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I got a bit of a problem...

Zaradi
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4/17/2012 11:18:16 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Yeah, it's gonna be one of those "dumb teenager, move on already" threads. I hate to try and attention whore, but I'm sick of faking like I'm happy and okay.

Two years ago, I met a girl (let's call her girl x for privacy concerns). She was a year older than me, a sophomore at the time. I was a wee fishy in highschool. We hit it off pretty well and started dating. Probably one of the best and worst things to ever happen to me. We ended up dating for six, seven months, and she called it off because her life was getting crazy and she couldn't handle a serious relationship because of it. Which hurt, really, really bad, because I still really, really, really, really liked her, if not (yes, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to throw down the l-bomb) loved her. We kind of drifted apart a bit after that, and she moved on without a problem, like I was nothing.

After that, life kind of sucked. I tried moving on, dated a few otter girls, even had a bit of a semi-serious relationship that didn't work out in the end, but they all missed something that I couldn't pinpoint what it was: all I know is that they didn't have it, but she did. Now I've kind of drawn into a bit of a reclusive mental hole. I refuse to let people in, and if I do, I'm quick to kick them back out if they seem like they could hurt me. I don't talk to people as much as I used to anymore, and become generally more depressed. People at my school have even started to notice it, whereas before I've always been able to put up a damm good front of being "happy" and people would buy into it.

What's worse is she hasn't been having the best of luck with relationships recently either. Everytime she gets into a relationship, it generally ends badly (the most recent one she found out he was cheating on her) and I'm always pulled in to try and help her pick up the pieces and get her back on her feet. As much as I want to tell her no, I can't, I can't help her, I just can't refuse to help her either. Fvcking stoicism. Anyway, besides the point. She seems to have a kind of naive view of how I feel, and it hurts, literally physically hurts (I get a pain in the middle of my chest, dull and really annoying), whenever I have to talk to her. It's hard, it sucks, and I can't bring myself to confront her about it.

I know one of the most common responses I will get is the "you're a teenager, you'll get over it" deal. And this may be true. But so far, if the past is any indicator of the future, then I find it highly unlikely. Two years since we broke up. Started in September of '09, ended in April of '10. 2 years this month. Not an inch closer to getting over her than I was on day one. Pretty much given up hope at this point.

I hate attention whoring like this, but I'm really getting tired of this facade I have to put up just to deal with every day life. What the hell do I do?
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FREEDO
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4/17/2012 11:28:22 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
My solution to all life-satisfaction problems is either wait or do drugs.
We like to associate our mental states with things happening in our lives or choices we have made.
The fact is, the only things driving your mental state is the current predicament of your neurology.
I know it's exactly what you said you didn't want to hear but, in all probability, if you just wait it out, you will get over it. It will suck and seem like forever though.
It may be comforting that surveys show people who had the worst trials in life also had the highest amount of life-satisfaction later on because they always looked back to see how far they had come. This is the case with myself. I was suicidal for the majority of my memorable life-time. Now I'm on top of the world.
Also, anyone who says drugs aren't a legitimate coping mechanism has clearly never been in the situation.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
ConservativePolitico
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4/17/2012 11:29:47 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
This is interesting and there are multiple things that can be done about this...

First off, I've been in love on two occasions and know exactly how you're feeling. The pain is quite acute I know. But here are some solutions to getting over heart break and love sickness that I have found to be useful in my own experiences.

a) If this was your first love (which I suspect it is) you'll have to accept that the pain, the memories and even the love are going to be there for a long time (if not forever). I still enjoy talking to my first love and have a special place for her in my memories. You can try to accept this and find peace in it.

b) Let someone in. A friend, a family member, another girl, anyone, even someone on this site. Someone to confide in, discuss things, ask advice and just chat. I know you don't want to and I know it might feel awkward right now or whatever but it's better to have someone close to you. You'll have to trust someone eventually or you'll never let anyone in again.

c) Try and talk to this chick again, even if its just on a friendly chat once in a while type of way. Make the relationship positive even if its not a deep one. Make it so if you see each other you smile and say hi. The littlest things can help in a situation like this.

I'm not an expert, I'm just pulling from my own extensive dating experience. I hope this helps in someway if only the smallest way possible.
Lickdafoot
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4/17/2012 11:34:05 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Hmm. Ouch. Sorry. That hurts.

