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Dark times.

mauricio2
Posts: 129
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8/31/2012 6:54:57 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
well I'm dating this girl. she's very great and we're happy together. she's 15 and I'm 16 and we have been dating for like 8 months and counting. I really care for her but her dad has become a huge problem. He's a fat drunk who use to tow trucks for a living till he sold his truck while under the influence of alcohol and possibly drugs recently. Now with no job and wasting money only on beer he received an eviction notice. I bring my girlfriend over my house almost everyday of the week. My mom sure doesn't like it cause she knows about the stuff we do in our room and she's afraid My girlfriend will end up pregnant one of these days. I'm left in a very tight spot. I don't want to lose her and I want her to live with me. even her dad asked her if it would be okay if she could stay with me but my mom and I have countless fights about her being over the house all the time. I know if I find I job I could convince my mother to let her stay but that is also a other complication because most people don't want to hire a 16 year old who still attends high school and is only allowed to work 48 hours week by law. any advice?
OberHerr
Posts: 13,062
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8/31/2012 6:56:58 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
Burn her house down with lemons.

Now, on to the real advice now that we've got that covered.
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ScottyDouglas
Posts: 2,350
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8/31/2012 7:00:17 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/31/2012 6:54:57 AM, mauricio2 wrote:
well I'm dating this girl. she's very great and we're happy together. she's 15 and I'm 16 and we have been dating for like 8 months and counting. I really care for her but her dad has become a huge problem. He's a fat drunk who use to tow trucks for a living till he sold his truck while under the influence of alcohol and possibly drugs recently. Now with no job and wasting money only on beer he received an eviction notice. I bring my girlfriend over my house almost everyday of the week. My mom sure doesn't like it cause she knows about the stuff we do in our room and she's afraid My girlfriend will end up pregnant one of these days. I'm left in a very tight spot. I don't want to lose her and I want her to live with me. even her dad asked her if it would be okay if she could stay with me but my mom and I have countless fights about her being over the house all the time. I know if I find I job I could convince my mother to let her stay but that is also a other complication because most people don't want to hire a 16 year old who still attends high school and is only allowed to work 48 hours week by law. any advice?

I think you'd be suprised how much easier it is to find a job for a 16 year old than someone older. People love to give kids a chance. I'd look for a job and also where Im from 15 year olds can work also with parental permission. If bith of you could find work, only if its a 15-20 hours a week would be impressive to your mother and very helpful to boot. I'd go find one.
TheAsylum
Cermank
Posts: 3,773
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8/31/2012 7:02:01 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
You're really young to have that sort of commitment...

Not to sound preachy, but your commitments during this time of your life really do shape your future. I can see your mother's point of view. Maybe you should talk to your mother and tone down on the activities in your room.
mauricio2
Posts: 129
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8/31/2012 7:15:30 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/31/2012 7:02:01 AM, Cermank wrote:
You're really young to have that sort of commitment...

Not to sound preachy, but your commitments during this time of your life really do shape your future. I can see your mother's point of view. Maybe you should talk to your mother and tone down on the activities in your room.

Your right, you couldn't be more correct about the being young thing and what not. but I'm still facing a problem here. within the next week she will be homeless and that's what I'm trying to work on here.
Cermank
Posts: 3,773
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8/31/2012 7:20:33 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/31/2012 7:15:30 AM, mauricio2 wrote:
At 8/31/2012 7:02:01 AM, Cermank wrote:
You're really young to have that sort of commitment...

Not to sound preachy, but your commitments during this time of your life really do shape your future. I can see your mother's point of view. Maybe you should talk to your mother and tone down on the activities in your room.

Your right, you couldn't be more correct about the being young thing and what not. but I'm still facing a problem here. within the next week she will be homeless and that's what I'm trying to work on here.

I understand. You could report the issue. To one of the Child protection services?

