Total Posts:25|Showing Posts:1-25
Jump to topic:

Story help

Calvincambridge
Posts: 1,141
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.
Trying to figure out women is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with missing pieces. While blind. And on fire. And being shot.-Agent_Orange
Dude. Shades
That is all.- Thaddeus Rivers
One thing that isn't a joke though is the fact that woman are computers.Some buttons you can press and it'l work fine, but if you push the wrong one you'll get the blue screen of death.
silly, thett. girls are only good for sex. being friends with a female is of no value.-darkkermit
cheesedingo1
Posts: 695
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.
My name is Cheesedingo1. I am a dingo. Made of cheese. My favorite number is one. BOOM.
Calvincambridge
Posts: 1,141
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.
Trying to figure out women is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with missing pieces. While blind. And on fire. And being shot.-Agent_Orange
Dude. Shades
That is all.- Thaddeus Rivers
One thing that isn't a joke though is the fact that woman are computers.Some buttons you can press and it'l work fine, but if you push the wrong one you'll get the blue screen of death.
silly, thett. girls are only good for sex. being friends with a female is of no value.-darkkermit
DetectableNinja
Posts: 6,043
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 3:48:42 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

Just a matter of curiosity, can you give me a wordcount on that?
Think'st thou heaven is such a glorious thing?
I tell thee, 'tis not half so fair as thou
Or any man that breathes on earth.

- Christopher Marlowe, Doctor Faustus
Calvincambridge
Posts: 1,141
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 3:49:49 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 3:48:42 PM, DetectableNinja wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

Just a matter of curiosity, can you give me a wordcount on that?

48
Trying to figure out women is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with missing pieces. While blind. And on fire. And being shot.-Agent_Orange
Dude. Shades
That is all.- Thaddeus Rivers
One thing that isn't a joke though is the fact that woman are computers.Some buttons you can press and it'l work fine, but if you push the wrong one you'll get the blue screen of death.
silly, thett. girls are only good for sex. being friends with a female is of no value.-darkkermit
DetectableNinja
Posts: 6,043
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 3:50:37 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 3:49:49 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:48:42 PM, DetectableNinja wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

Just a matter of curiosity, can you give me a wordcount on that?

48

I mean on the entire book.
Think'st thou heaven is such a glorious thing?
I tell thee, 'tis not half so fair as thou
Or any man that breathes on earth.

- Christopher Marlowe, Doctor Faustus
Calvincambridge
Posts: 1,141
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 3:51:19 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 3:50:37 PM, DetectableNinja wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:49:49 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:48:42 PM, DetectableNinja wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

Just a matter of curiosity, can you give me a wordcount on that?

48

I mean on the entire book.

it will take awhile but maybe.
Trying to figure out women is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with missing pieces. While blind. And on fire. And being shot.-Agent_Orange
Dude. Shades
That is all.- Thaddeus Rivers
One thing that isn't a joke though is the fact that woman are computers.Some buttons you can press and it'l work fine, but if you push the wrong one you'll get the blue screen of death.
silly, thett. girls are only good for sex. being friends with a female is of no value.-darkkermit
DetectableNinja
Posts: 6,043
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 3:53:47 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 3:51:19 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:50:37 PM, DetectableNinja wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:49:49 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:48:42 PM, DetectableNinja wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

Just a matter of curiosity, can you give me a wordcount on that?

48

I mean on the entire book.

it will take awhile but maybe.

Don't you have it in a word processor? Because then you can find the word count easily.
Think'st thou heaven is such a glorious thing?
I tell thee, 'tis not half so fair as thou
Or any man that breathes on earth.

- Christopher Marlowe, Doctor Faustus
Calvincambridge
Posts: 1,141
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 3:54:44 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 3:53:47 PM, DetectableNinja wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:51:19 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:50:37 PM, DetectableNinja wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:49:49 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:48:42 PM, DetectableNinja wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

Just a matter of curiosity, can you give me a wordcount on that?

48

I mean on the entire book.

it will take awhile but maybe.

Don't you have it in a word processor? Because then you can find the word count easily.

