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need some nice guy advice

TUF
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6/19/2012 8:02:50 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I need some nice guy advice that doesn't result in me being a douche or the more popluar "burn their house down with lemons" answer.

There is this guy named jarvis that I did a life training course with last weekend in which we were helping homeless families. He was a cool guy and we exchanged numbers and stuff. But he keeps asking me for money. I told him i'd help him out, but he keeps begging me. Like he wants it right now. He texts me so much. If I don't respond he gets all emotional and sh1t and spams my phone with messages saying "you hate me?" And "are you gonna let me starve?" And its getting really annoying. I just did this training course with him and don't want to be an @sshole. What would you say to the poor guy if you were in my shoes?
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thett3
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6/19/2012 8:04:54 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Invite him over for dinner
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Chrysippus
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6/19/2012 8:45:58 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/19/2012 8:02:50 PM, TUF wrote:
I need some nice guy advice that doesn't result in me being a douche or the more popluar "burn their house down with lemons" answer.

There is this guy named jarvis that I did a life training course with last weekend in which we were helping homeless families. He was a cool guy and we exchanged numbers and stuff. But he keeps asking me for money. I told him i'd help him out, but he keeps begging me. Like he wants it right now. He texts me so much. If I don't respond he gets all emotional and sh1t and spams my phone with messages saying "you hate me?" And "are you gonna let me starve?" And its getting really annoying. I just did this training course with him and don't want to be an @sshole. What would you say to the poor guy if you were in my shoes?

Odds are, he is spending it on drugs. You aren't doing him any favors by financing his addiction.

Also, he isn't a "cool guy" if he is using emotional blackmail on you for your money. He's repaid your generosity, not with gratitude, but with greed.

You have several options, none of which involve burning his house down. He doesn't have a house, remember? Homeless, and all that.

1. Help him find a job. Take him to a temp agency, and help him through the process. After that, he's on his own; refuse to assist him financially ever again, for any reason. "Teach a man to fish..."

2. Set a specific schedule of payments. Make it clear that you'll only help him on certain days, e.g. on the first of the month. Resolutely ignore his pleas at any other time. He is using emotional blackmail on you in an attempt to wring more cash from you; make your support conditional on his respecting your privacy. You are voluntarily helping him, after all; you owe him nothing.

3. Block his number. Alternatively, lose your phone in an incinerator.

4. Murder. I say no more.

5. Continue to allow him to manipulate you. Regret this course of action for the rest of your life. Live with Jarvis the Human Leech, as he gets older and lazier and expects more and more from you. Let him move in with you.
Cavete mea inexorabilis legiones mimus!
Lordknukle
Posts: 12,788
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6/19/2012 9:25:31 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Here is what you do. Don't be afraid to be a douche. Pick up the phone, call him and say:

"Hey yo b!tch as@ nigga....I hear you want some moneyz from me, fool? Well I'ma give yo some money up yo as$ muthafucka. Get yo white skinny fvcktard as$ over here and take my money yourself. Ooooh this some damn real underground nigga sh!t you got yourself into here. That's some real nigga sh!t. Ima beat your nigga face into next week, ice cube"

Make sure to say it like this guy------------->>>>
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THEBOMB
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6/19/2012 9:33:23 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/19/2012 8:02:50 PM, TUF wrote:
I need some nice guy advice that doesn't result in me being a douche or the more popluar "burn their house down with lemons" answer.

There is this guy named jarvis that I did a life training course with last weekend in which we were helping homeless families. He was a cool guy and we exchanged numbers and stuff. But he keeps asking me for money. I told him i'd help him out, but he keeps begging me. Like he wants it right now. He texts me so much. If I don't respond he gets all emotional and sh1t and spams my phone with messages saying "you hate me?" And "are you gonna let me starve?" And its getting really annoying. I just did this training course with him and don't want to be an @sshole. What would you say to the poor guy if you were in my shoes?

Instead of giving him money, get him food, etc. (every so often), if he is just spending the money you give him on drugs, that would be detrimental to his life. Then help him get a job. If/when he can get a job, cut him off. (I'd also suggest helping him apply for food stamps.)
Ore_Ele
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6/19/2012 9:36:39 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Though if you "cut him off" when he gets a job, do it when he gets his first paycheck, not his first day (that is assuming you choose to help him until then). But like others have said, don't give money, give things (food, goodwill clothes, etc) and help him get on his feet.

As others have said, if all he wants is money for booze or drugs, then giving food will cause him to leave on his own.
"Wanting Red Rhino Pill to have gender"
Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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6/19/2012 10:34:54 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/19/2012 8:02:50 PM, TUF wrote:
I need some nice guy advice that doesn't result in me being a douche or the more popluar "burn their house down with lemons" answer.

There is this guy named jarvis that I did a life training course with last weekend in which we were helping homeless families. He was a cool guy and we exchanged numbers and stuff. But he keeps asking me for money. I told him i'd help him out, but he keeps begging me. Like he wants it right now. He texts me so much. If I don't respond he gets all emotional and sh1t and spams my phone with messages saying "you hate me?" And "are you gonna let me starve?" And its getting really annoying. I just did this training course with him and don't want to be an @sshole. What would you say to the poor guy if you were in my shoes?

