women" as soft cheating. She wants it 7 days a week, and I want it more like 4+4. When she goes without she resents me and gets angry at me, and her anger has been a major block in our ability to communicate. It also turns me off when she's angry, which contributes to the vicious cycle.

Infant notwithstanding?

We're both good parents, and although a couple months ago I was desperately concerned with keeping my family unit tightly intact, I've begun to believe that I am not only underestimating her ability to cope with double-family life, but I am assuming in the first place that a tight-knit family was the ideal scenario for her. My Fiancee's son has a double-family life and honestly he is doing great with it. He doesn't think it is a negative thing because nobody has ever taught him it is negative for your parents to live separately. I expected him to grow to resent me someday that his father isn't with his mother and I am, but that never happened and in fact he seems to embrace the situation with enthusiasm (after all, from his perspective it is just more family).

He did something odd the other day; his father was over our house refinishing our bathroom and he took his legos and did the whole "build the family members routine." He built himself, his mother, and then me. I felt awkward because his father was in the other room and perhaps listening, and I was standing over a lego family of the three of us with his father apparently forgotten. I kind of goaded him to build some more and he built our dog, our former cat (it ran away about 2 months ago) and his sister. He never thought to build his father despite him being in the other room. I interpret this to mean that he does not think of "family" as singular; he sees his dad's and mom's families as seperate but equal parts.

That's just crazy. It makes me feel like shtt to even think about.

I've had my heart broken before. Several times. I understand the nausea that will come when she finds someone else. I can anticipate the lack of good sense that will overcome me and the acts of desperation I am likely to contemplate. I won't be caught off guard by love anymore and for that at least I can be thankful.
Rob
MarquisX
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1/2/2012 2:42:00 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
I'm in a similar situation my friend. As much as I love her, I can not f*cking stand the mother of my child(12 months). We've been together for 4 1/2 years and at this point its like we're forcing it. To make matters worse, we met while she was in culinary arts school, living away from her family. She's from Hawaii, I'm from Cali. I don't know anyone in Hawaii and she knows no one in Cali. If(when) we break up, were going to have to desperate and go home(we're in Los Angeles now) but the problem is, what do i do with my child. She's an evil b*tech but a great mother. I can't take her son away but i can't give me son up either.

So....yeah....that's where my relationship is. I didn't even mention the multiple affairs...
Sophisticated ignorance, write my curses in cursive
Lasagna
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1/2/2012 2:51:11 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/1/2012 11:27:55 PM, aubrey20042 wrote:
That sounds awful, I can't imagine what it would feel to go through something like that.

As for myself, I'm single but can't complain. Would it be nice to be in a relationship? Of course. But I'm not someone who HAS to have a significant other to be happy. I refuse to settle for someone I don't wholly want to be with for want of someone to call my boyfriend.

Sounds like you have the right idea. Monogamy is not an end in and of itself - it seems to me like the biggest function of monogamy is to protect your own envy and by extension jealousy.

At 1/1/2012 11:44:33 PM, ConservativePolitico wrote:
At 1/1/2012 11:41:45 PM, Royaltee wrote:
Sounds like a keeper.

^ lol

but no that's really awful :(

She is (a keeper); she is beautiful, has a great personality, and is dedicated and loyal. I can't point to one thing about her and say "that's what I can't live with." The fault is not in ourselves, it is in our stars. I believe that my envy for others that might have her puts me in the position to lock her into a contract, when in reality we'd both be happy if we weren't.

At 1/2/2012 1:11:15 AM, Rockylightning wrote:
HOW CAN YOUR LIFE GET ANY WORSE.

as for me? Not like that but its still tormenting me in a way.

First the drugs,
now the kidney stone
then this? JEEZ BRO.

I hope you find what you're looking for.
Or..don't find what you don't want to see.

Haha you forgot when the drunk Mexican intruder tried breaking into my house and assraping me the other night. But that's cool that you're keeping track of all my efforts to invoke pity...

At 1/2/2012 1:26:43 AM, tornshoe92 wrote:
Perpetually single. Hopefully that'll change this semester as I met some cool chicks this fall that I enjoy hanging out with.