The first copy was handwritten. I'm going to make the second
Trying to figure out women is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with missing pieces. While blind. And on fire. And being shot.-Agent_Orange
Dude. Shades
That is all.- Thaddeus Rivers
One thing that isn't a joke though is the fact that woman are computers.Some buttons you can press and it'l work fine, but if you push the wrong one you'll get the blue screen of death.
silly, thett. girls are only good for sex. being friends with a female is of no value.-darkkermit
Calvincambridge
Posts: 1,141
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 3:59:50 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
i couldn't find the complete first manuscript.
Trying to figure out women is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with missing pieces. While blind. And on fire. And being shot.-Agent_Orange
Dude. Shades
That is all.- Thaddeus Rivers
One thing that isn't a joke though is the fact that woman are computers.Some buttons you can press and it'l work fine, but if you push the wrong one you'll get the blue screen of death.
silly, thett. girls are only good for sex. being friends with a female is of no value.-darkkermit
Man-is-good
Posts: 6,871
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 4:16:21 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

To be fair, while I'm not a professional in writing, I don't see much connection here between the elements of the story--setting, characterization, points of the story, but can't say for sure until you provide a summary or even excerpts of your first draft.
"Homo sum, humani nihil a me alienum puto." --Terence

"I believe that the mind can be permanently profaned by the habit of attending to trivial things, so that all our thoughts shall be tinged with triviality."--Thoreau
cheesedingo1
Posts: 695
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 4:40:36 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 4:16:21 PM, Man-is-good wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

To be fair, while I'm not a professional in writing, I don't see much connection here between the elements of the story--setting, characterization, points of the story, but can't say for sure until you provide a summary or even excerpts of your first draft.

So, the guy kills jenn, but how does he overthrow S. Carolina, and doesn't the south lose? I see many flaws here, sorry.
My name is Cheesedingo1. I am a dingo. Made of cheese. My favorite number is one. BOOM.
OMGJustinBieber
Posts: 3,484
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 4:48:39 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 4:40:36 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:16:21 PM, Man-is-good wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

To be fair, while I'm not a professional in writing, I don't see much connection here between the elements of the story--setting, characterization, points of the story, but can't say for sure until you provide a summary or even excerpts of your first draft.

So, the guy kills jenn, but how does he overthrow S. Carolina, and doesn't the south lose? I see many flaws here, sorry.

Don't be hatin'.

Story sounds pretty neat. Could be improved though, maybe time travel? Like maybe have the guy go back in time to convince like revolutionary war soldiers to go invade Mexico or something.
cheesedingo1
Posts: 695
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 4:50:15 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 4:48:39 PM, OMGJustinBieber wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:40:36 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:16:21 PM, Man-is-good wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

To be fair, while I'm not a professional in writing, I don't see much connection here between the elements of the story--setting, characterization, points of the story, but can't say for sure until you provide a summary or even excerpts of your first draft.

So, the guy kills jenn, but how does he overthrow S. Carolina, and doesn't the south lose? I see many flaws here, sorry.

Don't be hatin'.

Story sounds pretty neat. Could be improved though, maybe time travel? Like maybe have the guy go back in time to convince like revolutionary war soldiers to go invade Mexico or something.

I like this.
My name is Cheesedingo1. I am a dingo. Made of cheese. My favorite number is one. BOOM.
Calvincambridge
Posts: 1,141
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 4:51:02 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 4:40:36 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:16:21 PM, Man-is-good wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

To be fair, while I'm not a professional in writing, I don't see much connection here between the elements of the story--setting, characterization, points of the story, but can't say for sure until you provide a summary or even excerpts of your first draft.

So, the guy kills jenn, but how does he overthrow S. Carolina, and doesn't the south lose? I see many flaws here, sorry.

It's a different uprising in modern times.
Trying to figure out women is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with missing pieces. While blind. And on fire. And being shot.-Agent_Orange
Dude. Shades
That is all.- Thaddeus Rivers
One thing that isn't a joke though is the fact that woman are computers.Some buttons you can press and it'l work fine, but if you push the wrong one you'll get the blue screen of death.
silly, thett. girls are only good for sex. being friends with a female is of no value.-darkkermit
cheesedingo1
Posts: 695
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 5:13:35 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 4:51:02 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:40:36 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:16:21 PM, Man-is-good wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

To be fair, while I'm not a professional in writing, I don't see much connection here between the elements of the story--setting, characterization, points of the story, but can't say for sure until you provide a summary or even excerpts of your first draft.

So, the guy kills jenn, but how does he overthrow S. Carolina, and doesn't the south lose? I see many flaws here, sorry.

It's a different uprising in modern times.

OHHHHH that makes everything make sense. So, what happens when he becomes dictator? does he go mad knowing he's killed jenn?
My name is Cheesedingo1. I am a dingo. Made of cheese. My favorite number is one. BOOM.
Calvincambridge
Posts: 1,141
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/14/2012 8:01:00 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 5:13:35 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:51:02 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:40:36 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:16:21 PM, Man-is-good wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

To be fair, while I'm not a professional in writing, I don't see much connection here between the elements of the story--setting, characterization, points of the story, but can't say for sure until you provide a summary or even excerpts of your first draft.