Or you could talk to your mom and try to work it out, I would presume she wouldn't want to be with her dad. Lay down your offer, negotiate with her.
BlackVoid
Posts: 9,170
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8/31/2012 9:27:37 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Scotty is right. Most minimum wage jobs will hire 16-18 year olds straight up. Obviously nobody wants to work minimum wage, but everybody starts somewhere.
elysian85
Posts: 31
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8/31/2012 9:44:02 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/31/2012 6:54:57 AM, mauricio2 wrote:
well I'm dating this girl. she's very great and we're happy together. she's 15 and I'm 16 and we have been dating for like 8 months and counting. I really care for her but her dad has become a huge problem. He's a fat drunk who use to tow trucks for a living till he sold his truck while under the influence of alcohol and possibly drugs recently. Now with no job and wasting money only on beer he received an eviction notice. I bring my girlfriend over my house almost everyday of the week. My mom sure doesn't like it cause she knows about the stuff we do in our room and she's afraid My girlfriend will end up pregnant one of these days. I'm left in a very tight spot. I don't want to lose her and I want her to live with me. even her dad asked her if it would be okay if she could stay with me but my mom and I have countless fights about her being over the house all the time. I know if I find I job I could convince my mother to let her stay but that is also a other complication because most people don't want to hire a 16 year old who still attends high school and is only allowed to work 48 hours week by law. any advice?

Whew. Been there, done that, buddy.

You're a rare breed. Take pride in that. But you're also a dependent yourself. Meaning that your parents know what's better for you than you do, de facto. Truth can be ugly, however, that's the fact of the matter.

And the other truth to this equation is: you're attempting to open a door to a sh!tload of pain. For you AND your girl.

Your getting a parttime or temp job is honorable. But the fact is, you'll be making min. wage. That's predicated upon your finding W-2 work - if it ends up being under the table... good luck. And 48 hrs. a week is FAR above child labor maximum per week. That's considered over-time in the adult world. No business can risk employing you at that rate.

Dark times are always meant to educate you. That's the name of suffering. And the only way to combat suffering is to accept it and make it your ally.

What my philosophical whimsical riddles are pointing to is this: if you bring her into your home (read: your mother's home), you're essentially inviting all the problems you both share, your problems, and her problems to live under the same roof.

That's a host of problems that only mature adults are capable of dealing with, let alone a young man and a younger woman who are still trying to find a foothold in the world and this thing we call "Life."

You won't want to hear this, but she is capable of handling her own family problems. In fact, it's her responsibility to handle them, and she will resent you if you try to take that away from her.

Only because you asked for it: my advice is this. Stop. Tell her that you appreciate and respect her but that you are not her family. That is who is ultimately going to be the entity who helps her. And if she doesn't understand, you must break it off with her.

I'm saying all this because I was in your shoes at the same age. I'm glad that I did what I did then, because some told me then what I'm telling you now.

And the girlfriend I had at the time? Let's just say that it's a good thing it ended when it did.

You can't save anyone, bud. You can help. You can be kind. You can go the extra mile. You can love. And you can listen.

But in the end, everyone has to save themselves.

Do the right thing. You're strong enough.

Sincerely,
Henry
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2. A person who invents or relates fables.

Elysian85's distorted and biased confabulations properly render his rhetoric formulation as entirely fabulistic in nature.

"Through counter-intelligence, it may be possible to pin-point potential trouble-makers and neutralize them... Wake up... Wake up... How long? Not long. 'Cause whatcha reap, is whatcha sow." - Zack de la Roche, certifiably insane (and making sense daily)
Wnope
Posts: 6,924
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8/31/2012 10:35:54 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
You could always make a pact to never have vaginal intercourse with the girl. That takes care of the baby problem. And it leaves some interesting loopholes.
Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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9/1/2012 1:58:09 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
her family. That is who is ultimately going to be the entity who helps her
Um, her family is the problem, not the solution.

Look, your arse is joint property of the parents and the state by law, and the state doesn't care about your problems. If you can convince them (presumably by finding said job before convincing them, and demonstrating good BC habits-- good luck with the first part though, I'm having trouble finding a min job to tide me over until april when I go to RTC, and I'm a college graduate), and you want to do it and are prepared to do it, do it. I don't care what elysian says, it's your life, and your girl is not his girl. There is no destiny, there is only you and the people you care about and the people prepared to trade with you. There are risks, but those are for you to decide.

If you can't convince your parents, or your plan is dependent on finding a job you can't find, there's no decision to be made, some things suck.
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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9/1/2012 1:59:21 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/31/2012 10:35:54 PM, Wnope wrote:
You could always make a pact to never have vaginal intercourse with the girl. That takes care of the baby problem. And it leaves some interesting loopholes.