As for you though, just get out of bed and keep your mind busy. I have a friend who went through quite literally the same thing about 3 months ago and he said that being active helped to ease the pain.

I was perpetually single but all that changed when I turned 20 and I was single for less than two years of that particular decade. Your "hope" that you will not be single any more will lead you to making decisions based on the wrong reasons perhaps, but that doesn't matter because you'll be getting laid and you'll learn some good lessons for next time ;). As for me yes I'll be keeping busy, I'm putting down the schoolwork for a semester and probably going to learn some music for my father's band.
Rob
Ren
Posts: 7,102
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1/2/2012 3:53:23 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/2/2012 2:28:12 AM, Lasagna wrote:
She wants sex more often than I do. The stinger for her is that I supplement my sex life with a little... personal time... and that drives her absolutely nuts. She sees "fantasizing about other women" as soft cheating. She wants it 7 days a week, and I want it more like 4+4. When she goes without she resents me and gets angry at me, and her anger has been a major block in our ability to communicate. It also turns me off when she's angry, which contributes to the vicious cycle.

It's so strange to me that I hear this so often.

I'm usually experiencing it from her end; it's hard to find a girl that can keep up with me. I prefer it 7 days a week, too; and, during those hot periods, multiple times a day.

I guess one of the things about being in a relationship is realizing that things won't synchronize perfectly all the time. The girl I'm with now, she started out a little sex starved (her ex wasn't into doing it too often, either), so she kept up with me just fine. Gradually, though, she developed this general complacency and slowed down to something more moderate and typical (well, perhaps still a little above average). This as a little hard for me cope with at first, but I guess I just adapted.

I guess the point is that you have to find someone that you're compatible with in every way, including sexually, since that's such a large component. The girls that simply couldn't keep up with me simply frustrated me, and I either ignored her or we fought a lot.

Infant notwithstanding?

We're both good parents, and although a couple months ago I was desperately concerned with keeping my family unit tightly intact, I've begun to believe that I am not only underestimating her ability to cope with double-family life, but I am assuming in the first place that a tight-knit family was the ideal scenario for her. My Fiancee's son has a double-family life and honestly he is doing great with it. He doesn't think it is a negative thing because nobody has ever taught him it is negative for your parents to live separately. I expected him to grow to resent me someday that his father isn't with his mother and I am, but that never happened and in fact he seems to embrace the situation with enthusiasm (after all, from his perspective it is just more family).

He did something odd the other day; his father was over our house refinishing our bathroom and he took his legos and did the whole "build the family members routine." He built himself, his mother, and then me. I felt awkward because his father was in the other room and perhaps listening, and I was standing over a lego family of the three of us with his father apparently forgotten. I kind of goaded him to build some more and he built our dog, our former cat (it ran away about 2 months ago) and his sister. He never thought to build his father despite him being in the other room. I interpret this to mean that he does not think of "family" as singular; he sees his dad's and mom's families as seperate but equal parts.

I don't think I understand this scenario at all. Explain? Like... he's not really your kid? Do you even really have a kid? Or...?

That's just crazy. It makes me feel like shtt to even think about.

I've had my heart broken before. Several times. I understand the nausea that will come when she finds someone else. I can anticipate the lack of good sense that will overcome me and the acts of desperation I am likely to contemplate. I won't be caught off guard by love anymore and for that at least I can be thankful.

I don't know, man, you can't take emotions too lightly, not even your own. You'll end up repressed or something.

You need to find someone with whom you're compatible. Your girlfriend, she's somewhat atypical. Most girls are moderate, dig it something like 3-4 times a week, if that. At least, in my experience.

And then, of course, there's size... >.>
Cobo
Posts: 556
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1/2/2012 11:58:15 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/2/2012 3:55:00 AM, Ren wrote:
Your fiance has a double-family life?

No, dummy. She's a Russian sex craved spy who had to go undercover and get a new life/family in-order to hide from the the Russian assassin's salt-n-pepper

Lol, what? What does that mean? Is she married?