So, the guy kills jenn, but how does he overthrow S. Carolina, and doesn't the south lose? I see many flaws here, sorry.

It's a different uprising in modern times.

OHHHHH that makes everything make sense. So, what happens when he becomes dictator? does he go mad knowing he's killed jenn?

No he doesn't but her best friend repeatedly tries to kill him and creates a rebel force.
Trying to figure out women is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with missing pieces. While blind. And on fire. And being shot.-Agent_Orange
Dude. Shades
That is all.- Thaddeus Rivers
One thing that isn't a joke though is the fact that woman are computers.Some buttons you can press and it'l work fine, but if you push the wrong one you'll get the blue screen of death.
silly, thett. girls are only good for sex. being friends with a female is of no value.-darkkermit
cheesedingo1
Posts: 695
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/15/2012 2:37:06 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 8:01:00 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 5:13:35 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:51:02 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:40:36 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:16:21 PM, Man-is-good wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

To be fair, while I'm not a professional in writing, I don't see much connection here between the elements of the story--setting, characterization, points of the story, but can't say for sure until you provide a summary or even excerpts of your first draft.

So, the guy kills jenn, but how does he overthrow S. Carolina, and doesn't the south lose? I see many flaws here, sorry.

It's a different uprising in modern times.

OHHHHH that makes everything make sense. So, what happens when he becomes dictator? does he go mad knowing he's killed jenn?

No he doesn't but her best friend repeatedly tries to kill him and creates a rebel force.

So let me get this straight. A man kills a girl because he got friendzoned, so he tried to move to mexico but instead went to N. Carolina, where he joined the civil war in america, and they win and he becomes dictator. Then, the girl that he killed has a best friend who makes rebel forces to try and kill him.

.....Im sorry, but honestly, I have read many books and am fascinated by literature. I have criticized many books and have written reports on the flaws about them, some in my local newspaper under a different alias. I am sorry, but I dont see how this is a good read or would be a good one.
My name is Cheesedingo1. I am a dingo. Made of cheese. My favorite number is one. BOOM.
Calvincambridge
Posts: 1,141
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/15/2012 12:19:08 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/15/2012 2:37:06 AM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 8:01:00 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 5:13:35 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:51:02 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:40:36 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:16:21 PM, Man-is-good wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

To be fair, while I'm not a professional in writing, I don't see much connection here between the elements of the story--setting, characterization, points of the story, but can't say for sure until you provide a summary or even excerpts of your first draft.

So, the guy kills jenn, but how does he overthrow S. Carolina, and doesn't the south lose? I see many flaws here, sorry.

It's a different uprising in modern times.

OHHHHH that makes everything make sense. So, what happens when he becomes dictator? does he go mad knowing he's killed jenn?

No he doesn't but her best friend repeatedly tries to kill him and creates a rebel force.

So let me get this straight. A man kills a girl because he got friendzoned, so he tried to move to mexico but instead went to N. Carolina, where he joined the civil war in america, and they win and he becomes dictator. Then, the girl that he killed has a best friend who makes rebel forces to try and kill him.

.....Im sorry, but honestly, I have read many books and am fascinated by literature. I have criticized many books and have written reports on the flaws about them, some in my local newspaper under a different alias. I am sorry, but I dont see how this is a good read or would be a good one.

He didn't join it he started it. The book is told from the perspective of the rebel leader.
Trying to figure out women is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with missing pieces. While blind. And on fire. And being shot.-Agent_Orange
Dude. Shades
That is all.- Thaddeus Rivers
One thing that isn't a joke though is the fact that woman are computers.Some buttons you can press and it'l work fine, but if you push the wrong one you'll get the blue screen of death.
silly, thett. girls are only good for sex. being friends with a female is of no value.-darkkermit
Aayu
Posts: 65
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/16/2012 12:51:05 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/15/2012 2:37:06 AM, cheesedingo1 wrote:


.....Im sorry, but honestly, I have read many books and am fascinated by literature. I have criticized many books and have written reports on the flaws about them, some in my local newspaper under a different alias. I am sorry, but I dont see how this is a good read or would be a good one.

I just finished The Lost Symbol. I was told that it is a book that tries to intertwine religions and science, and portrays a new perspective on spirituality, while the protagonist tries to solve various clues left by the villain.

Definitely not my cup of tea, I read it because a friend wanted to discuss it.

And it was engrossing. Really reeeeally interesting.