This is tough. I'm typically brutally honest in situations like this.... most situations....

Tell him you'll help him out if/when you can. Offering to help him did not mean that you were his go-to guy for his every need. Tell him you're a teach-a-man-to-fish kind of guy.

Of course, in your own words :)
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
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blackhawk1331
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6/19/2012 11:52:29 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I'm a little confused. You made it sound like he was also helping the homeless with you, but everyone else is talking to you as if he's the homeless guy. If he's homeless, where'd he get the phone? On the assumption that he is the homeless guy, buy him stuff, like others said, so he can't waste the money on drugs or alchohol, and help him get a job and maybe a small apartment once he's been workig for awhile. If he doesn't save his money for an apartment, and wastes it instead, tell him he's on his own. If he was helping the homeless with you, then why the fvck does he need your money?
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bluesteel
Posts: 12,301
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6/20/2012 12:28:06 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
TUF, just be straight with him. Tell him you meant you wanted to help him get his life together, not be his meal ticket every night. Tell him he needs to chill with the texts and that you're not fvcking rich. If he gives you sh!t, tell him you know that he's playing you. Homeless people know how to play up the sympathy to get money. It sure doesn't sound like he wants help, just money.

There is no nice way to say "no, I'm not giving you money, go to a fvcking soup kitchen."

Honestly, that's why most people deal with the homeless through avoidance. That's the easiest strategy. Giving him your number was not a good move. Email would have been better.
You can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into - Jonathan Swift (paraphrase)
Oryus
Posts: 8,280
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6/20/2012 12:41:59 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
The last time I showed an extremely poor person great kindness, I was robbed. Not saying that all poor people are like that (well, obviously) but this guy seriously sounds desperate.

That's why I prefer teach-a-man-to-fish methods. I like contributing to funds for people's work training or school when I'm being charitable.

I second bluesteels comment. If this guy is trying to blackmail you via emotions, he is clearly searching for weak points to exploit. Being straight and assertive with him is the best approach. Leave him no room to argue.
: : :Tulle: The fool, I purposely don't engage with you because you don't have proper command of the English language.
: :
: : The Fool: It's my English writing. Either way It's okay have a larger vocabulary then you, and a better grasp of language, and you're a woman.
:
: I'm just going to leave this precious struggle nugget right here.
Ren
Posts: 7,102
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6/20/2012 12:42:12 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/19/2012 8:02:50 PM, TUF wrote:
I need some nice guy advice that doesn't result in me being a douche or the more popluar "burn their house down with lemons" answer.

There is this guy named jarvis that I did a life training course with last weekend in which we were helping homeless families. He was a cool guy and we exchanged numbers and stuff. But he keeps asking me for money. I told him i'd help him out, but he keeps begging me. Like he wants it right now. He texts me so much. If I don't respond he gets all emotional and sh1t and spams my phone with messages saying "you hate me?" And "are you gonna let me starve?" And its getting really annoying. I just did this training course with him and don't want to be an @sshole. What would you say to the poor guy if you were in my shoes?

Curious, that.

Anyway, just tell him no. :\

"Nah, bro, I'm broke, too."

Lol, what's he gonna do, tell you to get a job for him?
bossyburrito
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6/20/2012 12:46:17 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
I have no idea if he is homeless or not.
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tvellalott
Posts: 10,864
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6/20/2012 12:56:09 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/19/2012 8:02:50 PM, TUF wrote:
I need some nice guy advice that doesn't result in me being a douche or the more popluar "burn their house down with lemons" answer.

There is this guy named jarvis that I did a life training course with last weekend in which we were helping homeless families. He was a cool guy and we exchanged numbers and stuff. But he keeps asking me for money. I told him i'd help him out, but he keeps begging me. Like he wants it right now. He texts me so much. If I don't respond he gets all emotional and sh1t and spams my phone with messages saying "you hate me?" And "are you gonna let me starve?" And its getting really annoying. I just did this training course with him and don't want to be an @sshole. What would you say to the poor guy if you were in my shoes?

I would need more background to make a fair judgement.

I immediately got the impression that you're being used. There's being a nice guy and then being a doormat. I thought they were the same once, but no more. Nice guys tend to get kicked in the face a lot.
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cheesedingo1
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6/20/2012 2:47:32 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
TUF, i really suggest blocking his number and ignoring him. People like that can get dangerous, and it isn't good for you to allow someone like that into your life. Or, you could tell him why and how he's bothering you. Be straightforward, and don't let him interupt. Tell him the truth.
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PARADIGM_L0ST
Posts: 6,958
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6/20/2012 12:30:27 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/19/2012 8:02:50 PM, TUF wrote:
I need some nice guy advice that doesn't result in me being a douche or the more popluar "burn their house down with lemons" answer.