Lol, just kidding. She was formerly married had a kid, divorced, and married lasagna.
Church of the BANHAMMER GODS priest
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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1/2/2012 12:41:34 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
@ Ren - Me too, I'm usually the person not being kept up with sexually. I also want it 7 days a week but that's not realistic (Why? I dunno... seems perfectly plausible to me but then again I don't have kids and a full time career to distract me). Right now I'm with someone and I get it pretty often but not as often as I'd like... it sucks! It really does. It really bothers me actually lol because I'm so0o attracted to them :(

@ Lasagna - I totally understand your partner's feelings of hostility. I know for a fact that if my boo wasn't sleeping with me even though I wanted it, but getting themselves off, I would be very upset. Feelings of resentment, insecurity and jealousy would sweep over me. Even though her anger may not be entirely rational, it is certainly understandable. I'm going to be honest and say that I would probably react the same way she is, and I might even tell my partner the same thing about going to sleep with someone else.

This topic has come up a lot lately -- my best friend's boyfriend openly cheats on her when he doesn't feel like they're having enough sex (d!ck... btw they have sex several times a week). I don't think that's justified; it's kind of disrespectful to your relationship. I think a couple needs to be on the same page sexually. You need to be sexually compatible or be willing to work to increase that compatibility. If you can't or won't, you should probably start moving on because no good can come out of it, as you can see...

As far as the family sitch, my parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember (I think they split when I was 1 or 2). My dad was very involved in my life. I don't think it inhibited my growth or happiness. However it did make me feel a little awkward or left out when I'd visit my friends in the suburbs and my family seemed very different. I think it's normal for kids to want to fit in, feel included and not be an Other. However considering the changing dynamics of families these days, I think it's getting easier to deal with because there is more diversity.

Even though it might suck for your kid(s) if you guys split up, ask yourself if they'd be any better off seeing their parents in an unhappy marriage. In some ways, I think my mom leaving my dad showed me that sometimes you have to be strong and leave the security of a relationship if it is toxic. So long as you guys maintain a healthy parenting relationship, I think that's the most important thing... but do I think you should make one last ditch effort to save the relationship? Yeah, probably. Then again I can be a bit of a romantic and you guys seem good together (plus you still respect her, it seems). Ultimately it's up to you and what you think will be best for everyone and make you both happiest. I genuinely wish you the best of luck <3
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nerdykiller
Posts: 856
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1/2/2012 12:53:22 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
bro no matter how fvcked up your life can get because of relationship problem, just say...
FVCK IT
I DON'T CARE
(Even if you care)
Just do your best to continue to move on with your life.
yep this is coming from a fourteen year old, but I had some relationships, not dire as yours.
No matter what kind of situation you get yourself in just keep moving forward.
Ren
Posts: 7,102
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1/2/2012 4:22:27 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/2/2012 2:42:00 AM, MarquisX wrote:
I'm in a similar situation my friend. As much as I love her, I can not f*cking stand the mother of my child(12 months). We've been together for 4 1/2 years and at this point its like we're forcing it. To make matters worse, we met while she was in culinary arts school, living away from her family. She's from Hawaii, I'm from Cali. I don't know anyone in Hawaii and she knows no one in Cali. If(when) we break up, were going to have to desperate and go home(we're in Los Angeles now) but the problem is, what do i do with my child. She's an evil b*tech but a great mother. I can't take her son away but i can't give me son up either.

So....yeah....that's where my relationship is. I didn't even mention the multiple affairs...

That's terrible, wtf, a complete paradox.

This is one of the biggest reasons why I refuse to have children.
Ren
Posts: 7,102
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1/2/2012 4:33:00 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
You know, this thread really puts some things in perspective.

I mean, what the hell... I could never deal with crap like this.

I have never been so attached to someone, that I can deal with them basically belying everything that defines what we have as a relationship. In other words; if the girl I'm with began sleeping with other people, then we are no longer in a relationship as far as I'm concerned.

Now, I haven't even had very many real relationships. However, as far as I know, I've only been cheated on once, and well, I kind of deserved it anyway and I just let it go.

The girl I'm with now is crazy. Like, trust me -- she's crazy. But, she's also beautiful and very smart; she has a lot of virtues. A lot of vices, too. For example, she's completely, thoroughly out of her mind.