You know, I was in a similar situation in high school. I fell for my best friend. We dated when we first met for like a month, if you would call it that, but then we broke up and just remained friends. For over 2 years I was hooked and I could not get over him. I was pretty depressed then. One day, I just woke up, and all those feelings were gone, and it was like a weight was completely gone from me... and dare i say.. i was moved on. Ever since then, I never really had a problem with grieving over a lost love for an exponential amount of time. First love always hits the hardest.

I know it sucks and it hurts but you will move on eventually. Just focus on other things and other people. Maybe consider dating another girl for a little while.

Theres nothing else I can really tell you that will make your feelings go away. You have to consciously pull yourself out of it. You are wallowing in the past right now. You can't do that. It's not healthy. Stop yourself from thinking about her. You have to be hard on yourself and be honest with yourself. What you have is gone. You aren't getting it back. Suck it up. That's a part of life. There will come a point when you will be happy again.

The truth is, you are happy on your own. You are PERFECTLY happy on your own. Someone else does not owe you that. You owe it to yourself and you have to give it to yourself.
WAKE UP AND READ THIS: http://www.debate.org...
FREEDO
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4/17/2012 11:35:14 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:18:16 PM, Zaradi wrote:
After that, life kind of sucked. I tried moving on, dated a few otter girls,

Otter girls. Yeah, stay away from those, man.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Zaradi
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4/17/2012 11:39:04 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:28:22 PM, FREEDO wrote:
My solution to all life-satisfaction problems is either wait or do drugs.
We like to associate our mental states with things happening in our lives or choices we have made.
The fact is, the only things driving your mental state is the current predicament of your neurology.
I know it's exactly what you said you didn't want to hear but, in all probability, if you just wait it out, you will get over it. It will suck and seem like forever though.
It may be comforting that surveys show people who had the worst trials in life also had the highest amount of life-satisfaction later on because they always looked back to see how far they had come. This is the case with myself. I was suicidal for the majority of my memorable life-time. Now I'm on top of the world.

Dear god I hope this is true. But I dunno. From where I'm standing now, I'm not really going anywhere impressive. I'm not the smartest kid in existence, definitely not the most attractive kid, not the most athletic. There's not really much for me to use later on.
Also, anyone who says drugs aren't a legitimate coping mechanism has clearly never been in the situation.

Wow, the person I least expected to see here, much less not really trolling this (although one could argue your suggestion to use drugs could be, I'm still undecided).
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thett3
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4/17/2012 11:40:50 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
You never forget the first person you loved. The best you can do is recognize the cold hard facts that you cannot deal with that anymore, and attempt to move on; although she will still fill your thoughts from time to time but take this as something good, her legacy and your memories of the time you spent with will always surround you and bring you either comfort or torment. Take your pick.

Be happy you had the chance to date her. I wouldve given anything to get that chance with the girl I felt that way about.
DDO Vice President

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"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

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"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

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: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
Zaradi
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4/17/2012 11:44:11 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:29:47 PM, ConservativePolitico wrote:
This is interesting and there are multiple things that can be done about this...

First off, I've been in love on two occasions and know exactly how you're feeling. The pain is quite acute I know. But here are some solutions to getting over heart break and love sickness that I have found to be useful in my own experiences.

a) If this was your first love (which I suspect it is) you'll have to accept that the pain, the memories and even the love are going to be there for a long time (if not forever). I still enjoy talking to my first love and have a special place for her in my memories. You can try to accept this and find peace in it.

I think I've already accepted this bit, but I'm not too sure that it's actually helped at all. The thought of feeling like this for a long time to come, if not forever, is not exactly a pleasant thought.

b) Let someone in. A friend, a family member, another girl, anyone, even someone on this site. Someone to confide in, discuss things, ask advice and just chat. I know you don't want to and I know it might feel awkward right now or whatever but it's better to have someone close to you. You'll have to trust someone eventually or you'll never let anyone in again.

Letting people in, hell, even interacting with people outside of a computer setting, is hard for me. I'm what you would call socially awkward to the nth degree. Over time, after bit exactly being very high up on the social food chain, I've learned that keeping people out is a lot easier than letting people in. It's hard trying to go against 16 years of instinct.

c) Try and talk to this chick again, even if its just on a friendly chat once in a while type of way. Make the relationship positive even if its not a deep one. Make it so if you see each other you smile and say hi. The littlest things can help in a situation like this.