There is this guy named jarvis that I did a life training course with last weekend in which we were helping homeless families. He was a cool guy and we exchanged numbers and stuff. But he keeps asking me for money. I told him i'd help him out, but he keeps begging me. Like he wants it right now. He texts me so much. If I don't respond he gets all emotional and sh1t and spams my phone with messages saying "you hate me?" And "are you gonna let me starve?" And its getting really annoying. I just did this training course with him and don't want to be an @sshole. What would you say to the poor guy if you were in my shoes?:

He sounds like a manipulative, degenerate scumbag @sshole to me. That guy could give two sh!ts if "helping" him out f*cks you and your fiancee's life up. F*ck that piece of sh*t.
"Have you ever considered suicide? If not, please do." -- Mouthwash (to Inferno)
PARADIGM_L0ST
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6/20/2012 12:36:02 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
I'd also like to add that, TUF, you're kind of a co-conspirator in this by enabling him and giving him access to your private life. If he can be this forceful and demanding of a total stranger, it sounds like there's a lot of potential for him to be dangerously unstable.
"Have you ever considered suicide? If not, please do." -- Mouthwash (to Inferno)
Agent_Orange
Posts: 2,252
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6/20/2012 12:55:25 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/19/2012 8:02:50 PM, TUF wrote:
I need some nice guy advice that doesn't result in me being a douche or the more popluar "burn their house down with lemons" answer.

There is this guy named jarvis that I did a life training course with last weekend in which we were helping homeless families. He was a cool guy and we exchanged numbers and stuff. But he keeps asking me for money. I told him i'd help him out, but he keeps begging me. Like he wants it right now. He texts me so much. If I don't respond he gets all emotional and sh1t and spams my phone with messages saying "you hate me?" And "are you gonna let me starve?" And its getting really annoying. I just did this training course with him and don't want to be an @sshole. What would you say to the poor guy if you were in my shoes?

It's...well you have to be a douche. I'd tell him "Dude, I'm not your mother or your Father. I don't owe you anything. You need help and I get that my nigga, but I make my money for me. I can't support you. You're not my child. The best I can do is give you some job applications."
#BlackLivesMatter
TUF
Posts: 21,297
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6/20/2012 11:28:29 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/19/2012 11:52:29 PM, blackhawk1331 wrote:
I'm a little confused. You made it sound like he was also helping the homeless with you, but everyone else is talking to you as if he's the homeless guy. If he's homeless, where'd he get the phone? On the assumption that he is the homeless guy, buy him stuff, like others said, so he can't waste the money on drugs or alchohol, and help him get a job and maybe a small apartment once he's been workig for awhile. If he doesn't save his money for an apartment, and wastes it instead, tell him he's on his own. If he was helping the homeless with you, then why the fvck does he need your money?

Okay sorry guys, yeah I didn't clarify very well. I actually forgot I made this.

Yeah he is not homeless, or job-less. He actually has about a million and one excuses as to why he is broke.

If he was homeless most of this wouldn't be as weird to me.

Here is the clarification:

I was in the third part of a training course called "the great life foundation".

http://www.webelieveyoucanfly.com...

This guy was actually IN the training course with me. We were given tasks to "live to inspire" (the name of the third faction of the training) which basically was to go out and help homeless people, or needy families etc. Specifically me and my group went door to door gathering boxes of food, before bringing it to a temp workers place such that we could help out some people struggling off like 5 dollars an hour.

Anyways, this dude actually DID the training course with me. He was one of my buddies through the process (No this isn't a therapy group, just a life course where we learn some cool tools to help us in life).

The conflicting thing is for me, is that we were taught a ton about giving, and recieving, etc. I don't have a problem giving to well anyone. We were also taught that recieving is a form of giving, which is why he is not so afraid to ask for help.

He finally stopped texting me after I kind of "told him off" the other day. I feel I did it in a nice way though, just hoping he took it that way.

I told him that there were many possibilites to create money, and that I didn't want to give it to him, not because I couldn't but I felt like it was his first challenge at creating abundance from nothing (one of the processes in the training we did).

Anyways, thanks for all the advice guys, it was good for the most part. Thanks chrysippus, blackhawk, agent orange, Ren, and everyone else who gave advice.
"I've got to go and grab a shirt" ~ Airmax1227
sadolite
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6/21/2012 8:05:22 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 6/19/2012 8:02:50 PM, TUF wrote:
I need some nice guy advice that doesn't result in me being a douche or the more popluar "burn their house down with lemons" answer.

There is this guy named jarvis that I did a life training course with last weekend in which we were helping homeless families. He was a cool guy and we exchanged numbers and stuff. But he keeps asking me for money. I told him i'd help him out, but he keeps begging me. Like he wants it right now. He texts me so much. If I don't respond he gets all emotional and sh1t and spams my phone with messages saying "you hate me?" And "are you gonna let me starve?" And its getting really annoying. I just did this training course with him and don't want to be an @sshole. What would you say to the poor guy if you were in my shoes?

You are a "Man"? Your avatar suggests that you are and your user name suggests that you are. But after reading this I have serious doubts.
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