But, perhaps, I blow her misbehavior out of proportion, because I could never even imagine her behaving in any way as the girls in this conversation, whether described or participating, have in the past. In fact, I could never imagine it from any of the girls I've been with, at all. Isn't there some sort of mutual respect that keeps those sort of irrational reactions to emotions under control?

I can't even imagine it from the girls with whom I've had open friendships with benefits. "I'm gonna go fck someone tonight." Lol, whaaaaaat? Just like that? You're a single girl with no man in your life at all, huh? Alright then, you go have fun with that.

You know, Lasagna, there is one thing no one asked...

I know you're in a vulnerable place and I mean no harm, but why didn't you just, well, get up and give her what she wanted, whether or not you wanted it as much, if she meant that much to you? I know that doesn't sound credible coming from someone who just might be afflicted with satyriasis, but I've definitely given it up when I didn't feel like it because she wanted it. Just like I've gone shopping when I didn't want to; bought food when I didn't want to; and watch shtt I didn't want to. Good pussie is worth allll that, no doubt about it. Can work it, cooks, cleans, independent?

Lol, girl, you can have it any time you want.
Ren
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1/2/2012 4:36:48 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/2/2012 12:41:34 PM, Danielle wrote:
This topic has come up a lot lately -- my best friend's boyfriend openly cheats on her when he doesn't feel like they're having enough sex (d!ck... btw they have sex several times a week). I don't think that's justified; it's kind of disrespectful to your relationship. I think a couple needs to be on the same page sexually. You need to be sexually compatible or be willing to work to increase that compatibility. If you can't or won't, you should probably start moving on because no good can come out of it, as you can see...

From a man's perspective (although, forgive me if I'm overgeneralizing), this story sounds preposterous.

When you love a girl, you don't act like that at all, ever.

He's simply making up excuses to be nasty and promiscuous, and he's putting both of their health at risk, as well as likely creating permanent scars in her psyche.

You let her be with someone like that? C'mon, girl, help your friend, wtf, he's a complete dooshbag.

Geez, girls, have some self-respect. Guys, have some friggin self-worth. How are people behaving this way, and staying in relationships with people that do? o.O
Lasagna
Posts: 2,440
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1/2/2012 8:38:51 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/2/2012 11:58:15 AM, Cobo wrote:
At 1/2/2012 3:55:00 AM, Ren wrote:
Your fiance has a double-family life?

No, dummy. She's a Russian sex craved spy who had to go undercover and get a new life/family in-order to hide from the the Russian assassin's salt-n-pepper

Lol, what? What does that mean? Is she married?

Lol, just kidding. She was formerly married had a kid, divorced, and married lasagna.

She wasn't married but otherwise that's right. And we only made it to engagement, not marriage.
Rob
Lasagna
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1/2/2012 8:41:35 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/2/2012 12:41:34 PM, Danielle wrote:
@ Ren - Me too, I'm usually the person not being kept up with sexually. I also want it 7 days a week but that's not realistic (Why? I dunno... seems perfectly plausible to me but then again I don't have kids and a full time career to distract me). Right now I'm with someone and I get it pretty often but not as often as I'd like... it sucks! It really does. It really bothers me actually lol because I'm so0o attracted to them :(

@ Lasagna - I totally understand your partner's feelings of hostility. I know for a fact that if my boo wasn't sleeping with me even though I wanted it, but getting themselves off, I would be very upset. Feelings of resentment, insecurity and jealousy would sweep over me. Even though her anger may not be entirely rational, it is certainly understandable. I'm going to be honest and say that I would probably react the same way she is, and I might even tell my partner the same thing about going to sleep with someone else.

This topic has come up a lot lately -- my best friend's boyfriend openly cheats on her when he doesn't feel like they're having enough sex (d!ck... btw they have sex several times a week). I don't think that's justified; it's kind of disrespectful to your relationship. I think a couple needs to be on the same page sexually. You need to be sexually compatible or be willing to work to increase that compatibility. If you can't or won't, you should probably start moving on because no good can come out of it, as you can see...