We kind of have a bit of a friendship, but I'm not sure how much it actually is helping, if not only making things harder for me. I dunno.

I'm not an expert, I'm just pulling from my own extensive dating experience. I hope this helps in someway if only the smallest way possible.

Thanks for the advice. I seriously appreciate it.
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Lickdafoot
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4/17/2012 11:44:27 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:39:04 PM, Zaradi wrote:
Dear god I hope this is true. But I dunno. From where I'm standing now, I'm not really going anywhere impressive. I'm not the smartest kid in existence, definitely not the most attractive kid, not the most athletic. There's not really much for me to use later on.

But that's only as true as you make it. You are still a teenager, you will move past that mentality most likely.
WAKE UP AND READ THIS: http://www.debate.org...
FREEDO
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4/17/2012 11:46:01 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:39:04 PM, Zaradi wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:28:22 PM, FREEDO wrote:
My solution to all life-satisfaction problems is either wait or do drugs.
We like to associate our mental states with things happening in our lives or choices we have made.
The fact is, the only things driving your mental state is the current predicament of your neurology.
I know it's exactly what you said you didn't want to hear but, in all probability, if you just wait it out, you will get over it. It will suck and seem like forever though.
It may be comforting that surveys show people who had the worst trials in life also had the highest amount of life-satisfaction later on because they always looked back to see how far they had come. This is the case with myself. I was suicidal for the majority of my memorable life-time. Now I'm on top of the world.

Dear god I hope this is true. But I dunno. From where I'm standing now, I'm not really going anywhere impressive. I'm not the smartest kid in existence, definitely not the most attractive kid, not the most athletic. There's not really much for me to use later on.
Also, anyone who says drugs aren't a legitimate coping mechanism has clearly never been in the situation.

Wow, the person I least expected to see here, much less not really trolling this (although one could argue your suggestion to use drugs could be, I'm still undecided).

It might be surprising but all my "trolling" is the way I actually think in real life. I'm batshit insane.
That may not make my advice anymore reassuring. But I actually find it funny that most don't like my advice when I was at the very bottom (it's actually an accident that I didn't kill myself) and now I am the happiest goddamn person in the world.
Not even anything in the outside world that seems to be like a cause. I'm just overwhelmed with being proud of myself.

Don't stop climbing until you punch the face of God.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
thett3
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4/17/2012 11:46:34 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:44:27 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:39:04 PM, Zaradi wrote:
Dear god I hope this is true. But I dunno. From where I'm standing now, I'm not really going anywhere impressive. I'm not the smartest kid in existence, definitely not the most attractive kid, not the most athletic. There's not really much for me to use later on.

But that's only as true as you make it. You are still a teenager, you will move past that mentality most likely.

Hate to break it to you, but only 1/7,000,000,000th of all people are the smartest, most athletic, or most attractive person /:
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

"Thett, you're really good at convincing people you're a decent person"-tulle

"You fit the character of Regina George quite nicely"- Sam

: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
FREEDO
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4/17/2012 11:48:21 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
This sounds odd coming from me but having a spiritual experience is actually just as good as a drug. It's quite literally the same thing, actually.
GRAND POOBAH OF DDO

fnord
Zaradi
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4/17/2012 11:49:19 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:34:05 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
Hmm. Ouch. Sorry. That hurts.

You know, I was in a similar situation in high school. I fell for my best friend. We dated when we first met for like a month, if you would call it that, but then we broke up and just remained friends. For over 2 years I was hooked and I could not get over him. I was pretty depressed then. One day, I just woke up, and all those feelings were gone, and it was like a weight was completely gone from me... and dare i say.. i was moved on. Ever since then, I never really had a problem with grieving over a lost love for an exponential amount of time. First love always hits the hardest.

I know it sucks and it hurts but you will move on eventually. Just focus on other things and other people. Maybe consider dating another girl for a little while.

Been there, done that. I can't focus on the relationship when I try to do one, and it just makes me feel horrible about the entire situation.

Theres nothing else I can really tell you that will make your feelings go away. You have to consciously pull yourself out of it. You are wallowing in the past right now. You can't do that. It's not healthy. Stop yourself from thinking about her. You have to be hard on yourself and be honest with yourself. What you have is gone. You aren't getting it back. Suck it up. That's a part of life. There will come a point when you will be happy again.