Makes sense. Only you know if your parents will go for it though. Or your girl for that matter.
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
mauricio2
Posts: 129
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9/1/2012 4:31:37 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 8/31/2012 9:44:02 PM, elysian85 wrote:
At 8/31/2012 6:54:57 AM, mauricio2 wrote:
well I'm dating this girl. she's very great and we're happy together. she's 15 and I'm 16 and we have been dating for like 8 months and counting. I really care for her but her dad has become a huge problem. He's a fat drunk who use to tow trucks for a living till he sold his truck while under the influence of alcohol and possibly drugs recently. Now with no job and wasting money only on beer he received an eviction notice. I bring my girlfriend over my house almost everyday of the week. My mom sure doesn't like it cause she knows about the stuff we do in our room and she's afraid My girlfriend will end up pregnant one of these days. I'm left in a very tight spot. I don't want to lose her and I want her to live with me. even her dad asked her if it would be okay if she could stay with me but my mom and I have countless fights about her being over the house all the time. I know if I find I job I could convince my mother to let her stay but that is also a other complication because most people don't want to hire a 16 year old who still attends high school and is only allowed to work 48 hours week by law. any advice?

Whew. Been there, done that, buddy.

You're a rare breed. Take pride in that. But you're also a dependent yourself. Meaning that your parents know what's better for you than you do, de facto. Truth can be ugly, however, that's the fact of the matter.

And the other truth to this equation is: you're attempting to open a door to a sh!tload of pain. For you AND your girl.

Your getting a parttime or temp job is honorable. But the fact is, you'll be making min. wage. That's predicated upon your finding W-2 work - if it ends up being under the table... good luck. And 48 hrs. a week is FAR above child labor maximum per week. That's considered over-time in the adult world. No business can risk employing you at that rate.

Dark times are always meant to educate you. That's the name of suffering. And the only way to combat suffering is to accept it and make it your ally.

What my philosophical whimsical riddles are pointing to is this: if you bring her into your home (read: your mother's home), you're essentially inviting all the problems you both share, your problems, and her problems to live under the same roof.

That's a host of problems that only mature adults are capable of dealing with, let alone a young man and a younger woman who are still trying to find a foothold in the world and this thing we call "Life."

You won't want to hear this, but she is capable of handling her own family problems. In fact, it's her responsibility to handle them, and she will resent you if you try to take that away from her.

Only because you asked for it: my advice is this. Stop. Tell her that you appreciate and respect her but that you are not her family. That is who is ultimately going to be the entity who helps her. And if she doesn't understand, you must break it off with her.

I'm saying all this because I was in your shoes at the same age. I'm glad that I did what I did then, because some told me then what I'm telling you now.

And the girlfriend I had at the time? Let's just say that it's a good thing it ended when it did.

You can't save anyone, bud. You can help. You can be kind. You can go the extra mile. You can love. And you can listen.

But in the end, everyone has to save themselves.

Do the right thing. You're strong enough.

Sincerely,
Henry

Well there have been a huge turn of events since I wrote this. My girlfriend was over at my house today and my mom and I went to drop her off at her house at the end of the day. after she got out the car I told my mom to take a good look at where my girlfriend lives (a mobile home) and explained the story to her. she understood my girlfriends situation so she agreed to let her live with us. when we got home My girlfriend called me and said that her dad changed his mind and said that she's going to go live with her aunt. so now she just wants to runaway over to my house. I don't want to argue with the father because I'm basically kidnapping her from him in a way. My girlfriend thinks that maybe he might have been drunk again when he yelled at her that she wasn't going to live with me anymore and all that. with her currently packing her stuff I don't know if I should go through with this and pick her up.
darkkermit
Posts: 11,204
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9/1/2012 7:28:13 AM
Posted: 4 years ago
At 9/1/2012 4:31:37 AM, mauricio2 wrote:
At 8/31/2012 9:44:02 PM, elysian85 wrote:
At 8/31/2012 6:54:57 AM, mauricio2 wrote:
well I'm dating this girl. she's very great and we're happy together. she's 15 and I'm 16 and we have been dating for like 8 months and counting. I really care for her but her dad has become a huge problem. He's a fat drunk who use to tow trucks for a living till he sold his truck while under the influence of alcohol and possibly drugs recently. Now with no job and wasting money only on beer he received an eviction notice. I bring my girlfriend over my house almost everyday of the week. My mom sure doesn't like it cause she knows about the stuff we do in our room and she's afraid My girlfriend will end up pregnant one of these days. I'm left in a very tight spot. I don't want to lose her and I want her to live with me. even her dad asked her if it would be okay if she could stay with me but my mom and I have countless fights about her being over the house all the time. I know if I find I job I could convince my mother to let her stay but that is also a other complication because most people don't want to hire a 16 year old who still attends high school and is only allowed to work 48 hours week by law. any advice?