As far as the family sitch, my parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember (I think they split when I was 1 or 2). My dad was very involved in my life. I don't think it inhibited my growth or happiness. However it did make me feel a little awkward or left out when I'd visit my friends in the suburbs and my family seemed very different. I think it's normal for kids to want to fit in, feel included and not be an Other. However considering the changing dynamics of families these days, I think it's getting easier to deal with because there is more diversity.

Even though it might suck for your kid(s) if you guys split up, ask yourself if they'd be any better off seeing their parents in an unhappy marriage. In some ways, I think my mom leaving my dad showed me that sometimes you have to be strong and leave the security of a relationship if it is toxic. So long as you guys maintain a healthy parenting relationship, I think that's the most important thing... but do I think you should make one last ditch effort to save the relationship? Yeah, probably. Then again I can be a bit of a romantic and you guys seem good together (plus you still respect her, it seems). Ultimately it's up to you and what you think will be best for everyone and make you both happiest. I genuinely wish you the best of luck <3

We need time apart, that's for sure. At this point I'm wondering if I ever want to be married to anyone. Marriage seems to me like a useless cultural construct.
Rob
MarquisX
Posts: 925
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1/2/2012 10:55:25 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/2/2012 8:41:35 PM, Lasagna wrote:
At 1/2/2012 12:41:34 PM, Danielle wrote:
@ Ren - Me too, I'm usually the person not being kept up with sexually. I also want it 7 days a week but that's not realistic (Why? I dunno... seems perfectly plausible to me but then again I don't have kids and a full time career to distract me). Right now I'm with someone and I get it pretty often but not as often as I'd like... it sucks! It really does. It really bothers me actually lol because I'm so0o attracted to them :(

@ Lasagna - I totally understand your partner's feelings of hostility. I know for a fact that if my boo wasn't sleeping with me even though I wanted it, but getting themselves off, I would be very upset. Feelings of resentment, insecurity and jealousy would sweep over me. Even though her anger may not be entirely rational, it is certainly understandable. I'm going to be honest and say that I would probably react the same way she is, and I might even tell my partner the same thing about going to sleep with someone else.

This topic has come up a lot lately -- my best friend's boyfriend openly cheats on her when he doesn't feel like they're having enough sex (d!ck... btw they have sex several times a week). I don't think that's justified; it's kind of disrespectful to your relationship. I think a couple needs to be on the same page sexually. You need to be sexually compatible or be willing to work to increase that compatibility. If you can't or won't, you should probably start moving on because no good can come out of it, as you can see...

As far as the family sitch, my parents have been divorced for as long as I can remember (I think they split when I was 1 or 2). My dad was very involved in my life. I don't think it inhibited my growth or happiness. However it did make me feel a little awkward or left out when I'd visit my friends in the suburbs and my family seemed very different. I think it's normal for kids to want to fit in, feel included and not be an Other. However considering the changing dynamics of families these days, I think it's getting easier to deal with because there is more diversity.

Even though it might suck for your kid(s) if you guys split up, ask yourself if they'd be any better off seeing their parents in an unhappy marriage. In some ways, I think my mom leaving my dad showed me that sometimes you have to be strong and leave the security of a relationship if it is toxic. So long as you guys maintain a healthy parenting relationship, I think that's the most important thing... but do I think you should make one last ditch effort to save the relationship? Yeah, probably. Then again I can be a bit of a romantic and you guys seem good together (plus you still respect her, it seems). Ultimately it's up to you and what you think will be best for everyone and make you both happiest. I genuinely wish you the best of luck <3

We need time apart, that's for sure. At this point I'm wondering if I ever want to be married to anyone. Marriage seems to me like a useless cultural construct.

I've been thinking the same thing. As much as I don't want to be alone when I'm old, I don't want to be miserable while I'm young.
Sophisticated ignorance, write my curses in cursive
Lasagna
Posts: 2,440
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1/2/2012 11:00:54 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Whether or not you will be alone later in life has little to do with relationship decisions now. It has everything to do with how inviting a person you are. Someone could have one wife their whole life and she could die or leave you when you're 60.
Rob
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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1/2/2012 11:10:32 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/2/2012 4:36:48 PM, Ren wrote:
You let her be with someone like that? C'mon, girl, help your friend, wtf, he's a complete dooshbag.