I guess your right here. But it doesn't make things better that, regardless, I still want it back. I'd sacrifice anything, do anything, go anywhere, say anything, to be able to hold her in my arms against my chest again and to be able to just spend hours with her doing literally nothing but sitting around and chilling, yet having an amazing time. It was the best time in my short, kind of sucky life, and I really want to feel positive about this entire ordeal of life again, even if it's just for a bit.

The truth is, you are happy on your own. You are PERFECTLY happy on your own. Someone else does not owe you that. You owe it to yourself and you have to give it to yourself.
Want to debate? Pick a topic and hit me up! - http://www.debate.org...
Lickdafoot
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4/17/2012 11:49:42 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:46:34 PM, thett3 wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:44:27 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:39:04 PM, Zaradi wrote:
Dear god I hope this is true. But I dunno. From where I'm standing now, I'm not really going anywhere impressive. I'm not the smartest kid in existence, definitely not the most attractive kid, not the most athletic. There's not really much for me to use later on.

But that's only as true as you make it. You are still a teenager, you will move past that mentality most likely.

Hate to break it to you, but only 1/7,000,000,000th of all people are the smartest, most athletic, or most attractive person /:

That doesn't matter. Who really gives a f*ck who is the smartest, etc if that is even possible? which it isn't. His focus on that is what i'm referring to.

Focus not on what you aren't.

Focus on what you are.
WAKE UP AND READ THIS: http://www.debate.org...
Zaradi
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4/17/2012 11:53:06 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:49:42 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:46:34 PM, thett3 wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:44:27 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:39:04 PM, Zaradi wrote:
Dear god I hope this is true. But I dunno. From where I'm standing now, I'm not really going anywhere impressive. I'm not the smartest kid in existence, definitely not the most attractive kid, not the most athletic. There's not really much for me to use later on.

But that's only as true as you make it. You are still a teenager, you will move past that mentality most likely.

Hate to break it to you, but only 1/7,000,000,000th of all people are the smartest, most athletic, or most attractive person /:

That doesn't matter. Who really gives a f*ck who is the smartest, etc if that is even possible? which it isn't. His focus on that is what i'm referring to.

Focus not on what you aren't.

Focus on what you are.

I dunno. Let's focus on what I am right now.

1. Lost
2. Confused
3. Possibly depressed

Right, I'd love to focus on these...
Want to debate? Pick a topic and hit me up! - http://www.debate.org...
Lickdafoot
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4/17/2012 11:54:07 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:49:19 PM, Zaradi wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:34:05 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
Hmm. Ouch. Sorry. That hurts.

You know, I was in a similar situation in high school. I fell for my best friend. We dated when we first met for like a month, if you would call it that, but then we broke up and just remained friends. For over 2 years I was hooked and I could not get over him. I was pretty depressed then. One day, I just woke up, and all those feelings were gone, and it was like a weight was completely gone from me... and dare i say.. i was moved on. Ever since then, I never really had a problem with grieving over a lost love for an exponential amount of time. First love always hits the hardest.

I know it sucks and it hurts but you will move on eventually. Just focus on other things and other people. Maybe consider dating another girl for a little while.

Been there, done that. I can't focus on the relationship when I try to do one, and it just makes me feel horrible about the entire situation.

Okay. then don't go into another one. Give yourself time to get over this. Focus on friends and other people. It's important to be around people who care about you though.

Theres nothing else I can really tell you that will make your feelings go away. You have to consciously pull yourself out of it. You are wallowing in the past right now. You can't do that. It's not healthy. Stop yourself from thinking about her. You have to be hard on yourself and be honest with yourself. What you have is gone. You aren't getting it back. Suck it up. That's a part of life. There will come a point when you will be happy again.

I guess your right here. But it doesn't make things better that, regardless, I still want it back. I'd sacrifice anything, do anything, go anywhere, say anything, to be able to hold her in my arms against my chest again and to be able to just spend hours with her doing literally nothing but sitting around and chilling, yet having an amazing time. It was the best time in my short, kind of sucky life, and I really want to feel positive about this entire ordeal of life again, even if it's just for a bit.

And you know how miserable you are that it's not reality. So stop thinking about it. when you start going on about that in your head, FORCE yourself to focus on other things. It's a struggle now but will get easier with practice.