Bottomline is, you can't really judge how the book would come out based solely on the storyline. It is important, of course- but the interest level depends on the writing style.
Stephen_Hawkins
Posts: 5,316
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/16/2012 7:42:28 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
I've reviewed amateur writing works for 3 years now, and I've gone through must be thousands of manuscripts of short stories (2000 words or less). If you send me a copy, or an extract, I can help you with anything you need. General words of advice:

Love stories are sh!t. The publishing industry never contracts them anymore. They are popular, yes. This means the publishing industry wants a few more to be sold (at the very best double number made). Anything love story, or books targeted at teenage girls, has gone up ten-fold at the very least. Last year, I went through 2013 short stories (regional competition in UK, one of the reviewers). I am pretty certain around 2/3rds, maybe 3/4 were love or teenage girl fanfic of twilight or something like that. I hate twilight to begin with, and watching an undeveloped character which blatantly is the writer go out for no reason with a massive bulky bloke made me bored within minutes. Some versions are good, no doubt. I read a great one about a guy who had cancer who needed to do random stuff, with a girl who didn't like him (title was need a mercedes or something like that. I saw it on the internet recently I think, you can probably google it). However, the number of these genres I put forth were 6.

I think there are two things to do when writing a story, and both are really similar. Firstly, think of, in one sentence, the storyline in a precise, concise, succinct description which makes it clearly distinct, similar to an elevator pitch. For example:

"The story is based on the protagonist being the most successful warrior of his tribe after beating the best tribesman in the village, which makes the protagonist hubric and dictatorial, but then the Christian missionaries come in and destroy his strength through gunpowder and knowledge, and restructure the whole tribe. Humbled, he leaves, and suffers before a pitiful death". Of course, the thought is an elevator pitch, and this is just made up on the spot. It can be more than a sentence, but usually it is best to be shorter so it is certain what the parameters on.

Second, think of, in a sentence, the hidden storyline. The best way I can explain this is as an example. Keep in mind the previous pitch. "Through colonisation, we have completely wiped out those that existed previously: we had, in the thought of our superior Christian morals and culture and science, received a mandate to uplift the rest of society. However, what we did instead was create a massive landgrab of Africa and Asia and America, committing cultural genocide."

I can see the characters form already with this laid out. The prideful hubric main character, with his four wives and children. The elders, fearful of him yet still see themselves as the Shamans of the tribe. His father, a humanist, seen as a failure and the symbol of what multiculturalism creates. The Missionary, a regular Hernán Cortez, and the setting of a desert-like region.

I hope you know what your story is aiming at: escapism pure doesn't usually sell. Harry Potter is a great example: it's exposition of life and death is what has made it popular among the educated as well as the populists.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to be Gay, he'll positively influence the GDP.

Social Contract Theory debate: http://www.debate.org...
Stephen_Hawkins
Posts: 5,316
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/16/2012 7:44:53 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/14/2012 4:48:39 PM, OMGJustinBieber wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:40:36 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 4:16:21 PM, Man-is-good wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:47:11 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
At 6/14/2012 3:41:34 PM, cheesedingo1 wrote:
At 6/14/2012 2:08:17 PM, Calvincambridge wrote:
Hey guys i'm writing a book. The first draft is finished and I want to start writing my second draft. I need some help with the story. Most of it is worked out. I just need to clear up some small details. I'm going to agree with BB's name Jenny Sckatt but her description is still vague. Where should she live. Not Pennsylvania but near there. Also the civil war needs major revision.

What's the book about? you leave us no details for us to help you.

It begins with jenny a seemingly sweet girl. She is murdered after she tells our protaiganist that they will have to stay friends. he attempts to escape to Mexico. Instead overthrows South Carilona. he then enters a civil war with the United States. he wins and becomes dictator.

To be fair, while I'm not a professional in writing, I don't see much connection here between the elements of the story--setting, characterization, points of the story, but can't say for sure until you provide a summary or even excerpts of your first draft.

So, the guy kills jenn, but how does he overthrow S. Carolina, and doesn't the south lose? I see many flaws here, sorry.

Don't be hatin'.

Story sounds pretty neat. Could be improved though, maybe time travel? Like maybe have the guy go back in time to convince like revolutionary war soldiers to go invade Mexico or something.

Yes, let's get a strenuous at best storyline, and improve it by adding time travel. Let's add laser rifles, aliens and evil tacos as well /sarcasm.

The Force, noun, the thing that terrible writers use if they want to justify magic without saying magic.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to be Gay, he'll positively influence the GDP.