Ohhh I've tried many innumerable times to talk some sense into her. Everyone has. Her boyfriend is a worthless piece of crap. I've complained about him and this situation on DDO many times before. It's absurd and unfortunate (mind you, my BFF is absolutely gorgeous, smart, talented, sexy, passionate, considerate, graceful, gracious, very social - friendly and outgoing, generous, hard working, THE NICEST PERSON EVER and overall beautiful completely on the inside and out... and terribly humble despite all this. She can have pretty much any guy she wants, yet she stays with this MEAN LOSER who's abusive in just about every way. Sigh. It's very sad. Anyways...
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Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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1/2/2012 11:13:00 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/2/2012 8:41:35 PM, Lasagna wrote:
We need time apart, that's for sure. At this point I'm wondering if I ever want to be married to anyone. Marriage seems to me like a useless cultural construct.

I think marriage is what you make of it. It's whatever you and your partner want it to be. If you want to have an open marriage, that's fine. If you want a polyamorous one, a celibate one or one where you don't even live together - that's fine too. I think the most important thing is just finding someone who shares your views. Of course that's more difficult when your views aren't so mainstream. Most girls probably want the fairy tale. I do think it can work for guys too. Studies show that men are/can actually be happy in long-lasting and monogamous relationships despite the proposition that they tend to wanna fvck everything as the result of an evolutionary process to "spread their seed." The fact is that guys also value "a sure thing" which is likely when they're in a happy relationship.
President of DDO
Lasagna
Posts: 2,440
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1/3/2012 12:32:39 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/2/2012 11:13:00 PM, Danielle wrote:
At 1/2/2012 8:41:35 PM, Lasagna wrote:
We need time apart, that's for sure. At this point I'm wondering if I ever want to be married to anyone. Marriage seems to me like a useless cultural construct.

I think marriage is what you make of it. It's whatever you and your partner want it to be. If you want to have an open marriage, that's fine. If you want a polyamorous one, a celibate one or one where you don't even live together - that's fine too. I think the most important thing is just finding someone who shares your views. Of course that's more difficult when your views aren't so mainstream. Most girls probably want the fairy tale. I do think it can work for guys too.

I guess I don't have defined "views" yet. I was single all through my teens, and never really had any woman around me. Then I hit 20 and it was lockdown. 2.5 year relationship, .5, .5, and now 6. The same thing happens each time - great lovemaking and excitement, then complacency, followed by boredom and finally the heartbreak and drama of the break-up. The things I have said and done to these women keep me up at night with guilt because of how low the relationship brings me, feeling locked-down and cornered.

I just don't think I'm relationship material, I guess.

Studies show that men are/can actually be happy in long-lasting and monogamous relationships despite the proposition that they tend to wanna fvck everything as the result of an evolutionary process to "spread their seed." The fact is that guys also value "a sure thing" which is likely when they're in a happy relationship.

I have a sure thing in myself - I don't need a woman for that. I've heard the stats on marriage and happiness, but studies like those depend on averages. I am the least average person I know.
Rob
Cleopatra
Posts: 18
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1/3/2012 8:20:12 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Let me join the recently broke up club with you Lasagna, but although it hurt's he really did me a favor because I can now focus on DDO (that sounded pathetic huh?).
I freed a thousand slaves I could have freed a thousand more if only they knew they were slaves."
-Harriet Tubman-
Lasagna
Posts: 2,440
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1/4/2012 1:07:27 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/3/2012 8:20:12 PM, Cleopatra wrote:
Let me join the recently broke up club with you Lasagna, but although it hurt's he really did me a favor because I can now focus on DDO (that sounded pathetic huh?).

I like your priorities. This is what we listen to in the broke-up club Cleopatra.
Rob
nonentity
Posts: 5,008
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1/5/2012 12:37:24 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Honestly, Lasagna, that really sucks :/

I'm kind of in relationship limbo right now... not too sure what's going on, to be honest.
Danielle
Posts: 21,330
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1/5/2012 4:23:58 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 1/5/2012 12:37:24 PM, nonentity wrote:
Honestly, Lasagna, that really sucks :/

I'm kind of in relationship limbo right now... not too sure what's going on, to be honest.

Samesies.
President of DDO