How about this? Everytime you think about her, repeat this in your head "I AM" until that is the only thought in your mind. (it's a very powerful mantra whether you recognize it as such or not) Then think about OTHER things that you would like to have in your life, ASIDE from her.
WAKE UP AND READ THIS: http://www.debate.org...
Zaradi
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4/17/2012 11:54:39 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:53:06 PM, Zaradi wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:49:42 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:46:34 PM, thett3 wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:44:27 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:39:04 PM, Zaradi wrote:
Dear god I hope this is true. But I dunno. From where I'm standing now, I'm not really going anywhere impressive. I'm not the smartest kid in existence, definitely not the most attractive kid, not the most athletic. There's not really much for me to use later on.

But that's only as true as you make it. You are still a teenager, you will move past that mentality most likely.

Hate to break it to you, but only 1/7,000,000,000th of all people are the smartest, most athletic, or most attractive person /:

That doesn't matter. Who really gives a f*ck who is the smartest, etc if that is even possible? which it isn't. His focus on that is what i'm referring to.

Focus not on what you aren't.

Focus on what you are.

I dunno. Let's focus on what I am right now.

1. Lost
2. Confused
3. Possibly depressed

Right, I'd love to focus on these...

-.- sorry. I shouldn't have snapped like that. I'm kind of all over te place right now...
Want to debate? Pick a topic and hit me up! - http://www.debate.org...
Lickdafoot
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4/17/2012 11:54:51 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:53:06 PM, Zaradi wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:49:42 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:46:34 PM, thett3 wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:44:27 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:39:04 PM, Zaradi wrote:
Dear god I hope this is true. But I dunno. From where I'm standing now, I'm not really going anywhere impressive. I'm not the smartest kid in existence, definitely not the most attractive kid, not the most athletic. There's not really much for me to use later on.

But that's only as true as you make it. You are still a teenager, you will move past that mentality most likely.

Hate to break it to you, but only 1/7,000,000,000th of all people are the smartest, most athletic, or most attractive person /:

That doesn't matter. Who really gives a f*ck who is the smartest, etc if that is even possible? which it isn't. His focus on that is what i'm referring to.

Focus not on what you aren't.

Focus on what you are.

I dunno. Let's focus on what I am right now.

1. Lost
2. Confused
3. Possibly depressed

Right, I'd love to focus on these...

Again, that's only as true as you make it. Lie to yourself. IT turns into truth eventually.
WAKE UP AND READ THIS: http://www.debate.org...
thett3
Posts: 14,338
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4/17/2012 11:55:10 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:53:06 PM, Zaradi wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:49:42 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:46:34 PM, thett3 wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:44:27 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:39:04 PM, Zaradi wrote:
Dear god I hope this is true. But I dunno. From where I'm standing now, I'm not really going anywhere impressive. I'm not the smartest kid in existence, definitely not the most attractive kid, not the most athletic. There's not really much for me to use later on.

But that's only as true as you make it. You are still a teenager, you will move past that mentality most likely.

Hate to break it to you, but only 1/7,000,000,000th of all people are the smartest, most athletic, or most attractive person /:

That doesn't matter. Who really gives a f*ck who is the smartest, etc if that is even possible? which it isn't. His focus on that is what i'm referring to.

Focus not on what you aren't.

Focus on what you are.

I dunno. Let's focus on what I am right now.

1. Lost
2. Confused
3. Possibly depressed

Right, I'd love to focus on these...

"Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents, which in prosperous circumstances would have lain dormant."-Horace.

Happiness cannot come without initial hardship, it's the struggles that we deal with in which we truly find ourselves.
DDO Vice President

#StandwithBossy

#UnbanTheMadman

#BetOnThett

"Don't quote me, ever." -Max

"My name is max. I'm not a big fan of slacks"- Max rapping

"Walmart should have the opportunity to bribe a politician to it's agenda" -Max

"Thett, you're really good at convincing people you're a decent person"-tulle

"You fit the character of Regina George quite nicely"- Sam

: At 11/12/2016 11:49:40 PM, Raisor wrote:
: thett was right
Oryus
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4/17/2012 11:55:37 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Well, it seems like you have a few different options. Obviously, I can't know every detail of what you're going through, but we'll see if you can work with what I have to say.