Social Contract Theory debate: http://www.debate.org...
Stephen_Hawkins
Posts: 5,316
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/16/2012 7:47:21 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/16/2012 12:51:05 AM, Aayu wrote:
At 6/15/2012 2:37:06 AM, cheesedingo1 wrote:


.....Im sorry, but honestly, I have read many books and am fascinated by literature. I have criticized many books and have written reports on the flaws about them, some in my local newspaper under a different alias. I am sorry, but I dont see how this is a good read or would be a good one.

I just finished The Lost Symbol. I was told that it is a book that tries to intertwine religions and science, and portrays a new perspective on spirituality, while the protagonist tries to solve various clues left by the villain.

Definitely not my cup of tea, I read it because a friend wanted to discuss it.

And it was engrossing. Really reeeeally interesting.

Bottomline is, you can't really judge how the book would come out based solely on the storyline. It is important, of course- but the interest level depends on the writing style.

Sorry, but you can. I'll be honest, it's a difficult thing to do accurately, but I know a lot of people who can do so simply due to hearing the storyline. Most pitches in literature start off with "tell me the storyline" then a yea or nay is given to carry on.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to be Gay, he'll positively influence the GDP.

Social Contract Theory debate: http://www.debate.org...
Aayu
Posts: 65
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/17/2012 9:13:08 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/16/2012 7:47:21 AM, Stephen_Hawkins wrote:
At 6/16/2012 12:51:05 AM, Aayu wrote:
At 6/15/2012 2:37:06 AM, cheesedingo1 wrote:


.....Im sorry, but honestly, I have read many books and am fascinated by literature. I have criticized many books and have written reports on the flaws about them, some in my local newspaper under a different alias. I am sorry, but I dont see how this is a good read or would be a good one.

I just finished The Lost Symbol. I was told that it is a book that tries to intertwine religions and science, and portrays a new perspective on spirituality, while the protagonist tries to solve various clues left by the villain.

Definitely not my cup of tea, I read it because a friend wanted to discuss it.

And it was engrossing. Really reeeeally interesting.

Bottomline is, you can't really judge how the book would come out based solely on the storyline. It is important, of course- but the interest level depends on the writing style.

Sorry, but you can. I'll be honest, it's a difficult thing to do accurately, but I know a lot of people who can do so simply due to hearing the storyline. Most pitches in literature start off with "tell me the storyline" then a yea or nay is given to carry on.

Harry Potter was rejected by 7 publishers. I'm sorry I just don't find this process very effective. You can try to gauge the appeal of the story by listening to it, but the whole point of the novel is a written adventure. The writing style is really the essence. Shopaholic series, and princess diaries are bestsellers solely because of their humorous writing styles. Both are rather void in the story department.
Calvincambridge
Posts: 1,141
Add as Friend
Challenge to a Debate
Send a Message
6/17/2012 9:27:26 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/17/2012 9:13:08 AM, Aayu wrote:
At 6/16/2012 7:47:21 AM, Stephen_Hawkins wrote:
At 6/16/2012 12:51:05 AM, Aayu wrote:
At 6/15/2012 2:37:06 AM, cheesedingo1 wrote:


.....Im sorry, but honestly, I have read many books and am fascinated by literature. I have criticized many books and have written reports on the flaws about them, some in my local newspaper under a different alias. I am sorry, but I dont see how this is a good read or would be a good one.

I just finished The Lost Symbol. I was told that it is a book that tries to intertwine religions and science, and portrays a new perspective on spirituality, while the protagonist tries to solve various clues left by the villain.

Definitely not my cup of tea, I read it because a friend wanted to discuss it.

And it was engrossing. Really reeeeally interesting.

Bottomline is, you can't really judge how the book would come out based solely on the storyline. It is important, of course- but the interest level depends on the writing style.

Sorry, but you can. I'll be honest, it's a difficult thing to do accurately, but I know a lot of people who can do so simply due to hearing the storyline. Most pitches in literature start off with "tell me the storyline" then a yea or nay is given to carry on.

Harry Potter was rejected by 7 publishers. I'm sorry I just don't find this process very effective. You can try to gauge the appeal of the story by listening to it, but the whole point of the novel is a written adventure. The writing style is really the essence. Shopaholic series, and princess diaries are bestsellers solely because of their humorous writing styles. Both are rather void in the story department.

I can give you an excerpt from the sequel
Trying to figure out women is like trying to solve a Rubik's cube with missing pieces. While blind. And on fire. And being shot.-Agent_Orange
Dude. Shades
That is all.- Thaddeus Rivers
One thing that isn't a joke though is the fact that woman are computers.Some buttons you can press and it'l work fine, but if you push the wrong one you'll get the blue screen of death.
silly, thett. girls are only good for sex. being friends with a female is of no value.-darkkermit