Whew. Been there, done that, buddy.

You're a rare breed. Take pride in that. But you're also a dependent yourself. Meaning that your parents know what's better for you than you do, de facto. Truth can be ugly, however, that's the fact of the matter.

And the other truth to this equation is: you're attempting to open a door to a sh!tload of pain. For you AND your girl.

Your getting a parttime or temp job is honorable. But the fact is, you'll be making min. wage. That's predicated upon your finding W-2 work - if it ends up being under the table... good luck. And 48 hrs. a week is FAR above child labor maximum per week. That's considered over-time in the adult world. No business can risk employing you at that rate.

Dark times are always meant to educate you. That's the name of suffering. And the only way to combat suffering is to accept it and make it your ally.

What my philosophical whimsical riddles are pointing to is this: if you bring her into your home (read: your mother's home), you're essentially inviting all the problems you both share, your problems, and her problems to live under the same roof.

That's a host of problems that only mature adults are capable of dealing with, let alone a young man and a younger woman who are still trying to find a foothold in the world and this thing we call "Life."

You won't want to hear this, but she is capable of handling her own family problems. In fact, it's her responsibility to handle them, and she will resent you if you try to take that away from her.

Only because you asked for it: my advice is this. Stop. Tell her that you appreciate and respect her but that you are not her family. That is who is ultimately going to be the entity who helps her. And if she doesn't understand, you must break it off with her.

I'm saying all this because I was in your shoes at the same age. I'm glad that I did what I did then, because some told me then what I'm telling you now.

And the girlfriend I had at the time? Let's just say that it's a good thing it ended when it did.

You can't save anyone, bud. You can help. You can be kind. You can go the extra mile. You can love. And you can listen.

But in the end, everyone has to save themselves.

Do the right thing. You're strong enough.

Sincerely,
Henry

Well there have been a huge turn of events since I wrote this. My girlfriend was over at my house today and my mom and I went to drop her off at her house at the end of the day. after she got out the car I told my mom to take a good look at where my girlfriend lives (a mobile home) and explained the story to her. she understood my girlfriends situation so she agreed to let her live with us. when we got home My girlfriend called me and said that her dad changed his mind and said that she's going to go live with her aunt. so now she just wants to runaway over to my house. I don't want to argue with the father because I'm basically kidnapping her from him in a way. My girlfriend thinks that maybe he might have been drunk again when he yelled at her that she wasn't going to live with me anymore and all that. with her currently packing her stuff I don't know if I should go through with this and pick her up.


Answer: No.
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Ragnar_Rahl
Posts: 19,297
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9/1/2012 12:20:20 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
What the law says about you it also says about her. The government sucks and then you pay taxes.
It came to be at its height. It was commanded to command. It was a capital before its first stone was laid. It was a monument to the spirit of man.
1dustpelt
Posts: 1,970
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9/17/2012 5:33:30 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
Sign her up for a government benefits program.
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quarterexchange
Posts: 1,549
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9/17/2012 7:02:49 PM
Posted: 4 years ago
1. You're 15 and 16 years old. You're not going to stay together. Don't be prepared to sacrifice a whole lot for this girl. You've got to look out for yourself, meaning if taking on a job proves to be too much, abandon it quickly.

Throwing your high school career under the bus won't be beneficial to anybody.

2. Stop having sex. For God Sake's, if your mother's main concern is you two fooling around in your bedroom, then knock it off. If you can't stop even if it means preventing her from being "homeless" as you say, then you obviously aren't mature enough to have a girlfriend to begin with.
I don't discriminate....I hate everybody.