I don't know what you want out of this situation directly. It seems you may not either. So I'm going to take the default good goal: my goal in my advice is your well-being.
If it is especially painful for you to help her with her relationship woes, you should stop helping her with it. It's obviously causing a lot of turmoil that is persistent. Triggers for that kind of deep depression should definitely be avoided. Those negative feelings don't seem to be worth it to put yourself through. The relationship, as I gather, seems to be over.

So maybe make a list- think specifics:
What are you gaining from helping her? What are you losing from helping her?

I know from what you've said that you aren't gaining much, if anything. But you are losing your mental health and your feelings of connection with other people- because you are afraid that they will hurt you. That is completely understandable. But you can't expect to go through the grieving process after a relationship if you keep ripping out the sutures. You can't expect yourself to be able to live through painful reminders of a past loss so frequently and with such intensity and still be able to heal from it easily. You're allowing her to go on hurting you. Somehow, you have to make that stop happening. If her actions are causing the most trouble, the most direct way is to let her know you need a break from her.

Is this advice applicable?
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
imabench
Posts: 21,210
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4/17/2012 11:56:26 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:53:06 PM, Zaradi wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:49:42 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:46:34 PM, thett3 wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:44:27 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:39:04 PM, Zaradi wrote:
Dear god I hope this is true. But I dunno. From where I'm standing now, I'm not really going anywhere impressive. I'm not the smartest kid in existence, definitely not the most attractive kid, not the most athletic. There's not really much for me to use later on.

But that's only as true as you make it. You are still a teenager, you will move past that mentality most likely.

Hate to break it to you, but only 1/7,000,000,000th of all people are the smartest, most athletic, or most attractive person /:

That doesn't matter. Who really gives a f*ck who is the smartest, etc if that is even possible? which it isn't. His focus on that is what i'm referring to.

Focus not on what you aren't.

Focus on what you are.

I dunno. Let's focus on what I am right now.

1. Lost

No one has the right answers, but you can at least take solace in the fact that you did nothing wrong

2. Confused

The girl never did come back to you which means she was the one who didnt stay true to you, you did nothing wrong and played all your cards right, but she didnt.

3. Possibly depressed

LDF has a point about getting over the first one, but thats natural and the WORST thing you can do is IMMEDIATELY get into another relationship when you still cannot get over her.

My advice, stay away from all girls for now, make you the most important person in the world, focus on you and no one else. Live this lifestyle for a few years, and then when your confidence is at an all time high, then start CONSIDERING going out on the market.

Since Thaddy isnt here yet ill recommend that you burn her house down too
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LibertyCampbell
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4/17/2012 11:58:16 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I would go buy a seed for a tomato plant.

Then I would plant the seed in the ground, and water it, and watch it grow. If it dies, plant another one and try again.

Then I would take a tomato from that plant and eat it. You will feel better. Life is bigger than silly things like this. Once you start feeling like you can add things to the world, you can start to climb out of your hole. You are capable of creating so much and capable of adding to the lives of others. So once you have your tomato plant, find a nice girl that grows flowers and ask her out on a date.

Of course, I have barely any experience when it comes to things like this. But creating things made me move on from my first relationship, so give it a try.
"[Society] has no vested interest in continuing to exist." -RP
imabench
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4/17/2012 11:58:44 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Also, the length of the relationship has a direct effect on how long it will take to get over her. And you were in a relationship with her for a long a** time which means it will take a really long a** time to get over her.

BUT you dont have to get over her COMPLETELY, just enough to feel confident in yourself and your abilities and qualities again.
Kevin24018 : "He's just so mean it makes me want to ball up my fists and stamp on the ground"

7/14/16 = The Presidency Dies

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thett3
Posts: 14,338
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4/17/2012 11:59:53 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:58:16 PM, LibertyCampbell wrote:
I would go buy a seed for a tomato plant.

Then I would plant the seed in the ground, and water it, and watch it grow. If it dies, plant another one and try again.

Then I would take a tomato from that plant and eat it. You will feel better. Life is bigger than silly things like this. Once you start feeling like you can add things to the world, you can start to climb out of your hole. You are capable of creating so much and capable of adding to the lives of others. So once you have your tomato plant, find a nice girl that grows flowers and ask her out on a date.

Of course, I have barely any experience when it comes to things like this. But creating things made me move on from my first relationship, so give it a try.

This. Well said, well said.
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: thett was right
Lickdafoot
Posts: 5,599
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4/18/2012 12:00:08 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:58:16 PM, LibertyCampbell wrote:
I would go buy a seed for a tomato plant.

Then I would plant the seed in the ground, and water it, and watch it grow. If it dies, plant another one and try again.

Then I would take a tomato from that plant and eat it. You will feel better. Life is bigger than silly things like this. Once you start feeling like you can add things to the world, you can start to climb out of your hole. You are capable of creating so much and capable of adding to the lives of others. So once you have your tomato plant, find a nice girl that grows flowers and ask her out on a date.

Of course, I have barely any experience when it comes to things like this. But creating things made me move on from my first relationship, so give it a try.

I immediately like you.
WAKE UP AND READ THIS: http://www.debate.org...
Zaradi
Posts: 14,125
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4/18/2012 12:02:36 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:55:37 PM, Oryus wrote:
Well, it seems like you have a few different options. Obviously, I can't know every detail of what you're going through, but we'll see if you can work with what I have to say.

I don't know what you want out of this situation directly. It seems you may not either. So I'm going to take the default good goal: my goal in my advice is your well-being.
If it is especially painful for you to help her with her relationship woes, you should stop helping her with it. It's obviously causing a lot of turmoil that is persistent. Triggers for that kind of deep depression should definitely be avoided. Those negative feelings don't seem to be worth it to put yourself through. The relationship, as I gather, seems to be over.

So maybe make a list- think specifics:
What are you gaining from helping her? What are you losing from helping her?

I know from what you've said that you aren't gaining much, if anything. But you are losing your mental health and your feelings of connection with other people- because you are afraid that they will hurt you. That is completely understandable. But you can't expect to go through the grieving process after a relationship if you keep ripping out the sutures. You can't expect yourself to be able to live through painful reminders of a past loss so frequently and with such intensity and still be able to heal from it easily. You're allowing her to go on hurting you. Somehow, you have to make that stop happening. If her actions are causing the most trouble, the most direct way is to let her know you need a break from her.

Is this advice applicable?

I don't know. It is, but I don't know that I can refuse her. I understand that it hurts me, but not helping someone when they come to me, even if helping them hurts me in the process, kind of goes against who I am as a person.

Like I said before, it's the stupid fvcking stoicism.
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tvellalott
Posts: 10,864
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4/18/2012 12:03:51 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
You're a teenager, you'll get over it.
"Caitlyn Jenner is an incredibly brave and stunningly beautiful woman."

Muh threads
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Zaradi
Posts: 14,125
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4/18/2012 12:04:57 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 4/17/2012 11:56:26 PM, imabench wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:53:06 PM, Zaradi wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:49:42 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:46:34 PM, thett3 wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:44:27 PM, Lickdafoot wrote:
At 4/17/2012 11:39:04 PM, Zaradi wrote:
Dear god I hope this is true. But I dunno. From where I'm standing now, I'm not really going anywhere impressive. I'm not the smartest kid in existence, definitely not the most attractive kid, not the most athletic. There's not really much for me to use later on.

But that's only as true as you make it. You are still a teenager, you will move past that mentality most likely.

Hate to break it to you, but only 1/7,000,000,000th of all people are the smartest, most athletic, or most attractive person /:

That doesn't matter. Who really gives a f*ck who is the smartest, etc if that is even possible? which it isn't. His focus on that is what i'm referring to.

Focus not on what you aren't.

Focus on what you are.

I dunno. Let's focus on what I am right now.

1. Lost

No one has the right answers, but you can at least take solace in the fact that you did nothing wrong

I had to have done something wrong in order for her to want to end it, right? Even if the reason is absolutely arbitrary, she would still have a reason. Wouldn't she?

2. Confused

The girl never did come back to you which means she was the one who didnt stay true to you, you did nothing wrong and played all your cards right, but she didnt.

3. Possibly depressed

LDF has a point about getting over the first one, but thats natural and the WORST thing you can do is IMMEDIATELY get into another relationship when you still cannot get over her.

My advice, stay away from all girls for now, make you the most important person in the world, focus on you and no one else. Live this lifestyle for a few years, and then when your confidence is at an all time high, then start CONSIDERING going out on the market.

Since Thaddy isnt here yet ill recommend that you burn her house down too

Nah, thaddy will be more interested to hear that she's a redhead if/when he comes around.
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